Digging your own mineshaft

Amber, start packing and get ready for the backburner, sweetheart. When writers do something so incredibly obvious to a character, it can mean only one thing...you're on your way out.

Well, the science geek in me was dying to call the B&B production studio and point out how IMPOSSIBLE this whole freezing mineshaft thing is. My inbox was flooded, literally, with emails from viewers thinking the same things. Before I go into specifics I must say that though there have been many weeks of viewing that were silly even for soapland, this last week made it so obvious that the writing staff is just phoning it in these days. Awful, just plain awful.

Ok, I'm not geologist but I did take it in college and if memory serves, Bridget and Ridge would actually be WARMER underground than at the surface level. They could have made it through the night ok except for being cold, dehydrated and hungry. Of course they don't reference those nagging little problems! No water, no food. Food you have a while but water? Gotta have that and no one even complained. Whatever. There was no wind down there to drop temperatures further and the earth can actually be rather insulating in those situations. And let's remember another little factoid...they are about 1 hour north of LA, not deep in the Antarctic circle. I'm sure it gets cold at higher elevations but come on! Hypothermia in 24 hrs? Let's put it this way, it was hard for me to keep watching all week. I'm not sure if the tears streaming down my face were from laughter or sadness that he show has gotten painfully silly. My bet is for laughter.

Exactly what does Amber think will REALLY happen here? 'Hi Brooke, here is a covert videotape of your husband and daughter freezing to death and LOOK! He kissed her...oh yeah, she was at Death's door, BUT STILL!!! I HAD to trap them and risk their lives to prove what a PSYCHO I am and how Thomas needs to be with a BASKETCASE like me!! I love the Forresters! If I didn't, would I almost KILL two of your most beloved? Come on, throw him out and help Stephanie plan my marriage to Thomas!! What? No, put the net down Brooke! I'm not crazy! They lived, didn't they? Doesn't that count for something?'

And poor Clark? I guess he doesn't have any you-know-what's either as I can't believe he would be a part of something that could end in NOTHING but jail time for him if he was caught. I always gave him more credit than that. Why have him there anyway? Was he just the nagging little voice of reason for Amber as she exacted her plan? Well, that didn't work, did it? He should have gone and told someone sooner and told Amber to get lost. If this is all we can do with his character, he's better off on he back burner.

Ok, now how did she get a cabin so close to the Forrester's and no one knew it? How many 'abandoned' mineshafts are at a resort area like Big Bear? How come Bridget never figured out the whole 'woman running through the woods' thng was a little strange? Where did Amber get all her equipment, Spies-R-Us? Where does the show get that annoying 'scary' music that sounds like a cross between 'Nightmare on Elm Street' and fingernails on a chalkboard? Why didn't Brooke put any clothes on while she was pacing around her living room with Thomas and Hunky Hector? Must have been a little chilly in that butt-length satin robe and slippers.

As for the oh-so hot and steamy activity in the mineshaft (have a hard time typing that without laughing), there wasn't any. Ok, I know ANY kiss from Ridge would be inappropriate but he really thought she was dying and I don't know about anyone else, but it was the LEAST sexy kiss I have EVER seen on daytime. Ick...she was all nasty and frozen, PLEASE! Amber will lose this round, too. Brooke will see it for what it was and realize that Amber is headed for a padded cell soon. Bridget has the hots for Nick now and that was one of the last things she said to Ridge, so what does that say? Amber honey, start packing and get ready for the backburner, sweetheart. When writers do something so incredibly obvious like this to a character, it can mean only one thing...you're on your way out. Trust me, NO ONE would miss her.

Speaking of Nick, how about that pre-danger smooch between him and Bridget? Well, maybe my softer side is showing a little but I actually thought it was kind of nice. Not sleazy, just nice. Brooke needs to jump off the Hypocrite Express soon, though. Her little inquisition with Nick was a little ridiculous and I am glad he stood his ground. Maybe Nick is not the ideal for Bridget given everything but she could do A LOT worse. Ever the gentleman, Nick tried to let her know she deserved better and that just made me love his character even more. Thank God he re-signed and will be staying. What would this show be without him? Nice to see that LA's favorite eye-candy fireman was dusted off and let out to play. I still say there could be something there between him and Brooke. Imagine the possibilities! A juicy catfight between her and Sam would spice things up a little and give His Holiness Ridge a run for his money. Rumor has it that Sam's mother returns for wedding plans and it will cause trouble. Gee, what a surprise. I don't know about anyone else, but I can't wait for Morgan's return in March. The Hector/Sam story is in need of life support and with Deacon leaving, etc., this show needs some intrigue and some real conflict. I want to see the fur fly! I want to see hot bedroom scenes, betrayal, desire, and destruction. Good old-fashioned soap stories like we had in the past and I'm hoping the writers use Morgan's character to save the ratings. It's getting bleak, readers, and I sometimes worry how much longer they can afford to lose viewers. Ok, here's a question for you...what do you think this show needs? Be creative, sky's the limit! You're in charge and you can do ANYTHING. My thoughts are simple...bring Rick back with a different actor and make him more forceful, get rid of Amber, have Jackie hook up with Eric, Mass and Sally get together, have Ridge get caught sleeping with Morgan while he's smashed, have Brooke get seduced by Hector, have Sheila come back with baby Diana, Thomas will get Caitlin pregnant, and Stephanie will have an affair with a hot male model that turns out to be Little D/E 'SORASed' to 20 years old. Hey, with the stories coming out of that studio lately, my ideas make just as much sense!

A Happy Valentines Day to all my readers and a special 'I Love You' to my husband and kids who support my Scoops efforts each week and tell me all the time that I should be writing B&B. Hmmmm...I could get used to the California climate... Who's on the Soapbox? Amy writes... ...I think your column is hilarious...however I do disagree with you about the new Bridget...I think she is much better than Jennifer Finnigan.'

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Laurie writes... ...this soap is steadily worsening...here's a good one-have Stephanie sleep with Sally...and would they please give Clark Garrison a storyline? He is used to be so good at being evil.'

Until next week, stay in touch with your thoughts...it's the best part of my week when I hear from everybody!

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