Lumps of coal

Part one of a two-part look back at the events of the past year in Los Angeles. This week, our columnist discusses the worst that The Bold and the Beautiful had to offer in 2006.

It's that time of year again everyone! I could call this week's column a lot of things: The Worst of 2006, How To Ruin A Show In 12 Months, All That Went Wrong, Please Shoot Me Now, etc. Instead I like to put a funny, Christmas-inspired spin while shredding various elements of the show in 2006. Oh my, there is so much to get to...let's get the party started!

A lump of coal for Taylor's foray into drunk driving. What purpose was this supposed to serve anyway? Of all the ways we could have knocked Taylor off her Forrester-built pedestal, why did it involve bumping off another of Thorne's wives? Hasn't that man gone through enough for heaven's sake? So Taylor had a 'fatal' flaw, big deal. It cheapened her character actually and from the pulse I have taken from my readers, no one liked the story at all. Was it a true creative idea or just another way to appease the Taylor haters out there that hate everything she does from breathing air to walking across the street. Either way, the story gets a big shiny lump of coal.

Our 2nd lump of coal is for Ridge. This should come as no surprise to anyone, of course, but I have a plethora of reasons so hear me out. The 'oh I'll be a nice guy now' act he pulled throughout the year to show himself in a better light while Brooke was waffling back and forth with Nick was pathetic. Ridge does nothing and I mean NOTHING for any pure or honorable reasons. Then he actually gets the 56th chance to 'get it right' with Brooke and does little more than keep her chained (figuratively speaking) to the bed and pet her like a Lab. That's all these two have, sex. And I don't mean hot, passionate sex that makes you really WANT to watch. It's the same old boring dialogue and the same old boring teddy she wears to greet him in bed. Yuck. No better validation for my point than the 'flashback' this week of the two have the EXACT SAME sex scene a thousand years ago. Thanks for showing us the true meaning of Xerox-inspired writing, Brad. Ah ha! Your secret is out! And Brooke... have some self-respect, woman! And I don't care what kind of shape he's in...he looks like a letch. He was completely out to lunch when it came to what his daughter was doing (or not doing) with that other letch Shane. He proved to be a terrible and disconnected father all year. So now at the end of the year we have him acting like the dutiful Daddy to Hope and RJ (who we conveniently never see) and finally realizing Phoebe may need some attention. How quaint. How about the simple fact that this buffoon pays attention to nothing in his environment when Brooke's teddy is on. Big fat lump of coal with a bad 80's wig on top for him!

A lump of coal for the wardrobe department. All year I have wondering who is in charge of dressing all these people everyday? I'm all for keeping it contemporary but please! Thorne and Ridge look a little too old to be dressed like they just fell out of the Abercrombie catalog. And will someone answer me this question-does Brooke wear anything with SLEEVES? I watched all year as she dressed in little more than a spaghetti strap camisole every scene she was in. The only one wearing less than Brooke this year was Dante. I think I counted 4 times I actually saw his torso covered. Granted he has a hot bod but I bet he would look hot in some clothes too! And the lump of coal also got a little bigger due to the annoying 60's throwback scarf-thing they have going on with Phoebe. Burn them! They make her look like Mrs. Roper from Three's Company. What's next for her, a housecoat?

A lump of coal for the MIA characters in 2006. Earlier this year Massimo became expendable and wasn't seen again after he was caught spying the ill-fated Nick-Brooke nuptials. Why? He should be on the show in for no other reason than as a foil for the Forrester's and his son for all that he is doing now. Now Dante, Hector, Harry, Christian and Storm are MIA. Oh sure we hear they will be 'recurring' but what that REALLY means is that they will be dusted off once or twice a year for weddings, funerals or corporate takeovers. Poor Darla got the shaft, too. Why? Not sleazy enough to keep around? Not enough scenes with her wearing nothing but a teddy? Rick is being recast but who knows? All it will take is the wind blowing a different direction for Brad to axe him, too. I have never understood why we get rid of the more intriguing characters and keep the annoying ones on the canvas. Can you say...'Bridget'?

Our 5th lump of coal goes to the aforementioned Bridget Forrester. Well, she had a banner year, huh? Let's see...she lost the baby with Nick she claimed originally that she aborted. She then got pregnant again with what she thought was Nick's baby after an 'accidental' one-night stand with Nick on the Marlin but that turned out to be Dante's instead. Boy she really gets around, doesn't she? Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it? She spent most of the year trying to get in between other couples with her over-active uterus. Then as if that wasn't enough, the writers had her lose this baby in like, 2 minutes! Out of nowhere she miscarried and that was it...end of story. Did someone go out for lunch and never come back on the writing staff? How do you start that story and involve Dante and Felicia, setting up all that tension and conflict to end it all in one scene? No other character even brought it up with her, not Brooke, Ridge, Eric, etc. I guess the writers think we are that lost or something.

Lump of coal #6 is for the arrival of Donna Logan. Now let me clarify this...I have always been a big supporter of more Logan's on this show and was happy to see Storm (for the 11 minutes he was on screen). However, this particular Donna is just too skanky for words. Yes, I called her a skank. Maybe I, as well as many other viewers, have a hard time seeing anyone but the Original Skank Grace Turner when we watch her scenes but wow is it bad! My favorite descriptive of her came from one of my readers earlier this year saying Donna was nothing but 'boobs and hair'. Amen. Recast, recast, recast!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Another lump for Brooke Logan Forrester Forrester Forrester Marone. Wow, she didn't waste any time, did she? As soon as things got tough, she bailed and in what classy fashion, too. Could this woman BE more hypocritical? She slept with Deacon over and over and couldn't see fit to forgive Nick for sleeping with Bridget after he felt she was sleeping with Ridge. Whatever. She is getting exactly what she deserves...an aging gigolo with no class, bad hair, and the most selfish heart of any character this show has ever seen. It won't be long before he is hitting on Hope, trust me. And Brooke keeps buying into this destiny garbage and though we all know they will implode for the 58th time since the show's inception, I am sure we will have to endure another nausea-inducing wedding between them. Let's see...they did the beach, the back patio of the mansion, the rainforest. What's left? Vegas? The courthouse? Taco Bell? Don't throw rice...toss those airplane barf bags instead! Oooh, the possibilities!

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Forrester Creations get the next lump of coal. I have never seen a soap company go through so many ownership crisis' in one year. First it's discovered that Stephanie owns it lock stock and barrel instead of Eric...then a few months later it is given up as blackmail to Nick of all people! WHAT? Crazy, just crazy. It makes no sense at all and I think I sufficiently echo the sentiments of my readership when I say the story was weak at best. I say shut it down...it's obviously been cursed or something. My final lump of coal goes to Nick Marone. Nick, I love you buddy, I really do. You spend too much time keeping Bridget around and now it bit you hard. You did all you could to make Brooke happy but Brad is intent on keeping the Old and the Boring together, so you need to cut your losses...but not like this! You're a little cuckoo these days and if the writers have a collective brain amongst them they would not be dragging your character through the mud like this. They did the 'turn 'em bad' thing with Ridge, too, and that didn't work either. He may be a man-whore but he's not cut out to be a villain and neither is Nick. This whole cold and calculating act of blackmailing Stephanie into giving up the company was so over the top that I just couldn't believe my eyes. He doesn't know ANYTHING about fashion and has spent his entire tenure on this show making fun of it. So how do we believe this story then? We don't! He is the strongest male lead on this show and needs to be written as such. And while we are at it, don't have him called 'Nicky' anymore! It's just plain creepy.

Well believe it or not, that's it for the BAD of B&B for 2006. I actually have a lot of 'Best Of's' for next week's column (posting on Saturday). Yes, I can say nice things, too! I think overall this year was just too full of loose ends and half-fleshed out stories that may have been good but now we will never know. Just when we start liking a new character, they disappear and that can't be good for ratings in the long-term. I am hoping for better next year. I know my lunch hours are a little better with these Ridge/Brooke scenes...I have a few extra minutes to empty the trash and go to the bathroom! For those readers that celebrate Christmas, have a Merry Christmas and I hope Santa brings you all that your heart desires! See you next week!

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