If I seem like a needle stuck in the same, worn Phyllis groove, it's no accident. After all, I can only write about the tune playing on the jukebox, and as we can all see and hear perfectly well, almost all the songs on it seemed to be about Phyllis. Again. This time filled with sappy sagas about one last night, one last drink, one last snack, one last bedtime story, one last sexcapade, okay two or three of those, and whatever else last thing she won't be doing for the week or three she's liable to be away. And on top of being sappy, this fan found most of it dry and boring. And that's another thing. Six years! We'll be lucky if she does six weeks. Speaking of that, I can't wait to see the ridiculous reason for her release. But in the meantime, how many would like to place their penny wagers next to mine that no matter how long or how little she's locked up, she will still wind up being the shining star of this show? Seen and undoubtedly heard daily.
Okay, I'm guessing some of you might be shouting in protest right about now via your computer screen, that is. A rousing chorus singing to me that Phyllis' lament wasn't featured in every single song. Other people got a solo or two during the week some of you may be adding. Yeah, that's true, is my reply, there were other people headlining, unfortunately, with the exception of the Jill and Jana stuff and a couple of seconds while Maggie pestered Paul about 'fessing up to being Heather's proud Papa, they weren't really warbling about themselves, they were talking about Phyllis. I know because after awhile in my aggrieved aggravation, I started keeping track.
I wish she would take a vacation, call in sick, do a movie, film a pilot, play hooky, anything at all, if it will get her off my screen for awhile. I'm simply sick of hearing and seeing her say and do the same things over and over using not vastly different words and actions. I feel like I've either taken a wrong turn onto an excruciatingly bad episode of the Twilight Zone, fallen asleep and woke up in Groundhog Day, Genoa City style, or worst of all, have died and been consigned to a chair in the Hot Place where Y&R, starring Phyllis, plays 24/7 and the FF button on my remote control is inoperable.
Okay, so maybe I'm exaggerating. But surely only by a hair.
Before I move on to somebody else, I do have to comment on the two golden nuggets shining up from the rest of the mushy Phyllis manure pile. The scene where Phyllis was holding Summer and kept asking Daniel in this perfectly pitiful voice, how many more hours she had left. And then right on cue, somebody pushed the button on the baby doll to make it say Ma-Ma. I should know, because my daughter has a doll that sounds just like it. But it was a touching moment just the same.
The second thing that made my moment was when Nikki had the nerve to tell Phyllis she would help Nick with Summer. That made me fall off the couch convulsed with hysterical laughter. Phyllis was right to go ballistic on Nikki for that. After all, Nikki's barely had a glance, let alone a comforting cuddle for Summer, and probably hates Phyllis' mother for birthing her those four plus decades ago. If I were Phyllis, I wouldn't want Nikki to help walk my dog, let alone help raise my child. But the question that sprung immediately to my mind, was: help Nick do what? Pick out a boarding school? Hire a Miguel act-alike? Because that's pretty much the sum total of Nikki's motherly abilities.
Okay, I've had my fun at the Phyllis character's expense, so I'm leaving her behind and moving on to someone almost as annoying. If it's possible for anyone else to endanger the only nerve I have left after the rest of them snapped watching Phyllis, I bet many of you won't have to guess long to come up with Noah's name. Yes, I'm talking about Mr. Noah I'm online a lot Newman. According to his extensive internet reading, Mommy and Brad and Phyllis have been bad girls and boy, but Daddy, he's been nothing but a prince among men. Ha! All I can say is maybe Noah should have dug a little deeper when he was shovelling up all the stinky stuff coating every layer of this extortion caper. Because I find it difficult to believe any reporter worth his or her salt (even one working in GC) would have neglected to include a couple of the most salacious snippets of information in this case. The fact that the convicted extortionist was cavorting wildly as the other woman in the marriage of bad Sharon and good Daddy Newman. And managed to get her allegedly barren body swollen with Summer seed long before the terms of her lover's divorce decree had been dictated. It's funny when it comes to Noah how the writers make him dumb on demand. He can put one and one together and come up with Brad and Sharon's sordid sleepover, yet he's apparently bat-blind when it comes to Phyllis and Nick's misdeeds. If Noah must wave a critical hand in the air, he should be pointing his four condemning fingers at Sharon, Nick, Brad and Phyllis, and then use the thumb to hitchhike his way to a new, unsullied family. Perhaps one without pets would be best, since he might have a latent tendency to torture defenceless pets. Poor Fisher, confined to a closet jail for misbehaving. Maybe Noah ought to spend a little time with Gloria or Kevin. They could tell him a thing or two about closets. By the way, don't some say animal abusers sometimes grow up to be serial killers? It might be prudent for Sharon and Jack to schedule additional therapy for Noah well into the future just in case.
The tumor made me do it, and other fractured fairy tales. Oh well, illness worked to explain Victor's erratic behaviour, so why not play it again Sam and use it to rehabilitate Jana. That was some tumor, though, wasn't it? I mean, I, along with many of you, have been watching this one unfold for a very long time. Way, way back in the reliquary days. Burglarizing the then happy Carlton home, planting listening devices, killing Carmen, and all the convoluted rest of it, and with nary a headache, an episode of blurred vision or one single seizure to be seen. Yeah, serve us fans anything and we will try to choke it down, no matter how unpleasant, unpalatable or implausible we think it is that we can digest it.
What do I like about it, though, besides the fact that it has nothing to do with Sharon, Brad, Nick or Phyllis? Well, for one thing it gives Kevin something to do. But most of all, surprisingly I have enjoyed seeing a new and different Gloria. How refreshing it was to see her in the role of a protective mother, albeit tardily, instead of a crafty creature consumed with catching her next man meal ticket in her fur-lined trap. Of course, now that she's herself a millionaire, there's no need to ensnare a man to help her spend it. But I wouldn't want any of you to worry yourselves into a succession of sleepless night due to your fear that I might be getting soft and sentimental in my slowly advancing age. Because I'm certain it won't be long before Gloria says or does something that will make me hasten to scribble her name back onto my least liked list.
Was it just me, or did any other fans find it a little difficult to have a whole lot of empathy for Jill and her dilemma about Ji Min? Didn't you just want to say, aww, kwitcherweeping woman. Just my opinion, but Jill really could do a whole lot worse than hitching her little red wagon to Ji Min's star. I mean, so what he's a liar? How does that make him any different than practically every other man and woman living in her town? Genoa City is filled to the gills with ugly little liars hiding behind their pretty or handsome facades. At least Ji Min hasn't been intimately involved with her mother, her best friend or any of the previous lovers of her previous lovers or their friends or family member.
Of course, it really doesn't matter how Jill felt or feels about Ji Min's treachery, does it? Though many of us found their romance refreshing and something to hope for, by now we all know our hopes and dreams were in vain and were destined to be dashed against the rocks of GC reality because in this town there's no dawn after darkness. Just another long night of impenetrable blackness.
PLEASE NOTE: Depending on when this column posts, what follows could be a spoiler for some, so if you avoid spoilers like the bubonic plague and haven't watched Wednesday's episode, stop here and come back later.
Anyway, as all of had already figured out, Ji Min did indeed steal the previously stolen bounty of Plum's. There must be some kind of a curse on that bag of $100 bills. One that causes those who pilfer it to come to a mysterious and deadly final end. Yes, by now we all know what's rumored to be in store for poor Ji Min. Looks like he's going to go down in history as Genoa City's Mr. September. What a shameful waste of a hot, tasty man. The only thing that remains shrouded in mystery is the identity of who might have done Ji Min in. Did he, like the previous owner of the money, have a great fall off a chair and crack his crown like Humpty Dumpty is said to have done? Hmmm, could it have been Katherine who cut him up with her wickedly sharp tongue then impassively watched him bleed to death? Or was it Carson? Or perhaps David Chow, all for the love of his Nikki lady? Or maybe it was Ben, who didn't want to take a chance of losing his plum job with Senator Abbott. Well, whoever dealt Ji Min the killing blow, I suppose they can say their tumor made them do it. Or their ulcer. Or their migraine. Heck, they might as well just go for the one about the devil making them do it.
At any rate, I presume Ji Min had to die so that the plots, such as they are, can continue to go senselessly onward. Everyone who had something to lose by Ji Min's coming revelations about the twisted ownership trail of Jabot can now be an unlikely suspect. Like Katherine, and Nikki, and Jack and Victor. With Ji Min's tongue silenced forever, Clear Springs and Nikki are safe. Katherine's refurbished reputation can remain unblemished. But this is Genoa City, a town when the same unfortunate citizens repeatedly get dealt the bad hands. So, we can rest assured that somehow, someway, all will presumably come up petunia's for everyone. Except Jack, of course. I hope he enjoyed his recent gloating, because we know what's in store for him. Every time he cockily shoots off his mouth to Victor and forgets his subordinate place in Victor's universe, the black knight lifts his big shoe and crushes him underfoot, reminding Jack who really rules this town.
Well, once again it's time to leave Genoa City behind and return to my world, a world that thankfully does not include Ms. Phyllis. And it does this young heart good to know there are others like me suffering from severe indigestion from a surfeit of Phyllis. Read on and you'll see what I mean.
MSRES - I thought that I was the only fed up with the Phyllis Fest. Surely they cannot redeem her. I think back to all of the things that she has done that she's never paid for, most notably running Christine and Paul down with a car. I can go on and on and on, but I won't. It's time she got her just desserts.
SANDI - The Jana thing - wasn't she doing all that she did because of her father wanting the art that they thought Brad and his mother knew about. Lately on the show all they say is it was her tumor that made her do all the horrible things. And don't let me get started on the Kevin falling for her again as it almost made me stop watching Y&R.
TRACY - I have been watching the Phyllis storyline unfold and honestly all the sympathy she is getting from everybody is overdone. She is going on and on about how she is going to miss her daughter growing up and how she is going to miss this and that. Apparently she failed to realize that she brought this onto herself. She didn't think of what she was doing to her children or anyone else, all she was thinking about is how she could stick it to Sharon. As for Noah, please, he is a Victoria in the making. But instead of blaming the other woman, he is blaming his mother. It was annoying when Victoria did it and it is annoying now. They should do what they did to Victoria, send him away to boarding school. As for Daniel, he was okay until he got back to Genoa City and hooked up with his mother, Since then he has developed a drinking problem, a porno problem, been arrested twice, once for drunk driving and the other for multiple felonies. He should have stayed at boarding school wherever he was. As for Gloria, arrest her please and spare us all aggravation.
CHANTEL - I'm wondering about Cane too. He's a great character and sooooo hot, I really hope he doesn't turn out to be a bad boy! But, does anyone else remember a little snippet from a show over the summer when they showed Cane on the cell phone to a friend, saying 'it's just going to take a little more time' and seemingly being very underhanded? I remember seeing that and thinking uh-oh, so it turns out Cane is going to be a bad guy, but there's been no mention of it since nor any hint that his intentions aren't what they seem to be.
TANYA - I can't tell you how glad I am to see you back. It's difficult enough to get through Y&R, but to do it without your input was unbearable! Hope vacation was great!
JOELLE - I can't stand the whole Sick and Feeless scenes starting up all over again. I was really starting to believe that Nick was feeling his passion toward Sharon again and was keeping my fingers crossed that they would rekindle their romance once again. Who knows what will happen next! Remember Sharon looking at baby clothes at Fenmore's when she and Nick were starting to talk about having another baby after Cassie's death? Oh but Phyllis put a quick hold on that one right away! Boy and let me say Noah is such a brat, he is so mean to his Mom w/all the crappy little fits and fowl mouthy comments he makes for being just a kid. I think Nick should tell the little jerk the truth about himself and Step Mommie Dearest. Please cut Sharon the mother of this spoiled bratt some slack Nick, it's time you step up to the ball plate!
HELEN - This is the week I actually decided to stop watching Y&R. I realize it's a soap and unrealistic, but there has to be some authenticity to what is happening. First off, what Phyllis did might technically be blackmail, but what about Nikki forcing Brad to bring charges against her? that seems to me to be the same thing. And Brad bought real estate based on insider knowledge, which is an actual crime. I'm no Phyllis fan, but the whole court room drama is ridiculous. Nothing like that would ever happen in a real courtroom. the only people allowed to testify at sentencing would be people affected by the crime she was convicted of. The real problem I think is no one is a sympathetic character. If Sharon hadn't cheated with brad, Phyllis would have had no ammunition to blackmail (not extort) Brad. The only family that seems to be a loving, caring family is Neil's and I'm beginning to wonder about them.
TRISH - I am in complete agreement with Joanne - I too wish I could stop watching this show. But something keeps me coming back for more punishment. That proverbial nail must be getting really worn out by now, because once again you've hit it right on the head. The whole Phyllis thing - wailing & whining about her lot in life - we all know she should have gone to jail ages ago & we all know she will do very little if any, time. How quickly Nick has fallen for her again - what happened to his "love" for Sharon? What's with that brat No-o-o-o-ah? He's all bent out of shape because Sharon and Brad slept together ('I'm on the internet a lot!' - don't Sharon and Jack monitor his web activities?) Have the writers gone completely round the bend? Don't his Dad and Phyllis's reconnoiters which broke up Nick & Sharon's marriage matter to Noah? I recall only a few months ago, that Noah was all happy to be with Phyllis & then suddenly when she tried to tell him what to do, he responded with "You're not my mother". Let's at least get some consistency here, please. There was a reference to Drucilla last week - she's not really dead, everyone knows she's living in he woods with the wolves. Where's Dubbya's brother? Why did they let us in on Devon's feelings for Lily (I know they're not related by blood, but eeeuuuwww anyway) and then drop that? When is Jill going to look for the parents of the boy she raised as Phillip? Of course, I don't mean she really raised him - he went off to boarding school along with (let's count them now) Billy, Victoria, Nick, Nate, Kate, Scott - have I missed anybody? By all rights shouldn't Kate be about 40 by now. She's been in boarding school an awfully long time. She went straight there from the west wing of the Chancellor mansion. Okay, enough venting, but thanks again for allowing me to get it all out.
LYNNE - Wow. Do I ever agree with everything you said in your column. I just started watching Y&R a few months ago, cuz AMC, which I watched since its inception, just became too painful to watch. I have really gotten into Y&R, except for the continued focus on Phyllis. If I hear one more time her telling Nick about Summer's favorite stuff, or her routine (I suppose TPTB think this evokes sympathy - NOT!) I'm gonna scream. I sense that a lot of long time viewers really like Phyllis and don't like Sharon -- I am the opposite. But perhaps their opinions have to do with the history of the show, which I am unaware of. So when I read your Two Scoops, I was delighted to see that other people think like me! Not one tear, or poor me sentence out of Phyllis' mouth garners any sympathy from me. It seems so fake - especially when she threatened Paul DURING her blackmail trial! Gee, she's sure learned - it's okay to do something as long as you don't get caught. And I am NOT buying Nick's sudden love and devotion to Phyllis -- just a few days ago, he was pouring out his undying love to Sharon. I don't buy the quick turnaround he made! How could he fall for all that feeling sorry for herself crap? I am disliking Nick now for his defection to Phyllis. I'd love to see good soap where he gets back with Sharon. Where's the fun in keeping a married couple together - this is a SOAP. I will say that the actress who portrays Phyllis is very good, but I sure don't like the character, and like her less and less each day.
GRAMMIE - I will be very disappointed if everyone team up against Jack Abbott especially if Glo is involved. I am sick and tired of Glo getting away with everything and coming out on top. Now she's a millionaire. Give me a break! Everyone needs to know that Glo caused that woman's death AND she was responsible for feeding information to the woman's husband. She needs to pay her dues. I have not liked her since she entered the show. She keeps Mikey and Kevin in trouble and now Lauren is buying into her ridiculous antics! My friends and I, who have been watching Y&R over 20+ years want to see Glo pay and bring some morality back to the show. You've started down that track with Phyllis, I hope it continues with both Glo and Amber! Get Amber off the show. Send her to NBC. Some story no one watches!
REGINA - I am so done with the writers of Y&R. This entire situation with Summer not being Nick's is outrageous and down right stupid. Fake paternity test, Sharon and Nick reuniting, and Noah once again traumatized is totally and utterly insane. Nick belongs with Phyllis and Sharon truly belongs with Brad. Jack and Nikki both deserve to be alone. i would personally like to see Jill and Victor together and leave the stripper Tramp alone like she deserves to be. I do not like at all what they are doing with Nikki's character. For her to call anyone a bad mother ... you just have to laugh. Like her kids have turned out so great. How many marriages has Victoria had? She gets it from her mama. I liked the old Nick. The writers need to leave him with Phyllis and leave the paternity of Summer alone.
TREY - Once again another brilliant and hilarious column. I completely agree with you about no sympathy for Phyllis. As I sat there and watched the trial, I was happy that after all these years of lies, betrayals, and backstabbing the little wench was finally getting what she deserved. As one of your fans pointed out, she tried to kill Paul and Christine years ago and was never found out. This is sooo justified. And as she sat at the stand crying, pleading the judge not to take her away from her child, all I could thing, was her little girl would probably be better off without her. I have to tell you, there was one line delivered by Lauren that literally had me rolling on the ground laughing. When Phyllis asked Michael and Lauren not to come to her trial because 'she didn't want them to know what a horrible person she was.' Lauren retorted, 'Oh I already know you're a horrible person!' I thought that was just sooo funny! And also agree with you about Noah. This little boy is a complete brat and although I don't advocate hitting children, a good butt-whippin' never hurt anyone. The way he talks to Sharon and even Nick is completely inappropriate for a pre-teen. And why does he never call Victor and Nikki, grandma and grandpa. If I had ever called my grandmother by her first name, I would have received a swift kick in the pants. Of course the child is disrespectful, when he's running around telling adults where he'll live and what he will and wont do. I have to say like you, I really enjoy Cane and although I've read differently, I too hope he stays a good guy. Especially since Lilly seems to be taking an interest in him. Although I have to admit im a Devon/Lily supporter. As she was sitting there last week going on and on about how she needed to meet new guys and date; seeing the frustration on Devon's face was painful. I wanted to reach through the screen and say "Girl there is a perfectly accessible, beautiful man right in front of u, open your eyes!" I mean, sure their adopted brother and sister but hey its not like they grew up together. Lastly, does anyone else think Sharon and Neil may make kind of a cute couple. I mean she was Dru's best friend and her and Neil could bond over their loss and love of Dru. I feel like the showing is pushing for that. Once again thanx for allowing me to share my thoughts Nita and keep doing what your doing girl, we love the column!
LISA - I want to see Heather Tom on the Young and the Restless as Victoria, not on B&B. I have never liked the new Victoria and I think if Heather wants to come to CBS she should be allowed to take her position back the character needs her. I'm sure Amelia Heinle is a fine actress, but she can't come close to fulfilling the role as Victoria. I hope this is corrected soon.
LORIE - I just do not get it. I know that Phyllis needs to be punished and go to jail, but 6 years? People kill and get nothing or they get surgery and they live to love again. Come on! Yet blackmail gets 6 years? What is the matter with these writers? Do they live in a bubble? The rest of the show is not working that way. I was even impressed with Victor on his seizure diagnoses then it was dropped. But lets take a look. Let's go down the list: Jack for the deal behind everyone's back. He scams anyway. Ji Min - same thing. I also think he stole the money from Amber. Kevin for breaking into people's emails. Michael too. Gloria for the death of the woman who got into the cream. Even if it was not her fault she needs to 'fess up and let a jury decide. Amber is just sick and steals and lies every chance she gets. Jana attempted murder. Brad for killing two men, not to mention all he has done. Yet he is the moral of authority Nikki is guilty of scams of her own. She calls Phyllis name. She needs to look in the mirror. Where does it all end? Help me understand my misunderstanding.
KIM - Is there a possibility Dru will return? Stranger things have happened on other soaps; having people fall and survive only to just turn up months later.
LINDA - Phyllis should not go to jail. Brad should. How many people has he killed? Phyllis should have told on his butt.
JOSETTE - What's up with Nikki's hair? It is looking worse and worse each day. And that updo she wore that last day at court ... awful. I liked her hair when it was first cut, but not when she has it plastered to her head. Don't they have hairstylists on the set? Also, she has been looking matronly lately, and is she walking funny or what?
VIVIEN - Thank you Nita for saying so beautifully what I've been muttering to myself for weeks. This show should b renamed "Ground Hog Day" as the same scenes repeat themselves day after day after day. Enough goodbyes. It's always the last night, the last kiss, the last confession ... yuchh. In my secret heart of hearts I was am and still hoping that Nick is playing St. Phyllis and the minute she's in jail he will go for custody of the baby. Ah, sweet revenge. Didn't he just tell Sharon last week or so that he still loved her? As for the rest of the citizens of GC, there is so much backstabbing and switching of sides that it's like a baseball game: who's on first? Victor swears revenge against Jack, but then teams up with him against Katherine, who joins forces with Victor to avenge Jill who is now in cahoots with Jack... HELP! I love your column, but hate the show. So I'll probably be tuning in here from now on.
EVE - Let me get this straight: Carmen Mesta was murdered, and everyone was a suspect, but of course it was only a minor player, Jana, who did it, so there was a huge froth about nothing. Plum, Amber's ex boyfriend was killed, but no one investigated really, and it will probably turn out Ji Min did it (since he's about to get killed), so the whole froth was about nothing. And now Ji Min is gonna get killed, and everybody's a suspect, and you know, I don't give a rat's ass, because I know it will turn out to be some bit player that did it. Writers, get a clue. The only way successive murders works on a series show that is not a cop show is if at least once, someone important is convicted and maybe even is guilty. (And I'm not talking about Amber, because none of us care about her.) Otherwise, it's a huge yawn. And I'm damn near asleep already.
MARY - I cannot believe how ugly everyone is about Phyllis. She had changed and as far as extorting Brad, give me a break. Brad killed two people and covered it up along with Sharon. Brad already said Neil was the better candidate and he was probably going to vote for him anyway. What a crock having Phyllis go to jail over that, so stupid. She probably should just have gone straight to Victoria. Don't even get me started about two-faced Nikki. What a witch. She has been a terrible mother to both Nick and Victoria. How they could ever forgive her is beyond me. I love Phyllis and Nick together. I hope the spoilers are wrong and the baby is Nicks, after all he is the one who looked at the test and said she was his. If they make Phyllis out to the bad guy yet again on this I will finally just quit watching.