Pass the aspirin

Did Thorne lose some brain cells in the last few months that he spent off screen?

My week long headache is starting to subside a little. A handful of Bayer did the trick after I realized that I was completely confused, befuddled, and amazed at the newest lesson in revisionist history by Brad and his Merry Band of 'Writers'. Must be a wonderful thing to literally pull things out of the air in a vain attempt to wake the masses of sleeping fans. I know it woke me up, that's for sure! I paid close attention all week and did not nod off once. So in the spirit of my 'head-scratcher' portion of my column each week, I will dedicate my entire column to trying to answer the tough QUESTIONS (and there are many, believe me).

QUESTION: The most obvious being this latest ownership shocker involving Stephanie's late father's oh-so convenient trust he set up for her to own Forrester outright. Oh my. Call me crazy but exactly how could this exist and SHE not know about it? If Katherine Chancellor is the trustee, why has she been silent all this time. Wouldn't someone somewhere let her in on the scoop? With all the ownership scandals and changes over the years (all in a very public fashion), someone would have said something to make sure Stephanie knew all was never lost even when Brooke acquired 51% of the phantom stock. If Eric knew all this time and I can only assume that he did, then he is now the scoundrel-jerk-putz that many thought he was but now can be confirmed. I have never been a fan of his for many unrelated reasons but this would make him King Weenie in my book. Bottom line...there is a lot of explaining SOMEONE better do to make this even remotely palatable to the fans of this show who are smarter than Brad gives them credit for. Though a very interesting twist, it still has to be justified somehow.

QUESTION: Given the new wrinkle at Forrester, how will this affect the dynamic of the family and the show as a whole? Who will run the company after Stephanie sends Eric packin'? Well, he can go play golf or something, but other than that I could care less. Rumors say Taylor may get a shot to warm the president's chair but that seems a little lame even for this group of writers. She doesn't know JACK about running a fashion house. She needs to stay in her office and keep dispensing pearls of pop psychology wisdom. Stephanie will cart Brooke out with the trash, so where does she go? The unemployment office? The Limited? No, I hope she starts her own company with the support of her favorite millionaire sea captain (more on that later). Brooke needs to be doing her own thing without any handout's from a slug like Eric. Time to stand tall, lady! Now is your chance...after all, the stock you own is worthless so now is as good a time as any to make your own fortune on your own terms.

QUESTION: Now that all the transactions that the Geez did over the years are clearly invalid, wouldn't that mean that none of his kids have any stake in the company? Kristen, Felicia, Ridge, etc. don't own ANY part of the company now. Rick and Bridget don't own anything either. Yikes. And what About BeLief?? All that drama years ago with the revolutionary fabric treatment Brooke invented and now even that is in question. Does she own it or is it part of Forrester even though she traded it for worthless stock? So can the ownership of BeLief revert back to Brooke? Can she take it elsewhere? Questions, questions, questions.

QUESTION: Now that Bridget and Nick are BOTH telling everyone but the Pope that they are not getting back together, why doesn't Eric bow out gracefully? Does he think lying about him doing the deed with Brooke (ewwwww!!!) will make everything all rosie with Bridget and Nick? Could he BE that lost? He looks every bit the fool he is and we are left to wonder what will happen when the truth about what the Geez has concealed all these years comes out leaving him to explain to Brooke that she owns 51% of NADA, ZIP, ZILCH? Will she drop him like a bad habit or stay with him out of pity that he is so lost?

QUESTION: Did Thorne lose some brain cells in the last few months he spent off screen? Why would he bet the farm on a teenager running scared from the Feds while doing the illegal wife in the office sofabed every night? These ridiculous 'Stitch-Off's' are putting me to sleep to begin with but then to make this kid out to be the Second Coming in the fashion world is laughable at best. Uncle Thorne should have known better and while he is at it he should probably keep Spendthrift Sally on a short leash as well. Maybe those big bonus checks aren't such a hot idea either. What is up with the design team there?? Is the horny 18 year old the ONLY designer at Spectra Fashions? Time for Clarke and Thorne to get off their collective butts, pick up a pencil, and get crackin'!! Don't put all your eggs in one basket and let your future rest on mall closeout rags.

QUESTION: Has Taylor blocked off time in her busy schedule for her 'Sainthood' ceremony at the Vatican? Her gracious ruse with Gaby results in a much needed annulment and a chance for the teens to have a normal courtship. And how exactly does a couple a phone calls 'magically' soften the INS enough to allow Gaby to get a green card? No wonder we have such a problem with immigration in this country! So if Taylor already had all this in the bag, then wouldn't Thorne be pissed that the 'challenge' even had to happen at all and allow his company to take a beating? What was the point of it all? Why make us suffer through looking at Jarrod's bad haircut and listen to that awful runway music? Ugh...it all makes me itch. QUESTION: Where will poor Ridge end up? If he sides with his Mommy, then he stays at Forrester but likely not in the president's chair. His ego can't take that. And was Thorne's comment about never working for his brother again a bit of foreshadowing that he may come back to work with Forrester if Stephanie makes wholesale changes? I'd love to see Thorne stay right where he is and continue to make his own way (though he better start making some better financial decisions). Forrester abandoned him when he wanted out of the basement, so I say 'screw em'!

Now before I get barbequed, let me say that though all of the above questions seem to paint a negative picture, not so. I do think they needed to do SOMETHING to spice things up a bit. Watching my grass grow is more interesting than viewing the nonsensical love triangles of Brooke Logan. Enough already! Though this mysterious trust storyline is reaching a bit, at least it's something new to watch. We all need that and I think it may pique some interest that has been flagging in recent weeks. I know, everyone is worried that Brooke will be penniless and Taylor will come out on top somehow. Neither will be true in my opinion...both will land on their feet and be just fine. They have enough dysfunction in their own lives to worry too much about who Stephanie will eyeball for a title in the company. I think I am being fair in wanting both women to find their strength in a truly Ridge-free world. There is real potential here. With Felicia coming back and all this corporate chaos, things are looking up a bit. Yes, we still have to suffer through Eric the Letch sleazing around Brooke looking for some love. We will have more of Bridget and Nick reaching for barf bags at the mere thought of it. There will be more renewed commitment posturing by Ridge as he struts around like a peacock before taking his performance sabbatical. Brooke will still be dreaming of Nick while zapping her horny husband with a cattle prod to avoid sex. But all is not lost....I hear a romantic cruise on the good ship Tequila is coming soon. Maybe Brad will take us out of our misery and let these two enjoy a life together. After all, Dante is ready to keep Bridget's toes warm for the next 9 months and beyond. Yummmmm. Mr. Dimples can keep my feet warm ANYTIME.

Here are some last things to ponder: What ever happened to the custody case rumor? How about RJ's paternity? Why exactly IS Felicia coming back? If Taylor is all 'in love again' with the Wooden One, were does that leave Hector? Maybe he will go the way of his fiance and daughter...shot through the B&B Revolving Door like a cannonball? Does Massimo keep a magical transporter in his briefcase to make attorneys appear out of thin air? Does Eric ever lock his office door? And why is Eric dressing like a teenager? Does he think this will make his trophy wife find him irresistible? I've said it once and I'll say it again....EWWWWWWWWWW. Either take a cold shower or stop popping Viagra like M&M's, old man!

Last week's question garnered a wide variety of responses. The majority, believe it or not, believes that with Brad at the helm, Brooke will be little more than the Forrester Family Pass Around Wife. It's a shame that the creators of the show have let this character go down so low that her die hard fans feel there is little hope for her in the long run. I agree. I have disagreed with much that her character has done over the years. I have been vocal and many times relentless in my criticism. However, I have left few characters untouched by my sarcasm and have publicly written that I would support Brooke's character is she was written differently and paired with a man that REALLY loves her, not just what she can do in the bed as all Forrester man have focused on. Give us a Brooke we can ALL root for and just watch what happens to the viewer sentiment. This week's question: Will Eric stay married to Brooke or will it end in a pairing with Nick? Any longevity here or just a speed bump in the Nick-Brooke superhighway?

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A very Happy Halloween to all the little ghosts and goblins that will haunt our neighborhoods tomorrow night! My little Buzz Lightyear will keep me busy for sure! Be safe everybody!

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