Spinning around

Continuing to have Bill base his behavior on the mistaken belief that Amber tried to kill Liam is just sloppy storytelling. Why haven't Liam and Katie called him on this?

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you design and produce a line of dresses in one day? Did you find anger management unmanageable? Is the merry-go-round your favorite ride? These and more situations faced the Forresters et al this week!

Happily, I'm glad to report I didn't find our show as unpalatable as I did when I sat to Scoop two weeks ago. It's not the most exciting it's ever been, but at least the character assassination has stopped. Not that the implausibility hasn't! Oh, I understand...the soaps have to crank out scripts unbelievably fast. And suspending disbelief is the very nature of soaps -- that's part of what makes them fun! But come on -- Thomas comes up with a women's line, sketches a slew of designs, and produces gowns in what, 24 hours? Even Brooke commented how quickly Thomas pulled it off!

At first it did seem Thomas was trying to make up for his crappy attitude by creating the designs. But now I see it was simply because he thought Ridge would sign off on them instantly. It was refreshing to hear Ridge say the gowns were good, but not good enough -- how often on this show are people proficient at something right off the bat? I also don't think Ridge was punishing Thomas by pulling the plug on the women's line -- but of course Thomas would think he was. Thomas' whole rationale became clear when he uttered, "Taboo isn't his turf -- it's mine."

All right, Thomas, if that's how we're going to define it, then you could say Brooke is Ridge's "turf" -- so why does Thomas continue to flirt with Brooke like there's no tomorrow? Thankfully Brooke kept reminding Thomas to keep it professional -- although you could see she was tempted on some level. I kind of had to laugh when Thomas said "I have the same respect for my father and your marriage as you do" -- given Brooke's history, there's more than one way to interpret that!

But at least the Thomas/Brooke Affair was kept to a minimum this week. It really needs to be over and done, of course, and the only way to do that is to stop playing any attraction between the two. But I'll take what we got over what we were getting. I just hope Stephanie apologizes to Brooke and that Taylor gets a storyline that doesn't involve hating Brooke, chasing Ridge, and smother-loving her children!

See, now, the Bill/Katie mess is at least fresh. But continuing to have Bill base his behavior on the mistaken belief that Amber tried to kill Liam is just sloppy storytelling. Why haven't Liam or Katie called him on this? I can buy the intensity of Bill's personality fueling his rage toward Amber and her shenanigans, but blindly believing something that doesn't even make sense? Oh, here I go again. I talk about this every column. I just wish B&B would fill this storyline hole so I don't have to!

Everything else about this arc, though, is, um, killer. I loved how Katie yelled at Bill to get himself under control after he punched Nick. Nick totally didn't deserve it -- after all, he remembered that Katie still has her heart transplant scar! No one else does! But seriously, bringing Bill and Nick into each other's orbit has been interesting -- and hey, I can see Bill being jealous of Katie's previous relationship with Nick. Poor Nick. He seems to make a much better ex! I bet he really wanted a cigar after meeting the business end of Bill's fist -- especially since Bill wears so many rings!

Of course, Steffy watching the whole thing (in her wannabe sailor garb, no less) was pretty creepy. Cheaper than cable, I guess! But you'd think, after Bill clearly told Steffy to stop badmouthing Katie, Steffy would get it through her perfectly coiffed head that Bill is not available. Not that Bill's giving Katie the space she asked for. I'm not surprised he refused Katie's request to get therapy for his anger issues. I am surprised that Bill told Katie on the phone he had something in mind to make up for things -- yet when Katie came by the office, we didn't find out what it was. Weird.

Also weird was Katie and Bill making out as soon as she arrived. If you have an unresolved issue with your spouse that has you moving out and unable to continue your marriage, you'd think tonsil hockey would wait. Nice of Katie to acknowledge Bill's discomfort regarding her staying on Nick's boat by offering to crash at Brooke's -- but why didn't she call Brooke in the first place? Oh, because we wouldn't have seen Bill punch Nick if she had. I guess it's good drama to build on Bill's simmering rage, and at least Nick got something to do, but Katie trying to come to grips with the fact her husband plotted to kill someone is a strong enough conflict by itself.

Getting back to Nick for a second, how strange was it that he suddenly mentioned it was over with Aggie? Here's your hat, what's your hurry! I know Sarah Joy Brown is off-contract, but Aggie suddenly moving out East with no farewells to Whip and Oliver really stretched credibility. Sure, the Nick/Aggie pairing was a total snooze (it's a shame, because it had potential despite its dubious origins), but couldn't we at least have seen them break up over a phone call? Even more reason to get Aggie together with Thorne -- they have so much in common now, being recurring and backburnered!

Steffy, of course, is still burning, slinking into Spencer Publications, hiding behind a magazine at the receptionist's desk (where did she stash Hillary?), and tearing open her trench coat in Bill's office. Why would he even think about responding to her advances when just minutes before he told Katie he wanted their marriage? But things took an even stranger turn. "I want to commit my life to you," Steffy said, all doe-eyed. "God, I love you." There was something really pathetic in her admissions, and I don't think that was intended. It was like she went from vamp to stalker. Boiled rabbit, anyone?

One of the more awesome moments of the week, though, came in the form of Bill and Liam commiserating over their romantic troubles. How in character was it for Bill to say he wasn't made for love, and for Liam to be the one to tell Bill he's a better man because of Katie? And when Liam lamented that they'd lost everything, Bill rallied, saying they still had each other and their business, accepting Liam's reminder that there's more to life than business, and announcing he would fight for Katie as Liam should fight for Hope. Nice touch considering months ago, Bill wanted Liam to play the field -- and it was just such a strong scene overall. Way to go, Don Diamont and Scott Clifton!

Now, if only Mr. Clifton wasn't mired in the Amber/Liam/Hope/Oliver mess. It's not what I would call a horrible storyline -- in some ways it's starting to gel -- but it didn't need to be on my screen all five days this week. Besides, I also find a lot of it very confusing. Not the basic arc, but the details. It's taking more suspension than the Golden Gate Bridge to suspend my disbelief!

B&B is packing too much into what is supposed to be one "day." Two weeks of airtime, and we're still on the same evening? Liam told Hope he wanted her, Hope broke things off (even though they were already broken off!), Liam jumped into bed with Amber, Amber reported it to Oliver, Oliver told Hope, Amber tried to get Liam to do it a second time, Hope and Oliver almost made love, Liam walked in and was all upset to see Hope with Oliver. Is your head swimming yet? Because mine sure is.

It's not to say this isn't a reasonable sequence of events -- if they were spread out over a reasonable amount of time. But all in one night? Then Tawny comes over, and when Amber tries to get rid of her, they say Tawny has an appointment. What, at three in the morning? Even when it became the next "day," things still happened so fast that I struggled to make sense out of what should be a cookie-cutter storyline.

I can see Amber turning up the heat in order to hook Liam in further, but talk about overdoing it! A baby needs love and attention, a baby needs a family, hold me Liam love me Liam we're having a baby Liam a child needs loving parents Liam ARRRRGHHH! All that may be true, but the broken record routine wasn't necessary. And then when Liam refused Amber's offer to have sex a second time (!), she backed off and offered to watch a movie instead. Um, maybe she should have tried that in the first place?

Amber Moore has never been known for subtlety, but I believe it when she says she's starting to actually fall for Liam. If she wants Liam to fall for her as well, why not watch a movie, have a few dinners, share a few kisses, let it build organically? Why skip straight to sex and then to more sex? And then Amber tells Tawny she doesn't want to throw herself at Liam every chance she gets -- when she just spent several episodes doing exactly that!

"No one's held me in a really long time," Amber admitted. (Oliver and Marcus would beg to differ, but I digress.) If Amber really wanted for her and Liam to get to know each other, why not take the opportunity to open up about her past -- especially her most recent marriage to Y&R's Daniel? How about admitting that the baby is all the more important to her because she's had two miscarriages? Wouldn't she make more inroads with Liam, opening her heart instead of her, um, blouse? And again, if all this happened over a longer period of soap time, it would feel much more natural.

Meanwhile, Hope Logan must be daytime's only virgin, but she sure gets a lot of action, not to mention has more people invested in whether or not she remains pure. Both Steffy and Amber have lobbied to get Hope "devirginized." But Hope making out with Liam and Oliver the same night is pretty well up there with Liam kissing Hope and sexing Amber the same night. And Hope needs to make up her mind. She tells Liam to move on, then is upset when he does; she tells Liam she loves him, then that he needs to be with the mother of his child. Huh? Either grow a pair and be with Liam despite Amber's baby, or be firm and close the door on him. I'm sure she learned how to waffle at Ridge's knee (he is the master waffler), but at least he only waffled once a year or so...Hope's giving me whiplash!

As for Oliver, this week, for the first time, I didn't find him cloying or annoying (despite the fact that B&B insists on dressing him like Mr. Rogers these days). I could almost see him with Hope again, as both are a little more mature. But in other ways, he's still as clueless as ever. He told Hope she needed to accept it was over with Liam -- like he ever accepted it was over with Hope! Then he had the gall to suggest that Liam ending up in bed with Amber happened "to bring you closer to me"? The girl you love just found out her recent ex-boyfriend slept with someone else, so you put on "your song" to cheer her up? (Maybe Jason Castro needed the royalties.) Real sensitive, dude!

Obviously Oliver still doesn't want Hope to find out he slept with Amber. So how come, when he took a call from her, he said, "Why would you want to tell me that, Amber?" right in front of Hope? No wonder Hope asked a thousand questions about how well Oliver and Amber know each other! I suppose it's better to be a bad liar, but all Oliver had to do was not say who it was! Honestly.

Still, things are bubbling along, if all the dropped hints are any indication. Hope and Liam separately mentioning that everything changed after the paternity test...Oliver heaving a sigh of relief saying, "Boy, I'm glad [Liam's the father] and not me"...then there are what the spoilers referred to as Amber's slip-ups. I went along with the first one, where Amber cooed to Liam that their sex lived up to the Spencer reputation, and Liam asked, "I didn't the first time?" All right, because this is the first time Amber actually slept with Liam, it's a reasonable slip, and she got away with it by attributing it to Liam's concussion.

But then Amber bragged to Oliver that she and Liam "sealed the deal -- for real." First off, in the context of the conversation, where she just found out Oliver and Hope didn't actually have sex, "for real" sounded like she was just saying she and Liam did have sex. Also, "for real" is a slang term for confirmation, like that line in "The Bed Intruder Song": "You are really dumb, for real." So it was a good idea for Amber to almost give herself away, but I didn't find this a particularly effective way to do it.

At any rate, it's all going to unravel at some point, with or without Carl spilling the beans. Meanwhile, you guys had some beans of your own to spill in the Two Scoops e-box!:

• "I wish Brooke would let Thomas stand on his own two feet. He can do his line by himself. Or use other women. Her place is to stand by Ridge not Thomas. It makes her look like she thinks he can't do his job without her." - Bertha

• "B&B has to be the only soap that could hire Sarah Joy Brown and Rick Hearst and not know what to do with them! Instead we get the 3000th retread of Brooke, Taylor, and Ridge. Boring! Love your column, by the way...I will continue to read [it]...[but] I'm skipping B&B and headed to AMC." - Mary

• "Brooke was just as crazed when Rick was chasing Taylor. She even tried pushing her way into Taylor and Nick's custody arrangement. We also saw Brooke trying to rile up Ridge about Taylor and Rick's relationship. So this storyline is nothing new; it even contains the same players. Only the adult male son has been replaced! Both ladies have been unable to see reason when it comes to their grown sons lusting after their mortal enemies." - Li

• "Can't the writers write anything worth watching anymore? About the only character left on there worth seeing now is Brooke, and they are trying their best to ruin her also. I have started missing this show quite often now..." - Virgie

• "Looks like I will give up another soap...this scenario with Liam and Amber makes me sick. Why doesn't Hope notice the weeks of the ultra sound to prove he is not the father. Make me gag. Amber needs to go far away from the soap world." - Connie

B&B needs to just look at these comments and realize they are losing viewers in a time no soap can afford to lose viewers. This week was definitely better, but there's still so much more this show is capable of. I know they can do it, too. They just need to start doing it!

Meanwhile, let's ponder some points in Points to Ponder:

Thomas gushed that his gown fit Brooke "like it was made for you." Would it do anything else?... Did anyone catch Nick doing exercises with the handgrip after Bill punched him? Hilarious!... Hope made out with Liam the day after he had sex with Amber -- yet when Brooke and Oliver had sex, the thought of kissing Oliver grossed Hope out for weeks... As Steffy and Oliver discussed how his relationship with Hope got messed up, Steffy said, "I know I was a huge part of that." Wow! She actually owned it!... "Dollar Bill for your thoughts?" Thomas joked. Good line, but when he referred to Spencer as "Mr. Tall, Dark, and Dangerous," it lent credence to my theory about Thomas' orientation...

Liam went for a walk after hitting the sheets with Amber -- in the middle of the night! And what if he had fallen from Bill's unstable balcony (which may have served Bill right)... If Bill does agree to therapy, hope he doesn't book his appointment with loopy Taylor! Besides, she married her last patient (Nick)... "I'm not gonna be the guy who walks out on his kid," Liam told absentee father Bill. Ouch! And why is Liam carrying around a picture of the ultrasound, much less thinking Bill would want to see it?... Brooke advised Hope to move on from Liam -- like she herself has ever tried to move on from Ridge?... With no money and no trailer, where exactly is Tawny living these days?... And it's been a year since we lost Beth Logan -- just because B&B forgets doesn't mean we Scoopers do!

Now it's your turn. The Soap Central message boards are waiting for you to rub the letters off your keyboards. See you in two weeks, and in the meantime, keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold!