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 Two Scoops: February 7, 2005 columns
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Melody Thomas Scott
Worth the hype?
by Nita
For the Week of February 7, 2005
Looking for a way to remove her husband from Nikki's immediate influence and vicinity, Britt hoped a little spaghetti sauce in a jar might change Marsino's mind about living in the loft.
Looking for a way to remove her husband from Nikki's immediate influence and vicinity, Britt hoped a little spaghetti sauce in a jar might change Marsino's mind about living in the loft. Thank goodness his stomach doesn't rule his brain. It's bad enough this pair look like a dirty old Daddy and his daughter. Adding J.T. and Mac would have made them look like Dad and his kids. By the way, their after dinner dance sent my ick factor meter off the charts. And judging by my emails, I'm not the only fan who finds this duo one of the most boring in daytime. I can't believe the scribes are thinking of turning this double into a baby-enhanced triple.

Maybe my loud crunching of my popcorn drowned it out, but I didn't hear Bobby agree to Britt's suggestion to relocate to a hotel room where the little woman would presumably pad barefoot and pregnant around a tiny kitchenette, contentedly concocting culinary catastrophes. Of course, if it would keep Bobby from constantly consoling himself in Nikki's arms, Brit would probably be willing to live in a cardboard box beneath a bridge. Speaking of living space, when will the Marsino's condo renovations be completed? I swear, Genoa City renovators must be the slowest and most inept in all of America. Entire houses are built in less time than it takes a Genoa City crew to complete a job.

I had to giggle every time Bobby sang Britt's praises for her stick-with-him-ness. Because despite the poor us words pouring from their mouths, life as a Marsino hasn't really been all that bad. Yes, learning of little Josh's fate has been traumatic for the big, brave lug. But come on, this pair has had more blessings than blues. First, Brittany's papa provided a packet of money just so his kitten wouldn't be forced to purr through construction dust. Then, just as that money trickled away, Marsino was invited to bring his bride to a billionaire's mansion, complete with a manservant and all the amenities one could possibly dream of. And he thinks most women would have thrown in the towel by now? Oh right. Every woman I know would turn up her nose at such a life of luxury.

So, now that little Joshua has been laid to eternal rest, what's next for the Marsino's? Will Britt be sharing her bun in the oven news any time soon? Doubtful, at least not with the man most affected by it. This is Genoa City, after all. J.T. is likely to be the first to know. And will little Marsino ever actually come to be? And if he does, will he be named after Joshua? After being so far off the mark as to the likelihood of the Marsino marriage actually happening, I'm not even going to hazard a guess yet.

Since nothing secret ever remains that way in this talkative town, how long before Bobby figures out Nikki, not his bride, is the real caring heart behind all the thoughtful funeral arrangements. Like Brittany would ever take her attention from herself long enough to think that hard about someone else. With her fainting spell, in the end even Joshua's final farewell wound up being all about her.

While I'm on the subject of secrets, let me stop for a moment to torture myself. Yank, yank, pull, pull! That's me ripping out hanks of my hair as Phyllis tromps on every single one of my nerves! Silly me for hoping to see less of her obnoxious half-naked self for awhile. Mere days after conspiracy charges were dropped and already this big-mouthed brazen broad is busily rooting around in somebody else's business. I am so sick of her strident meddling. Does she never learn from her past misfortunes? Doesn't she have a life she could tend to? Perhaps use her free time to shower love and attention on Daniel, the son she allegedly adores? Of course not, motherhood is not nearly as interesting as solving Dru's DNA kit mystery. Actually, she's all but figured it out; the only secret is how she will use what she knows to get something she wants.

The more Malcolm lists the reasons for his reclusive behavior, the more ridiculous he sounds. According to Malcolm, he didn't mean to sound so harsh when he demanded Lily give him a little breathing room. It's just that in Africa, people are more direct. Okay, taking into account his near death experience, up to now I've tried to give him a lot of leeway in attempting to understand his actions. But, let's keep it real, it's not as if he spent a lifetime living off the land in the wilds of Africa. Are we to believe an entire lifetime of ingrained habits and characteristics were wiped out after a mere three soap year stay away from stateside semi-civilization?

I must say Ms. Markham lost many cool points with me this week for talking out of both sides of her game playing mouth. Seconds after batting her baby browns at Damon, he was hardly out of sight before she started simpering in Malcolm's direction. Which man does the confused newcomer want? Because despite what she tells Malcolm, it seems she intends to keep a tight grip on both men. Apparently she plans to leave both the front and back doors open for love. Olivia better watch out. The way Adrienne is panting hotly after Malcolm, she may soon snatch Olivia's man chasing trophy right off the mantel. Not content with the ex-bird in her hand's renewed attention, Adrienne is like certain women I know; sure the grass is greener on the side of the fence they haven't yet walked on. Malcolm's words telling her he had room for nothing but friendship went in one ear and out the other, with not so much as a pause at her brain. However much she thinks she may have "connected" with Malcolm, in reality she knows nothing about him. How might she feel about his long ago sojourn on the extramarital side with his own brother's wife? Or the fact that he's recently sampled, and possibly continues to, his own ex-wife's charms. I felt sorry for Damon walking in and witnessing his ex inserted halfway down Malcolm's throat. He can't help but know now that their supposed "first" meeting was just a performance for his benefit.

As for Malcolm, he doesn't get any props this week from me either. While it was noble of him to step aside so the ex's could have their time in the sun, his actions didn't back up his magnanimous words. And though he advised Adrienne honesty is always the best policy in matters of the heart, though I placed my ear right up against the television, I didn't hear him blurting out an honest confession about his own involvement with Olivia.

Sharon, the former housewife, is in great demand these days. Gee, what a novel dilemma for the femme fatale, being tugged between two men. Not! In the reality Nick inhabits all by his lonesome, it's not good for his wife to be bullied by Victor into fulfilling her obligations to Jabot, yet it's perfectly fine for him to bully her into working for Newman. Sharon's stock rose in my eyes for not immediately caving to Nick's coercion. By the way, if I have to watch Nick leeringly explain his main reason for Sharon's career change as a way to accelerate their erotic encounters one more time, I swear I will scream. The mental pictures, with no in-office shower in sight, are distasteful, to say the least. Calling all Glade Plug-Ins!

I like Nikki, but I was a bit taken aback by her raging little vent fest with Jack about Victor. So she wants a man she can count on in her life? A man she hoped she'd get to spend more time with since he'd relinquished the Newman throne. Well, I don't know about Victor, but I certainly couldn't tell that was her fervent wish. Because for months this woman has blown hot, cold and lukewarm better than the best faucet on the market. First she was anguishing excessively over her ancient, slowly awakening memory of accidental murder. Next, she used 100% of her time trying to track down Josh's brother. Once that had been accomplished, she turned Bobby into her personal fix-him-upper project, offering to pay for his honeymoon, underwrite his renovations, put a roof over he and his new bride's bonnets, purchase his club, and lastly, provided all the bells and whistles for Josh's home going journey. With all that to distract her, just when has she had any time to mourn her man's missing attention? The same man, I might add, whose dollars have been providing for Bobby. She might as well list Bobby as a dependent on this year's tax return or would he fall under the heading of charitable contributions? Unless my mind has malfunctioned, Victor hasn't been involved with the Rec Center in some time. And it's been even longer since he's had anything to do with Newman. He's literally had little to do other than twiddle his thumbs. And though I watched for it, I didn't see Nikki clamoring for his attention during any of that time. Because she was much too busy begging Bobby's pardon. So her recent claim that Victor's involvement with Jabot has kept them from cuddling closer isn't being bought by this fan.

At last. A twist I never saw coming. John relieving Ashley as CEO. I'm actually looking forward to John and Victor working together. John's presence should reassure even the most demoralized employee that things can't be all bad and also should effectively muzzle Brad's complaining mouth. In my opinion, John's return to the corporate ring is long overdue and should have happened years ago, like back when Jack was ruining things. Victor could learn a lot from John's assertive actions. For instance, he could leave the Abbotts to the mess they helped make, relieve his own surly son of power, and retake the Newman reins in his own capable hands.

And I thought Brad's empty threats were bad enough. But they were nothing compared to the dumb plan he came up with, to box up the business books and lock Victor out of the computer. It's no wonder no one ever leaves him completely in charge. At least no one but Jack and Jill knew of his asinine plan so he didn't make a fool of himself in front of many. Well, other than us millions of fans, that is. Jack, as leader of the Discontented Crew, has apparently come up with a fool proof plan, although it remains to be seen whether it's any better than Brad's. Be that as it may, his mewling minions, Jill and Brad were easily convinced to throw their sorry lot in with his, agreeing to go unquestionably along with a plan they know naught about, except that it's a plot hatched by a man whose other foolproof plans have repeatedly made a fool of him. Jill has pinned her girlish hopes on Jack's promise to find her a place on CI's executive floor. And Brad, placing all his invested pennies on the chance Jack would somehow unseat Victor, went a-crawling, I mean a-calling, homburg in hand, to Victor, announcing his change of heart and newly formed willingness to be a team player on Victor's squad. I don't blame Victor for being mostly skeptical.

In the meantime, Jack continued to stack the deck against Victor, using his own family members as aces tucked up his sleeve. Nick has long been a card-carrying member of the enemy Abbott team and Jack has repeatedly used Nikki's insecurities to drive a wedge between husband and wife. Now he's started on Sharon to further his aims. Pretending he's only thinking of her best interest, nothing could be further from the truth. Although he pushed all the right buttons and poured just the right amount of his particular brand of slippery snake oil on her skin regarding her alleged highly valuable spokesperson abilities, in reality, Jack could care less where Sharon spends her work day; she's just another bothersome splinter to stick in Victor's side. I know all is allegedly fair in love and war, but Jack's tendency to purposely try to destroy the love between Newman family members is the reason I'll never stop enjoying the sight of him constantly collapsing on his keister.

With all the talk about morale at Jabot, I can't help but wonder what the employees think over at Chancellor. Unlike the rank and file at Jabot, it's not likely any CI staff will catch of glimpse of their CEO striding self-importantly up and down the halls. Judging by the amount of time he spends at Jabot, I'm sure many of them have never seen him at all. Jack can be such a child, his childish antics often making it impossible to take him seriously as a real businessman. About his infantile chair tossing incident, many derogative darts could have been thrown, but fan, Ang, below said everything I could have, and quite eloquently, I might add. Thanks Ang, I couldn't agree more.

Well, everyone else has chosen the side they're planning to fight on, and Gloria has proven to be no different. But just what is the gold-digger's angle and where will her loyalties truly lie? She wasted precious little time racing to Victor to offer her dubious services. But in her conversation with her sons, her gold-digging roots were definitely showing.

Okay, enough about the adults and their traumas. Let's move on to the kids and their crises.

Poor young Devon was quite undone. At the fact that no one remembered his birthday. Didn't your heart just break for him at the Winters' family breakfast when he mistakenly thought Dru's special day had something to do with him? For a scant second, Lily tore her attention away from her much loved Uncle long enough to notice something was a little off about her foster brother. But not enough to immediately rip herself away from viewing computer diGityal images of decades old Mommy and Malcolm to dig much deeper. And when she finally did, she didn't dig deep enough. Now, I do adore Devon, but his reaction to the forgotten day was just a wee bit over the top. And yes, I've heard the rumors, so I'll be glued to my tube this week to see what life-threatening situation he finds himself in.

Hearing Kevin's parade for Mac coming from blocks away, rain cloud J.T. finally decided to fill in all the blanks on Kevin's resume. Since he considers himself a friend, I don't fault him for finally fessin' up, but I did disagree on one point. His comment about Kevin's "weird" romantic moves toward Lauren, the last woman he fixated on. Falling flower petals, poetry, balloons, even hand-delivery of Lauren's favorite pizza. None of which were any cheesier than J.T.'s little love ballads dedicated to the object of his then desire, Colleen.

Speaking of Colleen, if the rumors are correct, her picture will soon be painted over on the Genoa City canvas. Just chalk it up to one more case of an interrupted romance whose sizzle fizzled after going on hiatus. Obviously, absence did not make J.T.'s heart grow fonder toward Colleen. But Colleen's departure will leave him at loose ends. With Brit now "with child", obviously the door to romance will remain locked between the best friends. So, unless more one-night stands with one-day walk-ons are in J.T.'s future, who else is there to set his romantic sights on now but Mac? She's made it crystal clear she's interested but if he starts down the love lane leading to her, I'll have to wonder if he's doing it because he's newly enchanted with her charms, or only to "save" her from Kevin.

* * * * * * *

Fans, you had plenty to say this week, and in many cases, I couldn't have said it better myself. Take it away!

MAUD - I wanted to put my two-cents-worth in about Gloria Fisher: I really enjoyed Joan Van Ark's acting talents - she did a good 'sleaze!' But she was soooooo hard to look at - who in the world decided that she should camouflage and slime up her lips like that?!? She looked like a FROG! The new Gloria is good too - lots of fun with her flouncing around - but not as 'class-less' as the 'old' Gloria.

LINDA K - So glad the Damon, Phyllis storyline is over. Her dressing up in different costumes was a joke. Speaking of joke, it was laughable when Brittany was singing to Joshua's casket. Where do they come up with this stuff? So glad that storyline is over too. Love the Jabot - Newman storyline. Now that's fun!!

SANDI - Oh, Brittany is carrying a "little Bobby"? Just what those two need. What ever happened to his Club and Angelo? What happened to the remodeling of his condo? Me thinks the Newman's are going to have permanent guests living off them, along with Phyllis and Daniel, not to mention the young Newman family. I could NOT believe the "C" word came out of Jill's mouth yesterday - Chancellor's Industries refers to industrial production NOT cosmetics. If I am NOT mistaken a few years back it was mentioned that CI produced industrial products, but then the writers don't count on watchers to be around as long as I have been. Ashley having to get back in the lab was also a laugh, as well as John getting back to work -- every time someone has wanted to talk to him in the last 2 years, he doesn't want to hear it, he runs out of the room or he just can't take it. Oh this should be good that he is taking over as CEO. I like the way [fan] Wanda "gets right to the point" on her take of Y&R. I too, thought I was going to laugh out loud when Damon wanted to take a vacation and then decided he needed to get back to work at Jabot -- who has been running the lab while he and Ashley were out and about doing whatever they do?

ILLUSTRIOUS - I'm so sick of the Victor/Jabot storyline. Please stop the madness. How can anyone think Victor would steal a worthless company, a company about to go bankrupt and what kind of plan can Jack have? If he gets involved in the company they lose the money they got from Victor. The storyline is going nowhere, again stop the madness.

DIANE - I am so sick of seeing Brittany just pop in at the loft at any time of the day and then is jealous if Colleen is there and acts like Colleen shouldn't be there. She is J.T.'s "friend" for heaven's sake and Brittany is out of the picture when it comes to living there. Doesn't she have anything else to do? Why doesn't she go get an 8 hour a day job and spend her time on making money for her and her struggling husband so they can get a place of their own? What happened to working at the boutique? She doesn't go to school anymore, so there goes getting an education and what happened to all that money she made stripping? It amazes me how weak and spineless J.T. is to let her keep showing up there crying about her husband and then she wants to cook dinner there and he agrees? WHAT??? Mac is the only thinker in that living arrangement. These writers need to make Brittany grow up. Either get Brittany and J.T. together or find her someone else. I liked her so much more when she was with Raul. Get Bobby and Brittany off the ranch property and with someone else their own ages. I agree with one feedback response that Bobby acts like he is not all that into Brittany and more into Nikki. Bobby and Brittany are so boring! It is so hard to watch them. I usually FF through their scenes (and anything with Blowhard Nick and Bubblehead Sharon and mostly all the cast). Y&R is so boring lately. What is it with Lily being so obsessed with her uncle? It is like a love fixation she has with him. What is it with sending her uncle candid photos of herself for him to find unexpectedly? It's as if she were in love with him and then she whines when he tells her to give him some space. She acts like a spoiled child. It is so silly! Lily is very annoying. Just as annoying as Sharon. Sharon wanted a job and couldn't get it through her thick pea brain that she was not qualified. I am so sick of Nick thinking she can walk on water and she is the most beautiful thing on the face of this earth....GAG!!!! Y&R needs to get off the pot and get more interesting.

CODY - I think Genoa City needs a sexy weatherman. He could point at the weather map in the general area where Genoa City is and drive the ladies wild.

ANNIE - I am resigned that until Y&R gets some decent interesting storylines I will continue reading library books rather than watching it. I wonder if the ratings show a decline as I am sure I am not the only one who feels like this, and I have been a viewer of Y& R since Jill was a manicurist.

LINDA C - I miss the exciting storylines and am tired of the whiny Ashley, the Phyllis in disguise, the poor Lily, the poor Sharon (excuse me while I choke on my coffee) and worst of all "the poor" is Dru. The show was boring last week except for Victor finding out who pays Sharon. What happened to the Friday cliff hangers we used to look forward to? I had to check my calendar and say this is a Friday episode? Come on please!

KAMERON - I still can't understand why Sharon would sleep with another man after all she's been through with Diego and the Victor-kiss. It just doesn't make any sense as to why the writers would choose this storyline. It doesn't fit into her character and it doesn't realistically portray what a woman would really do in her situation. I just don't buy it. It's a weak storyline.

SHERRI - Here are a few ?'s that I think about: how come Malcolm came back to be so mean to his family? All they did when he disappeared was worry and grieve for him. Why would Ashley put Victor in charge of their company? Why is Bobby with Brittany, and why does she always go see J.T.? How does Sharon qualify for spokeswoman of a very affluent cosmetic company, when she has never worked a day in her life? The last question I have is the Malcolm and Dru story, this is so lame, if we all remember correctly, she took a bunch of cold medicine and didn't know who she slept with, also her and Neil where separated at the time anyway, I think, so why is she running around town freaking out about the DNA test?

ANG - All right, normally I don't like to force my opinions on anybody, but I need to rail, and you're it! There are soooo many things I could screech about this week, most of which were in the last day or two and not the least of which were 1)Mac's pathetic (and expected) "nuh-uh! you're lying!" routine, 2)the saw-it-coming-a-mile-away failure of Brit to tell Bobby of his impending fatherhood, 3)the I-didn't-tell-you-it's-my-birthday-but-I'm-going-to-be-mad-you-forgot-it bit with Devon, but those are not my target. The "Oh my G--! Come on! Oh please!" award went to Jack this week. I gotta lie this at the writers' door just because it keeps me focused on the fact that this IS all just pretend! That said, come on people, what a HORRIBLE way to show off Jack flexing his "muscles"! There are so many angles that made this chair flinging episode a bad idea. First, let's visit the obvious...was I the only one thinking "Look out below!" as potentially lethal shards of glass and office furniture came raining down on people and property below the downtown high-rise? (I've seen the aftermath of a window falling out of a 20 something story window, it happened at a building where I worked, and believe me, there's nothing funny about the realization that it exploded on the pavement where I myself have eaten lunch many times!) Or how about just the ridiculous notion that the glass up there swaying in the wind wasn't double paned, tempered, super sturdy glass like every other building? Another angle that makes it such a bad idea---we're supposed to think that Jack got soooo mad at the thought of Victor sitting in that chair, he actually lost all grip on sanity and reality and took a momentary trip to Ashley-land and didn't care about the fact that he was hurling a lethal weapon out the window to kill whatever poor working stiff that was walking by? What happened to his speech to Jill about staying calm under pressure? If you don't like any of those arguments here's one last little one. What happened, he just forgot that Jabot doesn't really have any "fix up the place money" right now, so an intentionally broken window is no big deal? Is he planning to pay for that out of Chancellor's bank account? Replacing high-rise glass can't be cheap. How about that moment when Dad comes in to find out why there are gale force winds coming down the hall and sees the gaping hole...what's it gonna be? "Sorry Dad, but Victor wanted my chair. What else could I do? I know I've been saying it's not good for your heath to go back to work, and I'm worried about your stress levels, but since I'm sure you didn't want the Black Knight to have that chair any more than I did, I didn't figure it would stress you out too much to fling it out a window and bring down a potentially crippling lawsuit on you if I hit someone below." Come on writers, we all know you're capable of better. I know, I know, it's all make believe, it's just entertainment, don't get so worked up, blah, blah, blah. It's was just one of those things that rubbed me the wrong way. Whew, I feel better now!

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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