Broken-down CaRidge

The denizens of Los Angeles seem to be shooting blanks these days. Steffy again demanded Wyatt delete Ivy's Aly-whacking video, which had everyone going in circles. Rick and Maya showed us pictures from a honeymoon they didn't actually embark upon. And Ridge revealed he'd had a little snip-snip while living in Paris! Thomas is the only one with bullets in the gun, albeit via a torrid twist that dates back to the '80s. Was Caroline's post-breakup sex with him consensual? That's the grey area you're going to explore this week with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you come back from a honeymoon you didn't go on? Did you have a video on rotation more than MTV did in its heyday? Was your favorite new song "There's Got to Be A Morning After -- Pill"? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Avant clan this week!

Grr! Outrage! Righteous indignation! Scoopers, did I or did I not tell B&B not to mess with my CaRidge? Apparently no one listened, because they broke up the best couple on the show -- nay, the best couple the show has had in years -- and inserted Thomas and his virility smack-dab in the middle of it. Granted, it generated boffo performances all the way around, plus some interesting moral dilemmas about consent. But not my CaRidge! Auuuugh! Oh, the humanity. Let's Scoop about it!

But not until we spend two episodes frolicking through Copenhagen with newlyweds Rick and Maya! At first I thought it was some CGI trickery; I forgot that some of the cast and crew were in Europe back in June. On the one hand, the Raya footage was gorgeous and the "film stock" even had a very European look compared to the show's usual HD presentation, which was neat. But two episodes? Really? It already felt a little weird, watching a honeymoon retroactively. Because we didn't witness it as it happened, there wasn't as much of a chance to connect with it.

Also, like many of you, I'm having trouble accepting Rick and Maya's bliss, because they still haven't really atoned for their rotten behavior. Maybe honeymooning in Siberia would have taken care of that, or at least in a hotel with no fresh towels. When the vacay vacuousness continued into a second day, it started to come off as filler. However, we did get the update that Maya and Nicole haven't heard from Julius. (Is he back home with Vivienne? How did they handle their opposing positions on the wedding walk-out? Are they even together anymore?)

And Maya sees so many sparks flying between Nicole and Zende, they might as well be standing next to Quinn's welding machine. I'm all for slow burns, but isn't Zicole, or Nende, or whatever you want to call them, being dragged out? Speaking of dragged out, we spent another three episodes with people demanding the deletion of Ivy's Aly-meets-a-tire-iron video. OMG, enough already! I'm about ready to pull an Aly and do up a hate board devoted to this storyline. Where's that Magic Marker?

The reason this story has no teeth is because it centers solely on Ivy's video. There's only a threat Ivy might take it to the police, but no real consequences. It's like B&B doesn't want to throw Steffy behind bars and into a nifty murder trial. What, the budget's so tight they can't craft a courtroom set? Twenty years ago, when Thorne was accused of murdering model Ivana Vanderveld, he spent months in jail. Ridge even wore stripes when he took the rap for a teenage Rick, who had shot Grant Chambers while in a fugue state. With #JusticeforAly, all we get is people arguing about a video.

Yes, the video would probably be incriminating if Ivy went to the cops with it, and Steffy's fear that the video could go viral was an interesting touch. But even if there was no video, Ivy still witnessed Aly's supposed "merduh." Ivy doesn't need a video to report what she saw! And Steffy's right -- blackmail is also a crime. Now that Ivy seems poised to hold the video over Steffy's head forever, Steffy could turn the tables and turn Ivy in. Any of that would be more compelling soap than what we're getting.

Instead, Steffy again went to Wyatt and ordered him to delete any and all copies of Ivy's video. Check it: Ivy apparently has a "master file" on an upload service, which Wyatt didn't even have to hack into, and if you hit delete on that, every copy of the video, everywhere, is removed. Seriously? These days, a five-year-old with an iPhone could tell you that's not how it works! It was nice to see Steffy finally getting fed up and attempting to take charge, but it ended up being so much more hand-wringing.

We know that Steffy isn't going to the cops herself because she pitched the tire iron. Maybe that's not being mentioned because Steffy doesn't remember that, among other things. But Lt. Baker knows that Aly punctured Steffy's tire to lure Steffy to the side of the road. All of Aly's therapy records would be on file. And, as Liam even said, the video doesn't show everything. Yeah, Steffy might rock an orange jumpsuit for a while, but that video is not enough to stand up in court, and Steffy would certainly be acquitted. Yet Ivy's going around crowing that she's keeping Steffy out of jail by hanging on to the video.

We did briefly get to the core of Ivy's motivation -- wanting to get back at Liam because he threw her over for Steffy. Ivy told her ex she felt misled and unappreciated. The way Liam dogged her, Ivy has a legitimate gripe. Not so Wyatt; he's still torqued that he "lost" Steffy, despite the fact Wyatt and Steffy had no relationship and never even went out on a legitimate date. His hooking up with Ivy was just as instant, so I'm not buying this moral dilemma he's having about deleting the video and what it's going to do to her.

As the saying goes, defecate or rise up from the waste-removal device. Let's have Ivy go to the cops, or Steffy, or Thorne for that matter! I'm tired of Ivy channeling Aly and whining that Steffy gets away with everything. Ivy even balked at being sent to Monte Carlo for a photo shoot now that she's the New Face of Forrester because she thought Liam and Steffy were trying to get her out of the country! Some model. And now Steffy's promising Wyatt a position at the company if he deletes Ivy's video; of course Ivy walked in as he attempted it. Whoever invented the wheel would be proud of how much this story is going in circles.

And then there are the triangles! Mirroring Ridge's hand guidance with Caroline, she took Thomas' hand to fix up a design, causing him to have close-ups of her eyes and lips. When CaRidge did this last year, the TV almost burned up. Like most sequels, the Thomas/Caroline go-round didn't have the same impact; in fact, it was almost creepy. Why is Thomas so hung up on Caroline, anyway? Their hot and heavy moment was finding out Marcus was texting when he ran over Dayzee's friend Anthony (remember them?), and Caroline dumped Thomas for throwing Rick out a second-story window. Not exactly the stuff romantic longing is made of.

After talking with Brooke, who finally seems to be stepping into Stephanie's matriarch shoes (hope the pantsuits aren't next), we were led to believe Ridge was going home to tell Caroline he wanted a baby, after all, when psyche! -- Ridge dumped Caroline instead. Both Thorsten Kaye and Linsey Godfrey delivered compelling, totally natural performances as Ridge told Caroline he wouldn't be the one to give her a child. This is why CaRidge is the best couple on the show. Whether playfully painting each other or going through the emotional wringer, their chemistry is off the charts.

And all soap couples have to break up so that their reunion is that much sweeter. We know that. But it did get a little weird. Brooke suddenly showed up at Ridge's loft when she knew he was probably in the middle of making babies with Caroline! And Caroline suddenly remembered she had Pam's antianxiety meds in her purse. As soon as the namesake Spencer started poppin' 'em, all credibility flew out that hotel window. I'm sorry -- no matter how upset you are, would you take medicine from someone else's prescription? Probably not! Who knows what was in that bottle, or how Caroline's system might have reacted to it? Of course, this is B&B's go-to equation: pills + booze = bad news. That one's older than Thomas and Caroline themselves!

In 1988, Thorne was so hopped-up on drink and drug that he popped a cap into Ridge (because Ridge had smashed the original Caroline, who was smashed; sensing a theme here?). Last decade, Ridge slept with Brooke, who was also doped-up on antianxiety pills. Not long after that, Taylor gave Ridge some (unprescribed!) drugs of the same ilk then crawled into bed with him! It's been done, B&B. Our Caroline was freshly dumped. It's not like she needed chemical influencing to have sex with Thomas.

Poor Thomas, anyway -- seems he can't get a girl unless she's high as a kite. There's still that did-they-or-didn't-they encounter he and Brooke might have had while tripping on psychedelic berries, which is all I can think of whenever Thomas and Brooke have a scene together. Hearing how upset Caroline was, Thomas rushed to her hotel room, where they guzzled vino until everything echoed in stop-motion blur. I did rather like that effect.

I also have to say, Pierson Fod is really rocking it as Thomas. He's just the right combination of pretty and talented, and his balance while portraying Thomas as drunk was perfect. Thomas admitted he'd love another chance with Caroline then busted a move. And Caroline responded! Rut-ro! Five'll get you ten. Thomas is fertile as hell, which means Caroline's gonna be selfie-sticking with a baby in 2016!

And you know, I hate to say it, but Ridge deserves what he gets here. He won't be thrilled that his girlfriend had sex with his son, but who turned Caroline loose in the first place? Caroline was free to sleep with whomever she wanted as soon as Ridge showed her the door. Not to mention, there's that little matter of Ridge not telling Caroline he had a Parisian vasectomy the minute Caroline started talking about wanting kids! Oh, Ridge, that's almost up there with thinking it was okay to impregnate Morgan because Taylor supposedly told you to over an email.

Ridge admitted to Brooke, who knew he was hiding something (are we flirting with an ultimate Bridge reunion despite the recast?), that he thought the subject of his cut wires wouldn't come up; when it did, he'd felt setting Caroline free was the right thing to do. Question: did the subject of more kids never come up when Ridge was with Katie? I'm guessing Katie never knew about Ridge's vasectomy, either! But I digress.

So Caroline, not having all the information about her own breakup, woke up next to Thomas and freaked! (That wouldn't be my reaction if I woke up next to this Thomas, but I digress again.) No, seriously, the ensuing face-off between Caroline and Thomas was riveting and full of terrific acting, and it brought up questions about sexual consent. I know some of you are saying that Thomas raped Caroline. I can see how that conclusion might be drawn, but I don't think it's that cut-and-dried.

"How could you not know?" Caroline wailed as she described having washed down drugs with booze. "You kissed me back!" Thomas insisted as he described how Caroline had responded to his nuzzling. While Thomas should have known it wasn't the right time to have sex, especially as he was drunk himself, I don't think he's guilty of anything insidious; though Caroline didn't give her distinct consent, Thomas thought her response was a green light. It's not like he got on top of her and forced her to have sex. I may get flamed for that one, ladies, but that's what I'm seeing.

What I didn't see, however, was Thomas' recollection that he asked to show Caroline how much he cared about her. Yes, it was in the flashback, but it wasn't in the original scene that aired. Maybe it was part of a deleted/bonus scene, because in Tuesday's installment, Thomas told Caroline how talented she was, she said that was nice, and then no other words were spoken as he leaned down to kiss her. That's important. Is Thomas lying when he said "let me show you," or it is just a flaming red ball that the show somehow dropped?

Anyway, Caroline acted as if she'd been violated, which is again indicative of the moral ambiguity of their lovemaking and what makes this part of the story interesting, because there are no bad guys. They're both right, and they're both wrong. Caroline didn't have time to process it, though, because Ridge, having talked to Brooke about the possibility of reversing his vasectomy, called Caroline home and said, "Surprise! I didn't really want to break up so here's a bassinet and let's have a baby!" Caroline looked about as incredulous as I felt!

The one thing that does ring true is that Ridge and Caroline's feelings for each other are genuine, which just makes them that much easier to root for. But, ooh, this is gonna get messy. It's enough by itself that Ridge still didn't tell Caroline about the vasectomy, which means he'll also have to get it reversed in secret and hope that his plumbing will still be effective enough that Caroline can get pregnant. You don't need an interloper with a story like that.

But we have one. Ridge invited Thomas over for the express purpose of telling him he broke up with Caroline but now they're back together and they're gonna make babies! That was a bizarre contrivance just to get Thomas and Caroline in a room together. And oh, guess what else, son? I'm putting you on the design team so you and Caroline will be in each other's orbit even more!

Ridge is either blind or in denial, because Caroline's not even pregnant yet, and she looked like she was about to throw up. You know what's going to happen, right? Caroline will get a bun in the oven then Ridge will find out he can shoot nothing but blanks. And it will be nobody's fault but Ridge's! Sure, however Thomas and Caroline found themselves in bed is their responsibility, but Caroline can do a Ross from Friends and argue, "We were on a break! We were on a break!" Because Ridge and Caroline were. And Ridge, with his secret vasectomy, has nothing to say about it!

Will we also find out Rick and Maya went to the moon and brought back footage? Will #JusticeforAly ever involve anything but Ivy's footage? And is CaRidge, the best thing B&B has had going for a year, ruined beyond repair? Share your thoughts with us in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

• "The Ivy personality switch isn't that shocking. It's what Bell does when it comes to forcing the audience to back Steffy. BTW...if she tells Ivy to 'let this go' one more time I will scream. She hit someone with a tire iron. There's no letting it go! Can we please let this snoozeworthy LEFFY go already? Let Steffy leave Liam for Bill and give Liam a drug habit instead of a girl for a change." -- Soapstef

• "Talk, talk, talk...get over the murder thing. I'm sick of it..." -- Mac

• "When is Steffy going to remember that she threw the tire iron to the side of the ditch? Why haven't the cops found it with both Steffy and Aly's fingerprints on it? When is the storyline going to be over with?" -- Barbara

I don't know, Barbara, but the presence of Aly's fingerprints is a very good point. Just the kinds of points we make here with Points to Ponder!

All I could think of with Rick and Maya going to Copenhagen is that Bridget lived there while she was studying to become a doctor... Confronted as to when Ivy would stop tormenting Steffy with the video, Ivy told Liam, "It ends when Steffy admits murdering Aly!" Again, Ivy knows about Aly's hate board and that Aly had gone off the deep end; that's why Ivy followed Aly out to the Pacific Coast Highway in the first place! So why does Ivy refuse to view self-defense as a possibility? Though Ivy made sense when she added, "If [Steffy] is innocent, why does she care about the video?"

Caroline bought a baby gift for Meriah, whom she supposedly knew in high school. Caroline was raised in New York; did Meriah move out to Los Angeles as well?... Wasn't it so Brooke when she heard Ridge had dumped Caroline and asked, "What did Caroline do?"... Pam popped in to tell Thomas about the meeting. Does she really not realize her prescription antianxiety meds are missing?

Thomas had far too many flashbacks of his encounter with Caroline; we only get 19 minutes of the show max; why fill it with filler?... Thomas figured out that Ridge had confided in Brooke without much provocation. Maybe Thomas and his former stepmother/fellow plane crash survivor remain telepathically linked by the psychedelic berries!

Still can't believe B&B messed with my CaRidge. It's MERDUH! 'Til next time, keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold!

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