Welcome to Bizarro World

In Bizarro World, sworn enemies are married, and fiances who worry that their mates are dead don't call the police. It's a place where Liam eats meat, Deacon isn't on the take, and Thomas actually wants to emulate his father. Just when Bizarro World can't get any more bizarre, Adam takes a big bite of Eve's apple, and Steffy actually sleeps with another man! Grab a fork because this Two Scoops might be too thick to stab with a spoon.

Everyone knows the old adage, "what you don't know won't hurt you," but this week on The Bold and the Beautiful, the ignorance barometer just popped, bringing forth a heat wave of misplaced passions. Is it the eve of Valentine's Day or April Fool's Day? I had to check my calendar to be sure after Liam and Steffy bedded Quinn and Wyatt respectively.

Thomas rendered the line of the week when he welcomed Caroline to Bizarro World during a discussion about Wyatt and Steffy. Thomas has no idea the truth in his statement. Bizarro World is a DC Comics planet also known as htraE, earth spelled backwards. Everything in Bizarro world works accordingly. Little does Thomas realize, he's only seen the tip of the bizarro, and it gets a whole lot more bizarro from here.

At the end of this week, viewers were left with many questions. Knowing Thomas' true feelings about her and about family, can Caroline keep his possibly first son from him? Will ignorance ever become bliss for Liam? Will Steffy finally stop staring at the ocean and start wondering if Liam's dead body could be in it? When will Bill realize there's a bourbon glass -- and not a Tonka truck -- super-glued to Katie's hand whenever she goes to "check on Will"? And the most bizarre occurrence of them all, how will Liam, Bill, and Wyatt feel when they realize that Liam had sex with Quinn?

"Oh, my puking God. Liam had sex with Quinn." That had to be the sentiment of some viewers out there. In fact, some viewers are already pondering if the sex was truly consensual, since Liam has amnesia, and Quinn has been filling his head with false assumptions. Laws in some states would actually deem this as nonconsensual sex, because these laws assumes that, had Liam known the full truth, he would not have chosen to have sex with Quinn. Is ot true that he would not have, or has there always been a thin line between love and hate that Liam and Quinn were bound to cross?

What's evident right now is that one of these two has Stockholm syndrome. After Friday's sexual healing episode, I have to wonder which one. Eve promised that her apple would "heal" Adam, but it proved ineffective at fleshing out any memory -- good or terrifying-- that Liam has of Quinn. While naked in bed with her, he claimed that there had been sparks. For him, they were smoldering embers, but was it fireworks we saw in Quinn's eyes?

Liam's going along with being a husband, but the distant look in his eyes and his quizzical gazes tell us that he ain't really feeling Quinn. Is she falling for her victim, or is it more like what Bill said to Katie this week about Quinn's need to nurture someone after Wyatt left the nest? Bill's got that backwards. Snakes don't rear their young. Snakes hang around apple trees, deceiving the innocent to accomplish their own ends. To me, Quinn is portraying the role of Eve and the snake, so in the end, she might really be deceiving only herself.

Being both the nurturing mother Eve and the lying snake has put Quinn in a bizarre quagmire. She asserted to herself that she's taken Liam to benefit her son. To combat Liam's magnetism, she hammered into her head the phrase "once a wimp, always a wimp." This week, her recollection of her mother calling her a little witch and blaming her for everything wrong in life caused Quinn to stop seeing Liam as an impediment to her mission and to start viewing him as a real human being. She opened up to Liam in a way that she's never opened up to anyone. In a sense, he popped her intimacy cherry, and that's bound to have lasting, stalker-like implications for Liam.

Quinn seems to be living in a complete fantasy world. With Liam, she's enjoying the "Cleaver family" lifestyle that she'd abhorred while married to Deacon. Quinn's using cooking utensils for what they're actually designed for! Who would have thunk it? She's got Liam squirreled away all to herself, feeding the vegetarian swine and reaping the emotional validation and significance she'd longed for since childhood.

In a wild bout of wisdom, Wyatt said that he'd known Quinn all of hislife, but he hadn't known Quinn all of her life. Liam has come to know Wyatt's mother mentally and biblically, and Wyatt's done the same with Liam's fiance. I'm not sure how the brothers will ever squarely look each other in the eyes again once the full situation becomes evident. As it stands, another of Liam's exes is poised to become his sister-in-law, and if there's a devil's chance in Bizarro World for Quinn, Liam might be poised to become his brother's stepfather -- for reals. That would make him Steffy's father-in-law. Did I already say, "oh, my puking God?"

What's also bizarre about it all is Steffy's helplessness. This is the most impotent and victimized we've ever seen Steffy. What happened to all the talk about having to see Liam face-to-face and never giving up on him? This girl used to barge into Liam's house, demanding that he put up or shut up during the Hope days, but now she can't even call Australia to find out if Liam went back there. For that matter, why doesn't she light up Bill's line and get him on the case? Isn't he the one she turned to when she needed to find Thomas on Berry Island?

It's incredibly bizarre that Bill is the biggest proponent of Steffy and Liam, yet Bill and Steffy haven't once talked about Liam's disappearance. Equally peculiar, Steffy asked Wyatt if Liam could be dead this week. Ding! Ding! Ding! I thought Steffy was getting close to taking some real action that might get Liam rescued. Dead people don't text, Wyatt concluded -- as if he'd forgotten who'd begotten him.

If Wyatt can't figure out that Liam's disappearance is dripping in Quinn's perfume, then Satan help him because he isn't using the good sense God gave him. Isn't Wyatt aware that Quinn tried to steam Liam like a lobster and trap him in an elevator to keep him away from the object of Wyatt's affections? Anytime Liam isn't around and Quinn's hounding Wyatt to make a move with a woman, the first thing Wyatt ought to do is put Quinn under twenty-four hour surveillance.

Instead, just like he did with Hope in Paris, Wyatt just can't imagine how Liam would do it to Steffy. Wyatt seems convinced that Quinn's work absence, sudden divorce, and uncharacteristic move out to a remote cabin are all proof that Quinn is changed. What it's all really proof of is that Wyatt hasn't changed where women are concerned. He has no idea of who the women in his life really are and when to question their motives and behavior. He thinks he's learned his lesson because he waited three days for Liam to show up at the pound to reclaim his pet instead of three hours, as in Hope's case before marrying her on the yacht.

Wyatt also hasn't wised up about his mother, which is the same affliction that has driven Katie, Queen of the alcoholic hypocrites, to an affair with whiskey because of her sister Brooke. Normally, I would give Wyatt credit because, no one could know their mother would sink to this level. However, Wyatt pulled Quinn's handcrafted sword out of Liam's accent chair, so Wyatt knows better.

One would also think that Steffy, who'd defended the loving Wyatt against the rebound kangaroo, would know better than to lead Wyatt on in any way. Yet, she flounces around in front of him in a bikini for days, not the least bit grossed-out about her would-be brother-in-law slobbering on her and drooling over her. She attacked Thomas for intervening between Ivy and Wyatt in Wyatt's absence, but it's perfectly fine for Wyatt to nurse Steffy's loneliness.

Yes, Steffy has been freed by a faked voicemail to have on-screen sex with a man other than Liam for the first time since she slept with Rick, but for the respect of "slut-from-the-valley" Brooke Logan, why didn't Steffy think a little bit more before brother-bed-hopping?

As for thoughts on the bizarre Valentine's Day couplets, the chemistry between them is acidic, and they might be skyrocketing to Nowhereville. Maybe it's how Friday's show ended in Steffy and Liam doing a rendition of the "Somewhere Out There" scene from American Tail, or it could be because of the warning from Deacon, the warlock to Quinn's witch, that it will end badly when Liam reacquires his memory. Whatever it is, the pairings don't seem feasible long-term.

I thought the same about Maya and Rick, and Caroline and Ridge, though. A year later, woefully wrong was I. For me, from the first time Quinn scratched Liam with that sword charm, I knew they were destined for the sack. Where there's smoke, there's fire, and these two actors sizzle together. I will fall out of my chair if after Liam recalls himself, he develops a penchant for pork chops and for Quinn, despite her crimes. For right now, he's acting more like Forrest Gump, who can't figure out if he has a box of chocolates or a can of worms on his hands. Heck, without Quinn's guidance, he can't figure out that he can walk off the porch if he feels like it.

Steffy acts like she doesn't know up from down with Wyatt, but one thing is for sure -- Steffy's hand is still sporting her engagement ring. She swore she wouldn't take that thing off, and she didn't -- not even for sex with Liam's brother. Can Wyatt and Steffy keep viewers' interest or belief without supporting actors setting up roadblocks for them? If not, one road blocker is most likely going to be Bill. He will flip his beard over Wyatt going after Bill's chosen one for Liam.

Will Bill step off the sidelines and run interference for Liam or accept Wyatt and Steffy as a couple? If Liam finds himself and remains emotionally tied to Quinn, there's no way Bill will allow his baby mama to be his daughter-in-law. Bill will push Steffy back toward Liam, and it will be then that Steffy will learn the true nature of Quinn's fierceness.

Would Liam want Steffy back? Remember there's still the matter of Steffy sleeping in Liam's bed with Wyatt -- and, well, actually sleeping with Wyatt. When Liam remembers things, maybe the vision of Wyatt and Steffy in bed together will be the first memory recovered. One would think Liam should be able to forgive Steffy over sleeping with Wyatt due to a "prank caller" voicemail. After all, he was once in the same situation when Tawny's texting pranks led him to bed Amber.

Add to the mix that Liam bedded Quinn, a sight that blinded some viewers. Maybe Liam won't be able to shake the curiosity now that he's tasted her apple. I like the idea of the having another older woman and younger man pairing. Liam can grow a lot from a relationship with Quinn. And who knows -- he might actually like being tied to a bed. Once Deacon learns that Quinn slept with the straight-laced Liam, Deacon probably won't be able to resist comparing the sex score cards.

Let's have a lament for Quinn and Deacon, my favorite couple who broke up without an adequate explanation -- and off-screen at that. In another bizarre turn of events, Deacon showed up with annulment papers for Quinn and wasn't even the slightest bit interested in shaking her down for money or dishing out a little blackmail. So unlike our devilish man. What's next for him?

Deacon's back to barking up the Alison tree, which could potentially put him in the middle of the romantic angst at Spencer Publications. Add in Katie's drinking problem, the fact that Deacon is one of Brooke's past romantic interests and hated by Bill, and we've got a new love quadrangle brewing.

On another foursquare front, drama flared up when Thomas refused to just let gestating dogs lie. Caroline seemed ready to explode with the real math -- that instead of baby making three for her and Ridge, it actually makes four, thanks to Thomas. So guilt-ridden was she that she almost went into labor, but not even the fear that the medication and wine might be affecting her pregnancy could get Caroline to tell even the doctor the whole truth.

For those wondering where Thomas has been, the answer is that he was walking the long, lonely road of self-recrimination, looking for some redemption. Traveling along that road, he managed to find time to make a pit stop in Steffy's business to judge Wyatt's suitability for Steffy, even though he hadn't appreciated Steffy being all up in his Ivy business.

But then again, Thomas' road of redemption is all about every woman he wronged in his life -- every woman named Caroline, that is. Thus is the reason we will not see him send out a mass "I'm sorry" text message to all interns, models, or jewelry designers he's plowed through in the last months. His penitence neared completion when he cornered Caroline into rehashing their drunken night together.

Thomas said mostly what I thought he'd already said to Caroline at least three times already. He never would have taken advantage of her, and he hadn't known about the pills. In some new dialogue, he decided that he should have known she wasn't in the state of mind for what they'd done, and he'd been too busy imagining her changing her feelings about him when he should have been concentrating upon only being a friend to the distraught Caroline.

Thomas admitted having feelings for Caroline, who squirmed in her seat, counting the milliseconds until the conversation would end. Thomas had begun to believe that his father was right about him. In what I believe is the first time in Caroline's history with Ridge, she actually said something negative to someone else about Ridge. She told Thomas that his father wasn't perfect. Whoa, Caroline. Didn't know you had figured that one out yet.

Thomas asserted that Ridge had matured, and Thomas wanted to do the same. Seeing Ridge in love and settled with Caroline made Thomas want to become a family man. I swear you could hear all of Caroline's marbles tapping on the desk as they fell out of her head upon hearing that Thomas was considering having children. She was so astonished by it that it almost sent her into premature labor.

Ridge is somewhere out of town still, so Thomas insisted upon taking Caroline to the hospital. The cramps Caroline experienced turned out to be nothing to worry about, but the doctor wound up inadvertently telling her in front of Thomas that she was pregnant with a son. The bellowing Ridge will do when he learns that Thomas was present for the monumental news will probably be heard by Ivy all the way in Australia.

The doctor offhandedly listed reasons for premature labor, and alcohol and drug use were particular items of interest on the list for Caroline, as they should be. I once knew a woman who'd gotten pregnant near the night of some "recreational" fun, and it caused her to miscarry early on. If you haven't seen Caroline, she's as big as the moon, so the danger of miscarrying for those reasons might be over.

Worry about a premature baby set in upon Caroline, and she inquired more. The doctor asked if there had been an incident to cause reason for concern, but in Thomas' presence, Caroline utterly dismissed the notion that she'd taken any medication or been drinking because she'd been purposely intending to get pregnant.

For now, Caroline seems set upon keeping the secret, and Thomas will not know that he could potentially have fathered his first son with her. I almost thought she was going to look at Thomas and burst out with, "We're having a son!" I assumed it would be followed by, "I mean Ridge and me." Caroline, however, chose her words deliberately and said that she was having a son.

Now that Caroline knows Thomas would entertain parenting with the right woman, will she feel compelled to tell him the truth eventually? Technically, the right woman is not one married to his father, so it might be best to let that gestating dog continue to lie about it. It might also be in her best interest to remain silent because of one reason the doctor left out about a premature baby -- an incorrect conception date. A baby can arrive early simply because it was conceived earlier than the doctor pinpointed.

Tell us what you think about Thomas seeing himself in a new light. He claimed to be sorry for being selfish with Caroline that fateful night, but wasn't he still being selfish when he forced Caroline to have the conversation about it this week? Does Thomas sincerely want a family and have sincere feelings for Caroline, or has he just run out of models and interns for the time being?

And what of Thomas' feelings for Ivy? In my opinion, Thomas needs to make a long-distance call to get her forgiveness, and he should probably yell an "I'm sorry" across the hall to Wyatt while he's at it. He's apologized enough to Ridge, though Ridge might disagree. I wonder if there will be a pit stop on the apology tour for Nicole, whose relationship Thomas consisted of a kiss to forget Caroline.

Until we meet next to dish on the love triangles that just got squared, have a love-filled Valentine's Day, and take the following advice from "Adam:"

When your sweetie hands you a box of chocolates, pinch and squeeze every single one of them so you know exactly what you just got. Whatever you do with your boo this weekend, make it bold and beautiful, baby!

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