Before I get started fans, the end of the year is fast approaching, and that's when Two Scoops traditionally covers the best and the worst of Year 2006. I know precisely what I think about Genoa City pairings, explosive situations and everything else, but since I am only one opinionated voice, I'd love to add your voices to mine. So, any fan who cares to submit their thoughts about what they liked and didn't about the year's offerings, please let me know by Friday, Dec. 15. The Cream of the Crop (the Best, of course) will be posted Christmas Week, with the sticky stuff clinging to the bottom of the grimy barrel (the Worst) showing up the week after.
Now on to the show.
Although we were fed a few appetizers over the week, the main staple of our diet consisted of an overgenerous serving of Carmen Mesta alphabet murder soup. As in: A, Dru did it; B, Neil did it and, of course, C, Devon did it.
Continuing their headlong rush to erroneous judgment, or in this case, perhaps a slow, methodical meander would be a more apt description, Genoa City law enforcement's tunnel vision remains fully focused on the Winters family. Just this once, I would have loved to see a criminal investigation veer sharply off into new and unexplored territory instead of plodding down the usual lanes. Just this once, I would have liked to see the DA and his sound barrier breaking detective actually investigate. We know they examined Carmen's phone records and listened to her voice mail messages. But why have they said nothing about the people she placed calls to? Namely, the mysterious former lover man she spoke to ON THE DAY SHE WAS MURDERED! Yes, Dru despised Carmen and wanted her gone from her life in the worst possible way. Yes, the rest of the Winters family members held the PR interloper in similar below ground level esteem. But, come on, even I can figure out there might, just might, be a couple of other people who probably wouldn't actually haul out their hankies and immediately start honking into them at the news that Carmen Mesta is no more. After all, in most cases, predatory leopards don't change their spots just because they go hunting for prey in a different jungle. If Mesta could ruffle so many feathers in the relatively short time she's been on GC soil, it makes sense, at least to me, that her blackmailing modus operandi in New York could have ruffled more important and deadlier ones, murderously more. Yes, of course, I expected the DA to turn their bright light of suspicion on Dru or her family, but just this once, it would have been a real treat to see them simultaneously proceeding implacably down a parallel path working backwards through Carmen's enemy-making life. Instead, we see Dru and Neil re-arrested almost daily, like a bad remix on Youtube, as once again, GC's keystone cops mistakenly pursue the wrong prey while the real perpetrator continues to fly well beneath their ineffective radar.
Speaking of the real perpetrator, I, too, noticed what fan Betsy below picked up on when we caught a glimpse of Michael's suspect board. I try to pay close attention, but did I doze off and miss hearing a mention or seeing a picture of the mysterious David Chao? Who is he? Am I supposed to somehow divine that he is the married man from Mesta's past? If he isn't, where the heck did Michael get his name? Was his name on Bardwell's board? If it was, I'm not surprised I missed it, since I can't even take Bardwell's error-laden quest seriously. "Maybe son and foster father did it together," he offered without a trace of amusement, causing my mouth to make a mocking moue and a ferocious face marring frown to link my skeptically lifted eyebrows together. That to explain how their fibers and DNA got on Carmen's clothes. Who knew that grabbing a woman by her arm (Neil) or coming within spitting distance in an elevator (Devon) would leave so much usable evidence? I don't remember Devon actually touching Carmen, unless their hands touched when they were picking up all the spilled papers. I better stop while I'm behind; trying to see this murky murder mess through the DA's rheumy eyes is making my head hurt.
Thanks to Neil's inability to obey Genoa City traffic signals, running a red light resulted in him and his wife ensnaring themselves in their own tangled web of practiced deception. And Bardwell wasted no time slapping them with another arrest warrant. This after dragging them back into court for trying to make a break to the distant shores of Omaha. According to the DA, the Winters must pay, and pay through the nose for daring to deliberately lie to the grand jury. There were a number of things in this 'lying to the Grand Jury scenario' that tickled my funny bone and I couldn't help but wonder how many other fans fell flat on the floor with helpless hilarity trying to take that charge seriously. I mean, all things considered, did anyone who perched uneasily on that grand jury chair after swearing to tell the truth, actually do it? Like Brad. I expect he lied, the moment he opened his mouth and swore that yes, his name was Brad Carlton before he presumably went on to add more lies on top of that one. One, perhaps along the lines of, Gee no, Mr. DA, I can't think of a single reason someone would want to do away with Carmen. Well, unless you count as a reason her hope of liberating a significant chunk of change from the Newman Enterprises pot of gold. Or, the fact that she just might have overheard I'm not who I just swore to you I was. And what about Victoria? Did she tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but as she good-wifely backed up her habitually-lying marital mate. Yeah, right! And then there's Phyllis? I'm sure Phyllis she told the truth, at least what she believes to be the truth. You know, that Dru is indeed a dangerous psychopath, a mentally unstable whack job who would not hesitate to snuff the life from anyone who dared to cross her. After all, isn't it said that it takes one to recognize a like one?
One more thing about that red light running ticket and then I'll move on. I guess the cameras in Genoa City intersections are a whole lot more sophisticated than the ones we have in our Midwest town. Because our camera can only capture the license plate, not that of the shadowy visage behind the wheel. Hence the reason, the tickets are mailed to the registered owner!
Okay, can Nikki be any more annoying? Maybe it was only me, but I wish someone had been available to slap her sensible. Her piggy snout flaring in distaste and disgust, she actually was able to form her mouth around and successfully spew out the hateful-sounding words: "I'm sick of Jack and Sharon flaunting their relationship at work." Well, me, I'm sick of her and her judgments and her hypocrisy. If any flaunting is indeed being done, then in my opinion, the one doing it most is her partner in NVP with her ridiculous shoulders back, duck walking, belly leading sashaying about. Did she ever even so much as watch how near term pregnant woman move within their skin? She could not have been more irritating as she stomped around the photo shoot, wildly waving her arms about, tugging at Sharon's dress, screeching sex sells, sex sells. Yeah, Phyll, we know, you were selling, and ever-grinning Nick was tossing dollars at it as fast as he could pull them from his pants pockets.
I understand that in the real world, sex in some form or other is being thrust at us from every direction. But sometimes, tasteful and discreet will make me reach for my money just as quickly. And yes, I know there are fans out there who would say tasteful, discreet and Sharon are words that shouldn't be used in the same sentence, but be that as it may, this was a photo shoot for the NVP spas. Spas that I thought were supposed to be upscale and selling peace, tranquility, relaxation and rejuvenation. So in this instance, I think Jack was right. And has Phyllis ranted to her henchwoman Nikki about how Jack and Sharon dared to oppose her at every turn at the photo shoot, though I listened closely, I failed to hear her admit that she and Nick were doing exactly the same to Jack and Sharon. Speaking of Nick, what the heck was he doing at the shoot anyway? I mean, besides so he could be on hand to remind us for the one trillionth time that his wife Phyllis is hot, hot, hot? What does he DO these days? Have they changed his job description and he's now being overpaid to follow Phyllis about, tongue lolling, drool dribbling down his jaw, waiting for an opportunity to have more sex? And before anyone says it, no Jack had not much more business being there than Nick, although since he's the owner of NVP, at least until Victor says he's not, he does have veto power.
But I was talking about Nikki, so let me haul myself back from the brink. She, along with her equally looking down his nose spouse, are tiresomely treading on my last remaining nerve with their repeated condemnations of all things Jack, and by association, Sharon. Flaunting is hardly what Sharon and Jack are doing. Victor objects because Jack has the gall to be walking around with a smile instead of a frown. But if the grin on Victor's son's face gets any broader, any room he enters is going to need major renovation to make it large enough to contain it. And Yet neither Newman elder has one thing derogatory to say about that or the joy he and his feline are taking in one another. So why is it wrong for rejected suitors, Sharon and Jack to take what paltry pleasure they can in one another, yet the new Newmans are fully supported and excitedly applauded for their blatant behavior?
I have to admit that in the past, I've usually been one of the first to leap aboard the band wagon, ready to chortle with glee and shout jeers and insults at Jack as Victor triumphed over him yet again for whatever transgression he's currently committed. But this time I feel differently and have actually added my name to the list of those fans who aren't looking forward to watching Victor go home the victor from this battle, so to speak, flying his lady's colors from his lance. I wonder when the Creator (with no offense to anyone who might have a different belief) went on vacation and left his 'vengeance is mine' duties in Victor's hands? Anyone listening to Victor and Michael would have thought these two had always been choirboys in their business dealings with never a devious, underhanded action under their belts. If Victor wants to take NVP back from his snooty marital mate, then he should just take it. But instead, he needs to knock Jack to his knees in the most humiliating way possible. I wish fervently for an inspired twist from the scribes that would give Victor back his NVP, and allow Jack to somehow retain what used to be his family company, as well as most of his dignity. Yeah, I know, if wishes be nickels, beggars be rich. Much as I hate to see it coming, I can't deny that Jack, with his complicated machinations, did, unfortunately, bring what is to come upon himself. Payback is a female dog. But I still don't have to like it.
And I definitely don't have to like what I fear might have been a horrifying preview of things to come. Yes, I'm talking about Phyllis and Nick welcoming their bundle of joy. After all that infantile screeching over Braxton Hicks, I can only imagine with great and steadily growing dread, how chalk on a blackboard piercingly she will shriek and how much overacting she will call into play when she actually delivers. I don't speak for anyone but me, but my mute button finger is already at the ready.
Now, as for Sharon and Jack, I still don't see them as the couple of the year and don't expect I ever will. But they do come across as pretty good friends. I like that both can show and admit to their continued vulnerability where their ex's are concerned. Even if a parting was mutual, most people still have residual feelings for their former mate and aren't exactly ready to do handstands of happiness when they have to see them moving happily on with someone else. By contrast, Phyllis and Nick seem like little more than a powder puff couple, who don't seem to have one single regret for their part in the pain they caused. It's all about them and the next time they can bounce on the bedsprings. I haven't heard Nick mention Noah in ages. And it has nothing to do with who did what to whom in the marriage, who cheated first, or any of that. Speaking for myself, it would be a lot easier to accept them if they could manage to temper their over the moon joy with a little compassion and understanding. Instead, it's as if they could care less about people who once meant so much to them, especially with one being the mother of his child. Just my opinion, I know many will vehemently disagree.
When it comes to Colleen W. Carlton, the W standing, of course, for wail, whine, whimper, and wah, wah, wah, I bet not many fans will disagree. In my book, if I kept such a thing, there would likely be found an overused cliché for just about any thing, any body, and almost any occasion. For Colleen, the one that immediately comes to my mind for mangling purposes is: girl, if you can't stand the heat in the kitchen, get your whispery-talking self the heck out of Dodge. "JaaayTeeeee," she whined, flipping her hair out of her eyes about three and a half times, as she dragged his initials out to about four syllables. "I hate that you're" flip, flip, "keeping secrets from" … voice dwindles down from an annoying whine to an equally bothersome whisper that is more breath than word sound right about here … "me." Flip and a half. Forget that it's the man's job, such that it is. Client Confidentiality? Pshaw! To Colleen, that's just two words that happen to begin with the letter 'C". When JayTeee remained measurably unmoved by her batting eyes, the hair that kept falling into them or the last breathy me word that made me, at least, long to scream "What? What's that you say?" at the screen, her response was "well, then, I see I have some decisions to make." When I finished laughing myself silly at that empty threat, I got up off the floor and resumed watching the show. What kind of decision was she referring to? Because I'd bet my remote control - the only thing standing between me and repeatedly hopping up and down to fast forward through the commercials manually - she's not about to walk out on J.T. and leave that man muffin for some other pouty woman to munch on. All because J.T. didn't tell disclose that Daddy hired him to poke through Korbell's past. And J.T. wants to know if there's something his lady isn't telling him about her relationship with Korbel. Hmm, J.T., ya think??!!
So what does everyone think of Gloria's new look? Improvement? Or not? Well, call me crazy, but I prefer her pre-makeover look. And speaking of the wide-eyed one, who would you like to see paired up? Will and Jill or Will and Gloria. I guess for me, its six of one or half dozen of the other. Even though she's up to her usual tricks, making herself into the cardboard cutout she thinks the man in her sights would be most likely to tumble for, I'm really not against her finding love with her next victim. Sure, Jill saw him and sampled him first, but you know what they say. All's fair.
Having nothing whatsoever to do with fair, what about Ashley getting kicked off the Genoa City canvas? While rumors have been abounding for months, it was still a bit unexpected. I guess it should have come as any great surprise given the storyline she hasn't had since forever. Just my opinion, and maybe not a thing to do with anything else, but that sperm thievery stuff left too sour an aftertaste in many fans mouths, at least it did in mine. I found I just wasn't able to still respect her the morning after. Poor Abby, a paranoid adopted Daddy who jumps at every shadow, sure it has come to steal his life, an absentee birth Daddy who hasn't seen her in months, a stepmommy/sister, and now a soon to be missing Mommy. So who's going to supervise Gloria and her dangling decanters now? Of course, if Victor has anything to do with it, I guarantee it won't be an Abbott. Unless it's Jill. Or is she still even going by the Abbott name anymore?
Did anyone duck in fear of a lightning strike when Jack told Victor with a straight face and not even a trace of irony in his tone how disappointed John would have been with his baby boy's lack of integrity and honesty? Talk about the pot calling the skillet names! So, what's Jack's excuse for his less than honorable actions?
Okay, I like Lauren, but am I the sole fan having a little trouble feeling pains of empathy? I mean, we are talking about an extremely wealthy woman, who could easily afford to hire some help. And why is she so tired? She's not working, why can't she sleep when the baby sleeps? I know, I know, I smell another social issue coming down the pike. Like postpartum baby blues, if I'm getting the term at least half right. Wait, mommies, before you come down hard on me. I'm a mommy too, so I know it exists, but thankfully, didn't have them. Oh well, many of us are always clamoring for a little real life-isms. I guess we're getting our wish.
And finally, is there any occupation under the sun that Jill of all Trades Jana has not done or cannot accomplish? From skydiving to dirty diapers, you come up with it, and I bet Jana has done it.
Well, I'm sure there's plenty I've left unsaid, but there always has to be a stopping point, and I've chosen this one to be mine. Before I turn it over to the fans, I'd like to wish you all a HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!