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Season Finale: Camp buy me love
For the episode airing November 13, 2011

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It's grand finale time, fellow DS fans! That means to pack up your kids tents and grab some tequila because we're all going camping! Well, all of us except for Kirsten who hasn't been on since the third episode. (Get well soon!) It was just as well because I don't know if Jenna, Galen, and Brandon could handle any more campers at their Malibu beach party.

First, I had no idea that "camping" involved putting up tents on beachfront decks and lounging in Adirondack chairs. This may change my idea of camping. I tend to side completely with J.P., who said that there's no reason to work all year to pretend that you're homeless for a week.

Second, the stores that the gang went to in order to get supplies looked amazingly fun. Nadia solidified my vote for Dirty Soap MVP by suggesting that she purchase a throw, safari pillows, and a wine fridge for the camping excursion. I love this woman.

The camping trip (which was just one night, not a week -- sorry, Brandon) consisted of a lot of sun, booze, and water sports. Two out of the three of those things lead to later conversations about marriage (Farah wants it, Kelly doesn't need it), kids (Kelly wants them, Farah doesn't need them), and life after soaps. I think Farah said it best when she spoke for all soap fans and asked, "How can this be taken out from under me?" What I wouldn't give to hear Farah's opinion of Brian Frons.

Since Kelly still works for Captain Frons, The Soap Strangler, Kelly took some steps to establish a career outside of daytime. She did a very good job or proclaiming that she does NOT want that to happen, but I still got the point. If GH were to ever go off the air, Kelly needs to have something to do. I can't say that I blame her. For that matter, everyone should have a back-up plan. We all update our resumes from time to time, right?

Anyway, Kelly seemed to making plans to launch a clothing line. She went to Vegas and scout out some designers/advertise herself as a model. As low-maintenance as Kelly seems to be, I hope that her line consists of those awesome scarf/wrap/sweater things that she wears and comfy boots. I'm sure she'll come up with something great. She has Snoop Dogg's brand manager on her side. I knew he was a good match for Kelly when he used the phrase "balls to the wall." Come to think of it, maybe that could be the tagline for her next reality show.

Speaking of people who will probably get their own reality shows, Fary was back again to try to run her daughter's life. This time, she set Nadia up on a trick date with some dude named Fernando. That's right, she brought a surprise guest along to their lunch and introduced him as an example of a "real" gentlemen, as if he was some handout during Fary's power-point presentation on how to pick a suitable mate. Nadia was not amused, yet inexplicably, remained at the table for the duration of the lunch.

Brandon answered Nadia's S.O.S. text and came to the restaurant. From Fary's reaction you would have thought he stormed in and urinated in a circle around Nadia to mark his territory. Fary got so offended by Brandon's presence that she packed up her man-handouts and left. Then, there was a strange scene in the car with Fernando consoling a crying (?) Fary about how terrible that cad Brandon is for Nadia. But, at least this confirms that Fary does travel by car and not by broom.

And with that, I'm officially calling shenanigans on this woman being Nadia's mom. I'm not sure if the show hired an actress to play Nadia's mom or if the show just set up situations. But it's so hard to believe that Nadia puts up with this woman. I'm making a point to call my mom and my mother-in-law today and thank them both for being awesome ladies. Congratulations, DS, you taught me a lesson.

FARAH and J.P.
I could have done without Farah and J.P.'s tearful confrontation over the idea of marriage. But, I'd be lying if I didn't smile that same stupid romantic comedy smile when, during the closing scene of the show, J.P. admitted that he and Farah will get married, someday. Crazy as these two kids seem to be, they make a lot of sense together. Besides, if they were to break up, I don't know who would get custody of Nathaniel.

I'm not sure why this guy wasn't given more billing in the press for the show. He's been in almost every episode. For the finale, he took on the job of chief marriage councelor. He reminded me of Dr. Phil, as played by Chelsea Lately.

He talked to Nadia a bit about how she might be shut off to the idea of marrying Brandon because she doesn't want to deal with Hurricane Fary. Then, he tried to step in and confront J.P. about not puttin' a ring on it. I will admit to having *perhaps* a few drinks and letting a friend's boyfriend know that she's ready to get married. (For the record, I was a bridesmaid in their wedding.) So, I can give Nathaniel a little bit of leeway here. He did fly across the country to check on Farah when she had surgery, so I have no doubt that he had her best interest at heart. Now, if only he could have stepped in and helped with that tent, Farah and J.P. would not have had to sleep in a kid's tent.

In the absence of Gering kids, we got the next best thing -- their adorable lab, Wyllie. My guess is that she's the real mastermind of the Gering household.

J.P. announced that he wouldn't wear a wedding ring if they get married. Nadia and Brandon decided that he should wear a ring, and real pants.

Farah asked about Kirsten's GH replacement, and Kelly Monaco said that she's a sweet kid but not up to par with what Kirsten did. I have to agree, but I feel bad for any actress who took over that role. Because the character of Maxie is almost a caricature herself, any replacement would look like an actress doing an impersonation of Kirsten Storms acting like Maxie.

J.P. made an unfortunate comparison between Nadia and a porn star, to which Farah immediately suggested that he better, "Back that s^#t up." I'm not sure if she was offended by her boyfriend or defending her friend, but I thought the reaction was right on and pretty hilarious.

And with that, our time together on Dirty Soap has come to an end. Thanks for spending the time with me to chat about this "docudrama" as the robot who writes my TV descriptions call it. I think it's been an interesting experience. There are definitely some things that I would have done differently, but overall I have to give the show an "A" for effort. Hopefully it shed a little bit of light and attention on our beloved daytime genre for those poor souls out there not lucky enough to be soap fans!

But, I want to hear from you. Did you enjoy the show? Is there anything you'd change? Who's your pick for Dirty Soap MVP? And if there is another season, who would you like to see star in it? I'd love to hear what you think so click here to share your thoughts with me!

Happy viewing,

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