Circle in the sand

Your fave characters must be into Belinda Carlisle, because there was sand and a lot of circling going on. Conversations revolved like carnival rides -- until Bill and Chaz Bono came in and thankfully derailed them! Have a go-go at B&B with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you literally join your ex-girlfriend's club? Did you finally get some, but only some? Did you think "Sister Swap" would be a good idea for a reality show? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer clan this week!

What it is, Scoopers! Y'all know I like to work Madonna song titles into my columns, but this week's B&B had me thinking of Belinda Carlisle instead. Remember her track Circle in the Sand? B&B convos went around in 'em, starting in one place, wrapping up, and starting back where they started. Bill seemed to be the only mover and shaker -- unless you count Chaz Bono. I got you, babe? Let's Scoop about it!

First, I've gotta backtrack a bit. A lot of you were grossed out, entertained, or both by Sasha's pee-on-the-stick plot twist. I guess it was novel that she 'fessed up before the pregnancy test dried. But Vivienne forgave Julius way too fast. And her focus was on Sasha -- she didn't say boo about how Sasha was only there because Julius cheated! Anna Maria Horsford even liked my Twitter comment on that subject. (Thanks, AMH!)

Our Avant-less week started well as Steffy sassed the invading Quinn with a "Don't you 'honey' me." I was ready to put some marshmallows on a branch for that fire! But it quickly fizzled out. Liam launched into the same diatribe about how he'd be married to Steffy right now if Quinn hadn't interfered. How long are we going to milk that inaccurate cow? Let's recap -- again:

Liam came back from unintentionally escorting Ivy to Australia and caught Steffy doing some barely-clad napping with Wyatt. Then Liam broke up with Steffy and didn't tell her why. Then Quinn made off with him. That's major; why are the scripts skipping this? Next, Liam pulled a Hope and told Steffy, "We were robbed!" Noooooo! Anything but that! None of this stuff is moving the story forward.

I wish Liam would realize he had secret feelings for Quinn. He wouldn't have to act on them; maybe he'd even hate himself for them. Scott Clifton gave Liam a flicker of that when he booted Quinn out -- that would be so much more compelling viewing than Liam vowing he wouldn't let Steffy get away from him again. Seemed stalkerish to me; Quinn wasn't wrong when she hinted Liam was as obsessed as she was!

Seriously! Liam declaring he was done being Mr. Nice Guy was intriguing, but his devotion to Steffy isn't romantic -- it's boring. Steffy recounted her miscarriage and losing Liam to Hope as even more reason to honor her commitment to Wyatt. Longingly staring at Liam's pictures aside, Steffy is in no hurry to trade husbands, so where's the conflict? Steffy should get pointers from Hope about juggling Spencer brothers.

Wyatt played his favorite Belinda cut Heaven is a Place on Earth regarding his marriage to Steffy until Quinn came by to shake him out of his denial. "You have to stop making me paranoid," Wyatt retorted when his mom disclosed the Leffy closeness. Maybe Circle in the Sand is more appropriate after all, because Wyatt's got his head buried in it. Of course, he did the ostrich thing with Hope and Ivy, too.

Steffy came home and threw Quinn out, leaving Weffy free to spin on their own merry-go-round: Steffy was concerned about Liam, Wyatt was cool with them supporting Liam, lather rinse repeat. The only crackling happened when Wyatt admitted he was relieved Quinn wasn't serving time, which got Steffy's dander up. Then it was more of Steffy worrying about Liam, and the exes had multiple flashbacks. Not. Feeling. It.

Maybe Steffy's "I feel like someone's trying to reach out to me" mysticism isn't all bunk, because Quinn's cray-cray came back for a visit as she returned to her motel room and told Deacon she wouldn't let Liam come between Wyatt and Steffy. Are we on that again? And Quinn's not a fugitive anymore -- why can't she go back to her apartment at Quinn Artisan Jewelers? Or her cabin with the busted-down door?

Deacon's crazier than Quinn, though. Any day with Sean Kanan on the screen is a good one, but please. I'm friends with exes, but if one of them pushed me off a cliff and left me to die, I wouldn't be talking to them, let alone sharing a 10x10-foot space with them. Deacon not putting Quinn in jail himself is a major dropped ball. Because Steffy's right: Quinn gets away with everything.

The agitated Quinn took a stroll, and the way Liam slowly turned his lights off hinted that Quinn would be paying him a menacing visit sooner than later. You'd think, instead, Liam would play Belinda's Leave a Light On. He just dismissed Quinn again, and surely he remembers that two years ago she broke in and tried to skewer him with a sword! Yet this fool keeps leaving his doors unlocked.

Liam doesn't play golf as far as I know, but he channeled Hope a second time by grabbing a whatever-iron upon hearing an intruder, much like Hope did bashing into Bill's place in 2013. Fore! Liam played through and apprehended not Quinn, but Chaz Bono, or rather his character, Reverend Rydell. We knew this because Wyatt and Steffy suddenly started talking about the minister who married them on April Fools' Day.

I admit, Wyatt confessing he discovered Rydell and his three-and-a-half star rating online was funny. And it was refreshing that Rydell broke into Liam's house when we were set up to think Quinn did it. But how much of a coincidence was this? Rydell just happens to case Wyatt's half-brother's house. Liam just happens to turn his back so Chaz can escape, and Lt. Baker catches the offending officiant right away.

Wouldn't it have been great if Quinn had shown up and rescued Liam from Rydell? Liam would be hard-pressed to ignore his inklings toward Quinn, especially after having flashbacks about her. But this was arranged so Wyatt could warmly rush to Liam's aid (#TeamSpencerBrothers) at the police station, where soap journalists turned to the left and turned to the right in their line-up. RuPaul would be proud! Sashay, shantay!

Both Liam and Wyatt took too long to recognize Rydell, who cleared things up with a "Hello, Wyatt." So, the minister who presided over Weffy's wedding is a lawbreaker. Are we going to find out Steffy and Wyatt aren't legally married, like we did when a fraudulent sea captain torpedoed Brooke's marriage to Grant Chambers in 1997? I hope not. Making Steffy single again would just make this typical triangle even more typical.

Steffy's pop had company in Katie, who got another earful about how Douglas would be scarred for life if the truth about Thomas being his father surfaced. I appreciate Ridge protecting the tyke, but Douglas can't even eat solid food; he won't notice. Most of the Forrester kids went through some kind of paternity scandal, but they turned out all right. Well, kinda. Besides, Katie already blabbed to Bill. You know Katie did. (Get it?)

Then it was broken record time again, with Ridge certain Katie would keep quiet and Thomas and Caroline begging to differ. I would have been dizzy enough from that, but it was Brooke's disbelief about Douglas' paternity that gave me vertigo. Brooke accused Caroline of cheating months ago, and now she believed Ridge's assertion that he got his vasectomy reversed. Does that make sense to you?

Bill's barracuda side came back out as he fumed about Ridge and his tyrannical control of Forrester. Rick must be put in charge! Are you kidding? Not even a year ago, Bill combined his stock with Ridge to boot Rick from the CEO chair because of Rick's tyrannical control, which included shooting at Caroline! Ridge "forcing" Caroline to lie about Douglas is worse? Make up your mind, Dollah.

Again, Thomas being exposed as Douglas' father doesn't really put Ridge's title at risk. Forrester Creations has survived much bigger scandals than that, usually with Brooke at the forefront. But here La Logan listened as Bill offered to keep the I'm-gonna-bail Rick in town. Katie wasn't having it, though, figuring out that Bill had broken her confidence on behalf of Brooke the second she walked through the door.

"Why did I trust you?" Katie wailed. "I should have kept my mouth shut!" Yes, Katie, you should have. From the beginning. You had no business butting in with Dr. Wolin, no business squealing to Ridge, and no business coercing Caroline. And come on -- Bill promised he'd keep Maya's gender identity quiet, too, then splashed it across his media platforms moments later. I always said Katie should never have remarried him.

But Katie didn't need to be locked in a tower this time. Indeed, she realized Bill had betrayed her for Brooke, and gave Brill unprecedented permission to be together. Is this story finally moving nearly six months in? Now alone, Katie spent an episode and a half staring at her bottle, and also her family photos (loved the inclusion of Storm). Yes, Katie's theme was Belinda's "I Get Weak," but she didn't give in to it. Wow!

Bill thought that Ridge had killed Dr. Wolin, which was interesting. I'm still wondering what the point of that arc is. Shouldn't Wolin's death have more to do with what's going on? Bill didn't even mention it when he barged into Casa Forrester and put Ridge, Caroline, and Thomas on notice: the "whole freaking world" was going to know that Thomas was Douglas' daddy! Bill finally had Ridge over a barrel!

Then something unusual happened. Ridge respected Bill's defense of Caroline, simply asking him to let it go. But it was Caroline who took the bullets out of Bill's gun by giving her uncle a piece of her mind. While Bill raged twice about not being able to get the time back after missing Liam and Wyatt's childhoods (hmm!), Caroline firmly insisted that she and Ridge had made the decision together about raising Douglas. Go, Linsey Godfrey!

And wouldn't you know...Bill actually backed off. And Brooke got Ridge to agree to treat Rick more fairly, though I think Rick is being a big baby. So, it seems Rick will really be the last to get hip to Ridge's secret, which is not a bad way to plot things. Still, there really aren't many more cards left in this deck. I guess Rick will end up CEO again when he finds out. Wonder who will rub Maya's feet this time?

Bill's resolve probably diminished because he had Belinda's Mad About You in his head. "Katie knows what we've known all along," Bill panted to Brooke in the mystery room that wasn't the Spencer main house. "I love you!" Bill couldn't take it anymore and busted a deluxe move on Brooke in between all those sheer flowing curtains. I thought Brooke was going to orgasm the way she once did with Deacon!

What made this work for me is that Bill suddenly became the aggressor. You know, Brooke earned her "Slut from the Valley" reputation the way she went after Ridge, Thorne, and Nick, particularly, usually when they were involved with others. But think about it: Brooke has been celibate for what, two years? No wonder Bill's bearded kisses on her neck got her hot and bothered. That was my reaction, too.

Brooke uncharacteristically stopped midstream to remind Bill that Katie was her sister, but Bill had had enough of pushing his feelings aside for the youngest Logan. "We would have been married," Bill pointed out to Brooke. Unlike Liam's identical lame argument, I do seem to recall that Brooke split for Milan to give Batie another chance, and Bill remarried Katie while still hurting over Brooke's rejection.

I guess the inevitable direction here is that Brill gets back together, but it's too bad it wasn't because Katie headed off Bill cheating by first cheating with her hunky therapist, Dr. Hayden. Sounds like the absent Hayden told Katie she'd have to ride the wave of temptation regarding alcohol, though she often felt she was being crushed under it. Bill actually got tears in his eyes as he told Katie he had failed her.

But the scene somehow changed from Bill deciding to tell Katie he was leaving her for Brooke to Katie dumping out every bottle in the house and declaring that she loved both her husband and her sister. I found that disappointing. I'm not hating on the love; I just thought Katie had come to the point of releasing Bill, because it seemed she was having that much clarity. Instead, she wanted to be a better wife and mother. Oh, dear.

At least Katie didn't have a heart attack, like the last time Bill told Katie he was leaving her for another woman; that time it was Steffy. As Katie left to check on Will, Brooke got her hormones under control and decided it would be better to leave the Stallion in the stable. Did you evah? But Bill wasn't convinced Katie's dime was legit, since she'd turned on it so often. He was going to tell Katie it was over tonight!

Going back to Ridge before I forget, I found it fascinating that Katie suggested she'd inserted herself into Ridge's secret about Douglas because she "just wanted a connection with a man," a connection she didn't feel she had with Bill. That almost makes sense, in the dysfunctional way it attempts to. There had been no real reason for Katie's involvement in that story otherwise.

I still think Katie drunkenly babbling (especially to Rick) would have been a better tie-in, but I'll give credit to the rationale we got anyway. Bill was about to go back for seconds of Divorce Court with Katie when Brooke atypically stepped in and slowed his roll! Yet, as if to complete our circles in the sand, Katie went in her own circle, apologizing and keeping Bill from dumping her in time for the Friday cliffhanger. Argh!

Like Katie said when she first blessed Brill, "just get it over with!" Do you think Brill should reunite? What do you think should happen with Katie? And do you think Reverend Rydell is going to push Weffy/Leffy in a new direction, or the same-old-same-old? Forget the circles -- just write your thoughts in the sand of the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

• "I thought [Sasha's toilet plot] was original and funny...when is the next time you are going to hear 'don't flush' in a soap opera! Sasha is a skank and it shows how low she will go to keep Zende. The Avant family keeps me glued to the TV when they are on." -- "Lampshade"

• "WHEN, WHEN is Eric going to point out to Rick that as much as he likes to insist he deserves to run Forrester Creations by blood right...Thorne, as the first born biological son (complete with decades more experience at FC and FI), would be the automatic and natural heir to the FC dynasty and company, not Rick." -- "Anwenn"

• "...Zende's an airhead, slowly becoming Liam 2.0 which is a shame because he wasn't like that at first...the Avant Family as a whole is the only thing keeping me watching...Quiam could've been something interesting if Liam, after seeing Steffy and Wyatt in bed together, recklessly [slept] with Quinn as revenge in a passionate love-hate fueled night [and] Quinn became pregnant...that's one ex that Wyatt couldn't chase (at least I hope not LOL)." -- "NadineLaQueen"

Because you know you missed 'em, here's a platter of Points to Ponder:

I'm liking how the estranged Ridge and Thomas are teaming up for Douglas' benefit, and how they've agreed to tell Douglas about his true paternity one day. Of course, knowing SORAS, all will be revealed next year... Katie thought back to catching Brill in compromising positions -- but she couldn't possibly recall their private times in Aspen the way she did. And I really don't need to see Leffy flashbacks every episode... "Every room is so full of memories," Liam lamented to Steffy, as if there weren't memories of Hope and Ivy in that house, too...

Hopefully the pipes in Katie's kitchen won't corrode, because there's been a lot of booze poured down that sink lately... "You just walk into people's houses?" Ridge asked of Bill. Why not? Everybody else does... "I gotta warn my brother!" Liam insisted after Rev. Rydell got into his house. How come? Liam didn't know there was a connection between the men at that point. Speaking of points, Liam told the cops his pad was at Point Dume. Isn't it in Malibu? Or is just Taylor's old beach house located there?

Chanel marks your Father's Day next week, and I'll kick off your summer the week after that. Keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold!

What are your thoughts on ? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.