The men all pause

Brooke is woman, hear her roar! She told Taylor she could have Eric 'like that.' But even a shocking confession to Donna and a menopause diagnosis paled next to the reveal that Brooke is having a change-of-life baby! Blaze through Brooke's busy week with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did your fundraiser find its footing frightfully fast? Did you extend an olive branch that was quickly snapped? Did your menopause fail to pause a men-related consequence? These and more situations faced the Forresters et al this week!

Lo and behold, is that actually May sweeps I smell? Because this week sure felt like the event-filled sweeps periods of yore, for the most part. It wasn't perfect, but it wasn't a bad set of episodes, either. Let's dig in, shall we?

Do not operate heavy machinery after watching Liam and Steffy's honeymoon. Seriously, it was that boring. And I might be able to buy their gushing happiness if I could be sure that Liam wasn't going to waffle back over to Hope any second. "I feel so secure in your love," Steffy sighed. Should she, knowing his past? He seems to have actually made a commitment this time...and there's actually a glimmer of hope that this triangle might finally be over. But I don't feel...secure in it.

Speaking of Hope, man, gray is not a good color on her. I don't mean her wardrobe, but the cloud of gloom she's cloaked herself in. Poring over Internet pix of Liam is one thing, but then she told Oliver "it all goes back to Aspen." No, it doesn't! It all goes back to when Liam kissed Steffy in the car! Hope is so quick to blame Steffy, but it's Liam who set all the wheels in motion. It's time for Hope to spend a little time on the backburner and come back when she can stop acting like a heartbroken high schooler.

Instead, Hope sulked in Steffy's office, then spat in Steffy's face when Steffy offered to make peace! Okay, it's not like I thought they were going to be besties. But really, Steffy had a point: why should they be like their mothers? I seem to recall Hope made a similar overture of friendship before, which Steffy refused, but I could be wrong. Either way, Hope just acted like a child, saying Steffy had stolen her life from her. But Steffy may have found a surprising new friend in an old enemy: Katie.

Katie's meds must be making her feel really good, because she accepted Steffy's marriage to Liam and even wished them well. There was another deleted scene this week, in which Katie, Steffy, and Liam had quite the intriguing convo about Caroline. Liam deemed his cousin "high maintenance," and Steffy said she could understand why Caroline didn't have any friends.

Liam also attributed Caroline's behavior to the isolation of being raised with two mothers. That was an interesting observation, but just this side of stereotypical, which I don't think B&B was going for. Still, had the scene aired, it would have added some dimension to Caroline's extremely underdeveloped character. Maybe it could have if they had scrapped Liam and Steffy's wedding flashbacks, Brooke's flashbacks of Bill, Hope's flashback of the gondola...every episode had a flashback this week. Filler!

Meanwhile, I was relieved to see Caroline toning down the cartoonishness. I don't mean in the weepy speech at the fundraiser (all these tears for an aunt that died before she was born?), but in some of her interactions with people, notably, her wannabe male models. It was like getting a bit of the old Caroline back. Benefiting her Caroline Spencer Cancer Foundation sort of brought her full circle, but knowing it was all done to manipulate Rick kept me from feeling too charitable about it.

The whole "Forrester Execs Revealed!" angle aside (talk about "the men all pause"), it just felt like an excuse to show the guys shirtless because summer is coming. What, GH and DAYS had their boys strip, so now B&B's got to jump on the bandwagon? For that matter, since when has the Men's Line had bedroom couture? Thomas had a certain flair on the runway, but why did Oliver and Marcus keep their shirts on? And why did Rick and Carter not get solos on the catwalk?

The biggest question is, how does Caroline think this fundraiser is going to sway Rick's attention away from Maya? Did Caroline ever think it might make things worse, letting Maya see Rick without his shirt? Rick seemed to appreciate Caroline's skills, but it didn't stop him from asking Maya out for dinner. Huh? Even Carter commented that Rick is still with Caroline -- why is Rick continuing that relationship? Meanwhile, Maya looks all hurt seeing Rick with Caroline, and she kind of doesn't have a right to.

The beefcake might have been meant to turn up the heat, but the real fire was when Taylor almost got Brooke to confess that she'd slept with Bill. That is, until Eric busted up the confrontation and told Taylor to chill. Really, isn't Taylor being just a little too "witch hunt" here? "If this weren't Brooke, would you be pursuing this?" Eric wanted to know. Taylor evaded the question. No wonder Eric was annoyed; he once left Stephanie over her constant Brooke-bashing. Taylor should step lively.

Especially after Brooke told Taylor that if she wanted Eric, she could "have him just like that!" Oh, snap! And I don't mean Brooke's fingers. "Watch what you say to me," Brooke warned. Was it just me, or was Brooke channeling her inner Sheila in that sequence? I loved it. Imagine if both Taylor and Brooke were allowed to be this strong all the time and then pitted against each other? That battle would be a lot more epic than Taylor's typical ranting and Brooke's typical trademark tear.

And isn't it true, though? Eric assured Taylor that Brooke no longer has a hold on him, but he lies. Eric has always loved Brooke, and he's always been on her side as much as Ridge was. I betcha, if Brooke really wanted him, we'd have us a Taylor/Eric/Brooke triangle for the ages. And I gotta tell ya, with Eric and Brooke as the only remaining members of the Core Four, I'd rather see them together. Taylor knows she'd be toast. Imagine if Ridge came home to see his ex-wives fighting over his father! I can dream.

Instead, we suddenly found Brooke in Dr. Caspary's office, which was unusual, considering usually we get some sort of hint before a major shift like that. It was odd. Anyway, Brooke complained of dry skin and feeling warm, and the good doctor summed it up in one word: menopause. "Already?" Brooke exclaimed. What does she mean "already?" I'm not a woman, but Brooke is supposed to be 50 or so -- hasn't she actually been lucky to stave off "the change" until now? Actually, considering the SORAS among Brooke's kids, Brooke should be over 60! But I digress.

Brooke stared longingly at her lingerie photos and told Eric she felt like a part of her life was ending. Hey, mid-life crisis I can understand. But what was with the super-sad music? It made it sound like either Brooke was taking this way too seriously, or that she had a more dire malady than she was told. Still, I liked Eric's support. Certainly, he'd been there as Stephanie experienced menopause, so he could help Brooke through it now. Did you see the way Eric looked at her? Step lively, Taylor! Step lively.

And step Taylor did, right into Donna's face, again haranguing the former Ms. Honey Bear about Brooke's supposed misdeeds. Donna told Taylor to leave her sisters alone -- but then walked in on Bill and Brooke in another one of their "our love can't be" hugs. Brooke answered Donna's questions with straight-up lies, but soon Brooke broke and admitted to her very family affair. And Donna was not pleased! Neither was I, because Brooke recounted the entire story, complete with flashbacks!

I get it, B&B: not everyone tunes in every day, and perhaps the clips were meant to break up an otherwise dry display of exposition. But they didn't tell us anything we didn't already know. It kind of defused the bombshell Brooke dropped on Donna. And now Donna is in the tenuous position of having to keep Brooke's secret from Katie, which makes Donna rather interesting. Even if she did ultimately go easier on Brooke than I expected -- or hoped for.

Donna said Brooke had been vulnerable, and that was true. Brooke had lost her two most primary relationships back-to-back: Ridge, then Stephanie. That can make a person do crazy things. You could even say Brooke's menopausal hormones threw things even more out of whack. But that's where my sympathy ends. Despite Katie playing matchmaker for Brooke and Bill, despite Katie demanding a divorce, Brooke was wrong, wrong, wrong. She could have at least waited for the divorce papers!

Not that Bill was much better. Perhaps he's even worse, playing the doting husband to Katie with complete conviction. And Katie is really bucking for Fool of the Year, sing-songingly telling Bill that he's perfect. Now she's okay with Bill having a drink? Katie was too harsh with Bill before, but talk about overcompensating. That whole lunch at Il Giardino was nauseating. Katie even interrupted Bill's much-needed apology. Do you think it's because, on some level, Katie knows?

And those levels are telltale -- hormone levels, I mean. Dr. Caspary gently took Brooke aside after Caroline's fundraiser and told Miss Logan that her tests revealed that she's pregnant! Wow! Brooke's more fertile than an Indiana cornfield! No wonder Bridget is coming back. Who knows more about Brooke's tendency to procreate with in-laws? Never mind wait until Katie finds out -- wait until Taylor finds out!

But something occurs to me...what if we are being played? What if Brooke's hormone levels are only mimicking pregnancy? That would be a great twist, because we all expected Brooke to get pregnant. Is it a coincidence this reveal dovetailed with a fundraiser for cancer research? Brooke's been pregnant enough times...if she really were pregnant, wouldn't she know a month on? Brooke's never had a disease before, and it would give Katherine Kelly Lang some meaty Emmy material -- in addition to the Emmy she was nominated for this week after 26 years of snubs! Congratulations, KKL!

Well, Brooke's iniquities have never failed to generate comments! And right here's the place to make 'em. You can do it on the soapcentral.com message boards, in the comments section, by e-mail, or by voicemail. So there's no reason for you not to do a little telling! Your comments could end up in a future column. Like these!

• "After reading The Scoop for B&B, I can only guess that Brooke is pregnant and Steffy is about to miscarry. If so, I'm not looking forward to either..." -- Alyssa

• "Brooke is so bland without Ridge, and no mention of Ridge is just, well, lame. And Taylor with Eric? Dear Lord, it's such a deception on her part..." -- Ruth

• "I feel so much pain for poor Hope when I see how heartbroken she is. It is unfair that Steffy, after all of her manipulation, should reap the harvest of having Liam...and her mother Taylor is...a hypocrite. Stephanie wasn't cold yet in her grave and Taylor couldn't wait to move in on her husband..." -- Joanne

• "I actually enjoyed the Steffy/Liam wedding. I think he and Steffy have a lot more chemistry than he does with Hope...I wanted to see [Katie] wake up...and take [Bill] for half of Spencer! But of course they had to turn her back into a lovesick fool! If I was Heather Tom I would be pissed!" -- Linda

• "I LOVE Bill and Brooke. They have chemistry beyond any couple on the show and I think their storyline is very plausible and in-character for both of them. I would love to see them becoming the new...power couple...wouldn't it be fun if Ridge came back when Bill and Brooke have been happily married for some time, stirring the pot a little? It would be great to see Brooke turning Ridge down after a period of being insecure, choosing between her two men. Ridge can then hook up with Taylor, and voil, power couple number two. Let the intrigues begin. The real intrigues..." -- "Sugarsnap"

There were also a couple of music questions this week! Patricia writes, "When Brooke and Stephanie were with the homeless, and Stephanie rode up the hill alone, there was a song playing about dying. What was the name of the song and who sang it?" Well, Patricia, that was in 2010, and I can barely remember what happened last week! But perhaps one of our readers can help you out. And Veronica, all the way in Australia, wants to know what song was playing when Liam and Steffy ran through the sprinklers, which we saw last year, but which just aired Down Under. Write in if you know, Scoopers! I'm sorry I flunked the music quiz, but I'll try to make up for it with some Points to Ponder:"How many times have I been where poor Katie is now?" Taylor wailed to Eric. Um, zero, because Brooke never slept with Ridge while Taylor was married to him... Eric was actually seen sketching. Good to know someone still designs at Forrester... Rick joked that Caroline could be asking him to wear high heels on the runway. Maya didn't get it, but it was a funny nod to his "cross-dressing" escapade last year...

When Alison wanted to know how to get Bill to take care of an issue at Spencer, Katie's aside was, "You could nag him 'til he does something about it." Hmm. Is Katie's devoted wife routine an act after all? And what exactly does Katie do at Spencer? Particularly if she knows how to "deal with the financial guys." Not bad for a girl who once served coffee at Insomnia!

"I want her to have a healthy relationship," Brooke said of Katie's marriage to Bill. No worries, Brooke; Katie's marriage was the definition of dysfunctional long before you showed up... "I say it came together kinda fast," Marcus marveled as the fundraiser went on. Ya think? Nobody would attend a huge event like that with one day's notice. But was that Lee Phillip Bell making a subtle, unannounced cameo appearance? Cool! That's like the soap world's version of Alfred Hitchcock appearing in his own movies...

Since when is Caroline so friendly with her "Uncle Bill"? And how about her contention that her Aunt Caroline and Ridge would have been together forever if leukemia hadn't taken her? I wonder what Brooke must have been thinking in that moment... It was funny that Brooke was wowed when Oliver took the stage in light of their mask-boink. Though he was certainly wearing less on the runway than he did on the terrace... Was Dani just a tiny bit flustered by all the testosterone being displayed? Should Karen be worried?

Well, this was a history-making week for soaps, as All My Children and One Life to Live rose from the dead as many of their characters did in the past! Judging by their whopping viewership, it looks like the soap genre still has a lot of gas left in it, despite the death knell it got just two years ago. Would you like that crow boiled or baked, ABC?

Brooke is certainly in the hot seat, and the father of Maya's baby will soon be stirring up some trouble. As I said, it looks like we've got some May Sweeps on our hands after all. But that's all I've got for ya, so "tune in" next week for more of my ramblings. And remember: keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold!

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