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How do you solve a problem like Diane Jenkins?
For the Week of July 4, 2011
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They say that if you want to play with the big boys, you best be prepared to take your lumps.

They say that if you want to play with the big boys, you best be prepared to take your lumps. That's good advice, but I don't think Diane Jenkins ever received it. She's a character who is soon to be devoured by the sharks circling the waters around her. I'm not talking about the SEC arresting her for stock manipulation. I'm referring to Victor, Jack, and Adam…all three of whom have their guns trained on her, ready to pull the trigger and blow her away.

Does Diane have a death wish? She knows that she's been dallying with ruthless men -- two of whom have eviscerated her in the past. Did she forget how Jack and Victor treated her before? Maybe she's forgotten that she was scratching for nickels when she returned to Genoa City….or maybe she's just too dumb for her own good? What made her think that after her shenanigans with Adam and Jack on the day of the Newman IPO that she could just stay in Genoa City like nothing had happened? If she were the smart cookie she thinks she is, she'd have taken her bankroll and left town. No, not town -- the country. Costa Rica is supposedly a very beautiful place to live. By staying in Wisconsin (yeah, the cheesehead state!) -- in Adam's suite -- she's made herself a sitting duck. Soon to be a dead duck, if you ask me.

Doesn't it seem like Adam is a chess master that's three moves ahead of Diane in their little game of cat and mouse? That secret tape recording he made last week will undoubtedly come back to bite her in the butt. Diane wasn't even aware that she was giving Adam ammunition to use against her. I kind of feel bad for Diane because she is doomed to fail. She's fish food, and Adam, Victor, and Jack are the great whites!

At least Ashley is off the hook for Tucker's accident; that was going to be a dull trial. It was also a going-nowhere storyline. The new tale that Maria Arena Bell's come up with, on the other hand, has real promise. With Tucker out of the coma, he's all set to resume his life as a type A personality. First things first, he married Ashley. Bravo to them! Instead of fooling around with another big wedding with all the trappings, Tucker said to his love, "Let's get married now." It was refreshing.

It was also refreshing that Tucker blasted Kay for monkeying around with his company while he was out of commission. Kay defied his wishes with the Newman IPO. Instead of cashing in -- as he'd planned with a tax incentive deal -- McCall ended up getting zip, nada, zilch. If Kay were my mother and she did that to me, I'd be yelling, too. Kay expected to be thanked by her son for all she did while in control of McCall Unlimited, but she knew damn well what Tucker's wishes were, and she chose not to follow them. She cared more about protecting her precious friend Victor than doing what Tucker had told her to do. Kay deserved to be fired.

But the new Tucker storyline is not going to be about his fighting with Kay. It's something much more interesting. I don't know much about brain injuries, but this is just the kind of ailment that could have great potential for a good storyline. Tucker's lost the business acumen he had before the accident. He can't understand data the way he had before, and he's scared. He can only confide in one person, his wife. Ashley needs to be the power behind the throne, pulling the strings and saving McCall Unlimited for her husband. Nobody can know that Tucker's suffered any brain damage, or his competitors -- like Victor! -- will try to take advantage of his vulnerabilities.

Don't expect there to be a quick fix for Tucker either. He can't just take a pill and get better. For Stephen Nichols, this should be a great acting challenge. He's going to get to play angry, frustrated, needy, and hurt all at the same time. And in front of Jack, Victor, and Kay, Tucker's going to have to fake that he's still a brilliant businessman. I'm really psyched to see what's coming. Are you? What do you think of this new story?

It looks like the Sharon on the ranch story may be reaching a resolution soon. Now that she and Sam have done the deed, something's got to give, don't you think? Sharon looked especially fetching in that white dress, but it made me wonder -- does Piper's mom shop at Fenmore's? I'm not exactly sure why Sharon jumped into bed with Sam -- unless she's as slutty as some people (like Phyllis) think she is. But Sharon has been trying to live on the run. Of course, if she really doesn't want to be caught, she should have left New Mexico weeks ago!

But maybe she's stuck around because she likes Sam. I didn't think it was a romantic thing, but when Sam's dog died and he was all needy and drunk and half-naked, Sharon couldn't resist. Apparently, she wasn't thinking about Adam, the love of her life. Or was it simply a pity boink? Would she do that, make love to the guy because she felt sorry for him?

Speaking of Sam, many of you have wondered if he could be Tucker's son, but the ages seem wrong to me. I'm still thinking that Devon's going to turn out to be Tucker's kid. As for Sam, how much do you want to bet he's going to be related to someone in Genoa City? It's just like Maria to give him roots in Wisconsin! Someone wrote to this wild idea: what if Victor and Hope had twins (fraternal, not identical), but only one baby was given to them. That would be Adam. The twin that they never knew they had -- Sam -- was raised by another family. Maybe Sam always suspected he was adopted and discovers that he's related to Victor Newman? Kind of bizarre, right? But it would be a major plot development. Sharon would have slept with both brothers, as well as their half-brother, Nick! And he'd be a Newman.

One thing I will say: I don't think Sam's going to be an Abbott. The Abbotts have their own problems. Jack and Billy are both a mess, but in different ways. Billy's self-destructive streak is very unattractive. Why on earth can't he see that to win Victoria back, he needs to prove his worth, not fall apart when she needs him the most? And selling Restless Style was just stupid. It was just too convenient that Nick happened to be there when Billy was at a low point, and the very next day, Nick bought the magazine.

In what world are these people living? You can't do business like that…except on a soap opera! Then Nick goes out and hires Phyllis! Give me a break! You think Nick is going to allow her to blog about the Newman family like she's been doing for the past year? Is he going to let her do the Witch of Wisconsin shtick where she goes after everybody in town? I really wish somebody would smack Phyllis down hard. I'm not forgiving her for what she did to get Lucy back. I hope Victoria gives it to her brother for letting Phyllis bounce back as if she'd done nothing wrong.

It was interesting that Jack admitted to his father -- his photo -- that he was guilty of insider trading. He quickly ended the Newman Fund to cover his butt with the SEC, but considering how fast and loose these soaps are with business, why did he bother? He really hasn't done anything that Victor hasn't done time and again. These guys calling each other liars and thieves is funny because they're so much alike. They're schemers and cheaters and both have done things that should put them behind bars. They never stay in jail for long, though.

Actually, jail time is longer than rehab time, especially if you're Abby Newman. Was she even at that facility long enough to sleep in her bed -- the bed that she didn't bother to make the morning after! Again, this was just a way for Eden to be brought back into the show.

Abby really disrespected the rehab process. I guess she really didn't need a long stay, but she was out of control and homicidal. How else do you justify her trying to run over Tucker with her Mini Cooper? Lucky for Tucker it wasn't an SUV, or he'd have been road kill. So maybe Abby could have used more than two days to deal with her drinking? Meanwhile, what's Eden's secret? Don't know -- not sure I care. I guess we're going to find out.

That's it for now. I'm anxious to hear more from you all -- your theories are dynamite. Write me! Till then, let's take a look at some letters from the mailbox:

  • In addition to no one seeming to work, I would like to know how it is that no one drives. Apparently everyone and every place is within walking distance. When you see a couple having dinner somewhere they always seem to have to do things "real quick" separately before they go to their next location. It's amazing that someone could be planning a trip out of town, but they have to make a "quick stop" first. I don't know about you, but when I have a plane to catch at two in the afternoon, I really don't have time to run around town doing misdeeds and such before boarding the plane. - Jodi

  • I like Adam, but don't like the things he's done to people in GC. On the other hand, I find it hard to like Phyllis no matter how hard the writers have tried to rehabilitate her character. Or Victor for that matter. Why, oh why, can no one take down the smug Victor, the victorious? Sheesh! I, for one, would cheer for anyone who tries to teach Victor a lesson. Someone needs to wipe that smug entitled attitude off his face. Just because you grew up in an orphanage doesn't give you carte blanche to trash any perceived opponent. Every time he starts in on how he built his company from nothing, I want to start playing a violin. Oh, poor Victor, NOT. While I find things Adam has done reprehensible, I still find myself aching for the boy who grew up without a father and the young man who lost his mother, the only parent he ever knew. He has tried and tried to get his father's attention while all Victoria and Nicholas have to do to get Victor's attention is keep breathing. No matter what they do, Victor manages to forgive them. Not so Adam. And Nicholas? He may be physically a hunk but personality? Please! He's a whiny two-faced schmuck who never learned to keep his pants on. What's admirable about that? Not much, in my opinion. And furthermore, I love how much Adam continues to love Sharon. I just wish he had fallen for a woman with a brain! Sorry, Sharon, but smart is not a word one could ever use to describe you! - Cathy

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Allison J. Waldman
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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.

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