Tricks and more tricks

Is it something in the pumpkin latte? Thomas moved from one taken woman to another while Julius tried to punk Zende into stopping Nicole's sisterly surrogacy -- and all during the Halloween party where big brother was truly watching. Get perfectly frightful with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you masquerade as your husband's baby mama for Halloween? Was your costume right out of Invasion of the Girlfriend Snatchers? Did you try to sweet-talk your boo out of having a ghost baby? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Avant clan this week!

It's that time again, Scoopers -- All Hallow's Eve is upon us! B&B got into the spirit by having Thomas O.D. on Love Potion Number 9 and Julius hover over Zende like a baby-busting ghost. Who you gonna call? A trio of big bother -- ahem, I mean Big Brother guest stars. Did we get candy, or did we get a rock? You decide in this Great Pumpkin edition of Two Scoops!

Not to be wasteful, the show made sure Bill commented on Pam's pink and blue lemon bars. Bill quipped that Pam had a screw loose (no argument there), but that's unfortunately all he was really good for as he and Katie went home and spent their time talking about Ridge and Caroline's baby. The real gem in the scene was when Katie popped off with, "If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me why I was married to Dollar Bill Spencer..."! Because most of us have been asking that, too.

Bill and Katie are strong, interesting characters who really need their own story. The same can be said about Quinn and Deacon, who showed up to pelt Wyatt with questions about Ivy. Pam and Charlie throw Halloween parties. And '90s frontburner hunk Jake gets upstaged by "reality" TV "stars!" Surely these guys deserve more than appearing as glorified extras! At least poor Thorne got a cursory mention -- he thought Ridge had sent Thomas to Paris to check up on him and summarily told Thomas he wasn't needed at International.

Got all that? Because that was Thomas' justification for coming home "without permission," as Brooke noted. If you thought you got booted from your family company because you popped your pop in the face, would you just show back up? It seemed a little sudden, and of course perfectly timed to coincide with the revelation that Caroline is expecting. Thomas was genuinely contrite, though, recalling how Bill dealt with Ridge by dumping him out of a helicopter and likening that to his own fatherly fisticuffs.

Ridge grunted and growled, and the next thing we knew, Thomas was in Caroline's office, with Caroline saying, "At least Ridge said you could stay!" When did that happen? Because Ridge looked like he was about to grow wings and fly Thomas back to Paris personally. Then, Thomas consulted a calendar and decided that he might be the father of Caroline's baby!

Caroline evaded all over the place, throwing Thomas off with the feminine factoid that she'd had her period after their consensual/nonconsensual sex. That was good enough for Thomas, who praised the gods and went about his merry way. Caroline, however, told a model that Thomas was available. Wait -- Forrester frowns on dating interns, but models are okay? I seem to recall the design house had a strict "no dating the models" policy back around 1995. Maybe they've gotten over such old-fashionedness since then.

But Caroline echoed what I've been saying for weeks -- Ridge needs to stop being such a Grumpy Gus, or Thomas will figure out that the bun in Caroline's oven is being baked with Thomas' yeast, not Ridge's. Dang, faking Thomas out about the baby was Ridge's idea; you'd think he'd have to stop Caroline from being Captain Obvious about it, not the other way around. And let's not forget, Ridge was instrumental in creating this whole mess by jilting Caroline and being dishonest about his vasectomy. Just sayin'.

Brooke came back for her latest matriarchal master class, suggesting that Thomas could win Ridge's forgiveness if he'd just "show him your maturity." Thomas started off on the right foot by turning away from recent booty call Charlotte, the instigating intern. But then Thomas must have gotten hold of some bad Halloween candy, because Ivy walked into the room, and Thomas became the poster child for testosterone. "What are you doing later?" Thomas asked with a smirk, asking the Plant to grow lingerie for him!

Say what? Are we supposed to forget that, the last time Ivy and Thomas were in a room together, she was trying to blackmail him into making her the New Face of Forrester? Now it's playful banter and feisty flirting? Oh, for the good old days, when a triangle was given time to develop and you could gradually decide who to root for. Wyatt and Ivy are barely a couple, and Thomas is being thrown into the mix so fast, it feels completely unnatural. Not to mention, Thomas is coming off a like a major man-ho.

On the heels of B&B reminding us that Thomas and Ivy are not biologically related (you know, so we're not skeeved out by the fact that both their last names are Forrester), Pam and Charlie, who seemingly never do any work, dug some Halloween decorations out of storage. This would imply that Forrester throws a spooky shindig every year. Do any of you recall, in 28 years on the air, any character having a Halloween party, ever? I mean, it's festive, but it's also as out of left field as a baseball player's ghost.

Still, there were some good costumes (Quinn as a princess! "I've just never seen you so...pink," Pam squealed). And the proceedings provided the best line I've heard in ages: "Oliver mumbled something about not wearing masks at parties anymore." Reference joke! Reference joke! I love true-to-history reference jokes. Backtracking, Thomas teased Ivy with a few good ones. "First Liam, then his brother -- good thing Will isn't old enough to date" and "You only marry a Spencer when you need a green card." Someone's pen was extra specially sharp that day!

If only the rest of the party hadn't been as hokey as a B-movie no one but a lesser cable station would be willing to show. I don't watch Big Brother, I don't know who these people are, and I wish B&B would stop shoving them in my face via silly cameos. I have nothing against performers advancing their careers, but give them real roles instead of casting them as sight gags. Seriously, kindergarten pranks and posturing over a pie? A stake through the heart would have been less painful.

Speaking of pranks, I guess Wyatt's car got shaving creamed, a convenient enough excuse to leave Ivy alone with Thomas. When Thomas quipped that Wyatt shouldn't be so sensitive about the stunt, Ivy replied, "I feel like this would be a very different story if this was your car." Well, of course Thomas is cavalier about cars -- he had no problem blowing up Rick's instead of TP-ing it like a normal person!

Then, although it was Carter who donned the Superman costume, Thomas' super-hearing alerted him that a Fresnel light was about to ice Ivy! After the Top Gun rescued her, it was "take my breath away" as Ivy heaved, "Why are you always exactly where I need you?" I think Ivy means "when." Thomas and Ivy have barely had scenes together! Nevertheless, it looks like Wyatt may be getting some competition. Cheer up, Wyatt. Maybe the screaming Big Brother chick is available.

Across town, Julius was watching over the chicks in his nest, even if he was ready to push Maya out of it. Papa J wasn't having any of Nicole birthing a baby for the newly minted Mrs. Forrester, asking Rick, "Does that mean you want my other daughter, too?" and nurturing Nicole with loving advice like "You think Zende is gonna want you all stretched out and big as a house?" That's "Ole Jule" for you! (LOL, Zende.)

Vivienne had a much tighter rein on her no-filter husband than last time, warning him "you can't tell her she'll end up alone -- that's the message we gave our first daughter, and it drove her away." Go tell it on the mountain, sister! But it's hard to argue with some of Julius' logic; just because Maya is transgender doesn't give her an across-the-board free pass.

"You've already done what you want with your body," Julius told Maya, adding, "you don't get to do that with Nicole!" Later, alone with Nicole, "Ole Jule" made the astute observation, "Maya does not respond well when she doesn't get her way." Hmm! Isn't that consistent with the Maya we've seen? Both Mama and Papa Avant were on the same page this time, albeit taking different approaches; Vivienne impressed upon Nicole that youth and beauty faded fast, and maybe now wasn't the right time to sacrifice those in favor of giving Maya the gift of a baby.

It was all geared to plant the seeds of doubt in Nicole's head, which is perfectly reasonable, but something went wrong in the telling. First, almost everyone discussed Nicole as if she were a piece of furniture. And how many times do we have to hear the words "sacrifice" and "gift"? Crikey, they're becoming the "gondola" and "cha-cha-cha" of 2015. I know soaps repeat information for viewers that don't tune in every day. But do we have to get hit over the head with that information?

Another odd aspect to the week was that Nicole had already made up her mind, yet everyone was pressuring her to make up her mind, despite saying they weren't pressuring her. His words falling on deaf ears, Julius nearly twirled his mustache in deciding to see Zende, "someone who I think very much agrees with me." How did Papa J come to that conclusion? He's met Zende exactly twice.

Kristen and Tony raised the former orphan right, because Zende held his own against Nicole's formidable father while still being respectful to him. Never one for subtlety, Julius soon bypassed describing Nicole as barefoot and pregnant and went straight for "Tell her it's either Maya's child or you!" I actually feel bad for Nicole and Zende. They've just barely started dating, and now they've got to deal with this firestorm from all sides.

Remember those jokes in "the old days" when someone would get a wrong number and hear "This is a recording!...Recording!...Recording!..." That's the trap I felt Zende and Nicole fall into, and I was helpless to stop them. After Zende already told Nicole he admired her, assuring her, "Do you see me going anywhere?" Nicole's next scene with him had her asking, "If I carry Rick and Maya's baby, are we over?"

A decent enough Wednesday cliffhanger, but then Thursday opened with the young lovers in regular conversation, with Nicole suddenly piping up, "If I carry Rick and Maya's baby, are we over?" Nicole and Zende swore they wouldn't let "this surrogacy thing" come between them, but this was ground we'd already covered. How about Nicole going for it and Zende losing his resolve as Nicole starts to show?

Going for it is just what we seemed poised to do as Nicole, Rick, and Maya met with their fertility specialist. Nicole's test results deemed her a perfect physical and psychological candidate for surrogacy, and even her eggs were over easy. Too bad this development got upstaged by the very expositional way Nicole had to remind us of the ramifications of being a surrogate mother. It's important to know this stuff; I just wish it had been relayed in a more natural way than Nicole practically reading us a brochure.

Everyone seemed to spin right 'round, baby, right 'round like a record, baby, with Maya asking "Are we wrong?" one day and "Are we asking too much?" the next. Plus, as I said before, Nicole had already made up her mind. Yet here were Maya, Rick, and the doctor assuming Nicole had doubts she didn't seem to have, reminding her she could back out any time. No wonder Nicole started to look like she already had morning sickness. The fertility expert should have seen Nicole's pained expression and called the whole thing off right there.

Instead, the doctor plied Nicole with questions about whether or not she'd gotten 'zontal with Zende. Fair enough, but this has never come up before (wouldn't it have during the psych eval?). In Soapspeak, this also raises the possibility that Nicole might get pregnant only to have Zende be the father, which the fertility chick even mentioned. I want to see Nicole carry Rick and Maya's baby to term only to decide she can't give it up, then sue for custody. I know they already did that on Dynasty a lifetime ago, but it's really the juiciest climax for this story.

Julius was still in play, though, telling Zende what he and Nicole should do with their juice. Zende seemed to resist Julius' insistence that Zende give Nicole an ultimatum, however, going to his bae and telling her how incredible she was; Zende couldn't wait to see what Nicole would do next. Suddenly, there was a palpable "are they gonna do it?" tension in the air, and Zende was all kissing on Nicole and whispering that she should forget about being a surrogate in between his heavy breathing. So Zende's going to seduce Nicole into changing her mind? Good Lord, he's a Forrester, after all!

What do you think, Scoopers? Does Thomas need to put it back in his pants already? Is the whole surrogacy story getting too repetitious before it even stars? And how do you feel about reality stars making guest appearances on the show? Scare up your opinions in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

• "I comprehensively disagree [with the idea of Brooke being the Forrester matriarch], but ultimately, it is up to [the] writers." -- "Platynum"

• "Maya from the beginning has wanted everyone to step in line...Papa Avant had every right to be upset. There is absolutely no reason why Nicole can't donate the egg and have a different surrogate. It is extremely selfish on Maya and Rick's part...she knew Nicole would feel obligated to do this. I ALSO think it's twisted [that] Ridge will hide the fact that his son is having a baby. Caroline is so wrong doing this...I have recently become a Brooke fan and am enjoying this side of Brooke." -- Lori

• "Yes, let's paint Brooke [as] a saint...really? She's far from that. What I find funny is how everyone has forgotten Thomas' thing for Brooke. [AUTHOR'S NOTE: I haven't!] Brooke is only out for herself and I hope the child is Ridge's...I think Thomas is a jerk and a waste of space on that show. Don't even get me started with the whole Maya, Rick, and Nicole storyline..." -- Alicia• "Stephanie has done things in [regard to] saving her family from Brooke and others that [tried] to threaten it. To Stephanie her family came first. When has family ever come first to Brooke? Even after Stephanie passed her the baton she was in Bill's arms betraying her sister...Brooke [has no] loyalty to [anyone] but herself. Even her concern for Ridge and Caroline has selfish undertones. It is no secret that she is not a fan of Caroline and Ridge, and it is not due to the age difference. She already told Caroline she can get Ridge back with the snap of her fingers. The snapping seems not to work so she is 'advising'." -- "Sandee1977"

Wow, we're still on Brooke! Not that I mind; Brooke-as-matriarch is a legitimate B&B issue and one that's going to have to be resolved eventually. Personally, I think the way to finally redeem Brooke is for her to take her place as the head of the family. Not married to Eric necessarily, but finally having grown past her bad behavior and trying to make up for it. Though the concept may be as scary as Halloween, it's pretty much the only place left for the character of Brooke Logan Forrester to go!

And that's not the only Point to Ponder I've got for ya:

Bill rolled his eyes at the idea of "the leftovers of [Ridge's] twelve or so marriages." Close! According to Soap Central's Who's Who in Los Angeles section, Ridge has been married ten times, and seven of those weddings were to Brooke... Over the summer, much was made of Julius being out of work and unable to get any jobs because of the scandal of having a transgender daughter. So how can Julius and Vivienne afford to move to Los Angeles, a much more expensive city than Evanston?

Carter wanted to introduce Zende to Arlen, a Forrester cutie. Wasn't that weird, considering Carter knows full well Zende is involved with Nicole?... "Trick-or-treaters with our long driveway?" Rick pointed out to Forrester compound newbie Maya. It's never come up, but it makes sense that kids wouldn't go in search of candy there... Rick, Maya, Nicole, and Zende made conscious decisions not to go to Pam and Charlie's party. But where were Ridge and Caroline? Brooke? Donna? You'd think at least Liam and Steffy would show up!

That's it for me until the end of November, as I am about to take the stage as Lumire (again) in our local reboot production of Beauty and the Beast over the next few weeks. Thank you all for continuing to follow my column, and, if you like my style, you might also like my big little book about Bewitched. See y'all after November sweeps, and remember -- keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold!

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