Musical chairs, lovers, and enemies

Los Angeles residents have taken the game of Musical Chairs to the next level. Not only are corporate seats up for grabs by the fastest squatting assets, but new lovers and enemies are getting snatched off the market, too. Unfortunately, in musical chairs, someone's always left without a seat. So Two Scoopers, grab your bowls, enjoy the tunes, and at the end of each round, predict who wins a seat and who's left standing on the Bold and the Beautiful.

After digging bullets out of the walls at Forrester, Charlie decided that music is the best therapy and might help those around him air out some grievances. He enlisted some of his contacts at Spencer Publications to get the L.A. residents a deejay request session with Othello.

The phone lines blew up with requests from the Spencer and Forrester clans. I managed to get in some of my own requests, and hopefully, you'll find the picks apropos to this week's plots.

I'm too sexy for my land, New York, and Li-ammm.

This song goes out from me to all of our L.A. fashion heads but especially Steffy Forrester, who rolled into town, looking too sexy for even herself. Ivy had better look into a little weave and white eyeliner if she expects to keep her chair in this game -- especially now that Steffy's feelings are out there in the atmosphere for absorption by Liam's single-celled brain.

Steffy's attractive, assertive, determined, vulnerable, and exploding with storyline potential. Too bad they've wasted most of her airtime so far rehashing the same crap for the umpteenth time.

How many times do we need a recap with each and every character about Rick and the rocker he fell off? I would have been satisfied with a quick, "You heard about Rick, right? Caroline and Ridge? The portrait? Good. On with the plot," instead of wasting precious screen time that could have gone to Steffy exploding on Rick, Steffy dismounting and displacing Maya, or Steffy and Ivy having a real conversation about Liam.

We didn't get those scenes, but we had to sit through Steffy's rows with Caroline and Ridge. And trust me, not a single person called the request line to hear one note of that hypocritical, self-righteous Yakety Yak Steffy was talking regarding Caroline and Ridge.

Caroline and Ridge were too sexy to even listen to it. The whole time Steffy was barking at Ridge, the look on his face was singing, "Yakety yak, Yakety yak! -- Don't talk back!"

I don't blame Ridge for silently humming the tune and retreating to his sketchpad during the rant. Why should he or Caroline give a damn about what Steffy thinks? It's not like Steffy gave a damn when Ridge told her to stop flouncing around with Rick -- who was at least eighteen when Steffy was born. Steffy didn't bat an eye when Ridge was upset about her busting open coats and revealing bustiers for Bill Spencer, whose sons are around her age.

"It's not technically incest, but it's enough to turn the average person's stomach," Steffy said about Ridge and Caroline. If Ridge dating his deceased wife's niece turns stomachs, what does Steffy sucking face with Bill and then marrying Bill's son turn -- the average person's esophagus?

I think Steffy's about to lose her musical enemies round because, unlike Ridge who suffers from Bill-dropped-on-head syndrome, Caroline recalls perfectly well Steffy's raunchy romp with Bill and didn't hesitate to use it during the women's East Coast-West Coast feud in the CEO's office.

West Coast Steffy struck first, leaving East Coast Caroline insulted by Steffy saying Caroline was from New York. Steffy asked what would make her okay with her father dating a woman her age. "Just how well do you know my uncle, Steffy?" was Caroline's biting counterstrike.

Steffy's problem here is that she fails to admit how similar the women's relationships with older men are, thus how similar Caroline and Steffy are. And who is Steffy to try to diagnosis Caroline with daddy issues -- Taylor Junior?

Steffy fell for the married Bill through corporate chemistry. The married Caroline fell for Ridge through design chemistry. The difference in the affairs is that, in the beginning of Steffy and Bill's, Steffy tried to jump on Bill's pole faster than a hard-working stripper, but Bill kept her at bay. Given the chance, Ridge would devour Caroline before she can even ask, "Dine in or takeout?"

You know it's true. We all saw the sex-starved man on top of Caroline's table, sucking up the free biscuits before Rick shot at them. And on Friday, Ridge resorted to Titanic movie-scene schemes to get Caroline naked -- and it worked!

Steffy needs to stay focused on stopping the Forrester tyrant and stomping her heels all over Maya, who thinks she's too sexy for her job description. Maya's a model, "you know what I mean? She does her little turn on the catwalk... She shakes her little tush on the catwalk." That means her little tush has no business in the CEO's office, attempting to fire the lead designer!

The writers are correct to keep Maya off canvas and out of the eyesight of Steffy, whose Eye of the Tiger glare might explode Maya out of those ugly, tan, patent-leather shoes she had the nerve to pair with that red teddy the other week.

Maya easily throws her yakety yak at Rick's pee-ons, who have to take it or be banished forthwith from the kingdom of Rick, but he has no control over Steffy. I'm drooling to see if the evil-doer duo can handle Steffy unplugged. The top scene on my wish list is Steffy's namesake kneeing Eric's namesake in the groin right after taking the business from him.

What is your opinion of this round of musical chairs, enemy edition? Will Steffy get to battle Rick or Maya before she heads out of town? Or just like Nicole, will Rick only hear about Steffy's visit? What will become of Steffy's protest against Caroline and Ridge, and does Steffy even have a stiletto to stand on due to her history with Bill?

You have no right to ask me how I feel. You have no right to speak to me so kind. We can't go on just hold onto ties, now that we're living separate lives...

Steffy dedicated this song to Liam, and it succinctly describes what Liam is doing to Steffy. I never championed Steffy in her romance with Liam, but I felt every hesitant word, taciturn step, and lamenting gaze that she said, took, and gave from the moment she landed on the cliff house's front stoop. I found myself angry at Liam for attempting to use his charm, their friendship, and his willful ignorance of her feelings to con her into selling her shares.

It really sticks in the craw that the first time Liam reaches out to Steffy, it's to use her. As well as he claims to know his "best friend," he should have been able to read, from the moment she stepped in the door, that she still loves him and would take him back "just like that!"

You know what? Liam does know it, and he's using it, which makes him scum.

Steffy not only had to hear about Liam taking up with her cousin, but she had to smile about it. She had to see Ivy's pictures, which had replaced hers, around the house. I guess she knows firsthand how Stephanie's portrait feels. By the way, who the hell took that picture of Ivy and Liam on that boat in Amsterdam? Maybe it was Hope with her laser-zoom evil eyeball just before she blurred up with tears.

Steffy handled things gracefully, bowing out of Ivy's dinner and heading over to Forrester to survey Rick's kingdom. Steffy's in a good place. She's even opened communications with Hope, even though I have no clue what they talked about. I'm not sure what Steffy meant by "certain subjects" not coming up with Hope. Was that the miscarriages or Liam?

Whether Steffy still works at International is unclear. What's crystal clear to all less dense than Liam is that she loves him just as she did the day she left him in Hope's incapable hands. As strong as Steffy is, she shouldn't have to be as strong as Liam is pressuring her to be about working with him.

Hope conditioned Liam to believe it's okay to work with your ex-lover. Before Hope shoved Wyatt and the diamond down his throat, Liam had been thoroughly against ex-lovers working with each other day-in-and-day-out. One would think this recent problem with Caroline would have been another example to him of why people with chemistry shouldn't work in close quarters.

But Liam doesn't get it. He thinks he and Steffy can run Forrester as friends. I'd like to know at what time ever in Forrester history a man and woman ran that company as friends? You have to be married or be lovers. That's rule number one. Stephanie and Eric ran it. Brooke and Grant ran it. Bill and Katie ran it. Eric wanted Ridge and Brooke to run it, and then Rick and Caroline when Ridge didn't work out. If you run Forrester with a woman, that woman will run your house and bed.

So far, Steffy's taking the mature route. She's being honest and open. Liam, on the other hand, is being dumber than Donna. Either that, or he is so far over Steffy that he's not even in the same stratosphere to consider the feelings that had once been between them.

Steffy blew it a little by telling Liam not to take Ivy to Aspen because it was Steffy and Liam's place. Liam already took Hope to Aspen and had her in the same house that Steffy and Liam had been in. Liam gave Steffy some stupid lines about her being everywhere -- in the house, at the beach, and under the toilet seats. But if it were true, he wouldn't have had Hope living in his house, and he wouldn't be sleeping with Ivy in the same damn bedroom.

I'm glad Steffy discovered that she's too sexy for Liam's plan. It's not going to go as he thinks. But, if Steffy wants her man back, she ought to go ahead and work with him -- under the condition that she buy the Spencer stocks.

What do you scoopers think? Is Phil Collins right when he sings, "It's so typical...love leads to isolation?" Should Steffy take his advice about building a wall against Liam? Does Liam have no right to proposition her with this working relationship hell, or can Steffy work with Liam and avoid his relationship with Ivy? This round, my advice to Steffy is to continue living separate lives.

You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you.

Several females called in to dedicate this song to Dollar Bill Spencer, but one caller, Brooke Logan, added a special message for Bill. It reads, "Are you too vain to see that I left the country for months just to make your stalker ego break up with me?"

Maya said that Rick moved mountains to put her and Rick together, but Bill was ready to kill -- albeit inadvertently -- to be with Brooke. He'd surrendered his company, too. He took her to the Middle East to tell her that she was the only woman in the world who appreciated him and understood him for who he was. Before taking off to Milan, Brooke told him there might be two women like that in the world, and he needed to look again at his ex-wife.

After a Brooke draught, Bill suddenly wanted Katie back. Katie was again his perfect partner who inspired him to be what she believed he could be. So, instead of being himself with Brooke, he's back to being someone else with Katie.

Bill went to see Brooke "to break it off" the other week, but he sounded more like a hurt teenager who already knew he'd been dumped. He seemed to be saving face by being the one to verbalize it when she'd been waiting for her abrupt departure and months without communication to do the trick. He declared that he was done fighting for her, but what he was really done with was fighting against her breaking up with him.

Bill's version of the breakup: when telling Liam about the engagement, Bill said, "I'm don't want to flatter myself, but it's going to be a struggle for [Brooke] to see me become a married man again."

Who do you declare the winners of this musical mates game? Did Katie win by getting her man back, or did Brooke win by finally breaking free of Bill?

Whooa, here she comes. Watch out, boy -- she'll chew you up!

The dedications of this much-requested song all came with warnings about Brooke Logan, who apparently thinks she can have a man back "just like that. Just like that. Just-like-that."

For some reason, Quinn thinks Brooke's after Deacon, a man who hasn't been on Brooke's radar for decades. In fact, Brooke tried not to laugh when Quinn warned her to back off on Friday. Even after all the reassurances and carats Bill gave Katie, she still went to Brooke to make absolutely sure that Brooke didn't want to ride the stallion one more time. Katie can pack away her insecurities, and Quinn can tuck away the daggers, because Brooke's back on Ridge's scent.

It is kind of weird to see Brooke try to seduce Ridge with dinner versus an office lingerie party. Brooke used her other favorite weapon in the battle for Ridge -- R.J. She dragged him into it by setting up a family dinner. Ridge has no idea that he's on Brooke's menu.

This musical partners game is pretty straightforward. Will history win out over Ridge's newfound passions? Brooke's been serving up the same dish for years. Will she lose her chef's hat to a cook with new tricks?

Brooke claims to be coming between Caroline and Ridge just to "teach that little girl" a lesson. I kind of hope Ridge turns it on her some way to get power away from Rick. Brooke says it's about what Caroline did to Rick, but could it be about Brooke making sure her sex appeal hasn't expired? Time will tell if Brooke's a maneater with real teeth or dentures.

I'm a boss. I call the shots. I call the cost. Yeah, I'm the king, now where's my crown?

Rick called the request line and dedicated this song to himself, hoping to instill the fear of Rick into the entire world. Rick's really smelling himself lately, and it all stinks.

Caroline gave Rick the stinky face several times this week, the first of which came when he had the nerve to compare her to that cradle-robbing, baby-stealing tramp Amber. Only garbage should be compared to Amber. He got the face again from when Caroline looked at him like he was crazy for saying Wyatt was wrong to think he had a job to come back to. Lastly, he got the stinky face from Caroline when he told Aly, "Way to kiss up to the boss for that new shoe line."

Rick better watch it before he winds up on some corner, shining shoes from Aly's new shoe line. He's so blinded by himself that he can't even see the Spencer coup on the horizon. Maya's so loyal; Maya's so honest. Let's see if she hands over her pimp money when she has to turn tricks after Steffy tosses their butts out of the mansion.

I'm anxious to learn who will be the downfall of Rick Forrester. Rick's bitter about Wyatt burning bridges, but Rick has obliterated roadways, waterways, and airways. He has no allies but Brooke and Maya. While his enemies are mounting forces to march on his gates, Brooke's planning a Ridge takeover, and Maya's licking Rick's toes, not even caring that he shot off a gun in the office.

This song goes out to Rick Forrester from Wyatt Spencer. The "clean" edit goes a little something like this: "You lil dumbass trick, I'm not dealing with you. I got a million, trillion things that I'd rather diddly-do than to be dealing with you."

This week's standing ovation goes to Wyatt Spencer. The last one I gave him was when he went off on Hope in Amsterdam. When she off-screen divorced him, I hope he played the same song for her in Milan and turned up the volume on the lyrics, "I don't give a damn about you or anything that you do."

When Wyatt appeared in Los Angeles this week, he looked as if he'd flown home commercial with a thorn in his crotch the whole ride back. Rick, who tried to act like Jesus on judgment day, asked Wyatt, "I'm sorry -- do I know you?" when Wyatt walked into the CEO's office. Rick was probably silently grinning, knowing all along he'd grounded the Forrester jet to keep Wyatt from using it.

I'm sorry, Rick. Accusing you of this probably isn't the way to kiss up to you for a Two Scoops T-shirt line, is it? But I do suspect Rick of flight sabotage, even if it's not in the plot. How else did he know about the divorce? I didn't even know about it, and I watched Wednesday's episode three times!

While Wyatt was making his first big mistake against Rick by visiting Quinn instead of going directly to his Forrester cell without passing "go" or collecting $200, Wyatt told Quinn and Deacon that Hope hadn't come back with him, and the warehouse loft was the last place on earth she'd be. "Maybe you put too high a value on her. Maybe she put to low a value on you," Quinn told Wyatt.

Deacon wanted them all to get beyond it. Deacon's words weren't helpful for Wyatt, who has to live with his guilt that his inaction or late actions caused the miscarriage, which ruined his marriage. Maybe Wyatt can move on if he accepts the words that came out of his mouth. "If she wanted to be with me, she would be with me," he declared.

For some reason, Wyatt felt as if he'd been chewed up and spit out by the Forrester family. He claimed that he was going to go to work, do his job, and keep his head down. Well, that lasted only about .000001 seconds after Rick opened his mouth about Wyatt's mistake number two -- assuming that there was still a job Wyatt could keep his head down while doing.

Rick berated his brother-in-law for being gone too long trying to save his marriage and trying to help Rick's sister grieve the loss of Rick's nephew. Steffy must have slipped me one of her crazy pills, because I felt myself floating over the cuckoo's nest as I absorbed how coldly Rick treated the man who had committed his life to Rick's sister.

Rick wanted Wyatt to work overtime to make up for not being there, but who punches clocks at Forrester? Rick also claims that HFTF is in a holding pattern -- as if Wyatt's job had any bearing on that. Wyatt works with jewelry, not clothes.

Wyatt is not about that plantation life, and he went all Lesley Gore on Rick, saying, "You don't own me..." Wyatt told Rick not today or ever for that overtime crap, and Wyatt became the first emancipated Forrester employee.

When Wyatt quit, Rick's expression belied Rick's confidence. The look said Rick feared that he'd made his first mistake. What do you scoopers think? Was firing Wyatt a mistake, or was Rick's serious when saying Wyatt had burned his last bridge with Rick?

While Wyatt was in the Spencer elevator, bobbing his head to Big Sean's song, he heard two requests on Othello's DJ line come in for him. The James Bond 007 original theme came from Liam, and Bill dedicated the theme song to Mission Impossible. Little did Wyatt know, his new mission will require him to take his pride and self-worth down to a value too low for even the Priceline Negotiator to match.

"Beg if you have to," Bill said as he handed Wyatt the mission-impossible task of getting his job back at Forrester. Liam stressed that Wyatt had to infiltrate Forrester like a 007 Spencer and gather intelligence for his and Bill's Pinky and the Brain scheme to take over Forrester with too few shares, and all because Bill can't help but alienate the one man with the shares they need for the takeover -- Ridge.

Wyatt took the assignment, but what do you guys think his chances are of getting his musical chair at Forrester back? I predict some toilet scrubbing in Wyatt's future.

Bonnie's Raitt's song went out over the airwaves, dedicated to Brooke from a man who sounded a lot like Ridge. The man insisted that Othello change the title of the song to "You Can't Make Me Want You, If I Don't -- and Dinner with R.J. Won't Work, Either."

Othello couldn't rename the song, but he offered to play Soft Cell's Tainted Love for Brooke instead. Ridge was pleased upon hearing the lyrics, "Once I ran to you. Now I run from you!"

Caroline dedicated the same song to Norman-Bates Rick and his taxidermy-brained mother to get them to see that she'd given up on Rick. Though Rick had taken up with Maya and divorced Caroline, Brooke ordered him and Caroline to kiss and make up and told Maya to run along and play boss elsewhere.

What Brooke needs to do is take herself down to loss prevention to see if anyone had located her ever-loving mind. Just because Brooke took Ridge back fresh from Taylor's bed, and vice versa, doesn't mean that Caroline plays musical beds like that. Besides, Caroline's getting a portrait of her own commissioned, and it will be hanging right over Ridge's bed.

A real-life bulletin interrupted the request line to report on a car accident involving Linsey Godfrey. Godfrey was apparently hit by a car that jumped over a sidewalk, and the impact sprained both of her ankles. How do you scoopers think this real-life event will affect the current storylines? Seems that Caroline has a whole lot of sitting down in her future, and maybe Rick will be the cause of Caroline's onscreen injuries -- should the writers pen them into the script.

With all these musical games up in the air from owner's seats to love seats, I'm anxious to see who'll be snuggled together for Valentine's Day. Friday the Thirteenth happens first, so I wouldn't be surprised if there's a little horror mixed with the romance -- especially if Quinn's in the mix. Let me know your Valentine's Day predictions, and until next time, keep it Bold and Beautiful, Baby!

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