A few too many

Brooke may have attracted attention by chugging down anything fermented, but other Los Angeles residents behaved as if they were under the influence, too. Donna couldn't decide which of her sister's former relationships to support. Eric gave his gun-toting son a free pass. And Steffy rolled just like the woman she's always despised! Intoxicating or incredible? Get on the wagon with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Was your celebration a cause for concern? Did you discipline your unruly child with a Nerf bat? Was your karaoke pick "reunited and it feels so good"? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer clan this week!

Surprise, Scoopers! The role of Chanel is now being played by...well, me. But you're a soap fan -- you can handle high-profile recasts! Our familiar faces at B&B, however, aren't handling anything too well, which is what makes it a soap. It's just that I think some wires got crossed somewhere, because Brooke's blitzed behavior seemed almost rational compared to what some of her friends, relatives, and exes were up to. Let's see who spiked the punch in this week's Two Scoops!

"We need Steffy and Thomas' shares!" Wyatt exclaimed. Much as I love the Spencer boys functioning as the Dynamic Duo (which one's Robin?), this whole takeover plot has me saying, "Holy implausibilities, Batman!" At least Wyatt asked if there was any other option besides Liam obtaining Steffy's 25% share of Forrester; Liam replied, "Ridge might [sell to me] if Steffy and Thomas do." But, as I said last week, the Spencers shouldn't even be throwing this party.

Assuming shareholders have any power over Rick's "irrevocable CEO" contract (Ridge wanted to amass the shareholders to oust Rick with a vote of no confidence; why didn't he do that as soon as Rick took control?), Ridge and Eric pooling their shares gives them 57.5%. Hell, Steffy could join forces with her father, brother, and ex-lover, and they'd have 62.5%! Liam and Wyatt aren't needed in this equation, and that's why I can't take this saga seriously. It's only a ploy to put Steffy in Liam's orbit.

Meanwhile, Rick called Ivy's jewelry "something a soccer mom would buy" and chortled when Aly tripped while modeling her shoe design. (Maybe he was reacting to her calling the pump "the Aly.") And Aly, who once complained of being bullied in school, navely interpreted Rick's smiles as approval of her work. That was nothing, of course, compared to Rick saying "the girl fell from the stupid tree" because she's a product of Thorne and Darla.

Nice that Thorne got a mention, but it's too bad Darla's floating basketball head didn't show up for some paranormal payback. And Maya's like those bitchy popular girls in Heathers, going along with every nasty thing Rick says. He's CEO, and "who says we can't have fun reminding them?" I don't understand what's driving Rick now. Before, he was acting from his sense of betrayal regarding Caroline, but now it just seems he's drunk with power.

This impaired thinking was more literal for his mother, who was marinating herself in Champagne at Bill's wedding. When Bill asked his ex if she could rein Rick in, Brooke slurred, "Why would I want to do that?" Seriously? Rick has a history of putting fugue-state bullets in people, and she won't intervene? Those are truly the words of a woman who is toasted like a Subway sandwich, but let's backtrack for a moment and see how she got that way.

Highly suspenseful music underscored Brooke waking up with a bottle next to her on the couch! Surely this means Miss Logan is in peril! And maybe that would fit if Brooke had been descending into alcoholism for more than a day. She had one drunken night, and we're being told to take it as if she has a serious problem. You know what would have worked? If Brooke had slugged one back right before leaving for Milan; then we could infer she's been boozing for months.

But Brooke didn't start drowning her sorrows until after she came back. She's alone, so alone...yet she was without a man during her whole four-month stay in Milan and didn't drink to cope with it. Watching Brooke down breakfast shots and hide her bottle makes me feel like we skipped over a huge chunk of this story. Katie must have knocked some back, too, because she came over asking Brooke to be her maid of honor!

I understand that Katie wants to heal her family. Not only were Bill and Donna scratching their heads over that one, but Brooke rightly pointed out, "I don't deserve it; I caused you a lot of pain." And that was with Brooke being three sheets to the wind! Donna may have dipped into the bubbly a little early as well. How else to explain her telling Katie, "I like that Bill finally came to his senses" the day after telling Brooke, "You're still in love with the groom!" And don't forget, Donna just shipped Bridge last week. What up, Donna?

Katie and Deacon separately pointed out that Brooke "doesn't do well without a man." True, Brooke has rarely flown solo for any length of time. Even Bill, albeit a bit hypocritically, remarked that "being single isn't exactly a death sentence." If the endgame here is only that Brooke turns to the bottle, I'm going to be very disappointed.

We need to see the perpetually scandalized Brooke emerge from this, standing strong and maybe even looking into exactly why she can't function without a man. If she doesn't grow from this, then these developments are merely plot-driven for the sake of seeing one of the show's remaining two original characters stagger around the room. And Brooke did plenty of that at Bill and Katie's wedding.

I couldn't get caught up in the "romance" of Batie 2.0, no matter how everyone talked about forgiveness. Let's recap: Bill cheated on Katie twice; he almost left her for Steffy, and that was way before Brooke. Bill minimized Katie's concerns about his drinking and temper. His plot against Katie's niece ventured into the illegal. Bill locked heart patient Katie in a tower when she was about to expose him; I can't say that enough. And then, Bill seduced Katie into signing control of Spencer back to him!

Did Bill acknowledge any of this in his vows? No. I'll grant that Bill does seem different lately, but watching this wedding was like watching a woman marry her abuser. Maybe I'm hyper-sensitive to that, having witnessed this in my own family; I just can't condone this remarriage, not even because the now-talking Will has his parents back together. I want to see Katie lock Bill in a tower the next time he acts up, which he will. That might help even things out for me.

Katie's moment of sobriety came when she noticed that sober was one thing her eldest sister was not. It didn't get by the wedding guests, either, when Brooke stumbled down the aisle and made giggling asides while Carter (who else) officiated the ceremony. I have to admit, Brooke's sass amused me, particularly when it came to Ridge and Caroline. "You sure I can leave you two kiddies unsupervised?" Brooke snickered as she dismissed her destiny, this after joking to her sisters about Ridge's midlife crisis and arm candy. I think I like Brooke better this way!

Across town at Quinn Artisan Jewelers, Ms. Fuller told Deacon that "someone's got to make a living," despite playing solitaire last week because there was "no work." But even that was better than Quinn's neverending nudnicking about Brooke. Maybe Quinn needs to hash this out in the therapy she didn't get. Quinn's going to push Deacon into Brooke's arms, for sure. And then Quinn will only have herself to whip.

My heart did warm at Bill including his sons in his wedding ceremony, and it was killer continuity for Liam and Wyatt to toast to Will having "the family his big brothers wished for him." Wow! But did you see how bummed out Wyatt was during the wedding overall? He feels alone, Brooke feels alone...wouldn't that make for one helluva affair? I know; it's not like this show needs more lover-swapping among parents and children. But the idea of a Wyatt/Brooke pity party still intrigues me.

The next day, at Forrester, the hallways were buzzing about the return of Eric. Ridge and Caroline were confident -- perhaps too confident -- that Eric would pull rank on Raging Rick. Um, wasn't that the point of Rick tricking Eric into signing that "irrevocable CEO" contract? Eric's hands are tied, and I'm not even sure what he's doing back, except that I love seeing John McCook on my screen.

The idea of daddy doling out the discipline had Rick cold sober and taking responsibility for his dastardly behavior left and right. Jacob Young really let Rick's walls drop; it was great to see that the real Rick was still behind them somewhere. Rick realized that Eric purposely caught him off guard, leading Rick to admit to his stone-faced dad how he moved Maya into the mansion and replaced Stephanie's portrait.

Eric remained unmoved as Rick admitted he had done things he was ashamed of, not letting his son off the hook about "this business with the handgun." Eric looked ready to lay down some serious smackdown! But then Eric whipped out Forrester's quarterly report -- the numbers were unexpectedly high! Eric wasn't angry with Rick at all. He was happy for his son, proud of him, and in awe! Eric must have socked away more booze than Brooke to come up with that!

I can't remember the last time I was so disillusioned with a B&B character. Eric has always tried to be the family peacekeeper, often erring too far on the side of neutrality. But this? Rick shot at people; surely Eric remembers that the last time Rick packed heat, Ridge went to jail to protect him. Eric should have come back with James Warwick in tow then combined his shares with Ridge and Steffy, using that 82.5% to remove Rick from the CEO seat. Instead, Eric gives Rick a slap on the hand.

Maya must have been drunk on something, too, because she pooh-poohed Rick taking a step back and asking, "How bad have I been?" by co-signing his badness! Rick gave Maya an opening; if she really loved him, she should have jumped on this chance to help him reform. By the way, where the hell is Maya's sister, Nicole? She should be front-and-center in this takeover story by now; instead, she was sidelined after one episode. What was the point of bringing her on?

Our final contestant in this drunk-without-drinking showcase is Steffy, who tried to get Liam intoxicated on her sweet, sweet nectar. Amazingly, Liam, who's usually like a dog that runs in whatever direction someone throws a stick, stuck to his guns about his commitment to Ivy even as Steffy brought out her big guns in a slinky bikini. Liam even told Steffy he'd learned to know his own mind in her absence. Her kisses were still sweet, but, "I'm just not as easily led by them as I used to be." Did you evah!

Steffy, however, continued partying like it was 2011, working her considerable mojo on Liam the same way she did when he was first with Hope. I'm sorry; I don't find that entertaining. I also can't believe Steffy's being so selfish -- Rick has her family's company in a stranglehold, but she'll only help if Liam comes back to her. The last time Forrester was otherwise occupied, Steffy wasted no time blackmailing Bill to regain control. Why is now different?

Gotta say, this is not Steffy's best look. She's reverted to acting like Brooke, the very woman she's always claimed to hate, by wearing next to nothing and kissing a man who insists he's committed to someone else. And Ivy, who boasted she was comfortable in Liam's devotion, walked in to see Steffy throwing herself on top of him! Will Ivy respond by throwing a boomerang at Steffy? (Australian stereotype, I know, but the visual is so much fun. Boing!)

February sweeps are almost over! What's had you swept up, and what would you just as soon see swept away? Tell us all about it in the Comments section below, on the Soap Central message boards, or by simply clicking here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column -- like these!

• "Right on point with Scoops. Not impressed with the women on [B&B] right now. They're not empowering by any means and it's tough to watch. To think I was highly anticipating Brooke and Steffy's returns only to see they simply came back to steal men already committed to someone else. Basically to stir up lots of drama!" -- MJ

• "I cannot handle how Eric is so supportive of Rick being a tyrant. He was smarter before he went on vacation." -- Chantell

• "OMG I can't believe what [B&B has] done now. Eric rewards his son for the terror he has caused everyone. How moral is he and his son and [Maya]? I have come to dislike this soap so much...what is this show's immoral attitude teaching our kids?" -- Cheryl

• "[It] would be awesome...if Steffy was pursued by a man [for once] instead of the other way around." -- Kathy

That would be novel! And it may take a novel to chronicle this week's Points to Ponder:

"Two adulterers going to a wedding," Rick scoffed as he imagined Ridge and Caroline attending Batie's ceremony. Someone needs to put a mirror in that CEO office. By the way, if everybody's had it with Rick's bullying, why don't they walk out? They're Forresters; only Oliver actually needs a salary... Rick has made much noise about what a kick-ass CEO he is. So why didn't he know about the quarterly report until Eric showed it to him?

Wedding questions: why was Aly, who has no connection to Bill or Katie, in attendance? Why wasn't Will, who is old enough now, there to see his parents remarry? Where did the music come from? Why were Ridge and Caroline getting ready at Forrester, and are we really to believe that Rick gave everyone the day off to go to a wedding?

Deacon said that Brooke had no one to turn to. This when she has two sisters and three adult children, plus Eric's always ready to lend an ear... Quinn decided to brush off "OPP: Other People's Problems." Ms. Fuller needs to go back and listen to the Naughty By Nature song again: "OPP" stands for "Other People's Property..."

What, Eric, no luv for Number One son Ridge these days? He blasted Ridge for his bad behavior with Caroline and for betraying Rick -- yet Eric, who had quite the revolving door of his own women, doesn't have room to talk... Maya's enjoying being a bitch these days, but she did have the best line. Taunting Caroline about Ridge, Maya popped off with "How bright does your future look with a man whose neckties are older than you?" Bazinga!

Chanel truly will Scoop for you next week, which means I will be back March 9. Keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold!

What are your thoughts on ? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.