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Episode 6: Whole lotta love
For the episode airing October 30, 2011

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There was a truckload ton of stuff that happened on episode 6 of Dirty Soap. (Can we call is DS now? We're all friends here. Good.) It was so much stuff in fact that DS could have made an entire episode out of each storyline, three out of four of them that I'd be really pumped to watch. Note, I'd still watch Galen and Jenna's because, well, I'm addicted to this stuff. It would just probably get a lower priority on my DVR. That's my food chain, if you will.

Yes, each storyline was very reminiscent of several other successful reality shows that I happen to know and love. Let's discuss what lathered up last week on DS. (In exchange for using the new abbreviation, I promise not to make too many more stupid puns.)

Kelly's storyline was brought to you today by "The Biggest Loser", the nutritional segment.

Last week, I was really happy with the direction that the show was taking regarding Kelly's fitness. The good trend continued this week by addressing one of the more ignored part of health- increasing caloric intake. I know! Who really thinks about eating more as part of a diet? But that's exactly what Steve Burton (Hey, it's Jason!) and his dreamy nutritionist, John, showed Kelly. The best looking version of Hand and Franz ever told our fitness princess that increasing her caloric intake is necessary to prevent burning away muscle and boobs -- the latter of which had Kelly very concerned.

I liked that Kelly went to a cooking class to get some ideas on how to add more protein to her diet, but I could have watched even more. What's the recipe for that delish looking stir fry? What qualifications did Kelly use to determine her healthy weight? Where else can we get healthy, on-the go meals for the many of us who are away from our homes for 18 hours/day? I really like the direction that the show could go with Kelly as a fitness role model and I'd like to see a bit more detail.

Galen and Jenna participated in a "Supernanny" exercise. You know, that's the show where we realize that the kids' problems have a bit more to do with the parents than the kids.

Galen decided that in order for his boys to grow up as "men" he needs to properly teach them how to properly adjust themselves and spit. Well, something like that. Scared by the fact that his own parents made him do ballet instead of "sports" Galen decided that his kids should learn karate. (I'd argue that ballet is a sport too, there, Galen.)

I'm going to brush right past the obvious homophobic tone in Galen's confession as these shows can be edited in such a way to imply anything that furthers a storyline. As kids will do, the boys (and I do mean all three of them- Galen, Dylan, and Jensen) get so excited about their new toy, karate, that they start playing it all over the house. When it finally came to big brother Dylan katate chopping a tower that belonged to little bro (and my current favorite Gering) Jensen, Jenna stepped in. She laid down the law with Galen, including the line, "It's not about you. It's about them." She's moving up the list of my favorite gals all the time. I sort of want her to hang out with Kelly's mom and share tips.

Farah and JP combined with Danny and Nathaniel to star in their version of MTV's "The Real World" where the roommates have a very close relationship with each other.

At first I was a little weirded out by how much Danny and Nathaniel hang out with Farah. But, now I realize that the four of them are a make-shift family and, by all accounts, everyone seems to be pretty happy with it -- so happy that they're considering having a baby. Specifically, Danny and Farah are thinking about using her eggs and his sperm to have a baby sometime down the line.

I'm not exactly what the protocol is for this type of arrangements, but I don't see why it wouldn't start with a conversation just like Farah had. If she's willing to donate her eggs, then she should get educated about it. She can't really make a decision until she knows the facts. So, right in the middle of this kinda serious storyline we find out that Farah has pre-cancerous cells in her cervix. Woah, did they just drop a cancer bomb in the middle of this egg donor story? Yup, they sure did.

In this case it definitely could have waited as both topics are very heavy. Farah went back to New York to have surgery. It's truly amazing how much doctors can detect and treat early. We'll have to wait until next time to see if Farah's okay. The outlook is good for Farah. But, I can't say the same about J.P. who decided to go home, park the car, and walk back instead of paying to park in the hospital's garage and waiting with Farah the whole time. D'oh! Not cool, J.P. Concentrate and try again.

Nadia and Brandon participated in an old favorite of mine, "Trading Spaces." This nugget of reality show history involved someone one of your loved ones fighting with a designer over what was best for you.

Fary was back. *Sigh* Look, I have no doubt that she loves Nadia. But, Fary just comes across as a bully. Simply because you say something with a smile doesn't make it nice. Luckily for Brandon, Fary had a different target this week -- Nadia's decorator, Michelle.

A little background: Fary is also a decorator and because of that, Nadia invited her to help get the Bjorlin/Beemer house ready for an "InTouch Weekly" photo shoot. But, because the shoot was happening in approximately 24 hours, Nadia also called on Michelle who had helped Nadia decorate another room and, more importantly, had access to a bunch of stores around their home. Apparently, Nadia and Brandon must not live that close to Fary. I have no idea why.

During the decorating, Fary unloaded an arsenal of snarky comments, eye rolls, and patronizing laughter. Everyone seemed to let her get away with it, which makes me wonder if she's actually some kind of super hero with mind control powers. Truthfully, all of this made me realize that Nadia must really, really, be a cool chick because people in her life humor this abuse from her mother just to be around Nadia.

Finally, Nadia stood up to Mama Fary and told this playground bully to can it. Nadia did so in such a nice and non-threatening way that I'm sure now that Nadia's dad must have been a hostage negotiator, or an arbitrator, or one of those adults who lives on Sesame Street and can solve any argument with a kindness and a song. Come to think of it, he was into music…

I think it's adorable that that Nadia calls Brandon, "Beemo."

You can see Kelly's cute story in Self Magazine here.

Did you notice the picture of Brandon and Nadia, with Jay Johnson and Martha Madson, in the bathroom? That is such a cute picture! Although, I'm pretty sure the four of them would be incapable of taking a bad picture.

Here's all I could find of Nadia and Brandon's photo shoot. If you can find more, let me know!

I'm ashamed to say that I didn't know an egg donor was referred to as "the chicken" but I guess that works a lot better than "the fish," "the lizard," or "the bunny."

Okay soaps fans, now it's your turn. Which dance class would you prefer- Afro-Brazilian , hip-hop, or the super sexy strut stuff? Did Brandon's beige couch look comfortable? Do you think J.P. made Farah walk home from the surgery? And, what storyline could you watch for a whole hour?

Happy viewing,

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