Giving history a R.E.S.T.

Steffy is out to purge the company of everything Logan, completely forgetting that twelve months ago she was ready to throw everything away to marry Rick, who is as much half-Logan as Hope is!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you have your surrogate singing I'll Tumble 4 Ya? Did you hate on your extended family so much that Jerry Springer wanted you on his show? Did you take a bath with your clothes on? These and more situations faced the Forresters this week!

Well, the Forrester-Logan Feud of 2010 is on just in time for February sweeps and took up the bulk of the last five episodes. Lots to say on that, but first let's address the "minor" story of the week...

Oh, Bridget. Hate to say it, m'dear, but if Aggie loses the baby, you've only got yourself to blame. Yes, Aggie kept secrets from you and asked Nick to keep secrets from you -- albeit for her own reasons that had nothing to do with you. But you have been a bitch on wheels ever since you found out about them. Nick was totally right when he said that Bridget's fury has less to do with Aggie and more to do with Nick's past indiscretions. But Nick's trying to make things right -- yet Bridget tells Aggie "I don't care how you feel" when the surrogate complains about her pills causing side effects? Bridget didn't even bother to investigate that from a clinical perspective, nor could she stop sniping at Aggie even though she knew the stress was bad for the baby.

And now Aggie's taken the Typical Pregnant Lady Soap Tumble. Atypically, at least, it didn't happen in a physical struggle with Bridget -- although Nick's going to think it did. What I hear Bridget's going to do next will be atypical as well. By the way, isn't it interesting that Owen is suddenly talking babies again? In case you think that's a non sequitur, keep watching. Wonder if there've been any breakthroughs in Bridget's sterility? In the meantime, poor little Jack finally got mentioned. But what's going to happen to all that nice manicotti?

Now for the big doings at Forrester Creations -- but break out those Trapper Keepers and Pee-Chee folders, because we're going back to school for a few history lessons along the way, and there will be a quiz afterwards.

So, seductive Steffy -- whose one year of business experience started in the mail room -- was wily enough to blackmail Bill into signing over ownership and pull a bait-and-switch with the contracts so that the company would also belong to Stephanie and Taylor. Why wouldn't Bill insist on reading a legal document, no matter how much Steffy was threatening him? Even if he was trying to get it over with to protect his marriage (the one he endangered in the first place), that was unbelievably bad business from a man who considers himself a hotshot mogul. Katie's right to be suspicious -- and she'll find out the truth eventually. As for Bill, I hope he follows through on his threats of revenge, especially if it entails something diabolical that teaches bratty Steffy that she has no place in the big leagues!

It took me a while to figure it out, but it would seem that the whole reason for the very contrived, very cartoonish Forrester-Logan feud is to pit Steffy and Hope against each other. Sure, we need conflict for the Generation Z contingent. But it's not based in anything accurate:

HISTORY LESSON #1: Yes, Taylor and Brooke have a long history of fighting over Ridge, but it was never a Forrester-Logan issue. The only person that ever spewed anti-Logan rhetoric before was Stephanie, and even that was confined to Beth and Brooke until Eric turned his eye toward Donna a few years ago. Steffy is only mimicking Grandma here -- suddenly she's out to purge the company of everything Logan, completely forgetting that twelve months ago she was ready to throw everything away to marry Rick, who is as much half Logan as Hope is! All this talk about how the Logans were in control, yet when Katie became CEO, the first thing she did was offer the top positions to Ridge, Eric, and Thorne -- who refused them! So nobody has the right to complain about "the Logans" taking over the company. Who put them there?

The other problem with the "feud" is that it's incredibly one-sided. Do you hear any of the evil Logans trash-talking the Forresters? No, you don't. Have the horrible slut sisters from the Valley gone around reminding Ridge that he's not even a Forrester by birth, so neither are Steffy and Thomas? No, they haven't. I know there are some clearly drawn lines among fans who love the Forresters and hate the Logans -- or vice versa -- but let's be fair. Yes, Forrester Creations absolutely belongs in the hands of the Forresters -- there's no disputing that. But Brooke is right -- she helped make Forrester a success while Taylor showed no interest in it. Yet now Taylor is entitled to own 25% and have a say-so in the running of the company? At the risk of alienating many of my Brooke-basher readers, I'm with Brooke on this one. Steffy only wants to get her parents back together -- she needs to give it a R.E.S.T. already!

Now, we knew Stephanie would gloat seven ways to Sunday if this day came, sure. But Steffy and Taylor are beyond insufferable here. They're smug, arrogant -- and completely misinformed. This trio was very quick to reference Brooke's misdeeds as a reason she didn't deserve ownership. Brooke's made mistakes, yes -- big ones. But let's not forget:

HISTORY LESSON #2: Brooke did not sleep her way to the top! Nor did she break up Eric and Stephanie. Any YouTube channel with old episodes (that hasn't been shut down) will substantiate this -- Eric tried to divorce Stephanie for two years because he was in love with Beth. Brooke was only interested in Ridge, who was still hung up on Caroline. When Ridge ditched Brooke to reunite with Caroline, it was Eric who pursued a reluctant Brooke and gave her a position in the company! Brooke then earned her place by creating BeLieF (so glad she mentioned it this week!), and only after the Forresters tried to screw her out of the rights to it did she become a CEO with 51% of the company. And Brooke ran it well for years! She's far from being a wide-eyed innocent, true, but she's not the bedhopping corporate climber she's being made out to be. Stephanie and Taylor need to stop with the sour grapes already. Will they be so self-righteous when they find out Steffy actually did what they always accuse Brooke of doing to get the company back?

Alas, Jackie was right -- Eric snaps his fingers and Stephanie goes running back to Forrester. I'm not questioning Stephanie's history there, or her sense of loyalty. But I said that Fun Stephanie would disappear if it happened, and I wasn't wrong. Nick "firing" Stephanie so she wouldn't be bound to her contract was a nice moment -- and a perfect example of the Jackie M warmth and sincerity she's leaving behind. And what on earth has gotten into Eric? Conceding he shouldn't have driven Stephanie out of Forrester is one thing. Wanting her working there again still another. But planting a big kiss on her? What's up with that? Have we seen any signs that his marriage to Donna is in trouble? If we did, I missed them. Maybe this is all a set-up to accommodate Jennifer Gareis' impending maternity leave, but it smacks of business as usual. The days of Jackie M are sadly over -- and for what? More rehashed storylines?

When Brooke asked Taylor to consider transferring her newfound ownership to her, Taylor started out doing the right thing. She talked it over with Whip, listened as Brooke and Stephanie pleaded their cases, and opted to get Ridge and Eric's input before deciding. This was all consistent with the Taylor we used to know. But in the big meeting, Taylor heard Ridge but didn't give Eric a chance to say anything, waxing poetic about honesty and loyalty and integrity -- and in the same breath declared she wasn't going to apologize for loving Ridge! And Brooke's not supposed to interpret that as a threat? Would Whip feel the same way? Taylor isn't all that concerned with preserving the Forrester legacy for Thomas and Steffy; if she was against signing over to Brooke but still wanted to do the right thing, why not give long-deserving Thorne her 25% -- the same Thorne who had one line during the whole fracas and was relegated to retrieving booze from the storeroom? Taylor already has a burgeoning storyline with Whip -- having the "T" in R.E.S.T. stand for "Thorne" would give him one, too. Wouldn't it be great if Taylor couldn't come up with the $50 million -- but Thorne could? For that matter, this whole Forrester ownership thing could still go down the tubes if they can't raise the cash!

Thankfully the big "bang" referred to in the spoilers was merely the Spencer sign being blown off the building -- it was quite dramatic, actually; very Ridge-like. Glad also that nobody got killed off as some predicted. But the real drama came in the form of the Taylor/Brooke catfight. Given the watery setting, one can't help the inevitable comparisons to Dynasty. (Big fan, by the way.) Watching the ladies throw down during their across-the-complex argument was certainly worthy of those comparisons -- Taylor taunting Brooke about feeling threatened and sneering that Brooke pranced around in her underwear; Brooke firing back about Taylor's own indiscretions and snarking that Taylor couldn't satisfy Ridge in bed. In true Alexis fashion, Brooke even put down Taylor's outfit (which looked like something Alexis herself would have worn). So of course someone was going to end up in the pond. But the catfight itself? So-so. They went at it in some ways, but went through the motions in others. Guess we'll have to wait 'til Monday to see how it plays out. Wouldn't it be awesome to have John Forsythe walk by the pond, smile knowingly at the camera, and move on in a silent cameo as Brooke and Taylor watch agape?

Well, that's Scoopin' for this week -- but first some comments from the "mailbag":

Marie says: You wrote your column as if you were reading my mind. I too think if Nick crosses the line with Agnes then this character is ruined and Jack [Wagner] might want to find a job quick. I have enough of Bridge angst for the rest of my life. I like Bill and Katie, but Bill has been turned into a doofus. What the heck is Bell doing? I wonder how Jackie M will fare once the queen goes back to FC. I understand Bridget with all the betrayal and her rage, but Bell is writing her a bit too over the top. I don't get Bill selling the company back because of a little twit.

And Erin adds: Great column. The only thing I disagree with you about is your statement that Steffy is more likeable this week. Every single week I despise her more. Blech! I can't wait until she gets what's coming to her. I'm really losing respect for Bill, too, despite wanting to like him.

And thank you to those who set me straight about Owen's beach house being different from Bill's. So -- did you pass your quiz? I predict comeuppance in the near-future for Steffy -- between Bill's desire for retribution, Hope and Katie's suspicions, and Brooke about to spill the beans (at least the beans she knows about!), hopefully next column I'll get a chance to write about karma biting Steffy Not-Forrester in the you-know-where! In the meantime, Scoop out some of your own opinions on the soapcentral.com message boards -- and don't forget to be bold!