When it comes to Phyllis' extortion trial, it's all but over, except for the part where the proverbial full figured female comes on stage to croon the closing tune. Or in this case, when the foreperson hands over the verdict following the dum da dum dum dummmmmmmm drum roll.
And while awaiting said verdict, Ms. Newman would have liked nothing better than to cuddle cozily behind the locked door of some nameless five star hotel suite, pigging out on overpriced room service fare, her adorable daughter and reluctant hubby devotedly by her side. "How lovely it would be to get away from all the judgmental glares and rude accusing stares of Genoa City folk," Phyllis exclaimed excitedly, her hands fluttering in the air like small white doves. (Though with so many sins crowding their own walk-in closets, it's a wonder any townsperson has the nerve to wag a recriminatory finger at anyone else). "It's just so hard being me," Phyllis nattered on nervously, despite her hubby's rather stone faced silence. With such horrible things everyone is saying about me," she tisked and she tasked. Expecting her less than doting darling to immediately clamber up behind her on her bandwagon of Blackmailer? Who me? instead Phyllis was utterly affronted and momentarily struck silent when Nick pulled out a borrowed hatpin and proceeded to poke pinholes in each one of her overinflated balloons. "Yeah," he retorted rather indifferently, as the helium slowly hissed out, his eyes fixed on her face so as not to miss the flinch he had to know would be coming when he added "especially when they're true."
Oh, for one single second had one listened closely I bet one would have heard that aforementioned hatpin ping when it plopped to the carpet, so shocked was Phyllis at Nick's unexpected reply. "You, you," she sputtered theatrically, hands on her hips, head almost executing that chicken neck move some women perform so well. "You think I did it! Don't you? Don't you!?" Uhh, Phyllis, if a fan can chime in here and toss in a penny or two; YOU DID!!! She apparently has been listening so long to the lame spin her ethic-less attorney has been putting on her behavior, she'd obviously begun to actually believe she was blameless. But it was her ears that sucked in the incriminating information, the warped brain in her cranium that concocted the plan, and it was her low, sexy voice that made the camera-caught threats. And she enjoyed every single second of it, right up to the moment that incriminating video was played for all attendees at her courtroom party.
Well, needless to say after the argument that ensued, complete with acrimonious accusations tossed to and fro, Phyllis flounced off in a bit of a hotel-bound huff, husbandless.
But Phyllis wasn't the only one to feel the sting of repercussion rejection. In a like mother, like son moment, Daniel was also continuing to reap the rotten harvest of the deceitful seeds he'd sown in his garden of porn months ago. Possible jail time is also in his future, though I doubt he'll serve any more time for his alleged crimes than his mother will for hers. But that's for later, if ever, and in the meantime there are other more pressing predicaments he must face. First, his wife. Or should I say ex-wife, since his marriage will soon be described in the past tense. Fed up with another chorus of his "I know I messed up, but, please, baby, baby, baby, please give me one more chance," refrain, Lily has had enough and is kicking his bald-faced lying behind to the concrete curb. On top of that, he clocked into the computer and perused one porn site too many, infecting the Newman mainframe and all it was connected to, narrowly missing bringing down an avalanche of lawsuits that could easily have crippled the Newman conglomerate and perhaps brought them to the brink of bankruptcy. So now he's out of a job, at least for one episode.
But don't fret for Daniel. Like the ferocious feline who spawned him, his lives number more than nine, and it is presumed he will land safely and solidly on all four sticky paws. Not only does he have the bleached bimbette who provided the engraved invitation into the world of soft core to comfort him, there's always Uncle Jack who with his soft spot for anything Phyllis-related will surely toss him a rescue rope yet again.
As for said bimbette, she too continues to be recompensed royally for the dastardly deeds she's done. Proving that revenge is even sweeter than anyone might have imagined, Cane gave as good as he presumably got when he had his way with his faux wife on the couch in the Chancellor parlor. Then he rudely rejected his sofa mate, denying her even the dignity of a cleansing shower, advising her to dodge the doorknob as she slunk out of the mansion. Of course, though Cane treated her cruelly, it didn't do any lasting damage. Because shortly thereafter, in a babydoll top and boots (yes, seeing her in boots in mid-August made me break out in an immediate sweat) she and Daniel were keeping each other company at Indigo as they openly spied on Cane and Lily nearby. I can't help but wonder with Daniel's predilection for porn and Amber's, well .... Amber, can there be found a more suitable match than these two, even if one were to scour every corner of Heaven?
Speaking of a possible well-matched pair, what about Cane and Lily? Sure, he's older, but considering the age span between certain other couples, the years that separates Cane and Lily are pretty negligible. Especially since they've already been socializing together as if their ages were the same. Of course, we're all presuming Cane will soon be proven to be so much less than the nice young man he appears to be at the moment. So, chemistry or not, after Kevin, then Daniel, does Lily really deserve to suffer through yet a third romantic disaster? But, that only leaves Devon, and though we know Devon had and still has a terrific crush on Lily, after being legally adopted by her parents, can we please not trod down that ewwww littered lane?
Alas, though so many of us fans wish fervently upon a star for it every single night, sigh, there is still not a single repercussion in sight for Gloria. In fact, all I see is yet another victim being prepared to be trussed up and roasted over a roaring fire until he too expires. As always, making every situation more about her than anyone else, Mae West, I mean Gloria, donned a bright red dress, then inexplicably pulled on elbow length black gloves (what happened to the tasteful black dress she originally modeled, by the way - I guess she decided she wanted to stand out from the black-wearing crowd of the more fashion-conscious invitees) to host her late husband's memorial party. Then she rambled through a tall tale of half truths and outright lies, detailing her so-called storybook romance with William, leaving out, of course, the internet research to take on his former wife's most admirable traits, the fact that attendance at the Grieving Widows meeting was more about hooking a new fish than mourning the old one she'd caught and practically driven to his grave, the drugging of Jill and JiMin, and so many more deceptions I grow weary just thinking of the effort it would take to remember and list them all.
Finally, Gloria's gotten that which has always meant so very much to her. Money. How deliciously ironic it would be to see the gold-digger shoe on the other foot for a change. How wonderful if Jeffrey could succeed in leaping aboard the gravy train and taking Gloria for a long, long ride, until she is broke. But, I realize judging from the past, that is all just wishful, fruitless thinking. Michael and his tagalong lawbreaker, Lauren, would never let it happen. But that still leaves Kevin to get her where it would hurt the most, her pocketbook, of course. After the fingers she didn't lift to save him from the man she slept with nightly through all his formative years, it would be poetic justice to see him make her pay at least a partial penalty, now that he's all grown up.
Well, Kevin's body might look as if it belongs to a man of maturity, but I don't know if I can say the same about his poor tortured mind. I'm beginning to feel like I took a wrong turn and wound up wandering confusedly in the Twilight Zone. What is going on? Does he hate Jana or love her? Does he want her to pay or not? Does it depend on whether it's a Monday or a Friday? Does he hate her when she's well, but love her when she's not? As for Jana, tumor notwithstanding, I'm with Michael. After that last scene with him overhearing her practice all the many ways to say I love you, Kevin, I think she's faking too.
Speaking of faking, though I so want it not to be so, is JiMin's darkness soon going to come to light? I still believe he's the man who unburied the cash, I'm just not clear on why. Doesn't he have plenty of money of his own? Is the cost of living in GC so astronomical that he's gone through the windfall he had to have made when he sold his company to Jack, and has been living paycheck to paycheck? It's too bad if he should turn out to be more roguish than respectable. Jill and Ji Min have been the only romance I've enjoyed. But when it comes to men and romance, for some time now Jill hasn't even been able to buy a good one. Yet a rotten to the core gold digger like Gloria has a man entering stage right, even as the one she's loved to death is being wheeled off stage right. Just doesn't seem fair, does it?
So what's up with GC's former Romeo and Juliet? These days, there's not a shred of love to be found between Nikki and Victor. His rage with Nikki has even caused old Vic to momentarily forget about bringing arch enemy Jack or any other enemy to their knees. His bloodshot eyes are fixed only on Nikki as he murmurs and mumbles about ways to make her pay. Of course, the way I've felt about Nikki for some time now, I say it couldn't be happening to a more deserving woman and I don't feel one bit of sympathy for her. Besides, it's not as if Victor will really be able to bring her down. Not with Katherine on the sidelines, shaking a pair of Jill's old pom poms in support. And since Katherine has bought everything else, I wouldn't be a bit surprised to see her taking NVP off Nikki's hands, if it should come to that. Other than throwing monkey wrench after monkey wrench in the workings of her daughter's romance, it's not as if Kay has anything else but business to occupy the long hours of her days and romance empty nights.
And lastly, things that made me laugh real hard. First, Gloria falling backwards into Michael's arms who himself landed behind side down beneath her at the sight of William's twin. And second, Karen kicking Neil so hard he flew halfway across the room and tumbled over the exercise equipment. The look on his face was funneeeee!
Well, that's it for me. Can't wait to see what happens in this twisted town next! Here's what you all had to say.
TREY - Nita, It has been a long time since I've written, but all the while I have been watching Y&R faithfully as well as reading your entertaining column and sitting here on this Tuesday afternoon (Aug 7), I thought of you right after I watched the scene between Michael and Daniel. I just wanted to express how beautiful and well done that scene was between those two great actors. Listening to Daniel scream out he has a problem, I am in tears and am reminded of how much I love Y&R.
VELMA - Tell me why Phyllis is paying for Brad and Sharon's infidelity? She did not tell their secret. So why she is charged with extortion? I do not see why she has to take the brunt of what they did. Now you have Nick coming back and doesn't remember ever being married to her and thinks he is still married to Sharon. I was watching it yesterday and wonder why Nick is trying to take the baby from her. It is time to stop dumping on Phyllis and give her some happiness. She has been through enough. You are also trying to convict her for something she did not do. She has suffered enough.
ROXY - When is Gloria going to pay for what she did to the cream at Jabot? This s/l has been going on for toooo long. Also, what's with the speech about Bardwell, she wasn't even married to him that long and she certainly did not love him, she only wanted him for the money. Jabot needs to get better security, because if Daniel can get caught tapping into the (looking at porn) at Newman Enterprises, than Kevin, Gloria, Michael and Lauren should have been caught for the things they have done on the computers at Jabot. Please don't let them get away with spying using the company computers.
EVELYN - I cannot believe the writers have become so lazy on this show. Are the viewers really supposed to buy the idea that Devon is talented and educated enough to be handling projects for a company like Newman Enterprises? That is just ridiculous - the kid just finished High School last year and has taken a few classes at a local university. The writers really have to start taking the show more seriously and give the viewers some credit for being smarter than that.
TRISH - I must have been sleeping - Dubbya dies, a letter comes saying he's worth $50,000,000 & Gloria is the heir - just 'cause Mikey says so. Wow, what a system! Remember the good ole days when Jack had his dad rewrite his will to make sure Glo didn't get a penny? Sigh, if only that could happen again. But I see Mrs. Bardwell is flirting with Jeff, just as she did with Dubbya a week after John died. I know she says she doesn't trust him, but you can get friendly with someone without seeming to come on to them. Or is it just my imagination, running away with me? Lily really must have worn herself out packing for Danny-boy all night and into the day. I counted 2 garbage bags and one box (which Daniel took one at a time from the apartment). Sort of like the scenes in movies where the guy grabs the chick's grocery bag (presumably because it's heavy) - you know it has like a loaf of bread and maybe a pound of butter. I enjoyed Daniel's little one-on-one with Jack asking for a job - very cute. HOWEVER, it seems he's forgotten one teeny, tiny little thing - the reason he was fired from Newman. He also appears to be fed up with apologizing to Lily for his past transgressions. He didn't seem to get tired of repeatedly lying to her and letting Amber lead him around by the ring in his nose - which by my estimation, was many more times than his few feeble apologies. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent - I do know it's only a soap.
DIV - I've been a fan of Y&R since infancy, and it was extremely painful to watch Nick's affair with Phyllis. The very nature of his betrayal, when his family needed him the most, was disgusting enough that even now I find it impossible to see any of the passion or chemistry that so many fans rave about. So of course I'm happy to see that Nick has forgotten his recent lust (disguised as love) for Phyllis, and is now truly acting with remorse for what he did to his family. But I don't want Sharon to go back to him. I don't want her to hurt Jack, who's done nothing wrong towards her or any other woman I can think of in over a decade. I also don't want Sharon to go back to a man who is capable of hurting her so much. If she ever gets trapped in nostalgia for Nick, she needs to remember that this is the man that kicked her when she was at her lowest, and should anything happen to Noah, Nick will act like a "selfish jerk" again.
MONA - I just want to say that I can't stand this soap opera lately. I hate all the plot lines lately. Especially this thing w/Nikki and David. Gag. He looks the same age as her son! Hello. Why not pair him with sleaze bag Sharon. Who isn't sickened by her lately? I just can't stand her holier than thou arrogant attitude these days. And Nick just makes me ill too. I hate that they are going to try to put him back with Sharon. Couldn't you have thought of another way? What's next? Oh I know- no sooner will he get Sharon preggo and then get his full memory back and be so in love with Phyllis again?! I just may have to go back to watching Days. Oh no! Change your storylines!
LONDA - Now this is rich. Think back with me people. Back when people were begging Phyllis to take it easy on Dru at her Grand Jury hearing and she huffily stated that she would tell "the truth" about "Dru, the wackjob" (her words). Now she's the one wanting folks to extend to her the same courtesy she happily and emphatically refused to give to her own son's mother-in-law. Where are all the people who wrote in time and time again about how Dru needed to pay the penalty for her crime? Is Phyllis above the law? Maybe Drucilla should have had to pay because all she was doing was trying to keep a home wrecker away from her family and who cares? Phyllis, well she was trying to save a town and put the screws to Brad & Sharon, how noble! Phyllis deserves all she's getting and them some, hope the writers don't let her off the hook. No sympathy for how the Newmans treated her when Nick "died". Sharon was sliced and diced by those crows long before any wrongdoing was committed on her part, why would Phyllis, or anyone else feel she should be exempt? Especially when she did stab them both in the back with the blackmail for the Board seat. She couldn't have cared less about what the implications would mean for them. Just like she could have cared less that Neil was most qualified, he just happened to be the guy who agreed with her plans for Clear Springs. Really, really loved the bank vault scene. The sweetness between Nick & Sharon has always been what I've loved about them. It was like having those cute teens in love back again. She is so vulnerable and trusting with Nick. All those tender kisses he couldn't stop showering on her, oh I loved it. It was so different from all the clawing he does with Red. I better enjoy it while it lasts, the tasteless romps with Phyllis will probably be back before I know it. (BOO!) Devon, get a life. What, has he been pining for Lily this whole time, is that why he never found a girlfriend? Hoping for Lily? I know they aren't related and only met in their mid-teen years but sheesh. Come on, the boy needs to get with someone whose parents he doesn't call Mom and Dad. Hope Ji Minh turns out to be all we want him to be. I love him and Jill together. It would be exciting to see them running their own business, going up against Nikki/Victor, Michael/Lauren, and Kay, and maybe Jack/Phyllis in corporate and private. Mature love is cool. Hey, how many of you guys think Nikki would still be so cavalier about her marriage if Ashley Abbott were still in town? A visit from her would be great right about now. Have a great week, folks! Nita, keep up the good work, I love your site as much as I love the show.