Here kitty, kitty, kitty… Have you guessed whose sporting that black pussycat tattoo? There's no way that the kitty tattoo on Myrna's leg does not turn out to be inked onto the limb of Paul's seriously demented, murderous little sister, Patty Williams! It's so obvious, especially in light of Genevieve's references to the never-seen Myrna. Clearly, Patty-cake returned to Genoa City and parked herself in town at the mansion as Genevieve's housekeeper.
Now, what on earth she was doing with Genevieve is anybody's guess. Knowing how lethal she's been to Jack's lovers, you have to wonder why Genevieve is still breathing? Remember, Patty doesn't take kindly to anyone kissing Jack, and he and Genevieve have been doing much more than hugging and kissing in the bedroom. If Colin hadn't put a hit out on Genevieve, Patty would have personally set her sights on killing Jack's latest love interest.
Since we're going to discover that Myrna is Patty, and Patty was the most likely to have killed Diane Jenkins, it begs the question about why Paul was never able to find his sister. If Paul could track down Tucker's long-lost son when nobody else could, why couldn't he find Patty? Even if Adam has been helping Patty fly under the radar, Paul's a pro. That, my friends, is a hole in the storyline!
Anyway, let's get to the bigger story. Apparently, there was an all-encompassing plot that involved Ronan and Chance working together with the FBI and military intelligence and Australia's version of the CIA and a dozen other international agencies to get Colin. Oh, yes, there was also Cane -- the guy with no badge at all -- also heavily involved. Everybody, it seems, has had a reason to bring Colin to justice.
Of course, this still doesn't explain the liver transplant and all the lying to Nina and the charade of Chance being ticked off. What was that all about? And is Chance out of the Army again, cause he wasn't in uniform when he and Ronan went to arrest Colin? While we're on the subject, is Genevieve innocent of everything that happened because she was technically a mob wife, i.e. the crime lord's missus? What about the ledger and all the money she supposedly swiped from Colin's accounts? A few weeks ago, she was telling Colin that she was in contact with his associates in Australia, so -- clearly -- she could testify against Colin in a trial. However, if she did that, would she be putting her life at risk? But if she doesn't, is she obstructing justice? Will she just go on living the life of a privileged lady with a side job at Jabot? How innocent is Genevieve really?
My head hurts from all the wondering. Between the big plot to get Colin and the big plot involving the tattooed lady, not to mention the big plot by Victor to ruin Victoria's life, I yearn for some less complicated tales. Billy's dilemma seems simple to me because Billy could just call Victor's bluff and end Herr Newman's scheme right now. Whatever he did in Myanmar can't be so dreadful that he'll never be able to dig himself out, if you ask me. Billy's just afraid to tell the truth. That's the story they're peddling, and I'm convinced that Victor has been the architect of Billy's entire demise, making him look as bad as possible to Victoria and his family.
The scheme to ruin Billy started with the hooker who borrowed money from him so it looked like he was buying her wares. That bogus arrest resulted in his mucking up the custody hearing…remember? Victor arranged the whole episode, having decided a long, long time ago that Billy Abbott was just not good enough for Victoria. He's been strategizing how to destroy Billy in Victoria's eyes ever since. Victor doesn't care if Victoria loves him; that's unimportant. And self-pitying Billy has contributed to his own demise by being a reckless jerk. Giving in to his wayward ways, drinking and gambling, he just made it easier for Victor to victimize him!
Another vaguely simple storyline came to an abrupt end with Malcolm's instant divorce of Sofia. Wow, talk about flaky. If this was a piecrust competition, it would win a blue ribbon! Malcolm flaked out on Sofia the moment he learned that Neil was the father of Moses. That's really shallow and small-minded and ridiculous. Sure, it would have taken a lot for Malcolm to forgive his wife for an indiscretion that happened when they were separated -- although it was with his brother! -- but if he really loved Sofia the way he says he does, he'd have found a way.
Instead, he told Phyllis that he was dumping Sofia because he loved her too much to stop her and Neil from raising Moses together. That's weak. Sorry, I don't buy it. It came off as really, really lame. A strong man wouldn't abandon the woman he loves and the possibility of a wonderful life with a brand new little baby. You think Moses wouldn't welcome both Malcolm and Neil in his life? Malcolm's abrupt exit was poorly written and no matter how you slice it, this Winters family tale was a flop.
On the bright side, Neil gets to play house with Sofia. That'll be fun for about ten to fifteen minutes. There's only so much cooing over the baby that we can stand. Like the way they show about 30 seconds of Lily and Cane's twins before cutting to the next scene! But even though Neil's psyched about being a new dad, he may be spending more time holding Devon's hand than caring for Moses. Devon's life is definitely being turned upside down with the news that Tucker's his dad and his mom, Harmony, is making herself at home in the Chancellor mansion. I don't see Harmony hitting the road in that sedan with the junk food bags anytime soon.
Life is too nice in the big house on the hill for Harmony to leave. Why would she go back to that Milwaukee greasy spoon to serve burgers to truckers when she can stay with Mrs. C. and dine on pheasant and caviar…and answer the front door occasionally? It's only a matter of time before someone notices that Harmony's a genius at something -- baking brownies so she could work at Crimson Lights…or playing hostess at the Genoa City Athletic Club…or pouring drinks at Jimmy's since Cane will be moving on to a better gig now that he's a hero again!
Harmony is not destined to return to the diner, that's the bottom line. Also, did you notice the sparks between Harmony and Tucker? She was dishing it out, and he was taking it! There's no way she's not still turned on by him. Hmm…will Kay convince Harmony that she's a better partner for Tucker than Ashley and do something to screw up Tucker's marriage? That would be troubling for Ashley, don't you think?
Jack finally got his big wish, and Jabot is back in Abbott hands. Of course, you know the old saying, "be careful what you wish for." What you think will make you happy may not really do the trick. Jack might discover that yearning for Jabot was more satisfying than actually owning it again. Also, this will not be a simple transfer of power for Jack if history is any indicator. People have been fighting over Jabot for years…decades! And remember, in the hospital, Victor vowed to help Kay get the company back. In fact, Victor might just try to blackmail Jack into selling Jabot to him by threatening to reveal Billy's Oriental evil -- whatever that is!
Still, it was great to see Tucker live up to his word with Jack. I don't mind that Tucker's ruthless in business, like Victor, Jack, and Kay, but he needs to have some honor, too. Sure, that last-minute offer -- three times the money that Jack was putting up -- had to be tempting. But he was more interested in pleasing Ashley.
My question is this: who was the mystery bidder? Was it Genevieve perhaps? Kay trying to get Jabot back? Maybe it was Jill? What about Victor pulling a fast one? Thankfully, Tucker stuck with Jack, and Jabot is back where it belongs. By the way, on the subject of business, what is Neil going to do with himself now that he's quit Chancellor? Is he planning to get another corporate job? Will he go back to Newman? Collaborate with Tucker? Is there a spot at Fenmore's behind the perfume counter? I think Gloria could use help with Gloworm now that Jeffrey's ripped her off.
But looking at the bigger picture, the ending of the week implied that it was Patty -- the girl with the pussycat tattoo -- who was responsible for luring half the cast to the warehouse on the outskirts of Genoa City. The outskirts are where -- Green Bay? Where were the cheeseheads with the painted faces and the Super Bowl trophy? Okay, seriously, what's Patty's end game? Is she going to show home movies on the film projector?
Of course that was a laugh in and of itself; when was the last time you saw a film projector? This is the 21st century; everything is digital, including how they show movies! Maybe it was an antique projector that she found in the mansion. That mansion's loaded with secrets, it seems.
So, has Patty rigged the warehouse to explode? If the suspects aren't in danger, why are they there? Of course, if Patty is still aligned with Adam -- the genius who sprung her from the nut house and sent her to South America to drink umbrella cocktails, flirt with the locals, and get that pussycat tattoo! -- could he be the mastermind behind the warehouse jamboree? When do you think Ronan's going to figure out that all his suspects have left town at the same time?
You know, Maria Arena Bell didn't just wrap up Colin's excellent adventure last week, or ship Malcolm out of town with the quickie divorce from Sofia. As I mentioned, she also axed Gloria's marriage to Jeffrey. That was swift. I was more sorry to see Kin Shriner (the replacement) go than Ted Shackelford (the original). I guess the powers that be want Gloria to be a player again, single and out for her own new romance. Although with Jill, Genevieve, and Gloria all on the prowl, won't they be butting heads a lot? That could be Bell's plan.
Finally, are you happy about Lily and Cane's reconciliation? I'm not. I find him tedious. And he's a major liar. Oh, sure, he was undercover, but he's always lied. Lily deserves better. The couple I want to see reconciled is Billy and Victoria, but I think we're going to have to wait until Christmas for that happy ending.
That's it for now. I'm anxious to hear more from you all -- your theories are dynamite. And tell me about which characters you'd like to talk about in the Two Scoops! Write me! If you're not sure how to write to me, click the Feedback option at the top of the page, the Email link at the footer of the column, or just click here. Till then, let's take a look at some letters from the mailbox: