He who lives by the sword

Caroline's exposure on Room 8 was all wet while Brooke took the heat for pooh-poohing Katie's takeover. But Bill was ready to hum the theme song from My Three Sons when Hope's interference outed Wyatt as a Spencer! Find out who called 'en garde!' with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you break the rules of engagement? Did you find there was water water everywhere? Did you make so many copies of yourself they had to call you Xerox? These and more situations faced the Forresters et al this week!

Well, Scoopers, by many accounts it's a hot, hot summer on B&B, and you can hear me and Tracy dish with Dan about it on the latest installment of Soap Central Live. Check out the archived MP3 to listen to all of us columnists covering all six soaps. But I'm just one columnist, and right here, it's all my opinion, all the time. And there's a lot of B&B stuff to have opinions about right now!

After nearly a month, the subject of Taylor's exit came up during Eric's luncheon with Brooke. I hoped we'd finally find out exactly where the shrink disappeared to. But all we got was a recap of Taylor walking out on Eric after revealing Brooke's Bill boink. At least we know Taylor's not still in the bathroom, but where is she? And Eric conveyed this info as if no one realized Taylor was gone. Doesn't gossip usually run rampant at Forrester? Is Thomas in the dark? A badly handled exit, made even worse.

Meanwhile, Rafael grew tired of Caroline's interference in Room 8, especially when she nixed his romantic idea of "Scarlett" and "Lance" bonding over guinea pigs and brought in a waterbed instead. I liked that Rafael grew some cojones, and his conflict over losing his actress was palpable. Maya was seriously considering ditching the gig if the scenes got any hotter, telling Carter there were lines she wouldn't cross. And Caroline was right there drawing that line in fire engine red!

Over at Forrester, Pam and Donna interrupted their whatever-they-do job to weigh in on whether Rick should choose Maya or Caroline. Excuse me, but hasn't that choice already been made? It did add layers that Donna preferred Caroline, while Pam's pick was Maya, and Pam's suggestion that Room 8 feature Forrester fashions was actually a sound one. Rick liked Pam's thought that, as an advertiser, he would have more control over the show's content, and he boogied right on over to the set.

What he didn't expect was finding Caroline in the thick of it! Maya had overheard Caroline arguing with Rafael and blasted her rival for turning Room 8 into Room NC-17. Even Carter, who was still mooning over Maya, was disgusted. And so was Caroline, by an escaped guinea pig that had her jumping on the waterbed in fright and puncturing the mattress with her heels! Caroline was soaked and humiliated, but really, the whole affair was rather silly.

An affair that seems to be over. Maya echoed my thought that Rick dumping her didn't mean he'd reunite with Caroline, and Rick shook his head, claiming he didn't know who Caroline was anymore. Rafael fired Caroline and offered Carter and Maya the chance to shoot Room 8 the way it was originally written. And we'll get to see it in the real world, when it debuts online on August 8. It actually looks pretty interesting! Check out a preview here.

Back at Spencer, those of us who were hoping for a knock-down-drag-out after Brooke slapped Katie were merely left hoping. Happily, Katie stood her ground and reiterated that Brooke's actions were those of a slut. "I would hate me if I were you," Brooke emphasized, but then she had the gall to say she was fighting to keep Katie and Bill's marriage together! Even if that wasn't the most hypocritical thing I've ever heard Brooke say, that marriage is as dead as Storm and Beth are, and Brooke needs to leave it alone.

So does Bill! Striding in there, yapping about how he was all about family now, and how he wanted Will to grow up in a home with a mother and a father. "You don't want us," Katie scoffed. "You want the mother of your son." So true! This isn't about Bill loving Katie; Bill just doesn't like to lose. "I will fight," Bill promised. "I will win." If he really loved Katie, he'd admit how bad he is for her and let her go so she could find a better man than him. I hear Dr. Meade is still roaming the hospital somewhere...

And Karen, Karen, Karen. I wish she would stick around 24-7. I love the quiet strength Joanna Johnson brings to a character who was kind of a wuss in the '90s. Bill railed how he had supported Karen when she came out (good continuity), but Karen was done with Bill's controlling and manipulation. And then they baffled me by talking about their long-standing sibling rivalry. Huh? They weren't raised together; Karen was raised as Faith Roberts back in Texas while Bill was raised in New York. B&B should have brushed up on their history with my freshly updated character profiles (check them out here).

Donna had some choice words for her own sibling. "Are you listening to yourself?" Donna asked after Brooke went off about Katie's takeover of Spencer and how unfair it was to Bill. Donna criticized Brooke's acting like Katie was to blame and her continuing defense of Bill, saying Brooke would make a lot more headway healing things with Katie if she would actually try apologizing for what she'd done! You go, Donna! She'd kind of been written on the fence, but the tides of sense have finally come in again.

Brooke's bad week brightened when Hope announced that she and Liam were engaged! Yes, Hope actually accepted Liam's three-millionth proposal. Oh, it was beautifully shot, and on the surface it was hella romantic. But scratch that surface: Liam is still married to Steffy! Two weeks ago, he begged her to come home! And what happened to Hope's resolve about Liam being ready? A pretty ring, and all that goes out the window? I cringed through the whole thing. I really did.

"Lope" is the weakest link of B&B. More flashbacks, another cheesy song, and then -- in slo-mo, mind you -- Hope led Liam to Brooke's cabin, where they ripped each other's clothes off! The same cabin where Liam made love to Steffy some months ago! Eww! Proposing marriage? I think Liam was just horny. "This is exactly what we need, another wedding," Rick said in mock-horror. Yeah, buddy!

My money says this wedding won't happen, though, thanks to the presence of one Wyatt Fuller. He tried to hide it, but Wyatt was totally bummin' when Hope flashed her ring. He countered by asking Hope to drop her questions about his sword necklace because it was pissing his mother off. Hope wondered why Quinn was getting bent out of shape and convinced Wyatt to have Quinn run into Bill, who was dining at Il Giardino. It did seem that the prospect of good pizza was the deciding factor for Wyatt!

Quinn found it odd that Wyatt was taking her to lunch, and she should have obeyed that instinct, because before they could even order, Bill spotted Quinn and marched up to her table, thanking her for the necklace. Then Quinn ran like a ninny. I would have liked it if she had dug in her heels for a few weeks before finally revealing Wyatt was a Spencer. But we must tell story faster these days. Wyatt went after his mom, who told the sad story of how Bill had given her money for an abortion. How very Bill!

I gotta tell ya, Darin Brooks was really bringing it, conveying Wyatt's disillusionment and anger without getting histrionic. Bill overheard the sparring and told Quinn not to play the victim card, even accusing her of trying to make a money grab! When Bill's consistent, he's consistent! I loved Wyatt telling Bill to shut up and how he went off about having the choice of knowing his father taken away from him. Darin Brooks stole the scene from Don Diamont and Rena Sofer, and that's not easy to do.

Meanwhile, Liam, as befuddled as ever, got the 4-1-1 from Hope and opined that he wouldn't know what to do with a brother. Um, you've got one, doofus; his name is Will. But Liam was right to question Hope's involvement in Wyatt's business. "I have this default belief that blood matters," Hope explained, and the repercussions of Hope not knowing her own father, Deacon, were very clear. But methinks Hope's reason for helping Wyatt had more to do with whatever was behind that leaf!

Wyatt stormed off, and Bill inexplicably had Liam follow him, leaving Quinn to go off on Hope. I had been underwhelmed by Rena Sofer's performance, even through Wyatt's tirade, but with Hope, I finally got the spark I was waiting for. Quinn stopped squinting and stared Hope down with those baby blues, ripping her a new one until Brooke came out to defend her baby. Might we see some Quinn vs. Brooke in our soap futures? A battle of the daytime divas would be most juicy.

Granted, B&B has a horrible history lately of bringing on high-octane soap vets, only to relegate them to short-term day players. A Martinez, Hillary B. Smith, Ricky Paull Goldin...Jon Hensley has had better luck, but he's still criminally underused. Many feel right now that Rena Sofer will suffer the same fate. But I don't know. So far she's had a whole lot to do, and she's been woven tighter into the canvas than her predecessors. I have a feeling Quinn might be around for a while. But don't quote me on it.

On the way over to Wyatt's crib, Bill somehow went from "I don't see it," as in their resemblance, to "Welcome to the family." Didn't that happen awfully fast? When Liam came along, Bill called him a weasel and demanded a DNA test! Now he's just taking it on blind faith because of a necklace? I know he'd just told Liam he didn't used to place value on relationships, and it's highly possible family has come to mean something to him, in his twisted Bill way.

But now Bill is likening his brood to the Cartwrights from Bonanza! It was funny that Liam and Wyatt hadn't heard of that show. A My Three Sons reference would have been fitting! (What does that make Justin -- Uncle Charley?) Wyatt still wasn't having any of it, and I did think Bill was pushing too hard. "I'm on new family overload here!" Wyatt exclaimed. Whoever's writing Wyatt's dialogue is really nailing it; he doesn't sound like any other B&B character, and that's a good thing.

Scott Clifton finally got a chance to shine as Liam literally related to Wyatt's predicament -- after all, he'd just been through the same thing three years ago. Liam explained how he had gone from being alone to having a father he loved, warts and all, and it was the best Liam scene I've seen, maybe ever. Wyatt was moved, too, and he actually shook Bill's hand and hugged him! Again, a little too fast, though Wyatt did look dubious. But then Quinn raced in to put a damper on the Hallmark moment! Which surely means we're in for more drama next week!

So, where are you at? Do you think the Spencer family has had Miracle-Gro sprinkled on it? Do you think Quinn will stick around? And where do you think Taylor went? Pop off about that and more on the Soap Central message boards or the comments section! Shoot us an email or leave a voicemail. And, hey, you can always type up a Facebook response below. Your comments could end up in a future column. Like these!

• "How many times does Katie 'deserve' karma [for] what she did to Bridget when she slept with Nick? Bill already cheated on her with Steffy which resulted in a heart attack...that's more than enough...where is Brooke's much-deserved karma?" -- Shantryce

• "I loved the tease of Bill and Brooke, but I definitely do not want anything more serious. I want to see how his evolves for Katie and Bill. Brooke needs to find her 'moral' bone. And, I'm ready for Katie to go Stephanie Forrester on Brooke..." -- Manda

• "...Steffy disappeared to Paris and didn't talk to anyone about it. So how did Liam get off the corporate jet and go directly to her pad? Who clued him in?" -- Tex (AUTHOR'S NOTE: Good point, Tex!)

• "What if Wyatt is really Bill Sr.'s son and not Bill Jr.'s? Bill Sr. liked young women...it would also mean... Wyatt might be entitled to...one-third [of Spencer's stock]...would [Wyatt] support Katie or his big brother?" -- "mizsoap"

• "Wyatt should have been Bill Spencer Sr.'s son. Then Quinn would have been telling the truth that his father was dead, and Bill and Wyatt could have teamed up to steal Spencer back because Wyatt would have been entitled to part of the company. This could have [been] a whole new dynamic for Bill and Karen to have a 'new' sibling [to] fight over...instead they went with the same story again: Bill has a son he did not know about. Boring!" -- Lisa

• "It would seem that the Forrester family is fast becoming extinct. Just because Stephanie, Ridge, and Taylor are gone doesn't mean there [aren't] still Forresters around. The writers are just unable to write about anything or anyone except Brooke and her nasty family. Personally, I do not enjoy watching the Spencers and the Logans." -- Nannie

Two Scoops readers Stephen and Kevin have reminded me that Thorne can't be Caroline's father, because "that would make Rick her half-uncle and Thomas her cousin." Whoops! Well, Caroline still needs a daddy, and Thorne still needs a storyline...because I do agree that B&B without the Forresters would be like Dynasty without the Carringtons! (Sorry, I've been watching seventh season on DVD lately...)

There's been a lot of hoo-ha over swords this week! And if you were equally sharp, then perhaps you also picked up on my Points to Ponder:

I've said it before: Eric could make a fortune marketing nothing but his collection of wedding dresses... Loved how Pam said Donna and Caroline only talked about shampoo, and how Donna said people who came to the desk were desperate to talk about something besides lemon bars... Very astute for Donna to say Katie grabbed on to Spencer Publications because it was the only thing in her life that was stable... "I didn't mean to hurt anybody," Caroline told Rick. Coulda fooled me... "I just feel responsible," Brooke said of Katie's situation. Yeah, well, you should, Brooke! I'd be worried if you didn't.

Did anybody get the feeling from Brooke and Eric's lunch that the former marrieds might find their way back to each other?... How much you wanna bet Room 8's backstage dressing area was really B&B's... Why did Liam tell Bill it was simply over between him and Steffy, without going into why? Liam had no problem telling Hope about Steffy's infertility, and maybe Bill would back off it he knew the truth... How did Hope think she was incognito at the restaurant, standing in plain view? If Wyatt could see her, so could Quinn, Bill, and Liam...

When Wyatt asked for one last favor, Hope quipped, "It's not one last kiss, is it?" Uh-huh, like that budding relationship isn't gonna flower... Brooke would be the one to refer to Wyatt as "Naked Guy"... "I didn't grow up with everything!" Bill insisted to Quinn. That was news to me, too. Maybe if we knew more about how Bill did grow up, we might understand more why he does what he does!

Will Wyatt come between Hope and Liam? How will Katie react when she hears there are more women Bill knocked up? And does Caroline's waterbed warranty cover heel damage? Keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold!

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