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 Two Scoops: January 23, 2006 columns
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Joshua Morrow
The longest day?
by Nita
For the Week of January 23, 2006
Will the day set aside for thankful celebration of Cassie's birth ever come to an anticlimactic close?
Will the day set aside for thankful celebration of Cassie's birth ever come to an anticlimactic close? At the time of this writing, it was still going on and I expect it will last at least another day, perhaps even two. But, despite the repeated lip service being given to the day by those closest to Cassie, in the end, it really didn't have all that much to do with her.

Noah, after showing off his crayon scrawled card for Cassie, a card created at Daniel's urging, his brotherly duty was done and it was off to a day filled with basketball, and later, little boy bonding at a sleepover.

Grandmother Nikki was initially angered when her suggestion of gathering around the Newman feeding trough being waited on hand and foot by Miguel, while smiling through their tears at remembered moments of their dearly departed family member, received a vehement thumbs down. But Grandfather Victor, in one of the biggest misconceptions of the month, convinced her the parental veto was for the best because it probably meant the Newman marriage barge was finally off the sharp rocks and sailing contentedly toward a full and complete recovery. And after grudgingly conceding if true, she guessed it was a good thing, Nikki went upstairs to paint on her brave face. After all, she had a meeting to attend and a project to pitch. By the way, despite what Nikki said, other than Jack, I don't exactly see a long line of men queuing up to entangle themselves with the likes of smart, beautiful, fun, Phyllis. And if Nikki knew the identity of the one other man in line, I guarantee she wouldn't be pumping her pom poms so enthusiastically in the air on Phyllis' behalf.

As for Grandfather Victor, once he realized he no longer needed to putter around the Ponderosa until it was time to smile paternally and benevolently from the head of the table at the assembled Newmans and any guests, he decided to motor into the City to gallantly assume the role of Ashley's Protector and Paparazzi Pitcher.

Sharon, though aware her face and form was desperately desired in Denver for another round of product peddling, even after learning Brad had all but placed her baggage on the plane, at one or two halting words from Nick would have abdicated her duties, disappointing the crowds of clamoring consumers, just to be available to offer him a sympathetic shoulder to weep upon. Unfortunately, those particular words, nor none that could possibly be construed as such, issued forth from Nick's pouting mouth.

About that Denver trip. What is it with people in Genoa City and their inability to ignore other people's chiming cell phones? But just answering it wasn't good enough for Brad. He went ahead and took care of the problem. By the way, was it just me standing there eavesdropping, or was Brad there too when Victoria was talking to Sharon? What part of "No, I'm still not sure. I just haven't made up my mind yet. I'm leaning toward going but can I get back to you later?" was so difficult to decipher? Even if Victoria didn't bother to relate what Sharon said, which is highly doubtful, it was clear from the part of the conversation Brad could hear, that Sharon hadn't packed her bags and left them waiting at the door for Miguel to carry to the car. Bottom line, it wasn't Brad's call to make.

But I saved the worst for last. Nick. The man who wailed the loudest about what to do about Cassie's birthday. Gee, Nick, what a way to commemorate Cassie's birth, by boinking another babe in the family barn. He said Cassie often talks to him, thanks him for riding her horse and all. In fact, she spoke to him that very day, imploring him to be happy, to grin, not groan. Well, I just hope she had sense enough to cover her innocent eyes when she looked down and saw what naughty things Daddy was doing. I can't be sure, but somehow I sense that wasn't exactly what she meant when she told him it was a day to celebrate.

You know, this is definitely getting to be a sordid pattern for Nick. Every time the house cat goes away, her good for nothing tomcat races out to the alley to sample some other stray's catnip. Nick and Phyllis might be "hot" together, after all what man hasn't been hot with "always ready to strip and go naked Phyllis, but the two of them are just downright nasty. Nick with Sharon and Phyllis practically back to back, and Phyllis with Nick and Jack in about the same amount of time. And it doesn't appear either of them are giving a first or second thought to anything so mundane as safe sex and protection.

I've been disappointed in Nick's character before, but he's dropped to a new low. He doesn't even have a good excuse for stepping outside his marriage this time. Sure he can claim it's all because of Sharon and Brad's closeness, but he had already broken his marriage vows before he learned about their St. Louis close encounter. As for Phyllis, she's never had a moral bone in her body, so slinking secretly around with some other woman's spouse is nothing new and surprising. Not that Jack or Sharon are walking around with halos suspended above their heads, but both deserve better than this immoral mutt and bitch (and I mean that in the literal female dog sense) in heat. Forget the 10 year anniversary celebration. It's time for the Newmans to go their separate ways. It will be interesting to see how Daniel feels about what his mother and his new hero have been up to.

Speaking of Daniel, once again Phyllis is more interested in being a lover than a mother. Daniel's wallowing in the depths of depression, and what has Phyllis to say about it? Oh, he'll be fine now that he's spent the night with you?? Heck, the boy could be contemplating blowing his brains to smithereens for all she knows or cares. But the only thought Miss Hot to Trot had in her scheming head was how fast she could get Nick's pants off. And how many tawdry tricks she could teach three women in his whole life Nick. What was all that, "well, I should go, you said Noah's at a sleepover" sentence about? That trollop knew she wasn't going to go anywhere. She didn't blow dry her flat tresses into all those bouncy curls and spray paint those blue jeans on her shapely self for nothing. I practically killed myself laughing at her conversation. "I wasn't afraid with you there, Nick," she cooed, accompanied by prolonged come hither eye contact. All that was missing was her to giggle girlishly and ask to feel his muscles. "Oh my," she might as well have said, while batting her eyes flirtatiously, "poor lil weak me just can't get these boots off by my lonesome." Didn't appear that Nick could get them off either. I guess they just went ahead and did the deed with them on. By the way, is EVERYBODY in town eventually going to get busy in the Newman hay? Who's next? Victoria and Brad? J.T. and Mac?

I've come to the conclusion that I take the antics of the residents of this make believe metropolis much too seriously. Because I found myself wondering about all the many sleepovers 18 or nearly so Daniel has with these so-called pals. For instance, what pal does he sleep over with? One he never talks to apparently, since I've only seen him with the usual crew. You know, Devon, Sierra and Mac. And next I started wondering why it was so important for Mommy and Daniel to rent a roof of their own. Because except for a couple of rare occasions, they never seem to be under it at the same time.

Speaking of Daniel, okay, buddy, just suck it up, will ya? Enough already with the moans and groans about THE LETTER. Has internet access been cut off? And what kind of New Hampshire school did the Winters send Lily to? A reform school? Do they keep the phones under constant lock and key? Does the headmistress unplug them at night and tuck them under her pillow? Are there no pay phones anywhere on campus, or are they manned 24/7 by armed guards? Does Lily not know how to call collect in case they don't allow her any pocket change? What about mail? Apparently her letter to Colleen about her romantic California escapade got through uncensored. So why couldn't she write to Sierra? She would have been thrilled to play Cupid. It would have given her something to do for a change. Other than follow the other teens around like a puppy hoping they will throw her a tasty treat. She's Lily's best friend, or so we have heard her repeatedly claim. And why should she care if the Winters get mad at her? It's not as if they talk to her anyway. What? She thinks Lily will give her a great big old hug of gladness when she finds out her "best friend" helped her foster brother betray her?

Daniel was so busy crying over his dear Daniel letter, did he forget about Noah's basketball tournament. Wasn't he supposed to be assistant coaching? Did he even show up for the tournament?

Jack may as well fry up some bacon to eat with those scrambled eggs that are dotted all over his face. And if he needed a companion for his early morning meal, perhaps he could call up Glenn Richards. Along with the OJ and cinnamon rolls, Glenn could bring a super sized side order of cooked crow. I tell you, if someone sponsored a race for the winner of a "Do They Never Learn" marathon, these two donkeys would be in a dead heat to lumber across the finish line first. How many times does Phyllis have to quit a Jabot job before Jack figures out mixing business with an occasional blissful bout in the bedcovers (or on the sofa cushions) is never going to go together? Did he get stuck on stupid and forget what happened the last time he tried to play domineering boss? As is usually the case when it comes to one of Jack's lame-brained schemes, this one backfired and left him minus a web mistress as well as a bedmate. But it's really kind of hard to feel much sympathy for a man who refuses to take a lesson from a prior painful mistake. Funny how he talks about the expenses of things. I didn't see him compiling his copper coins in an unsteady stack when he wanted to buy Jabot out from under Victor. Now he has a sudden concern for conservative cost counting? Looks like Jack may as well reconcile himself to the fact that the only thing beside him during the coming long nights is going to be his business papers and reports. Phyllis has sprayed her scent all over a new territory. I doubt Jack will be saddling up that red pony for a late night ride for a very long time, if ever again.

As for Glenn, there's really not much hope for a man whose entire career has consisted of attempted prosecution of innocent (at least of that particular crime) perpetrators. A man who has faced repeated public humiliation when his allegedly airtight cases collapsed in open court. At whose feet did Glenn sit and pay rapt attention to his trial starting statements? Perry Mason's prosecuting opponent, Hamilton Berger? His political running mates must be sorry specimens indeed, if the Genoa City populace keeps re-electing this loser over any of them.

I realize Michael's normally sharp brain has been dulled by constant and prolonged worry for his new wife, but when will it start functioning again so he'll be able to see past the tall trees and directly into the dark forest? It should be obvious that Ashley is just a little too eager to accept the legal consequences of her illegal action. No one, no matter how contrite, is going to be so willing to run toward their jailers with their wrists outstretched, begging to be shackled and led shuffling away. This one could be a dot to dot picture it's so easy to figure out. Someone give Michael a pencil.

Even though it's for a good cause this time, I still find myself wondering if Gloria will ever meet a situation she won't lie about. Not that it matters. For this woman, lies are simply a normal way of life. And she never has to suffer any consequences for her repeated telling of them. But, I loved seeing her challenge Jack about his wellness spa decision. She's the only Abbott who ever has the guts to speak up. Like sheep, Ashley and John just let Jack lead them by their wooly heads, customarily co-signing every one of his decisions, no matter how irrational they may be.

I beg to differ with Mac's statement that when she stopped worrying about guys, along came J.T.. The way I recall things, almost from the second she set foot back in town, fresh from her Indian reservation sojourn she began hungrily eyeing him. Remember that kitchen kiss she pressed on him at Colleen's party? She watched enviously as he mooned briefly after Brittany, and once she was safely wedded to Bobby, didn't stop throwing herself at J.T. until she was the last lady left in town, and therefore, got picked by default.

But now Colleen's back and she's still got that look in her eyes that seems to say she's no more over J.T. than she was when she left, in spite of all those happy wishes for him and Mac that poured from her mouth. Since just about everybody knows how little I like the J.T.-Mac connection, it probably goes without saying that I'm rooting for a J.T.-Colleen reunion. It's a little bit early to tell whether or not there will be crackling chemistry between them, but there certainly couldn't be less than what is seen or smelled between the current semi-committed coupling. Not that I'm saying I want Mac to get her heart broken again. If it goes that way, hopefully she will allow Kevin to help dry her tears. In the meantime, I'm placing my penny bet on a temporary pairing between Daniel and Colleen. At least until Lily returns.

Well, the hour is growing late, so it's about time for me to wrap this one up. We're just a week away from the start of February sweeps. Which means things are probably going to get very heated indeed. What could be coming down the pike? The sudden return of John's lost memories, perhaps? What of Sharon? How long will it take her to get a whiff of that alley cat scent oozing from her husband's pores? How or with whom will she repay his betrayal? Will we have to use all our fingers and toes and start on someone else's to number Nick's future acts of infidelity? By the time Lily comes home, will Daniel still be available to be her Romeo or will he already be well on his way to falling for a new Juliet? Will Yolanda be picking up her robe in shame and embarrassment after Neil rebuffs her advances? That was definitely a "What Was She Thinking" moment. Guess it doesn't matter, since word on the cyberboard is that her pink slip is already in her pay envelope. Will her son, Devon, be handed his head on a platter by Lily? And what of all the ado about Abby? How long before little Abby's nightmares convince her daddy to move mommy back into the Carlton Compound? And if that happens, how loud and long will Victoria scream about it? So many storylines. So many directions in which they could go.

That's all I have. Here's what say some of you.

* * * * * * *


CAROL - Regarding Colleen: Y&R has a history of planting seeds for storylines so that they can be revisited years later. One such seedling, I believe, is the STD that Kevin allegedly gave to Lily. The fact that he tested negative for this STD was never explained. What could explain this is infection via the tattoo/piercing she did with Lily and Sierra. The "artist" did not bother to check IDs before illegally piercing and tattooing away at the clearly non-adult teens, and it is not farfetched to believe that sanitation of his instruments was also below standard. In fact, I would not be surprised to find that one or more of the little ladies ends up with Hepatitis-C as a result. One could tragically die, another go through a year of torturous Interferon treatment, and another could remain asymptomatic for decades. That's my theory, and I'm sticking to it.

JENNIFER - What's up with Daniel's constant whining about Lily? It was bad enough when we had to listen to her do it all the time, but now him, too? I was glad that she left - I no longer had to listen to her constant whimpering. Now Daniel seems to be channeling her! So I think he either needs to get over it or go JOIN her at boarding school! I'm sorry if that seems harsh, but a week of his moping and stalking Devon is enough!

MAUD ANN - What a lot of good stuff this week! Is it just me, or do some of ya'll out there think that conniving Jackie may have met more than his match in conniving Gloria? Looks to me like the gloves are coming off and my money is on Gloria. Nick and Phyllis should both be slapped silly. Sharon has never been my favorite, with all her dirty dealings, but she is really wanting to keep her marriage together and seems to be maturing into a responsible wife/mother and does not deserve to have Nick tomcattin' around. I was hoping Nikki would see a light on in the stable and come check; I REALLY wanted her to catch her bad son screwing around and give him a spanking. Phyllis just can't help her cheap nasty self, but I expect much better from Nick.

WANDA - Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Phyllis not qualified for the new position Jack is creating? I guess Jill is qualified to be CEO of Jabot though. She was a manicurist in her past life. I reckon Lily has never heard of using a postage stamp to get her letter to Daniel. Devon is starting to get on my last nerve too. Being such a whiny ungrateful brat to Neil and Dru and such a sneaky back stabber to Lily and Daniel is getting him on my bad list. How much longer will Daniel pine away for Lily anyway? Victoria sure doesn't look like the happy step-mommy-to-be these days (now that Colleen has returned). What did Neil mean when he said Yo-Yo was doing a "terrific" job at Newman? She works in the mail room for crying out loud. I love the look on his face when she dropped that robe. Will he or won't he? Did Jack zing Gloria or what? It's about time someone called her on all of those lies she tells poor John. OMG! I almost forgot about the scene in the stables. I sure hope we get to see some more of that next week. Doesn't everyone?

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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