News travels fast...really fast

Favorite storyline dragging? No problem, not with Pam and Maya dropping F-bombs everywhere -- "F" as in "fact," of course. Then Thomas showed up at hyperspeed like he was in the new Star Wars trailer! Find out what the rush is with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you decide to play Gandhi for the ladies in your life? Did you need Pepto for your diarrhea of the mouth? Did you trump your parents' big surprise with a bigger surprise of your own? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Avant clan this week!

Well, how about that, Scoopers -- my suggesting that B&B is positioning Brooke to be the Forrester matriarch got a lot of you fired up! And we'll get to that. But if Stephanie taught Brooke how to be a busybody, she must have taught sister Pam that skill first -- was there anybody's business Pam and her lemon bars weren't all up in this week? Oh, yeah, Maya's -- except Maya eliminated the middleman and gave her parents a housewarming gift they'll never forget! Let's Scoop about it!

As you'll quickly see, everything this week happened at lightning speed...everything except the fallout from Ivy's blink-and-you-missed-it forced attempt to be a lingerie model. The latest Forrester shutterbug barely started snapping away (isn't that Oliver's job? Where is he?) when Liam jumped in, calling Steffy out for humiliating Ivy as revenge for Ivy's video blackmail and demanding that the cousins stop their feuding. "Be the royalty you were meant to be," Liam barked.

Maybe Liam needs to start charging by the hour after his success in casting himself as the girls' therapist. True, as he pointed out, the real issue was Aly's death and the way Ivy and Steffy handled themselves over it. But does Forrester ever make money? Every time they line up a photo shoot, someone puts the kibosh on it. And Steffy, who pulled rank on Liam just last week, now decided her man was right and offered Ivy an olive branch. Left alone to work things out, Ivy and Steffy even bonded over Liam.

That one cousinly giggle over do-the-right-thing Liam (who does he think he is, Spike Lee?) seemed like a good enough ending. But, no -- we got not two but three episodes of this kumbaya. Reminding Steffy that part of her ire came from the fact that Steffy stole Liam from her, Ivy gushily added, "But that wasn't you...it's not who you are!" (Ivy must not have talked much to Hope these past five years.) Then the girls parted ways and hashed it out again with their respective Spencer men. Boring!

Wyatt, who said he pushed Ivy to strut her stuff as a way of her standing up to Steffy (but really seemed to do it because the whole thing made him horny), suddenly felt guilty. As retribution, Ivy dared Wyatt to strip down in the design office as if she hadn't already gotten him to shuck his clothes when this whole lingerie lameness started. You knew that door was going to open and literally catch Wyatt with his pants down...and in walked the unusually present Pam and Charlie, offering what else? Why, lemon bars, of course. Can we get a new baked good already?

It was all rather painful to watch. If there was a point, it seemed to be Wyatt ending up feeling like a piece of meat, which was why Ivy didn't want to hawk teddies in the first place. "Underwear is scary," Wyatt conceded. I'll give you that -- our society spends way too much time objectifying women. Ivy felt further vindicated when Wyatt let the "L" word slip, apparently for the first time. Since Ivy seems genuinely sorry for blackmailing Steffy, this moment of Wivy warmth actually felt gratifying. Too bad the events surrounding Aly's death still haven't been properly wrapped up, but what can you do.

Now, as I said last week, it's good to see that Pam and Charlie are still together, as well as alive, given the rare appearances they're allowed these days. So I'm certainly not going to begrudge them the four episodes we saw them in. I just wish they'd gotten something else to do besides sniff around where they don't belong and play town crier all week. Even sillier, the buttinskis managed to pull Liam into their playtime!

Yep, there they were, adding insult to injury as poor nauseated Caroline excused herself for a barf break. The clueless combo of Liam and Charlie chalked it up to Caroline having gotten some bad tuna or something, but Pam ran straight to the drugstore and bought a home pregnancy test to shove in Caroline's face! I think it was supposed to be funny, but the whole scene was really awkward, not to mention contrived. Caroline could have had the flu. What, were they going to make her pee on the stick right there in front of them?

Fortunately, Ridge walked in, certainly not expecting to see Auntie Pam forcing Caroline to admit to pregnancy. So Ridge confirmed it, nodding when Charlie sheepishly realized he and Caroline had probably wanted "to make the big splashy announcement" themselves. (Gold star for you, Chucky.) Liam also made a late jump onto the privacy bandwagon, seemingly leaving us with the impression that any further pregnancy pronouncements would be made by the parents-to-be.

So what's the first thing Liam does? He runs straight to Steffy and tells her she's going to have a baby brother or sister! What the hell, Liam? At least Charlie had the gumption to expose Pam as a "mouthaholic," prompting this golden couple to have what appeared to be their first argument! Did Charlie's finger-wagging do any good? Nope. Pam saw Brooke, who further stepped up her matriarch campaign by offering some couples counseling. But before Brooke could tap into her vast relationship knowledge, Pam popped off that Brooke's former destiny was having a kid with Caroline!

"You're lying," Brooke insisted, this conversation taking place right outside Ridge's office. Forrester doors must be made of lead, otherwise Brooke would have been able to hear Ridge and Caroline talking at full volume about how they needed to keep Brooke in the dark about their paternity puzzle. No sooner had Caroline dismissed herself than Brooke stroll in, listening to Ridge's tale of vasectomy-reversing and resuscitated swimmers, which inspired Brooke to channel Stephanie like never before. "Whose baby is it, Ridge?" Brooke wanted to know. "It certainly can't be yours!"

Yes, Stephanie would have been proud, the way Brooke stepped into La Forrester's bulldozing busybody shoes. I'm telling you, pantsuits and brooches are not far behind. Ridge did his best to throw "Logan" off the scent regarding his now-working plumbing, even appealing to their shared past by reminding her, "There's too much life in me. You of all people should know that." And that's the interesting thing: she does. Even Pam remarked that Brooke was probably jealous Ridge was having a baby with Caroline.

I don't know that I really see jealousy in Brooke for once, but she backed down after Ridge asked, "What are you accusing Caroline of?" Brooke surrendered her congrats, and Ridge later reconfirmed to Caroline that they were taking their secret to the grave. Speaking of secrets, wasn't Caroline's pregnancy exposed awfully fast? Seems to be there'd have been more weight to it if her condition had been revealed slowly, instead of getting thrown up like the contents of Caroline's stomach.

And another thing -- it really burns my butt when perfectly good characters get nothing to do but prop up other characters' stories. Seriously, Pam and Charlie were only there to broadcast Caroline's pregnancy. Aren't they worth their own dilemma? An illness, a relationship issue -- something? All poor Carter gets to do is work out shirtless. Katie's not doing much better, showing up at Forrester and perusing designs as if she works there. Doesn't she have a media conglomerate to run? After grilling Ridge about his potential fatherhood, Katie returned on Bill's arm -- admittedly at Caroline's invitation -- to hear the baby news first-hand. I know Bill and Caroline are family, but didn't this reveal feel superfluous to you?

"Having a baby is a wonderful experience," Katie declared. This from the woman who almost died in premature childbirth and ran away in a funk of postpartum depression! Bill predictably objected to the idea of Caroline having Ridge's baby, not even getting in any good zingers this go-round. Strangely, Bill asked Ridge how Steffy and Thomas felt about their dad getting another deduction.

And wouldn't you know, the exiled Thomas waltzed in on cue! How the hell did he get there? His appearance to us seemed as mysterious as his disappearance was to everyone else, which Ridge still wasn't doing a very good job of justifying, anyway. Example: Ridge made a show of snubbing all Thomas' designs, which set off alarm bells. As for Thomas, do you mean to tell me he never called Steffy, or even his pal Brooke, to bitch about having been shipped out and asking why?

No matter. Pam, having delivered a batch of pink and blue lemon bars (does this woman have an oven installed under her desk?), delivered more than that to Thomas, again blurting out the news that Caroline is pregnant! Okay, enough is enough on that score. Pam had already been taken to task for being a motor-mouth; talk about overkill. Maybe Donna could have kept Pam quiet, if Donna was ever actually at work, that is.

Soon, Rick, Maya, and Nicole (remember them?) got a chance to advance their far more interesting story for two fast-paced episodes. But what a couplet! Nicole, who had gotten a physical plus a psychological evaluation from Maya's fertility specialist, called Zende over to tell him she'd decided to carry Rick and Maya's baby. I'm still missing a story beat here. I need to see Rick and Maya atone for their months of bad behavior first before I can cosign them having a baby. Grovel to everyone they abused. Get some therapy with James Warwick. Hell, peel some potatoes at Dayzee's. Something.

Anyway, Zicole (Nende? What do you think their mashup name should be?) came together for a serious convo. This duo runs circles around every one of their older counterparts for sheer maturity and likability, and for being extremely compelling. Nicole felt this was her only window of time to be Maya's surrogate before settling into her own life. Though Zende didn't support Nicole's choice, he told her, "I'm not about strong-arming you," adding, "It's your body." Nicole replied, "I want you to feel heard...I want to hear you!" These guys have the healthiest relationship on the show, embryonic as it may be.

Seeing Nicole's strength (though if I have to hear about her sacrifice being the ultimate gift to Maya one more time, I'm going to blow chunks), Zende melted, admitting, "How is it everything you say makes me love you more?" Looks like he took a page out of Wyatt's L-word playbook! Zende came on board with Nicole's baby-baking plan when suddenly her parents, who have been gone for months, "come and knock on our door!"

Yes, "it's hers and hers and his -- three's company, too!" But I'm getting ahead of myself. Julius sashayed into the Forrester compound, talking of soul-searching and professing he'd "try" and accept Maya. I admit, Julius did seem for real. But he said he'd "try" no less than three times, and referenced "the last time I was in this magnificent house." I still think B&B missed a major boat not having Julius extort money from Maya his previous trip. Now, "your mother and I desperately want to be in your life." Uh-huh. By the way, how did Julius and Vivienne resolve things? After all, he did leave Maya's wedding by himself.

Neither Nicole nor Maya was buying what Julius came over to sell. "You said the exact same thing before," Maya said of her father's intention to embrace her. "How can I believe you?" Well, Julius' favorite group must be The Gap Band, because he dropped a bomb on his daughters like he had that song on repeat: "We're moving to Los Angeles!" The sisters Avant weren't having it, miffed that their parents hadn't discussed it with them first. I'm on the fence there. Julius and Vivienne don't need their kids' permission, but popping something this game-changing on them was kind of dog.

Apparently further torqued off because Julius had interrupted Maya's private rap with her mother, Maya returned fire with a bomb so big it made Julius look like a cap gun -- she and Rick were having a baby! You could see Julius' brain short-circuiting as he tried to grasp exactly how his unimpregnable daughter could produce a Forrester-Avant heir...until he spied Nicole. "You got together with your sister's husband?!" Julius exclaimed. I laughed, rewound, and laughed some more. Of course Papa Avant would come to that conclusion! Not that it was an unreasonable one.

After Rick assured Julius he'd never touch his sister-in-law's poom poom (thank you, Prince), Maya looked to be having great fun schooling her dad on what was going to happen with Rick's sperm and Nicole's eggs. I can't say Julius didn't deserve it, not after he reverted to type instantly, calling Maya's world "warped" and barring Nicole from participating in the surrogacy. So much for acceptance. "You forget where you are," Maya announced, virtually bringing in the oh-no-you-didn't finger. "You don't get to tell Nicole what to do, and you don't get to tell me what to do!" Amen!

Only thing, this all happened way too fast, too. Wouldn't it have been fun to see Rick, Maya, Nicole, and Zende hide the truth from Mama and Papa Avant for a while? Maybe Julius discovers that Nicole's pregnant, and she lies that it's Zende's. Having Julius find out after the baby's born, or just before, would have built up a nice head of steam on this story. Could have kept that going 'til February sweeps, or even May. What's the point of the elder Avants being in town if they know about the surrogacy from the get-go? But Nicole insisted she was going through with it. You go, girl!

What do you think of the show's pacing right now? Just your speed, or whipping by too quickly? Spill all in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

• "Brooke as matriarch is a joke. A matriarch has to be a symbol of respectability and someone whom a family can rely on. She doesn't have to be perfect; nobody is. But she has to be a woman who has lived her life to a high standard. Brooke can never be a trusted matriarch. She was an unfit mother to her own children as they were growing up; she (and Ridge, don't just blame the woman) traumatized Taylor's children by repeatedly trying to wreck their home; she slept with and got pregnant by her eldest daughter's husband; had sex with Hope's boyfriend at a party she was supposed to be chaperoning; has been married to all three principal males in the Forrester family...the only thing I can see Brooke being a symbol of is what NOT to do.." -- Rhaegar

• "[As matriarch, Stephanie] bribed, lied, blackmailed, bought off people, faked heart attacks, manipulated everyone...Brooke IS the matriarch now. I think she is just fine as the head of the family." -- Joyce

• "Stephanie, when dying, WANTED Brooke to become the family matriarch. She grew to love Brooke and that was her wish! [Stephanie] did a lot of horrible things. She tried to kill Brooke years ago. She helped Ridge cover up [Shane's death]...she set up a camera in the lab back when Brooke made the BeLieF formula, and tricked Brooke and Ridge [into looking] like something happened with them, so Eric would be upset with Brooke...I didn't [always] like... [Brooke's actions]...but for the most part, she's a good strong, caring person." -- Joan

• "Brooke is B&B. Of course she is the matriarch of the show. Her tenure basically eliminates every other character that might possibly be in contention for the title. Whether her actions are morally upright is irrelevant." -- "SoapBoy69"

Who knew? Brooke's got some supporters out there! Now show your support for some Points to Ponder:

Carter, hearing Zende had created a media kit on his own initiative, remarked, "I didn't ask you to do that." Why would Carter have a say in Forrester's promotional activities? He's a lawyer!... When Steffy coached the photographer that Ivy was nervous, it actually seemed like Steffy cared. But Steffy should have worried about creating a monster. What if Ivy got comfortable in lingerie and used it to entice Liam, like Steffy has? And with Ivy off the bedroom line and Steffy having no time for it, who going to model it now?

Caroline scrolled past a photo of Ridge and Thomas in a Jeep, taken in 2014 according to her smartphone. Where did the image come from? Thomas was gone all of 2014, and Ridge spent the year reading poetry to Katie, falling out of helicopters, and recovering with Caroline... "Ann Landers to the rescue," Pam deadpanned when Brooke offered advice. Even Pam realizes Brooke's new role... Caroline brushed off Carter's good idea about asking Katie to set up daycare at Forrester, asking "For one kid?" Carter was thinking ahead to Rick and Maya's baby, but Caroline, really -- surely lots of Forrester Creations staff have kids!

Next week, we'll do Halloween together, Two Scoops style. So keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be boo! I mean, be bold!

What are your thoughts on ? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.