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 Two Scoops: December 10, 2007 columns
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Peter Bergman
Busted!
by Nita
For the Week of December 10, 2007
Jack has the worst record in Genoa City when it comes to getting away with stuff.


I was standing in the checkout lane at my favorite grocery store the other day and the headline spelled out in bright red, 16 Font capital letters on one of the soap mags caught my attention. Something along the lines of FINALLY! Jack is busted. What the heck did that FINALLY stuff mean, I wondered. The headline made it sound like Jack's been regularly getting away with stuff without getting busted. I thought back to the happenings of the past year. Seemed to me Jack was always getting busted with his hand stuck in some cookie jar. Or just after he'd pulled his hand out and started to put the lid back on. Or sometimes after he'd actually eaten the cookies the telltale sign of the crumbs he'd dribbled on his tie gave his crime away. Finally, indeed. Jack has the worst record in GC when it comes to getting away with stuff. Let's see, he tricked Victor when he was sick, wound up with NVP. Busted. Tried to buy Jabot. Busted via Kevin's email hacking. Despite their surveillance, though he still managed to get his hands on Jabot's ownership papers, once he was overheard angrily spouting off about his coup; he was busted by Abby, who wasted no time innocently letting the cat out of the bag to her occasional father, Victor. Secretly bought up prime Clear Springs land. Sigh. Busted. And finally, tricked Daddy into writing a new will. And guess what? Yep, that's right. Busted! Busted! Busted!

Now, show me a headline beneath Gloria's bug-eyed visage and I might find that a reason to jump up and do a little jig of joy. Yeah, yeah, I know, there is one of those on the stands as I type. Alleging that Gloria is about to be busted. Why, alleging, some fans might muse aloud? Weeeelllll, we are talking about Gloria. The woman with more lives than an alley cat with a death wish. Super Teflon ought to be her middle and last names. Because not a darn thing sticks to her hide. Sure, Gloria's been busted before. If you want to call it that. And I don't. Because I want to see this broad busted with repercussions. Who cares if her family knows she's a cheap chippie cheat and a compulsive and habitual liar? They're not telling a solitary soul. Who cares if her most recent late husband figured out she tainted the Jabot cream and inadvertently contributed to a lady's death. The dead can't carry no tattling tales. Maggie and Paul, despite their vow to solve the tainted cream case out of caring and respect for the late William Bardwell, haven't done a blessed thing to do so, and have seemingly forgotten all about even wanting to.

But what about Jeffrey, a couple of fans might be inquiring. The previews prove he's found her out and just might be about to make her pay. Yeah, he might be. As long as the checks are signed by Gloria and made out in his name. Does anyone actually believe he's going to tell somebody with enough legal clout to do something about it? Not me. I'm guessing he's just going to use his information to wedge himself into her life and her bank account. Well, that would be okay, except who wants to bet Jeffrey as husband No. 4 will fall in love with the big-eyed bimbo and, like everyone else, forgive her everything and keep his lips pressed tight around her secret? Or worse, he will go the stroke-struck way of his late twin brother and all other men who were foolish enough to pledge their troth to this trollop. Is any fan starting to get the sneaking suspicion that I despise this woman?

On to the Ethics Hearing and the continued persecution of Jack by all others. That panel sure had a squirming Jack pinned uncomfortably to the corkboard didn't they? Between the sharp side of the chairwoman's tongue, John and his ghostly interruptions and accusations, and Jill and Gloria muttering vindictively together like two bitter old biddies, rubbing their claws together in anticipation of the tough slab of Jack meat slowly roasting over their fire, Jack couldn't have carved his way out of the tangled web he'd weaved for self, no matter how sharp his blade. I had to laugh at the two crows' reference to Jack being a pig. I found myself thinking, at least in Gloria's case, hmmm, guess it takes one little piggy to recognize another. I had another burst of the giggles with Gloria's comment that Sharon seemed like a nice person. Because she, too, seems like a nice person, but as we all know, there is nothing at all nice about her. For the wrong man, Gloria's looks are extremely, and fatally deceiving. As for Jill, perhaps she made the pig reference because her nostrils were filled with the strong stench of pork emanating from the piglet at her side. By the way, I couldn't help but notice, while Jill was mooing, I mean moaning and groaning about the damage Jack could have caused her rich as sin Momma, though I listened closely, I failed to hear even one complaint about how Momma bought the company at so low a figure, Jack practically paid her for taking it off his hands.

I like Jack, but I have to concur with Victor's recent assessment of him. He really doesn't think his actions through. And this time, thanks to that in the nick of time letter, it seems it could cost him plenty.

Speaking of that letter, and its author, John the ghost, I have so many problems with the way this was played out, I hardly know where to begin. I guess I'll start with the ghost. Or is he a supposed to be a conscience? Whatever he is, he's here one second and gone the next. There he was, perched prominently in a chair watching disapprovingly as the Committee dragged Jack through the wringer. But where did the disappearing ghost go when Jack started telling the Committee of Gloria's bad deeds (well, the ones he knows about anyway)? To the vending machine to buy himself a Boo bar? And why wasn't he sitting in plain sight when Gloria was vindictively trashing his boy?

I see ghostly John is just as gullible as he was before he passed over to the other side. Speaking of that, why the heck doesn't he stay on the dead side instead of repeatedly coming back to harass those still visible to the naked eye? Maybe I'm the only one who objects, but I find his appearances both annoying and ridiculous. If I have to suffer through his visits, why can't he come back ranting to Jack about Gloria instead of simply ranting at Jack? Maybe something like this: Damn it Jack, I was floating over to see you just now to tear a few more strips from your hide and I decided to detour by Michael and Lauren's to maybe catch a glimpse of my lovely ex-wife. Well, you can't imagine how I felt when I heard her talking to Kevin about how she tainted the Jabot cream. And about a whole lot of other dastardly deeds besides. You were right about her, son. I can't believe I took that strumpet's word over that of my beloved boy. Well I'm going to fix her little red wagon. I'm going to haunt her lying butt right up to and beyond the grave. Yeah, I know. John is much too kind to say things like that. But wouldn't it be a hoot and a half to see him chasing Gloria all over town? You know, popping up between Jeffrey and Gloria, right in the middle of her bad southern belle imitation? Or floating by to shake a disapproving head every time she tried a new manipulation or told another lie. Heck, while he was at it, he could haunt the whole Fisher-Baldwin clan. Right out of their minds.

Okay, now about that letter. Am I the only fan who finds it very odd that in all of his ghostly appearances, never once did John even hint at what Jack did to trick him into writing that will? And why didn't he immediately summon the Chaplain and ask for the will back? He had time to write Gloria a letter, but not enough time to summon the Chaplain? And he gives it to his cellmate? Did he give him any instructions, like, if something happens to me, see that my wife gets this? And why didn't the cellmate deliver? What? Was he drunk on prison likker? I know, I'm being silly, but it's that kind of contrived writing that has made our show somewhat of a joke to discriminating fans and causes some fans to believe the scripts for our show are being written off the cuff with little or no thought or caring for connecting the dots in at least a halfway believable manner.

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm beyond ready for Jack to resign as Senator of the great state of Wisconsin. The political race for Senator against Nikki was so much less than riveting watching and has been nothing but problematic, but not in an edge of your seat viewing way. The Ethics hearings are a joke and seem to be just another way for Gloria to one up Jack yet again. For this fan, there were two bright and shining nuggets peeking out of the muck. One, the moment John planted a ghostly kiss on the top of his son's head. And second, Jack's 'you can take the hooker off the street' remark.

As for that letter, obviously John did write it. We know he did because he told Jack so. So as if the woman didn't have enough of someone else's money, now she'll probably get half of the Abbott money and all of the house, despite John's original will which reserved the house and land for his children. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised to see her end up owning Jabot and promptly kicking both Katherine and Jill to the curb. Why not? She has everything else. But back to the letter for one last comment. Though it appears he'll never know it, the person John wrote about doesn't even exist. That person is more of a ghost than John apparently is. Because in truth, from the start set her sights on John solely for his bank balance. And everything she did to get him was a calculated manipulation, and was as fake as her smile, her words and her researched knowledge of him. Sure she loved him. What's not to love about a foolish old man who can't see past the cataracts clouding his vision to the snake slithering up next to him at night. Gloria had the nerve to chortle that now the whole world will realize what a piece of scum Jack is. Well, I say, it's too bad John and the world apparently will never realize what a self-serving manipulating piece of scum Gloria was and still is. When is the truth going to surface about this bald-faced lying bimbo? After all the dirt she's done, most of the time to people who didn't truly deserve it, there will probably never come a time when I feel she's deserving of anything good. Unfortunately, it appears more good is all she's going to get.

Fan Vette below put into perfect words the problem with no repercussions for Gloria or anyone else who never gets caught. Like Vette, I demand my feel good moment.

Just like their mother, the Fisher Baldwin brothers lie as easily as they breathe and wouldn't acknowledge the truth if it hauled off and kicked them both square in their haunches. I don't want to say anything until I've heard what's on the tape, Michael lied to his marital mate without so much as a giveaway tic or averted eye. He already knows what's on the tape and he's the one who helped set the stage to have the conversation recorded. What a family! Which is why when it came to Lauren and Michael's little anniversary celebration, any sweetness between them was unfortunately soured by how easily they've condoned their family's wrongdoing, apparently without so much as a single missed second of slumber.

Moving on. Though I've never been a Nick/Phyllis fan, their family togetherness moments this week were cute, easy to enjoy and a welcome break amidst all the other ugliness. For me, Phyllis goes down a whole lot smoother when she's not screeching stridently about something in an overloud decibel, repeating each sentence twice or more.

Nice, too, was the scenes between Phyllis and Nikki. Even a near blind fan would have probably been able to make out Phyllis' hand holding out the olive branch. One didn't have to listen very closely to hear the beginning of the thawing of the frozen river of ice that has been between them since Phyllis' blackmail cost Nikki the board seat. And tossing in the irresistibility of a baby-powder scented Summer Newman couldn't help but seal the deal.

I'm curious. How do fans feel about Kevin and his lady killer, Jana? Though I'm still somewhat of a Kevin fan, except when he's hip deep in his Mommy's messy manipulations, which unfortunately these days, is most of the time, my liking for him has seriously decreased. His wounded boy vulnerability made him likable, even with his internet sleaze past. But now he's just a robot, walking, talking and acting whatever way Gloria programs him. Which makes it hard to give a care about him or a Jana-Kevin connection. There's never been all that much to make me care about Jana. She was a bit interesting at first because she was a mystery, and though there were no big fireworks, she and Kevin were a convincing enough couple. But once it was decided she'd be a killer, any appeal she had was lost. And the tumor made me do it defense didn't help. That just seemed like a storyline yanked out of somebody's hat in lieu of a real, well thought out storyline. Bottom line Jana is an admitted murderer. I don't care how big her tumor was. She put that plan in motion and carefully took each and every step necessary (for over a year mind you) then managed to stay many, many steps ahead of the incompetent police force. And now we're supposed to consider her unaccountable for her crimes.

While Sleeping Beauty continues to slumber in her very own childhood bed, the mystery continues as to which fellow fathered Baby No Name Yet Newman. To deepen the drama, both Daddy's and Baby have O Type blood flowing through their narrow veins. This one could go either way and is hard to call. J.T. and Victoria already seem headed for happily ever after, which is good, except it doesn't do much for a long-lasting storyline. At the same time, we've already been there, and done all that with Victoria and Brad.

In answer to your question, fan Anne, about Victoria's portrayer, Amelia delivered a healthy baby boy in early November. I don't know exactly when her maternity leave is supposed to end, but it probably won't be a whole lot longer before Sleeping Beauty opens her eyes. As for the hospital scenes, I'm guessing as you did, that the scenes involving Victoria were all filmed before she went on leave.

Nikki and Victor revisited. While on occasion, both Nikki and Victor have managed to stretch my last nerve to its near breaking point, in general I like them apart, even better together as long as they're not battling each other. Victor's facial expressions are often better than any phrase he could mumble, especially since there's been more than one occasion when even repeated rewinding failed to decipher his words to an understandable degree. And this week, he didn't disappoint as he reacted to the news that Nikki was retrieving her carpetbag from the back of David's rented closet, filling it with her nightime near nothings and designer daywear, and moving back to the Big House on the Newman Range in order to be near enough to hear her daughter's call.

The breakup scene between Nikki and David was the best I've seen between them. Funny that watching them part was much more interesting to this fan than anything they did to get or stay together. But, though Nikki might have the key to David's hotel room on her 14 carat gold key ring, when it comes to who holds the key to her heart, everyone knows it's still Victor. As David watched in open-mouthed dismay as Nikki left his suite without a look back, and again later as he stood in the Newman Conference Room clearly with no idea what to do next, I found myself almost feeling his pain at the abrupt and unexpected parting. But that's the risk you take when deciding to mess about with somebody else's Missus. There's always the chance they might heed the call of their married Mister and return to the marital bed leaving you alone in the bed without a blanket.

Cane and Lily are just too cute together. I'm really beginning to love those two together. Watching Heather throwing herself at his head has been painful to see. So I'm was glad she was smart enough to recognize that it wasn't love, or even lust in Cane's eyes when they gazed at her. I was rather proud of her and quite enjoyed her refreshing honesty with Cane. Of course, we know that Heather removing her hat from the ring doesn't mean its clear sailing, no clouds ahead weather for Lily. Because in Genoa City, it's more often about a threesome, instead of just two, which means it's likely about time for Tramper, I mean Amber, to resume her hot pursuit of Cane.

I thought Neil glowering at Lily and Cane together was hilarious. Just as Lily glaring at a happy Neil and Karen was equally amusing. So she thinks Daddy has forgotten Mommy much too quickly, huh? Well, I don't know if I agree with her. He's moved a lot slower than all of his GC counterparts, who often have already nibbled at the forbidden fruit of their future beau (and sometimes even gotten themselves with child with it) while still involved with their current Mr. or Miss. Heck, as Jack reminded us, Gloria's already wedded and buried Hubby No. 3, even as No. Two was still flitting about, dragging his chains.

Getting back to Heather for a moment, was she fun to watch at the banquet or what? What was with all that waving of her food laden fork around in the air, mumbling rave reviews of the featured artist's work, trying to make herself understood despite the food she already had stuffed inside her mouth? Were the scribes purposely trying to make her look both foolish and uncivilized? Was her constant munching supposed to be amusing and turn her into a joke? I hope so, because I laughed.

By the way, was there something between Adrian and Heather's former roommate, Macy? Because Adrian looked quite wistful and just a little bit smitten when asking Heather about her. But maybe I was just seeing things, and his look was simply supposed to convey his sorrow at a life ended too soon.

And lastly: The Smile Test. Nikki and Victor pass what I think of as my Smile Test. It happens when two people are together and somewhere in the midst of their connection, I find myself with a rather idiotic grin on my face. Victor might be incensed over David's little love letter to Nikki, but I expect they'll continue bonding over Victoria's bed and find their way back to one another. Though not without a few detours, twists and turns, of course.

Lily and Cane also pass my smile test. As do Phyllis and Jack. Even Heather and Daniel have brought out my happy couple grin. As for Nick and Phyllis, while I can't deny they have heated moments together, and agree they do love each other, watching a romantic moment between these two has the strangest effect. Most recently, Phyllis in her black bra with Nick on his knees nuzzling her tummy instead of giving me a warm and fuzzy feeling, I felt more like I was peeking through their bedroom window. But maybe that's just me. I'm sure plenty of other fans saw it completely differently.

So much for my opinions. What follows are yours.

* * * * * * *


JAN V - Hi Nita; You have no idea how many times in the past week I've started an email to you and deleted it because I got so wound up! You hit the nail on the head with everything you said in Two Scoops this week even mentioning the Adrian storyline plot point with the suicide-girl in his past. I am so very sick and tired of Gloria. But then again, I had to remind myself that the first time around with Phyllis seemed to take an eternity for them to catch up to her. Even then, they still didn't get her for the hit and run on Paul/Chris. All this fan wants for Christmas is for Gloria to become Jana's roommate. (And maybe a side order of having that tot be J.T.'s). Nita, you rule!

LAURIE - Nita, thank goodness for your column. I stopped watching Y&R months ago and have not regretted it since. I will not watch again until something is done about Gloria, and that won't happen for a while due to her contract, and until they get new writers. This once most popular soap has fallen in ratings and no wonder. The storylines are appalling, Jack never gets a break, Vic and Nikki breakup, get back together, breakup, get back together, it is all very tiresome and old. I love the Winters family and hope they get some good storylines. Neil seems to be the only voice of reason anymore. I miss Dru and John, and was very sorry to see them go. I guess General Hospital will be my soap of choice until this one gets much better. Thank you again for your column Nita, it is usually right on.

MYRA - Please please please do something with Nikki - she looks and acts like an idiot. What mother in her right mind would let her child die in this situation? What the hell are the writers doing to her? I can't stand to look or listen to her anymore. I liked Victor a lot better when he was nice. Now he's like an old crab! Again, what are the writers thinking? Gloria gets away with far too much and her sons do everything she wants - they look intelligent but they sure don't use it. Heather has such an awful personality. I can see why she's single. I hope the writers keep Victoria alive as well as her baby boy. I would love to see Lily and Cane together. Since when does anyone care about an age difference? It wouldn't be that much - they really do compliment each other. I could see Daniel and Amber together - they too compliment each other - ha ha! I have been watching this show for over 23 years now - what the hell has happened? All the characters have changed drastically. We need some of the old stuff back. I could go on & on but I won't. I love reading everyone else's comments.

ANNE - Nita, you are so right about Gloria, I am FED UP WITH HER. On a more sober note, can you give us any feedback on the actress who plays Victoria? I know she is pregnant and probably taking time off to deliver so wonder how they managed all the hospital scenes, either by digital magic or filming ahead? I am interested in such things, so if you are able, please let us know.

WILL - The show is becoming as dumb as Days of Our Lives. And I stop watching it. I use to think the show was more real life than others but with every thing going wrong for Jack and everyone else is so squeaky clean I about to change the channel.

SYLRETHA - I don't think that it is right that Gloria's character gets to take someone down when she at the moment has gotten away with what she has done. Everyone is paying the price for what they have done except her. It is now time for her to start shaking in her boots. We all here always go back to okay now we can't wait until Gloria gets hers. You mean she can go on playing a rich hussy, put everybody else down and snub her nose up at people knowing she has done something wrong too. As we all see it, her time needs to come, because right now watching her do what she does is not interesting anymore. Y&R is kind of getting on our last nerve regarding her. Phyllis and Jana got theirs now its time for her,

HOLLY - Once again your column made me laugh out loud. I am horribly bored this week, any one else? I know I'm probably the only one out here but Lily & Cane just don't do it for me. I don't know why they just don't. (sorry) I think Heather & Daniel may be an item in the future though, just a hunch. I never thought I was a Jack fan but I am sick of everyone ganging up on him. (Come on every politician has a few skeletons in their closets now days -ha) As far as Nikki & Victor go, well I'd be so ticked off at him & his snarl I'd have a hard time not punching his lights out. Oh yes, Victoria needs her mother when she moves home, yeah at least Nikki has a heart! And one more thing, whatever happened to Kay having it out for Victor? Where the heck has she been lately? Have a Merry Christmas. God Bless All.

CABC - Nita, I'm SCREAMING, STILL SCREAMING! All I want to know is; am I asking to much to have a s/l that will keep my attention without using the FF button? am I asking to much to see Jack have an ounce of happiness? I'm hoping with both fingers crossed that a miracle takes place during the strike. SAVE OUR SHOW! NITA, seriously; you can do this, call for an application and apply, I'm telling ya, you can do this. Think about it. All I want for Christmas is a decent s/l!

ANN - I find my finger is on FF so much these days I may as well just quit watching. The only thing that really keeps me interested in the Y&R is you Nita, and all the rest of the fans who speak up passionately and humorously every week. I have some major gripes and some minor gripes. The one huge major gripe is exactly how long do we have to wait to see Glo get what's coming to her? Along with her almost unwatchably nasty re-appearance in front of the Ethics Committee (puleeese! What does this bunch of idiots know about ethics?), we had to watch the ghost of John leaning over and whispering in Jack's ear: How could you do it? WHAT? Where has this ghost been while Glo has been throwing herself at various men, using her boys to cover up her sins, and shifting blame to Jill for her evil misdeeds? And let's not forget she was the anonymous voice who authored Jack's unfair departure from Jabot in the first place, by dictating the terms of his dismissal from the company as part of that death settlement. She is just too evil for words, and I wish the character had been written the way she started on the show - as a down-on-her-luck, misguided, not-overly-bright, but essentially not bad person. How much better (and more humorous) the storylines would have been if we could see a real person making dumb mistakes. Why is John even there - this particular unbelievable storyline could be forgiven if his sense of fair play extended beyond humiliating Jack. Wouldn't it be terrific if he suddenly revealed himself to Glo - can you imagine the hysterics? Better still if he did it while she was in the middle of conning poor Jeffrey (I also hold out hope that he is really William, but things aren't looking too promising). One of my minor gripes (but hugely annoying nonetheless) is the way some scenes are staged where 2 people are talking on their cell phones at the same time. Not to each other, but to 2 completely other people. I know this is supposed to convey some sense of urgency and action, but the effect is disjointed, jerky, jumbled and very, very annoying. Even apart from this particular problem, much too much of the drama on this show is now taking place over the cell phone, so actors are essentially acting in isolation, leaving messages to empty space and reacting to sides of the conversation the viewer is left to imagine. Kinda like those conversations with Sleeping Beauty and the ones between various people and the window of the neonatal unit. Looking forward to compiling my own personal rant for your end-of-year wrapup - and I'm hoping for next year that I can stick with this show long enough to see it recover.

GRAMMIE - What in the world is going on with Y & R. Have the writers lost their everloving mind. Get off of Jack and leave him alone especially when it comes to Gloria. This woman has been trouble since day one and it's not entertaining at all. This woman has manipulated 2 rich men into marrying her, has corrupted her entire family: sons, Michael and Kevin, and now Lauren. She has caused the death of 3 HUMAN BEINGS and hurt a innocent child (Abby). Now all of the sudden she's on her high horse talking about someone (Jack) needs to pay for their crimes. Give me a break. WHEN IS SHE GOING TO PAY FOR ALL HER CRIMES/SINS? I don't know what's up with these new writers, but I am so upset with the direction Y&R has gone it make me sick to my stomach. So sick infact, I can't hardly type this email. We can truly tell that William Bell is no longer with us by these AWFUL storylines. The only true blue soap that was close to real life was Y&R. Now its so farfetched, it's UNBELIEVEABLE! There is no longer any morality in the show, except for the Winters and Sharon. The Nick and Phyllis storyline (sickening and total outrageous.) Get off Jack's back, put Nick and Sharon back together, and Phyllis & Jack together. Only Phyllis can handle Gloria! I hope (please, please,)that Gloria get does not get more money due to her deception. I hope that Y & R writers look at the history of Y&R and return it back to the once great soap opera that it used to be. I am becoming a PAST viewer of Y&R. Oh my God, will somebody please help!

MST05 - An assessment of Cane's behavior at TG with the Winters was so horribly over the top I had to laugh. He's Australian, the holiday means nothing to him. Cane had the opportunity to spend it with the lady he's interested and he's a cad? Ridiculous. Cane doesn't appreciate his new family? What? Cane doesn't leave Jill's presence without telling her he loves her. Not to mention people insisting that Cane owes Amber something. Cane doesn't even know HALF the crap Amber did. Even without that what he KNOWS she did, Cane shouldn't even be talking to her. Yet, I hear folks say, he has no heart; he's cruel. ABSURD. She drugged him, faked a marriage, continuously lied, hid a dead body, the list goes on and on. Oh, did I mention that she did it for his money? Cane owes Amber NOTHING.

JANICE - I beg to differ, but greedy, victim Gloria Fisher Abbott Bardwell is no Victor Newman. She is an enigma as well as the poster child, along with Michael Baldwin and Kevin Fisher, for a dysfunctional family. What surprises me most about the scenario is Lauren. She was the perpetual victim of Sheila's schemes and schizophrenia and is now contently aligned with this family of delinquents. Gloria is as much a psychopath as Sheila and Kevin is more a sociopath. Michael is no officer of the court and it is a wonder if the decision to make him Victor's attorney is one borne more from budget restraints than storytelling. I loved the line this week 'you can buy all the moisturizer you want' from Jeffrey. If he were allowed to bring her down slow and hard, it would make having to suffer through this madness somewhat worthy of my frustrations. Sharon and her hypocrisy walking out on Jack for his dishonesty is a wee bit disingenuous considering her messy past and present (the lingering Brad connection). Hopefully, her juvenile, insensate act opens the door for Phyllis and Jack to re-unite for whom the latter are a more balanced couple than Nick and Phyllis. Phyllis is a WOMAN and needs a MAN. She and Jack are more exciting together. Nikki and Victor are tiring with their on again and off again relationship, yet they present an interesting battle. Hopefully the writers will bring some wicked humor to this couples story.

EVE - Ding dong the witch is dead! Hooray! The witch is dead? Which old witch? The LML witch, by what I hear, is OUT, and not a minute too soon. There still might be a shred of likability or salvageability lurking in our GC denizens, and God only knows LML was trying to destroy it ALL. To whoever succeeds her, do not fear. Should you decide to turn the whole of the LML tenure into a dream, a la Bobby Ewing in the shower, we can take it. (Votes will now be gathered as to who we all most want to see in that shower, and I don't mean J.T.. My vote's for Cane). Dream, fantasy, sudden restoration of collective memory, anything will work for me at least, as long as Victor, Jill, Victoria, Neil, John, and the rest of our dearly beloved, dearly hated, return to being who they used to be. The Victoria I used to know had a spine and some character. My beloved Victor, tyrannical as he was, always gave his ultimate loyalty to his family. We just plain need John to come back from the dead (hey, they do it on Days all the time!) We need to quit having spouses working for rival companies (this happens so rarely in real life, you wouldn't believe it - and yet couples still find things to fight about!). We need to quit having kids die just to move the plot along, especially when the plot ends up in adultery - AGAIN - anyway. (Remember when we were told Cassie was getting killed because they didn't want to just have Nick and Sharon screw around on each other again? Well, they did.) We need to quit having pregnant women (especially pregnant women who have had endless difficulties carrying babies to term, and we all know who they are) putting themselves in risky situations, and we need to quit having them suddenly in tragic accidents that place them and their babies in jeopardy. When Ashley (remember her?) rammed her car into a cliff and lost her and Brad's baby, I, for one, thought it was a fairly disgusting way for the writers to make sure Brad and Ashley would split up. I still find it a really lousy plot device, and if Victoria loses her third baby, I may be done. Meanwhile, back at the ranch ... given a new writer, it might be fun to watch Victor and Nikki try to reconnect. Especially with Phyllis as Nikki's personal advisor. Maybe we can finally get the whole who-killed-JiMin thing over (although if the new HW went for a dream, hey, JiMin could come back and we could have some more hot scenes with him and Jill or, for that matter, him and just about anybody). For that matter, maybe we can have the whole Jana has a brain tumor thing done as well. (I really want that to be a massive hallucination on the part of everybody. I really want Jana to either be a devious serial killer or an undercover policewoman who will nail Gloria's bug-eyed ass to the wall. Or simply go away.) As for the rest of the crew: isn't it about time Daniel and Amber hit the sheets, or at least each other, or the road out of town? Let Cane and Lily develop slowly, please. It's nice when it's slow. Let Heather go to h*** or let her have a happy moment once in a while. Right now she's meaner than a hedgehog with psoriasis. Meanwhile, I'm going out back to sing a couple more stanzas of Ding dong the witch is dead!

OBY - Is there any way we can be saved from the Gloria storyline? I hate the way she keeps getting away with so much and Jack is always getting deeper into it. Granted he did the wrong thing by tampering with the will but Gloria is a gold digging tramp. She has to be stopped before she ruins another family - Jill's. She is the reason why the Abbotts are all messed up and it looks like she is getting away with it.

VETTE - I had to throw in the towel. I just couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't watch the Fisher Family Hour for another minute. Every soap has to have villains. I love to hate the soap opera villains; it makes seeing them get busted all the more enjoyable. Jack is a bit of a villain and he gets busted every time. But you can't enjoy seeing Jack get busted because he generally did the wrong in response to something that was done to him. And he is normally retaliating against Victor and Gloria. Well I can't stand either of them so I never feel good when Jack gets caught. Then you have Glo and her demon seeds. I've read the postings about how Gloria was wronged so much by Jack when she only wanted to love John and it wasn't the money OH PLEASE. I seem to remember the lengths Glo went to so she could keep John. I remember when she slept with those guys that she hired to pretend to be her sons so John wouldn't find out about Michael and Kevin. I remember all of the times she lied to him. Her lies and schemes ultimately sent John to prison and eventually killed him. And here is another wonderful example of the poor writing on this show. That damn letter! You mean to tell me that John was in his right mind enough to write a letter explaining that Jack tricked him, but he wasn't smart enough to give it to someone other than his cellmate? Now you are insulting the intelligence of the viewing audience. Anyway back to the villains! I love and hate that Glo is so horrible. I love and hate that her family is just as morally corrupt as she is. But the reason I love it is because it makes for great TV when she gets caught. And there is the issue; she never gets caught. There have been small teasers of her secrets getting out but only to people who will protect her or feel sorry for her because they don't know all of the bad things she has done. There is never a feel good moment. The same thing goes for Victor, you never truly get that feel good moment when they have been caught because its overshadowed by something else. When The DA busted Gloria, he had a stroke and couldn't tell anyone. When Victor's drilling blew up Clear Springs it was overshadowed by Victoria getting hit in the head by that pebble. I don't think this poor excuse for a writing team understands that when villains don't get caught and the viewers don't get the feel good moment it just makes people hate the characters which eventually will make you turn off the show; like I did!

KATIE - Why is John Abbott the ghost always hanging around Jack? If he is portraying a ghost, shouldn't he know that his ex-wife Gloria is the reason Jack was kicked out of Jabot! Not only that, he should know she tainted the cream as well! Let him go rattle his chains at her for a change and leave his son alone!

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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