A horse is a horse, of course

Bridget and Owen can't stop talking about their grief sex in places where anyone could just walk in. Every time they're in a room together, the subject comes up. Subtle much, guys?

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you use actual models for your new line instead of high-level executives? Did you have three glorious Steffy-free days? Did you hit an important soap milestone and celebrate your 23rd anniversary? Only the first two situations faced the Forresters this week - but the third faced us, the fans!

Right off, I would like to say Happy 23 Years to B&B! Through the highs and lows, the memorable moments and the cringeworthy, the storylines we hated and the ones we wished would never end, it's not every day a soap can celebrate this many years on TV - and no prime-time show can (except maybe "60 Minutes"). In this era where the daytime soap has become an endangered species, I'm personally happy to lift my glass of cyber-champagne to the Forresters, Spectras, Marones, Joneses, and, yes, Logans!

I remember when I first started watching the show - it was the spring of 1988, my first year out of high school. My mother watched the CBS soaps, so now that I was home during the day, I watched out of curiosity. Soon I watched every day. I had a few dry periods...the early '90s - until Sheila came to town. And admittedly I kept up with much of the 2000s via on-line updates. But I always kept up. My most memorable B&B moment? May Sweeps 1993 - I was working as a file clerk in a hospital, and during the two episodes of Sheila and Eric's wedding, nurses and visitors alike crowded 'round the TV in the waiting area - would Lauren expose Sheila? That image has always stuck in my mind!

B&B may not be that kind of draw today, but there's still a lot going for it. One thing that was so refreshing this week - and needed - was a little something called balance. A nice mix of characters, a nice mix of storylines. And you know what? Steffy only being on two days (instead of five!) is just the right proportion. It's also interesting that Hope, Brooke, Taylor, and even Ridge are wondering exactly what is up with her. Now she's a Peeping Tom at Hope's Inexplicable High School Dance at Forrester. "This is so dumb!" she said to herself. Yes, Steffy, it is. One gets the feeling now she's desperate for a man - any man.

Sudden BFF Marcus shows up, and Steffy asks, "You don't still feel anything...?" as if she was hoping he'd take her back - just seconds after boo-hooing over Oliver! That Marcus even talks to her after what she did to him with Rick is amazing enough. Someone on the B&B Facebook group suggested that Rick really messed Steffy up - and that makes a lot of sense. She certainly learned vengeance at his...er, knee. But two episodes of her in a week is certainly more tolerable. And how about Marcus and his bad-ass date! You go, Marcus! He really seemed to come alive in this scene - finally.

Interesting that Brooke's wedding-interrupting man-and-horse bit (equine pun intended) was revisited for laughs and pivotal plot points this week, because there's plenty that made me go WHOA WHOA WHOA!

Yes, Whip and Taylor, I mean you. I really like them together and I'm glad things are progressing between them. But where's the damn fire? First Whip sets up a dinner test to see if Taylor is over Ridge. She knew she was being tested, yet her lingering feelings might as well have been written on the menu. Then, just when all is lost, Taylor remembers the man-and-horse moment, gets grateful, and does a 180 in her Prada heels - I love you, Whip; I love you I love you! Good save, Taylor - but I wish I could buy it. Earlier that day, she lamented to Ridge that if Brooke hadn't interrupted their wedding with the horse, they'd be together now. And by dinner she's laughing about it? Not to mention citing it as her rationale for suddenly being over Ridge? I smell something funny, and it's not something burning in the Caf Russe kitchen, either.

I must digress for a moment - did anyone else feel punched in the gut when Robert announced Caf Russe was closing? That set is as much a part of B&B as Eric's office. I wonder why they'd decide to stop using it? Would've made more sense to have Hope's dance there, actually, instead of in the Forrester basement. Wouldn't have minded some flashbacks, particularly given the birthday week - I can still see Sally sitting there with her bubbly, can't you? And Brooke and Ridge's final dance in the establishment was sweet, although someone missed the boat not having them sway to at least one verse of "Unforgettable." Digression over.

So Taylor passes Whip's test, and an hour later he's proposing? He bought a ring knowing there was a very good chance he wouldn't need it? And it was "a perfect fit"? How did he even know her size? Just once I'd like to see a soap proposal where the ring is either way too big or too small. I'm just sayin'. Anyway, I don't know what the rush is here. They've had like, what - three dates? Even assuming other, off-screen dates, a few months is too fast, especially with a woman who still has lingering feelings for her ex.

Why are soaps marrying off couples so quickly these days? What would be wrong with taking time to build strong unions for them first? A wedding doesn't instantly give them one - if anything, marriage only celebrates a relationship that was solidified before walking down the aisle. Well, Taylor will soon be signing her checks "Taylor Jones" - but her feelings for Ridge can't be gone just like that, no matter how adorable she and Whip are together.

While we're on horses, hold yours, Eric and Donna! We've barely seen them in ages, and now Eric's going off on her - in front of Stephanie and Pam, no less? Sure, he was right that Donna had no problem working with Pam when they were on The Catwalk together (what happened to that show, anyway? The company's ownership changes hands and suddenly the show goes off the air? I doubt it!). I can understand that Eric didn't feel supported during Spencer's regime - but Donna was right, too. She did make efforts then - in her own way.

This conflict - which is obviously being engineered to send Jennifer Gareis off on maternity leave - is incredibly contrived and out-of-nowhere. "What is going on with us, Eric?" Indeed. And B&B isn't trying very hard to cover Ms. Gareis' pregnancy, are they? Big purse notwithstanding, you could see the actress' increasingly prominent baby bump quite easily - and, while they might think they're winking at it by having Pam make all sorts of fat jokes, one joke would have been plenty. Wow did Pam overdo it. (Although wasn't it a trip that Stephanie actually asked Pam to apologize to Donna?)

The horse sure tore out of the starting gate, though, once Eric was alone with Stephanie! For her to blurt out "I'm never going to be happy until I'm in our home" was whoa-worthy enough; at least it was in character. But for Eric to suddenly declare, "I never should have let you go" and plant a big wet one on her? WHOA WHOA WHOA! Look, I remember Eric and Stephanie from the early days - they were a much more appropriate couple then, even though Stephanie spent years being needy and vindictive trying to get the uninterested Eric back. When they reunited in the '90s, it worked. But that ship has sailed.

I have to be blunt here - if Stephanie is still Eric's muse, then maybe he should be designing suits, not dresses. I have no problem with the incorporation of Susan Flannery's personal style into Stephanie's look - but it's still Susan Flannery, not Stephanie. I can't imagine a man who's cavorted with the likes of Brooke and Lauren and Sheila and Jackie and Donna reuniting with, soul mate as she might be, a lady who looks more masculine than he does. Stephanie is still and always has been classy - and she certainly needs some romance. But she and Eric aren't a match anymore. Now, Jackie would be perfect for him...and she may be free before too long the way things are going!

But before we visit Jackie M, how interesting was it to see Donna barge in on Bill - a shirtless one at that - and find him encouraging her to talk about what was bothering her? A year ago, Bill would have tried to soothe her with sex! Marriage to Katie must have changed him after all. It was great to see the Spencers, but why are they just sitting around talking and boinking? Does Bill not have a big conglomerate to run? Shouldn't he be plotting his revenge against Steffy? And one fine day, Katie will find out exactly how Forrester slipped through their fingers. But I guess that bomb will go off another day.

This one will go off sooner, though, because Bridget and Owen can't stop talking about their grief sex in places where anyone could just walk in. Every time they're in a room together, the subject comes up - usually accompanied by the adulterers embracing in some fashion. Subtle much, guys? Good thing Jackie M doesn't have surveillance cams! Not that they need one, with Oliver's still-unexplainable video hovering about, and the way he and his sister both spied hugs on separate occasions.

Aggie was champing at the bit to spill the beans, and was so obvious that Nick should have clued in right away that Bridget was guilty of more than walking out on her marriage for a few hours. Instead he gave a big rally-the-troops speech (making a few good points along the way) that resulted in Bridget rehiring Aggie, who decided to keep her mouth shut that much longer. Interesting, isn't it, that Steffy and Oliver and Aggie all know the secret, that any of them could reveal it at any time, and that Bridget herself might blow the whole thing open? (I understand her guilt, but I think the writers didn't realize what they had her saying when she told Owen "You were so good to me that night." LOL, B&B!)

Bridget and Owen did have a connection last year - which Jackie instigated by pushing them together to make Nick jealous. Could their romp have had more to do with unacknowledged feelings, no matter how much they love their spouses? Betcha it did. Once the truth comes out - and of course it will, although I like that they're holding off and involving so many people - Nick really won't be able to say much; it's karma of sorts. But Jackie is being played for a bit of a fool here.

"Oh, Nicky caught you hugging Bridget? Well, aren't you good and kind and supportive." Jackie is a woman of the world and has more than once sensed something was wrong with Owen, who one minute tells Bridget to chill and the next can't follow his own advice. Jackie will be the real victim when things implode - all the more reason to go galloping back to Eric, girl! Quick, before Stephanie saddles him again!

Finally, there's Wild Stallion Aggie. She's very interesting right now with her loaded comments, determination to "watch" Bridget, readying to tell Nick everything, then holding back...not sure what to make of it. When Nick hugged her, wasn't her expression perfectly Sheila-esque? It's intriguing not being able to get a bead on what she's going to do next. I'm rather starting to like the Joneses as a family, too, so I hope Aggie doesn't go the nutty route. Two more quick comments: Bridget commented that "something changed in me that night" - could that be an indication that the naughtier side of her DNA may be surfacing? And can someone tell me why Nick changed his shirt in the middle of the day, while Bridget stayed in the same blouse? Maybe he needed to after cleaning the horse stables.

Here are some comments from the mail bag:

• Jean says:"Love, love, love Mike's commentary. I agree with everything he says most of the time (except liking Amber)! Would love to read his comments every week."

• Margie says: "Why is Thorne not part of the REST ? He is the only blood Forrester. They keep telling Brooke she is not a Forrester - how about Taylor, and Stephanie - they like Brooke are only married or were married to a Forrester!"

• And Mary adds:"Mike, great, great column. I have come to look forward to them, because you echo my sentiments. I was calling B and B The Steffy Show this week. I am tired of her, and I know it's a soap, but you are right, the implausibility of the story lines is getting irritating. I wish Bradley Bell would read your column!! Thanks for your great work."

Thank you, ladies! As Sally Field once said, "I guess this means you like me - you really like me." :) To find out who else Soap Central readers like, check out B&B's winners of the 2009-2010 Dankies Awards. Who took Outstanding Male Lead Actor? (You won't be surprised.) Most Attractive Female Star? (You just might be surprised!) If you want to check out the results or vote in the All-Soaps ballot (where all the winners from all the soaps compete against each other), click here.

Thanks for blowing out 23 candles with me this week. We've heard a fair amount of stuff on the show lately about "That's what you should be doing at your age - having fun." The same could be said for our B&B. Have fun, keep it real, be true to your history, and listen to your fans. (OH, HEAR ME, BRADLEY BELL - GIVE THORNE A STORYLINE. THE FANS HAVE SPOKEN. YES, THAT'S IN CAPS. THANK YOU!) Will B&B still be around 23 years from now? Will the entire soap genre still be around in 2033? With fans like us, there's a good chance both answers will be yes. Make your opinions known - let your shows know how you feel and do some Scoopin' on the Soap Central message boards. Soaps are still relevant! They just need to give us layered characters, put them in substantial and believable storylines, and above all, they need to be bold!