The bold and the baffling

Taylor couldn't even say that she loved her husband last week. Not only does this assassinate her character more, but it takes the brilliant Taylor/Whip pairing and smashes it against the wall for all time.

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did your spring cleaning include a change of wives? Were you the main course at a dinner party? Did you find out your husband almost made a killing in more than business? These and more situations faced the Forresters et al this week!

March 23, 2011, marked 24 years since the premiere of The Bold and the Beautiful. I'm pleased to see the show reach that milestone, but I didn't feel much like celebrating. I've followed B&B through a lot of funky twists (Morgan's shark attack, anyone?), but currently we are being subjected to its worst story of all time. Let's slog through for the sake of Scoopin'!

Implausibilities abound: Ridge decides to kill the whole Taboo line. Brooke blindly goes along with Thomas -- again. And now the men's line is doing a women's line? Dayzee is the only one who has a clue in any of this -- Thomas was wrong to undermine his father, and to be so blas about the damage he caused. Now that Dayzee is getting an idea of what the Forrester family is like, she should run, not walk, to the nearest exit. She's too cool to get mixed up with these people!

And she should be especially disillusioned with Stephanie right now. I know I am. I can understand her being bothered by the Kiss. Sure, Brooke has a history, and I'll even allow that maybe Brooke sent Thomas the permission signals Stephanie mentioned. But Thomas acted on them. Stephanie's rationale (and Taylor's!) is like saying a woman deserved to be raped because she wore a provocative dress. At least Stephanie admitted she was disappointed in Brooke. "I gave you my love," she lamented. So I cheered when Brooke replied, "Then your love doesn't mean very much if it wilted in the first high wind." Who says girls from the Valley aren't smart?

It was great to see Eric (why doesn't someone give this core character a storyline before he goes the way of Thorne?), but his reaction confused me. His expression said, "That's my boy!" when he found out Thomas had kissed Brooke. He's right that in and of itself the Kiss is no big deal, but the lecherousness seemed a bit out of character. I suppose you have to have conflict; throwing his support behind Taboo's expansion is certainly enough to ruffle Stephanie's feathers.

Thomas had some good points when he tried to smooth things over with Ridge. A designer wouldn't necessarily get his line shut down for kissing the CEO's wife. But he could be fired on the spot -- at least Thomas still has a job! Did Ridge use his authority to punish Thomas? Probably. I did appreciate that Thomas went the heart-to-heart route by honestly confessing to Ridge his feeling that Ridge didn't even know about Thomas' dreams. I even thought Adam Gregory did a decent job in the scene. But then Thomas got smart-alecky, admitting his mistakes but telling Ridge that Ridge started it! No, Thomas, you started it when you busted a move on your stepmother! Someone please blow up his car.

And I can't quite understand Ridge's obstinacy here. He's more upset about the Kiss than he was about the mask-boink with Oliver! Then, he just rolled his eyes and said "Oh, Logan, what I am going to do with you?" Now he says Brooke defied him with the press conference. Brooke's only mistake was not learning from the last time Thomas dragged her on a stage, saying to go along with whatever he did. That was bone-headed. But how could Brooke possibly have gotten out of it once the conference began without making Thomas -- and the company -- look bad?

Ridge suddenly had to fly to Paris to handle a strike at Forrester International. Marcus didn't have the experience. Completely plausible -- except when you consider Rick is just as qualified to settle a strike, if not more so, because of the time he put in over there. No, it was invented just to stick Ridge and Taylor on a plane and stir up the incredibly tired, really-don't-need-to-go-there-again Brooke/Ridge/Taylor triangle.

Why does B&B constantly feel the need to go back to this empty well? After the demise of Guiding Light and As The World Turns, soaps should be falling all over themselves trying to create the best storylines possible. Just this week, All My Children stared cancellation in the face. Yet B&B is scraping the very bottom of the barrel. Are they trying to get themselves cancelled? Or is there some conspiracy that is forcing writers to come up with horrible stories so the fans will stop watching soaps, giving the networks an excuse to cancel them? Between the complaints I'm reading about all six shows -- and the drivel B&B is turning out lately -- I seriously can't help but wonder.

Meanwhile, Taylor just sinks further with each episode. She claimed continuing the Taboo line was child abuse (!) and took every opportunity to bash Brooke. Stephanie's Skyped call for Ridge to dump Brooke sounded like it was inserted from any of the thousands of other episodes where Stephanie made the same speech. At least Ridge seemed aware he was being manipulated seven ways to Sunday. But why suddenly does he have "a decision" to make? Nobody wants to watch Ridge play musical wives again!

And poor Whip! Neither Taylor nor Stephanie seems to care that Taylor is already married! And Taylor couldn't even say that she loved her husband! Not only does this assassinate Taylor's character more, but it takes the brilliant Taylor/Whip pairing and smashes it against the wall for all time. Why would Taylor pick now to tell Ridge that Whip took and distributed the Taboo photo? She must like baseball, because that was totally out of left field. Will that be her excuse to leave Whip? Not that he should get off squeaky clean, mind you, but...oh...make it stop.

Brooke was right that the only focus should be Thomas. If he turns out gay, crow will be served a la carte, and glory be, it would end the idea of Brooke hooking up with him. Brooke did raise Thomas for a while. Wouldn't her wanting him equate to her wanting Rick? Eww! Someone should remind Ridge that he played tonsil hockey with Bridget. That was okay somehow, wasn't it!

Okay -- moving on. Fortunately, the second half of the week was almost enough to make us forget Storylinus Horribilus. Almost.

Bill Spencer is back in form, and not a moment too soon. Naturally, Jarrett's discovery of the "kill Taboo" memo would get Bill's wheels turning, and Bill would know a thing or two about the inner workings of Forrester from working there. Why wouldn't he run a scandalous cover story? So I really liked it when Bill listened to Liam's impassioned pleas and agreed to delay the piece until they had more facts.

But even more, I liked Bill's one-liners, which came fast and furious and showed Bill Spencer at his snarky best. Saying that Ridge is more capable of changing his clothes than his mind! That he doesn't relieve himself without Brooke knowing about it! And my personal favorite:

Jarrett (claiming he found the memo by accident): "I swear on a stack of Bibles!"Bill: "Have you ever seen me with even one Bible?

Yes, Scoopers, this is entertainment. More on Bill in a minute -- a lot more!

First let's visit the Oliver/Hope/Liam/Amber quadrangle. And the return of Tawny. So Amber texted her that the trailer blew up and she was almost killed, and Tawny couldn't be bothered to show up. Now she wants to see if Amber's okay because of the fall? Oh, I know it's probably a matter of budgets and scheduling regarding Andrea Evans, but what a bogus way to go about it. You'd think Tawny would have been a lot more upset that her only piece of property was blown to smithereens!

Well, Tawny must be happy that Amber is vamping it up again. This after months of "Mom! We can't do that!" Now Amber is taking the initiative, arranging a dinner party to show Liam and Hope it's time to move on. Um, they broke up -- how are they not moving on? And could Amber have been more obvious at dinner? She'd have gotten a lot further if she had been natural instead of smarmy, maybe dropping subtle hints instead of lying and pushing the issue in everyone's face. She did Tawny proud.

I wish B&B would play on Amber being desperate to have a baby. After all, she lost two of them, and her biological clock is ticking. Maybe she started obsessing on childbirth after Y&R's Daniel -- her recent husband, by the way -- rejected the idea of having a child. That would ground an otherwise done-to-death story. At least Amber is starting to show -- albeit suddenly, in one day, after one costume change!

Hope and Liam weren't moving on once they got outside -- it was practically mask-boink territory! But sending mixed signals much, Hope? "I wanna make love to you -- no wait I can't!" You'd think neither of them would be in the mood after the dinner party. Instead, Hope got Liam all steamed up, then ran off. You know why -- because "come-to-mama" Amber is waiting upstairs. And Oliver got an eyeful! He deserved it -- accepting Amber's invitation and lying to Hope about where they were going, then once the destination came out, telling Hope she needed to accept Liam having a baby with Amber. If I were Hope, I'd have clocked Oliver with his camera!

Finally, Steffy came by Bill's office -- wearing the same thing she was wearing two weeks ago! -- to have more rehash chat about Bill wanting to kill Amber. And how Steffy saved her. Naturally, this conversation didn't need to be had again -- except that Katie needed to overhear it. And we needed for Katie to overhear it! Wow! The fallout was nuclear! Did you not love it when Katie yelled "Shut up!" at Steffy twice and screamed for her to get out? Okay, maybe Steffy didn't deserve it for her part in this story, but it made up for so much else.

Yes, Katie has picked up the Clue Phone about Bill. What do we really know about him? He could be capable of murder. Only thing is, his almost-dastardly deed is entirely based on his conviction that Amber tried to kill Liam, which holds no water at all. I do wish Katie had set Bill straight on that. But no matter! She roasted him on pretty much everything else! That for all Bill's roaring about family, he didn't consider Katie family, nor did he consider Amber's child (though of course we know it isn't).

Heather Tom was on fire, and I was reminded why I loved her so much as Y&R's Victoria. The girl's still got it -- why was she backburnered for a year? Don Diamont killed it, too, effortlessly shunting between fiery determination and remorseful vulnerability. Can't every scene rock like this?

I want to see Bill and Katie stay together, but when Katie finds out the rest of it -- that Steffy blackmailed Bill into returning Forrester because they almost had sex -- all bets are off. What I don't get is, why would Katie turn to Nick in her hour of need? For one thing, who knew they maintained any sort of friendship after the whole blowup about Bridget? And Nick's timing was awfully convenient. Oh, a surfboard. Sure. Brooke needs a shoulder right about now -- you'd think she'd have called Katie. But Katie calling Donna was a start.

Of course, Katie's innocent request for a place to stay can only get ugly. Last time she walked out on Bill, his tongue found Steffy's throat as a result of his abandonment issues. Steffy's nearby again, and Bill may bristle at Nick's involvement. But at least it's different -- and so refreshing after the Taboo boo-boo!

See, I'd love nothing better than to sit here every two weeks and tell you how great B&B is. It's just very difficult these days. And if your comments are any indication, our show had better get with it!:

• "I really thought TPTB had seen the light and realized that a sexual relationship between [Thomas and Brooke] was not the way to go, but here we are. I find this pairing disgusting and insulting...I'm not looking forward to this upcoming week, but what else is new?" -- LK

• "Taylor is acting like a raving maniac. Brooke on the other hand...I guess if you're pushing 50 you really do need to stop acting the whore. If she was still in her 30s she would be all over Thomas. Nobody has forgotten she has slept with every man on the show. She flirts with Thomas...then plays dumb and shocked that he's getting turned on...nothing's changed. Ridge has just tired of fighting it." -- Chris

• "Your Scoop has been great. Lately I [switch] off the TV when Taylor comes on! She seems to have lost her senses! She's not innocent either! I'm surprised Brooke hasn't commented that Taylor slept with her son. I am really getting sick of this storyline. B&B is gonna lose a lot of viewers due to Taylor's constant badgering...I'm one of them...get it over and done with already!" -- Mary

• "I am sick of the self-righteous Taylor. She gives doctors in her field a bad name, let alone making herself look very stupid like a high school girl with her first heartbreak. Can we not move on from the Ridge thing she has with him? No wonder her husband [did] what he did because she is so wrapped up in everybody's lives but her own. Please give Taylor a time out for real." -- Dana

• "I wish they would let Brooke be a strong confident businesswoman. I wish she would stand up to Stephanie and Ridge -- either they love her as she is or not at all. And why all of a sudden do we hate Taylor? She's come undone. Does she know her 'baby' is a grown man and responsible for his own actions. Enough of this already -- get a storyline together [besides] who-loves-Brooke-Logan!" -- Denise

• "I beg to differ Mr. Adam. Why is it that Brooke has to keep secrets from Ridge, can you answer that? I really believe Taylor is sparing [Thomas] from having another head-on collision. It's just so sad Bradley has to keep his head in this incestuous pool by aging Thomas only to get into Brooke's pants. Then again I have to say this is a good story line for Tayridge and family..." -- tgtsing

• "Thomas kissed Brooke so Ridge cancelled the most successful line in Forrester history -- the only similar business model I can imagine is that you own a dairy and one of your delivery persons drops a bottle of milk, so you shoot the cow. What's wrong with pulling Brooke off the project -- what's she doing there, anyway?" -- Tex

• "My comment...is on the reference to [the] Taylor and Eric affair. If you correctly remember, they had dinner, they both expressed their feelings and they kissed, but Taylor refused to continue a relationship with Eric because Stephanie was her best friend! Rehash the files, watch the episodes again and realize that your comment was a boo-boo..." -- D. London

I included more comments than usual just to show that, overall, the Thomas-Brooke Affair is absolutely not popular -- are you reading this, Brad Bell? You don't do a storyline just because it's scandalous. And to answer D. London's comment: true that Taylor and Eric never consummated their relationship, but, for that brief time, Taylor was still involved with Eric -- which actually gives Brooke and Taylor even more in common! (How's that for scandalous?)

And here are some other Points to Ponder:

Liam is still woozy -- maybe he has a serious ailment the concussion and explosion only aggravated? If Tawny thought Bill's house was bugged, why would she yap so loudly about "stepping up the plan?" Katie's memory of roaming the sands with Storm was sweet, but why the desire to live on the beach? She already lives on the beach! Nice of Nick to let Katie stay on the Shady Marlin (II, you recall), but where's Aggie? How would she feel about another of Nick's exes literally floating about? And is Amber wearing a splint because she fell, or did Adrienne Frantz have a real-life accident?

Eric's thrilled to design for Taboo's women's line -- but didn't he retire when he made Ridge CEO? How did they put together clothes for the women's line photo shoot the same day the line was created and announced? Thomas frowned on the carbon footprint left by Ridge flying to Paris alone -- but he didn't care when he and Brooke flew there and back by themselves... Why is Taylor picturing where the Kiss took place? Didn't she worry for Hope's sanity when she recreated the mask-boink? And can Taylor just jump on an international flight like that? Does she carry her passport with her 24-7?

If B&B wants to make its 25th anniversary, some of what we're seeing now had better be a distant memory by then. Put in your two scoops in the Soap Central message boards, and yes, keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold!

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