Middle East meddling, or, all that money Dubai

Bill and Brooke frolicked in the United Arab Emirates. Quinn showed Ridge a selfie of herself frolicking with Bill. And Ridge frolicked overseas to stop Brooke's wedding! Get a look at B&B's history-making, 'oh-so-sheik' location shoot with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you take on a new career as a tour guide? Was your selfie selfish? Did you cross the globe to give someone their just "deserts"? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer clan this week!

Well, that's it for May Sweeps, Scoopers! Gotta admit it -- the footage of B&B's remote in Dubai and Abu Dhabi was sumptuous. Considering that not long ago, location shoots were limited to Aspen, this is quite a change! I mean, you really felt you were there -- in stunning HD, of course. The reason we visited: Brooke's latest wedding, this time to Bill. And Quinn, 2013's Busybody of the Year, bucked for this year's title as well by sending Ridge on a wild camel chase! Let's use our Scoops for that sand and get started!

Okay, Ridge, we get it: you don't want Bill around R.J. But the former Speedo King also felt that Bill had given the boy a Spencer sword necklace just to "use him against me." Now who's got the ego? No, Bill just likes the idea of having progeny to mold in his image, and R.J. is just the latest in a long line. Katie got an earful about it, though, which she then relayed to Donna. Poor Donna. Is she ever actually going to get a storyline?

Ridge then stormed in on Quinn and Wyatt, yapping about their jewelry not being good enough for the couture line as if he were suddenly interested. Why does he only now give a crap about Quinn Artisan Jewelers? And wasn't this couture line supposed to be rebooted a couple of months ago? Quinn rightly surmised that Ridge wasn't as upset about necklaces as he was about Brooke marrying an infidel. So Quinn got right to work...on everything except work, that is.

I discovered something this week. I like Wyatt far better when he's not anywhere near Hope or Liam. You get the feeling Wyatt's been the parent all along, being the voice of reason while Quinn rationalizes everything she does. It's just that the mother-son discussions got pretty repetitive. Wyatt knew Quinn would do something crazy, and, of course, she did. Who sends a half-naked photo through company email? In most jobs, that alone would get you fired, "accident" or no "accident!"

Quinn stated the selfie was proof of Bill's lack of devotion to Brooke. Oh, Quinn, sweetie. You could have snapped that while Bill was sleeping or drugged; even Katie and Ridge discussed that possibility! And why should Brooke care? She was marrying Ridge when that was taken, and with Brooke's track record, she doesn't have much room to talk. All the madness this week centered around Quinn putting in her two megabytes, but this plot point doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Meanwhile, in Dubai, Bill told Brooke all about the hotspot as if he had a second home there, and even Brooke rattled off some fun facts. I realize it's a way to explain the locale's highlights to us uninformed viewers, but it's so corny. Ridge and Brooke did the same thing in Puglia, Italy, two summers ago. How about giving our characters a tour guide so the information doesn't sound so forced?

We also learned that habibi and habibti are Arabic terms of endearment; they got a little overused but were better than Bill making horse noises again. As I watched Brill's desert dallying, I couldn't help thinking that, on the surface, it all seemed very romantic. It's just that they're hard to accept as a couple, between their dubious beginnings and Brooke being ready to remarry Ridge just months ago. Not to mention, how Brooke booted Bill for screwing Katie over with the papers. Now it's love?

Ridge had similar sentiments as he decried Brooke of Arabia, until suddenly Eric popped off with, "You can't stand the idea of Brooke being married to anyone but you!" Zing! Eric must read my columns, because I said almost exactly that in my last one. Look at the history: Ridge stopped Brooke from marrying James Warwick in 1994; in 1997, he tried and failed to keep Brooke from exchanging vows with Grant Chambers. In 2004, he similarly crashed her nuptials to Nick! See the pattern?

Eric reminded Ridge that he and Brooke loved each other and that other lovers have only ever been bumps in their road. Is Eric right? Have Katie and Bill, respectively, been diversions to give us time to adjust to Thorsten Kaye as Ridge before effecting a Bridge reunion? Hard to say, but Ridge flipped open his laptop, and there was Quinn's sexy selfie, though she apparently sent it the night before, as everyone was in different clothes. Ridge really waited all night and into the next day to check his work messages?

Was Ridge upset that Quinn used business communications to deliver inappropriate content? No, he was upset that Bill had fooled around on "the mother of my child," believing Quinn's assertion that she and Bill had had "an affair." True to form, he went on a mission to find Bill and Brooke's secret wedding location. How could he? It was so secret, even Brooke didn't know where it was! But Ridge made one phone call, got the info, and jumped on a plane. He must have gone to 007 school while in Paris.

Quinn loved upsetting the apple cart, and decided to have a Throwback Thursday of her own (even though it was Wednesday), with flashbacks of her good old days with Brad -- I mean, Bill. Was it clever of B&B to fold in footage of Don Diamont from his days on Y&R? Sure. And why not; they did the same thing for Heather Tom's Katie once, giving us her "flashbacks" in the form of Y&R's Victoria. But look at Wyatt. He's what, 25? Flashback Bill looked way older than when Quinn had her fling with him.

Present-day Bill was giving Brooke presents after they moved on to Abu Dhabi, including an amazing necklace with a chain that apparently changes lengths depending on what you're wearing. Brooke also seemed to know a lot about a place she'd never been to before. Did she Google it en route? Maybe she's just remembering her first trip to the Middle East 20 years ago, although that was Morocco, and the show wasn't actually on location then. Wouldn't a cameo by Prince Omar have been killer?

We did, indeed, get a surprise visit -- from Justin! What is he doing there? I had to laugh: Bill was so hot to regain control of his company, and the first thing he does is run off to the Middle East, and his lawyer is now out of the office, too. Who's running Spencer -- Will? Justin went on to tell Bill what a lucky man he is, marrying Brooke. Really, Justin? Four years ago, you sabotaged Steffy's video tribute to Brooke to show the world what a skank you thought she was! Let's change his name to Yes-Man Barber.

Justin's primary function, apparently, was to make sure nothing interrupted Bill's wedding to Brooke. Yet somehow, Justin didn't know Ridge was on his way. Neither did Katie until Ridge called from the plane. Katie took this news rather well, considering her man was traversing the planet to stop his ex-wife's wedding. Should Katie be worried? "Ridge, Quinn is playing you, and you're letting her," Katie insisted after seeing more of Quinn than she probably ever wanted to. At least Katie knows what time it is!

Looks like Ridge does, too, as he thought back to his 1994 beach wedding to "Logan." Question: who keeps a 20-year-old wedding photo on their iPad? Bad enough Ridge was carrying around Quinn's selfie on every device he had. He told Katie that he didn't love Brooke "that way," but he was sure that Brooke would ditch Bill "once she finds out who he is." News flash: Brooke knows who Bill is! She knows he pulled Deacon out of jail to ruin Hope's wedding; if that ain't stoppin' her, nothing will.

Eric confronted Quinn about her nakey time with Bill but didn't seem bothered by it. Quinn replied with an "Ever since you and I..." ellipsis, but this answered no questions. Ever since Eric and Quinn what? Kissed a couple of times? If Eric was jealous, he had no reason to be. However, he did have reason to fire Quinn -- as if the diamond disaster wasn't enough reason -- and he still let Quinn explain her way out of things. He wouldn't if he knew Quinn just thought of him as "the source of our paychecks!"

I don't even get why Quinn is still at Forrester. She tried to pitch Aly off a second-story railing and cook Liam by turning the steam room into an Easy-Bake Oven. Why have Aly and Liam not gone to Eric and told him there's an attempted murderer on staff? Eric already lived this with Sheila, and surely he wouldn't let history repeat itself. Quinn gets away with too much. Not that diamond-stealer Wyatt should talk, but his incredulous "Who does these things?" was just about the line of the week.

Katie paid Quinn a visit, too, and I loved that Ms. Logan wasn't letting Ms. Fuller pull the wool over her eyes. But the scene was just getting good before it ended, and Katie also mellowed too much for my taste. Now the question on everyone's lips was, would Ridge get to the United Arab Emirates in time to stop Bill's wedding to Brooke, and how would Brooke react when she saw Quinn's silky self in bed next to Bill?

Brooke conveyed a few interesting prenuptial insights into herself. "I'm usually the one pushing the cart up the hill," she observed and spoke of how it was a new experience for her, not having another woman lurking in the shadows. Of course, she's referring to Taylor regarding Ridge, but is she also talking about Bridget regarding Nick? Then there's the fact that Bill had taken control of everything, including securing Brooke's wedding dress. Brooke apparently liked having someone else call the shots.

And control is what Bill had; he probably had every grain of sand on that beach specifically arranged as Brooke came down the...well, there was no aisle, but she did approach Bill with some amazing Abu Dhabi buildings behind her. The wedding looked fantastic, and there was even some genuine suspense going on as Ridge raced to get there, contrivances not withstanding. And how about that tricked-out boat Ridge rode up in? I told you he went to 007 school!

Abdul, the wedding's officiator, delivered a fascinating speech tinged with Middle Eastern sensibilities that were definitely different for the show. And who knew: Bill owned his less attractive qualities amid comparing himself and Brooke to the sand and sea, two forces of nature that came together where they stood. I almost get the feeling Bill actually loves Brooke. It was a far cry from the tiny, San Fernando Valley neighborhood wedding he had with Katie back in 2009!

Brooke's vows weren't as interesting as Bill's (maybe when you've stood at as many altars as she has, you run out of ideas), but she talked about trust and faith as "something I've never really felt before." It's baffling that Brooke can trust Bill, though, again, it's an intriguing, never-before-heard perspective. And Brooke's hearing is incredible: she discerned Ridge's "Logan!" from hundreds of feet away! Hold up, James -- uh, Grant -- uh, Nick -- uh, Bill -- it's another Ridge Forrester wedding-stopper in progress!

What do you think of B&B's Middle Eastern remote? Will Ridge stop the wedding? Do you think Katie will tolerate him stopping it? And should Quinn be taken to task for her part in it all? Talk to us on the Soap Central message boards or the comments section. Send email or leave a voicemail! Or talk about it on Facebook below. Your comments could end up in a future column. Like these!

• "I'm a longtime viewer. This Ridge/Bill/Brooke storyline is getting very old. Figure it out and move on. Also, the Wyatt/Liam/Hope story is only getting as annoying as the Steffy/Hope/Liam story was. Give somebody a backbone to make a decision and move on...and the fact that Liam is doing to Wyatt exactly what Wyatt did to Liam and no one seems to point that out is annoying..." -- Judy

• "Bold & Beautiful should be called the recycled Bold & Beautiful. The money spent [on the Middle East remote] could be used to hire new members to the show so we could still have viewers see that sisters don't sleep with their brother-in-law and be proud of it....B&B is simply a big orgy that never stops. " -- "sortabebe"

• "Hi, Mike! Really enjoy your commentary. Why I love the B&B: Quinn is nuttier than ever (erasing other people's messages and the sauna/elevator tricks); [Hope] is indecisive as ever; Brooke is playing ne plus ultra the tramp routine, and given enough airtime, Dr. Taylor would be as sanctimonious as ever. All this fun packed into 30 minutes!" -- John

In my last column, I talked about the 310-666 prefix on Hope's phone, wondering if people would call the seemingly real-life number. Scooper Kate tells us: "There's a new service that's being offered that lets movies and TV shows 'rent' real phone numbers that are purchased and set aside for that purpose. The renters also have the option to purchase the numbers and keep them going. The Breaking Bad folks used this service and purchased many of their numbers so you can call and get Saul's voicemail, for instance. I heard about it via a podcast that Vince Gilligan was on." I did not know that, Kate! Thanks!

And Scooper Kathleen asks, "How do Australians get to see where B&B is done and possibly meet Brooke, Hope, Liam, Bill etc. as I am coming over to Los Angeles in July, and have watched the show since day one and would love to meet Brooke more than anything?" Well, Kathleen, you can stop by CBS Television City and visit their gift shop, but they don't offer public tours of the studios or make it possible for fans to meet actors there. Sorry! Check out cbstelevisioncity.com for more info.

What's that you say? Points to Ponder?

Have you ever sent an email, only to have a big "EMAIL SENT" prompt appear in the body of your message? Right, no one has -- but Quinn did... Wyatt worried repeatedly over how his mother's actions would cause them to "lose their jobs." Um, guys, you're only contracted at Forrester; you're not official employees. And you have your own company that's collecting dust because you're never there!

Bill must have taken a tape measure to Brooke while she was sleeping -- how else could he get a wedding dress for her that fit exactly?... Quinn spent her first moments on the show, talking about how she didn't want her or Wyatt to have anything to do with Bill; now she's all into having this "love/hate" thing with her babydaddy... Bill beamed that his marriage to Brooke would be "one adrenaline rush after another." That's not Brooke! After failing with Katie, Liam, Caroline, and Wyatt, I guess Brooke is the next to be molded into the Spencer image...

There's an 11-hour time difference between Los Angeles and Abu Dhabi. Bill and Brooke started their wedding in what looked like early afternoon, which would make it about midnight at Forrester. So what were all those phantom employees doing running around at that hour?... "Brooke is a romance junkie!" Quinn scoffed. How does she know? She's been around less than a year. Does Quinn follow online gossip sites? Best line of the week: "You know who I really think should get married?" Quinn asked, answering, "Bill and Ridge." Given they're both arrogant egomaniacs, maybe she's onto something!

I'll be back with you again next week, covering for Tracy, as we find out whether or not Ridge can stop Bill and Brooke's wedding in the United Arab Emirates. Keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold!

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