I'm gonna keep your baby, ooh, oh

This week, Forrester Creations employees had babies on the brain! Maya wanted Nicole to carry hers, and Ridge booted Thomas for implanting Caroline with his. Even Steffy planned for people to see Ivy and say, "Ooh baby!" Punch through the pregnant pauses with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you undo a firing by setting your rehire on fire? Did you ask your sister if you could borrow her uterus? Did you find a way to be a father and a grandfather at the same time? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Avant clan this week!

Happy October, Scoopers! And thank you to Chanel for picking up the Scoopy slack while I visited with Madonna and my parents and rolled the dice on a few bold and beautiful endeavors. So, I come back to B&B after three or four weeks and find Ridge's vasectomy secret has been and gone, Ivy's still trying to get her job back (after Bill failed to bankroll a new fashion house for Wyatt?), and Caroline's in the family way -- with a different member of the family! Looks like I came back just in time to do some serious Scoopage!

Wyatt and Ivy shtupping was apparently significant enough that their afterglow continued on from the Friday cliffhanger. But these two still leave a bad taste in my mouth. I wish they didn't, since they'd be a really good couple if they didn't have the stink of their blackmail and entitlement on them like so much thirdhand smoke. And Ivy bleating on about being out of a job...as she says, she's a Forrester. It's not like she needs the paycheck! Deciding she'd been punished enough, Ivy decided to go to Uncle Eric and plead her case.

Of course, I always love seeing John McCook (and nice touch, opening his scene with an L.A. Times shot of his real-life daughter, Molly McCook, appearing in a production of The Unauthorized O.C. Musical). I was a little surprised that Eric is so out of the loop at Forrester, though. Isn't he still CEO emeritus? "I'm more of a consultant these days," Eric explained, admitting confusion over why Steffy fired Ivy. I presumed the saucy Aussie would tiptoe around the reason, but Ivy actually told Eric it stemmed from Aly's death. "I would have thought that would have bonded you," Eric said of Steffy and Ivy's mutual presence during Aly's demise.

Exactly! Wouldn't that have been a far more interesting story? Steffy and Ivy, at odds over Liam, forced to work together to keep Steffy's involvement in Aly's death from the family -- and the police. Instead, we got some silliness over a video while Aly was virtually forgotten about. And don't get me started on the absence of Oliver and Thorne in all this. Sigh. Anyway, Ivy started to relay to Eric her theory that Aly died because of Steffy then backed off, leaving the Forrester patriarch to offer aid without really knowing why he was offering it.

And that's how I thought we were going to proceed when Eric brought Ivy into Steffy's office -- both girls dancing around the truth without Eric actually cluing in. So imagine my surprise when Steffy went balls-out and told her grandfather everything! The video, the blackmail, having a hand in Aly's death -- the whole shebang. Well! Eric's usually the family peacekeeper, but I like him best when he's forceful, the way he was while telling Steffy and Ivy to get over themselves. The real tragedy was in Aly's death; the girls were being inappropriate and disturbing. Ah, Scoopers, it was like Stephanie was living on through Eric.

I can't help wondering if Ivy is sincere, though. Let's face it, there are reasons to have trust issues with her. But I guess that's a moot point, since Steffy grudgingly rehired Ivy only to barely contain her smirk when she gave Ivy her first assignment: to pull a Brooke (and Steffy), put on some lingerie, and work the runway for the Intimates Line! (Is it still called Intimates? Who knows.)

As a model, I don't think Ivy could make it as the Face of Reader's Digest, let alone Forrester. She balked at a plum gig in Monte Carlo, and now she doesn't want to show her plums to the fashion world. Not the most reliable, is she? On the other hand, it was obvious from go that Steffy just wanted to embarrass Ivy by forcing her to undulate in her undies, though it took Ivy a little longer to figure that out. And this is what it's come to -- Aly's death has descended into arguing over lingerie. I'm amazed Aly hasn't joined Evil Floating Darla Head for some well-timed Halloween haunting!

Ivy knew she was caught between a rock (Aly's) and a push-up bra, so she followed Steffy's directive and took the bustier home, complaining to Wyatt about Steffy's stunt. Naturally, Ivy's claim of nightmares about stripping down were lost on Wyatt's ears, because his blood had already rushed to another body part. Well, gee, of course he was going to support the idea of his girlfriend wearing a nasty teddy. "Steffy who? Brooke what?" Wyatt huffed and puffed. "I'm not trying to pressure you..." Uh-huh. The real pressure was from Wyatt barely being able to stand up. Looks like the Plant is going to be showing off some naked vines!

By the way, is Maya still playing hooky from modeling? You'd think she was on maternity leave. Oh, wait -- she might be. Still in honeymoon mode with Rick, the subject of Pam's deceased canine goliath, Tiny, suddenly came up. Interesting bit of continuity, but I'm surprised Rick remembered the mammoth mutt, as he was too busy throwing Ridge off of buildings at the time. But I digress, because, just as suddenly, Maya decided she wanted to have a baby. Whoa! That would require an even more immaculate conception than the famous one!

Interspersed with this Rick/Maya game-changer was a scene with Zende and Nicole, who seem to do little else except hang out on the Forrester Sky Lounge. (Maybe there's a plaque up there commemorating Ridge and Rick's almost falls from that same location.) Now, I was gone while Thomas kissed Nicole, which finally gave Zende the guts to state his true romantic intentions to the Avant ingnue. It was about damn time; you always hear me going on about slow burns, but the pilot light wasn't quite turned up enough for Nende (Zicole?) to have one, so the next step had to be taken.

As we cut back to Rick agreeing that adoption would be a great way to have a child since it worked out so well for Zende, I caught the distinct whiff of something that grows wild within Soapland -- the Obvious flower. Sure enough, Maya asked about surrogacy and declared that she'd love her baby to be both Forrester and Avant. Rick took the hint and hugged Maya, though he didn't look terribly certain it was the right way to go. In waltzed Nicole, who probably wished she'd stayed at Forrester as Maya basically asked, "Oh, hey, sis, would you carry my husband's child?"

Though I saw it coming, I found myself laughing in that giddy "Oh, no, she didn't" way, which was probably the desired reaction. It was almost as out of left field as Nicole's "you're Myron" bombshell back in March, and I even feel this mirrored that shocker a bit. I'm glad Maya acknowledged that Nicole is very young, but it's amazing no one mentioned Zende. How's he going to feel about his just-barely-girlfriend baking his adoptive half-uncle's bread?

I know Nicole needs a storyline, and being Raya's surrogate is intriguing in an As the World Turns kind of way (didn't Emily carry her mother's baby?), but the girl hasn't even had time to enjoy having a boyfriend yet. What is it about everyone and babies on the show right now? What is it with soaps and babies, period? They're only ever plot devices that get written off once they're out of diapers. Just ask R.J.!

R.J. might want to stay at that boarding school where he's locked away because his dad just decided to raise his brother's kid, who will also be R.J.'s half-sibling. Oy, the Forrester family tree has knots even the Boy Scouts can't untie. Let's backtrack: Caroline tearfully admitted that the man who comforted her the night Ridge dumped her was Thomas, and Ridge was not pleased.

Ridge did take some responsibility, but not enough, in my opinion. Yes, Thomas was the most inappropriate, macking on a girl who was so out of it she couldn't clearly concede to a little boom-boom. I do still have to call Caroline on taking someone else's medication -- she wouldn't have been out of it had she not downed Pam's plot device pills. For all that, as I said from the beginning, Ridge set the whole thing in motion. Rather than tell Caroline he couldn't give her the child she craved because he'd had a vasectomy, he sent her packing.

Nope, Ridge has no room to talk, distasteful as the idea of his son getting it on with his ex-for-a-day might be. If Ridge had given Caroline the choice of whether she wanted to stay with a man she couldn't have a family with, there would have been no opportunity for Thomas to step in. Again, that doesn't excuse Thomas. But Ridge should've thought more about that instead of chucking brushes in his rage that Thomas didn't know Caroline was compromised, which Thomas certainly should have.

One thing I'll definitely say is that Thorsten Kaye shone more brightly this week than he has since taking over as Ridge Forrester. I suddenly realized why he was considered golden during his days on All My Children and One Life to Live. This is the kind of meaty stuff he must have been given over there, and Sir Kaye played it to the hilt. "Who is he to you now?" Ridge demanded, wanting to know where Thomas stood with Caroline. "He's the father of my baby!" Caroline yelped. Whoops.

Last week, Chanel pointed out the similarities to B&B's famous Ridge/Caroline/Thorne triangle of the '80s that only began with Ridge getting shot in the head (Deveney Dickson, anyone?). Yet I couldn't help thinking that karma had just chomped Ridge in the ass for the Eric/Brooke/Ridge triangle of the '90s. Having to watch the woman you love pregnant with your son's child? Next time Eric and Ridge share a brewski, they should have plenty to talk about, with Ridge finally able to sympathize with his not-biodad.

And while we're at it, Ridge didn't deserve to get clocked by Thomas, but the virile Forrester scion wasn't exactly wrong in listing Ridge's romantic sins. After all, B&B started with Ridge bedding models, and his Brooke/Taylor bouncing is the stuff of soap legend. So how is Thomas wrong for sleeping with an intern? All this brings to mind the no-dating-the-models policy Forrester had in the '90s. I'm guessing there's not a no-dating-the-interns policy in place?

Thomas does seem to be doing his share of acting out these days, all rooted in the purported feelings for Caroline he isn't able to act on. Kissing Nicole, sexing Charlotte, punching Ridge. "You definitely have daddy issues," Steffy told him as she laughed knowingly. And she should know -- this is the grown girl who cried "What about me?" when Ridge said little R.J. needed him. Looks like Steffy has finally matured past that, because when Thomas similarly bewailed Ridge ditching their mother for Brooke, Steffy shrugged and said, "Marriages break up. Stuff happens!"

Apparently. Discovering that Caroline was pregnant with his grandson (only on B&B, folks), Ridge suggested abortion as a solution. Okay, not that it didn't cross my mind, too, but then you wouldn't have a story. Caroline feared she might never get pregnant again, so Ridge decided they would raise Thomas' child as their own. "Thomas is never going to know about this baby," Ridge determined. "I didn't want to raise my grandkid, but I'll do it for you." Strange combination of selflessness and selfishness!

It reminds me of Desperate Housewives, where Bree raised her daughter's child as her own, but that's neither here nor there. Some of you feel it's classic, arrogant Ridge to shut Thomas out and keep Thomas' baby as if everything were normal. Likely, still others of you feel Ridge is doing his best, trying to make something good come out of the situation, as he said. I'm somewhere in the middle. Ridge is right than an innocent baby shouldn't suffer, but I also get the impression that the paternity secrecy is a way of getting back at Thomas, the way Ridge claimed Thomas was getting back at him by sleeping with Caroline. Maybe this is where Steffy gets her vengeance from.

So, Ridge and Caroline agree that Thomas is never to know he's going to be a daddy, and what's the first thing Ridge does? He charges into Forrester and ships Thomas back to Paris. Thomas thought the exile came from having punched Ridge, and it was kind of fascinating that father and son were actually talking about different things, with Thomas none the wiser, but it wasn't Ridge's smoothest move. Ridge said Thomas would always be in the dark yet shined so many flashlights, he might as well own controlling interest in Eveready. What was up with that?

Predictably, Thomas didn't need Captain Obvious of hotels.com fame to figure out his banishment had to do with far more than popping his dad in the face. (Ridge once gave his own natural father Massimo a left hook, but I guess he forgot.) Things got stranger when Ridge inexplicably left Caroline alone in a room with Thomas after insisting Thomas took advantage of her! You'd think Ridge would have installed an armed guard before even going to the bathroom.

And Caroline wasn't much better, following Ridge's give-it-away lead and telling Thomas to just heed daddy's orders and go! Not great secret-keepers, these newlyweds. Thomas sadly stepped onto the elevator, which probably still carried the scent of Ivy's perfume from her own recent banishment, and Caroline couldn't resist rubbing her uterus as she and Ridge returned to his office. Why do pregnant soap women do that? We know you're pregnant. Duh.

Ridge declared he hadn't planned on sending Thomas away, but he just couldn't look at his own son anymore. Well, Pierson Fod is contract, so we know Thomas isn't really leaving. But, at the rate Ridge and Caroline are going, Thomas will figure out he's a babydaddy before Caroline's first trip to Babies"R"Us. What do you think of Ridge wanting to raise Thomas' baby as his own? Of Rick and Maya wanting Nicole to carry theirs? Of Steffy acting like a baby and forcing Ivy to model lingerie? Talk to us in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

• "I so hope [Chanel is] totally wrong about CaRidge! It's the best romance I've seen on a soap in years -- Bridge be damned! I hate they are messing it up and Thomas, in my opinion, is as bad as Bill Cosby -- come on, B&B dropped the ball with that social issue!" -- Maria

• "How do you get any sperm at all to test for viability if the vasectomy has prevented them from getting into the ejaculate in the first place? And about a DNA test, remember that son Thomas would share DNA with Ridge. The difference would be Taylor's DNA as Thomas' mother." -- Maurine

Ridge was looking too good in his black shirt and suit, so I won't talk about his ejaculate. But I can talk about Points to Ponder:

Nicole has waited forever for Zende to give her a tumble -- so would she really turn down a date with him to check on Maya just because Pam couldn't get ahold of her?... "Nobody came to me," Eric said as he frowned, telling Liam and Wyatt he knew why Steffy and Ivy were fighting. Eric should be used to that. He's always the last to know what's going on at Forrester!

All Ivy's talk about her father, John, and how proud John was of Forrester over the years made me wonder why we haven't seen John's other daughter, Jessica, or her mother, Maggie. Maybe they can visit for Christmas? It would be great if Jessica was still with Dylan 19 years later... "If I sat over there," Quinn said, sassing Liam, "you'd think I was stalking you." She got in another good zinger when she pointed out, "I pushed Ivy off a bridge, but we learned to respect each other as artists!"

"Some years he was barely around" was Thomas' complaint about Ridge. No wonder Ridge cried revisionist history -- he was always around; it was Taylor who was presumed dead for years, and Brooke filled in as a mother most of that time. "You two would be great parents," Nicole gushed to Rick and Maya. Yeah, parents that make their kid bring them ice cream and rub their feet...

That's all I've got for ya. Keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold!

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