Bill of goods

Sold! Katie bought the shoddy merchandise Bill was selling without getting a warranty. But it was Brooke who saw fit to give Bill a receipt for the family discount! Find out why the customer is always right with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did your bedroom adopt an "open door" policy? Did you think the hero sandwich was named after you? Did your all-important legal papers revert to their original form? These and more situations faced the Forresters et al this week!

Mike back with you to throw down about November sweeps! Explain something to me, Scoopers: Wyatt pockets the diamond, and moments later gets held up by real jewel thieves in drag; Wyatt plants the diamond on them and douses them in hot coffee, after which every press outlet in the world deems him a hero. Um, in what universe would this actually happen? And maybe dressing up the robbers like women was supposed to be clever, but it was like a bad '50s joke gone wrong.

What about all those surveillance cameras at the boutique? Surely one of them captured Wyatt pulling the "heist" himself. Plus Wyatt's fingerprints are all over the diamond! Yet he was all up in Liam's face about his heroism to the point he was really insufferable. What's going to happen when Wyatt gets snagged? Because he will, and then he'll wish he wasn't so cocky. Personally, the whole Liam/Hope/Wyatt story really tread water this week. Ooh, Hope has two Spencer men interested. Big la-de-dah!

Liam wasn't much better, with his "I'm not pressuring you but I'm really pressuring you" interaction with Hope. How did he think doing some renovation outside this house was supposed to impress her? If he really wanted to make points, he should have done over the inside of the place. The furniture, the kitchenware, the bed -- he shared all this with Steffy. Changing the interior dcor would have gone a long way toward destigmatizing the house for Hope. And all Liam does is add some awnings? Wow.

And for someone who had decided to focus on herself and table choosing between Liam and Wyatt, Hope sure spent a lot of time with both of them. Wyatt's at Forrester all the time, and she acts like she and Liam are still engaged. She did seem to take a page out of mama Brooke's book, kissing each half-brother the same day. And that's where we were stuck, until Hope made things interesting by telling the dueling siblings about their father's accident and migration back to his wife.

Wyatt admitted that, had Bill died, it would have been harder on Liam because he'd reconnected with their father longer ago, while Liam expected it wouldn't have been any easier on Wyatt, despite only knowing Bill a few months. It was a pretty cool moment of connection -- much better than their adolescent sniping over Hope. Now, you'd think Bill would have called his boys after dangling from that cliff to let them know he was okay. It's just that he was a little too busy plotting his scheme to end all schemes.

Freshly dumped (and she doesn't get dumped too often), Brooke told Katie that Bill sincerely wanted to come home. Katie was right to question this sudden one-eighty! She knew Bill was saying all the right things but couldn't understand how he could suddenly turn away from her sister's magic mojo. "You know me better than anyone in the world," Bill cooed -- exactly! Which is why Katie should have realized Bill had brought back all the snow in Aspen for his ultimate snow job.

But Bill seemed so damned sincere, and Katie wanted her life back, so she let Bill slip into her bed for a little mountain climbing of her own. Now, some viewers have pointed out that Bill had sex with Brooke earlier that soap day, had his near-accident, kicked Brooke to the curb, and then slept with Katie...without so much as a shower first. I hadn't thought of that, but it sounds about right. Eww! Here's hoping Katie kept a bottle of Febreze next to the bed!

While Katie woke up blissed out from her reunion with Dollar's disco stick, sister Donna was "so sorry" that Brooke got booted. Donna, honey, you need to pick a side here and stop blowing smoke up your sisters' asses. Brooke actually tried to take responsibility for what she'd done, and all Donna could say was, "I sure hope you aren't blaming yourself!" Admittedly, Donna was in an impossible situation, being caught between Brooke and Katie, but trying to placate them both really softened her backbone.

Donna should consider herself lucky that she got away from ex-hubby Justin, because he turned out to be as much of a shark as Bill himself! And his "I drew these up in case you ever changed your mind" presentation to Katie was far from subtle. If Bill was going to trick Katie into signing over control of the company by reuniting with her, shouldn't he have waited a few days before putting papers in front of her, just to make it look good? No wonder Katie looked dubious. Yet she signed them anyway.

Now, Justin was the one who brought the papers over; once Katie signed them, he should have popped them into his briefcase and taken them back to the office. But what does the brutha do? He leaves the envelope with Bill, who grabbed it and made a beeline for Brooke's! And what happened to "do not fold, spindle, or mutilate?" Bill bent that envelope and waved it around like it was an old menu from a Chinese restaurant!

Bill's ego really is bigger than his...common sense, otherwise he'd have rushed those papers back to the office and enacted them before going to Brooke and bragging that he'd "gotten the job done." Now he and Brooke could be together without Katie's interference! Really, Bill? How was that going to work? Did he really think Brooke wouldn't fill Katie in on this treachery? "I can't believe that you expect me to run into your arms and congratulate you for deceiving my sister!" Brooke raged. You go, girl!

No, nobody needs to remind me that Brooke has been a thousand kinds of wrong in everything Brill, or send me a laundry list of her many past misdeeds. But Brooke could have easily reacted to Bill's admission with an "Ooh, that was clever, Stallion"; instead, she put her horse-hung hottie out to pasture! And Bill just stood there, happy he had gotten "joint ownership" of Will. "You don't own a child!" Brooke shrieked. I don't think I've ever seen Brooke so furious. I wish she'd smacked Bill harder!

For as slimy and ass-kissing as Justin and Alison are (and Alison sure has it bad for da Dollah, doesn't she?), neither of them have totally mastered the poker face, because their stilted statures clearly had Katie thinking something was rotten in the state of L.A. It was a little too convenient that she tracked Bill to Brooke's, and that Brooke's door happened to be open, but she sure got an earful as Brooke blasted Bill for duping Katie into signing over control. It's on now!

A nice touch would have been Katie catching Bill and Brooke mid-argument, with Brooke exposing Bill on purpose while Bill tried to shut her up. But no matter: suddenly Bill found himself on the receiving end of two very pissed-off Logan sisters. In a strange way, Bill's betrayal united them, and it may just be what eventually heals the rift between them. Brooke did most of the damage, but now the Logan girls are inadvertently on the same side, and this paradigm shift was most interesting!

But the tables hadn't finished turning. As Katie reamed Bill, asking him if he'd rehearsed the declarations of love that convinced her she had her husband back, Brooke told him he needed to leave and take his envelope with him. But when he got back to the office to throw back some celebratory booze with his minions, Justin opened the envelope to find something Spencer's legal department wouldn't be able to accept: a pile of leaves that Brooke had brought back from Aspen!

I loved it. I've never seen Brooke do anything like this switcheroo, and while it doesn't excuse her part in bringing things to this point, I think it was a healthy down payment in reimbursing Katie for messing up her marriage. But did I miss something? I never saw Brooke excuse herself; Katie told Bill he was afraid to be alone with her as if Brooke had stepped out of the room, which she didn't. It felt like something got cut from the scene that shouldn't have been.

Also, how would Brooke have been able to get the envelope away without Bill noticing? I don't even think he'd put it down long enough for Brooke to make off with it. Finally, when Bill took it with him, how was he not able to tell that it no longer contained flat documents? These are all rather important details to gloss over. Yet somehow, it still didn't take away from watching Bill get punk'd by Brooke. I couldn't help thinking that Brooke had taken a "leaf" out of Stephanie's playbook! The Queen would be proud!

Most titillating is the fact that Brooke's retaliation means Katie is still CEO of Spencer. And let's face it: Batie is officially over, and Brill is, too. There's no way Brooke is going to take Bill back after this! It would be delicious if Katie and Brooke teamed up to get some real revenge on Bill (they both know Bill bribed the warden to spring Deacon, for example). I doubt that'll happen, but, for now, Bill has lost control of his company, the mother of his child, and the woman he says he loves. That's his real fall!

Were you surprised that Bill tried to pull one over on Katie? Or that Brooke pulled one over on Bill? Tell us on the Soap Central message boards or the comments section. Send e-mail or leave a voicemail! Or turn over a new "leaf" on Facebook below. Your comments could end up in a future column. Like these!

• "Okay, correct me if I'm wrong but if Massimo [is] Ridge's father and Eric is Thorne's father, how can Ally and Thomas be blood related first cousins? I know the connection is Stephanie but as their grandmother would that change the first cousin thread?" -- Nita

• "I agree -- I like the idea of Brooke and Eric. Eric and Nick were the only other men besides Ridge that I believed Brooke truly cared for. This relationship with Bill is completely silly, and I don't buy it at all...[and] how does Hope, who went straight from high school to Forrester, have more clout...than Eric's son Thorne?... I've been watching since the start in 1987, and I will continue, but most days it just annoys me." -- Pam

• "What is Katie doing, saying that she thought her future included having another baby? It was a sheer miracle that she had one baby. Bill wanted her to get an abortion because he didn't want to lose her." -- Maurine

• "...I am so tired of the incessant and totally unnecessary flashbacks...the writing is deplorable and the storylines either boring or just disgusting...I am also looking forward to Thorsten Kaye coming to the show to add some new fire...I just hope we won't be disappointed. I know Brad Bell must hear about how the fans are not happy with the show and yet he and the writers do nothing about it. Such a shame when this genre is disappearing a little more each day...I just don't enjoy this show anymore." -- Gordon

• "I agree with [Tracy's] column: pairing Oliver up with Alexandria [would be a welcome] change from the other three love triangles. I can't wait for Thorsten Kaye to gracefully walk in as Ridge! I think [he] will have Brooke running around in circles." -- Kandi

• "...Big fan of Darin Brooks. I am so glad Mr. Bell hired him to play Wyatt...but it is so frustrating waiting [to see] if the writers will ever write a love scene with Wyatt and Hope [that will take] their relationship to the next level. As fans, we want to hear those three little words from Hope's lips..." -- sjw

• "The writers at B&B seem to think that we the viewers are dolts. We remember the history of the show and characters, and nothing going on...is true to the history...the instant aging of children is plain out stupid. Do the writers even LOOK at the birthdates. Hope was a toddler when RJ was born, now she is 20-something, he is coming back at 10. Ally is coming back, and Hope is going to be her idol, but she was born before Hope...the whole show has become stupid. The writers should...start reading your Two Scoops, maybe they would get a clue and start writing something good....nothing bold or beautiful here anymore." -- Brenda

Thank you, Brenda! We do our best, and I think between my Scoop and Tracy's, and the comments from all you guys out there, these columns are a pretty good barometer as to what's right and what's wrong with the show! Brad Bell would do well to surf on by every week and take some cues from us! Not that he will, but allow me that bit of conceit. By the way, slight correction, Brenda: Hope was born in 2002, while Ally was born in 2004, so Hope is older. Though I agree the rampant SORASing continues to cause a mess of trouble on this show!

Brad Bell also may learn a few things from my Points to Ponder:

It's interesting that Hope is now mad at Bill for dumping both Katie and Brooke, but "he's an incredible jerk"? Golly gee whiz, Hope, is that the best you could do?... Are Katie and Bill actually divorced? Because I'm not clear on when exactly that became final... Having to watch a flashback from an episode we just saw is insulting, but Brooke thinking back to Katie's wedding in 2009 was a great bookend...

Liam airbrushing Wyatt out of Hope's Eye on Fashion cover was classic, but how does this magazine exist? It's been conceived, written, and published the same day as the event it covers!... Wyatt's suggestion that Brooke take a more active role in Forrester again was a good one, but he and Hope sure are fuzzy on Ms. Logan's history there. "She is a genius at PR," Wyatt offered, as Hope replied, "That's how she made her mark." Are you kidding? Brooke made her mark at Forrester by creating BeLieF and doing a surprisingly good job as CEO before these twinkies were born!

I have to admit Liam's (gay) Southern accent as Hope's "assistant" was hilarious... NOW Ricardo is in town checking up on his diamond? If he'd had his own men in place from the beginning, Wyatt wouldn't have been able to stage a robbery. However, it was very of our times that the paparazzi asked Hope what brand of coffee Wyatt threw on the dragged-out scapegoat thieves...

Since when are Hope and Caroline BFFs? And hell must be freezing over, because Caroline's advice that Hope explore her options and let her ultimate man "earn" her was amazingly sound, coming from her... "My Mom has a good heart," Hope told Wyatt. "She knows right from wrong." Um, apparently not... Donna hit the nail on the head when she traced Brooke's fascination with Bill to one simple flashpoint: "You had just lost Ridge." So Donna does know her sister: Brooke always goes a little cray-cray without Ridge in the picture!

Coming up this week: Miss Alexandria Forrester appears again on the scene (from law school?!?), and Tracy is the lucky girl who will Scoop about it for you. I will be back December 2, as we inch closer and closer to Ridge's reinvented comeback. The real cliffhanger? Whether or not Thorne is around longer than one episode to pave the way for Ally! Keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold!

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