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Brandon Beemer
Episode 4: Growing pains
For the episode airing October 16, 2011

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Most of the time, getting older stinks. We have more bills to pay (with or without paper checks!) We have to wonder whether or not we've done right by our kids. And, this week we learned that contrary to popular sayings, getting older doesn't always mean getting wiser. Here's what happened on this week's Dirty Soap.

Last week's Farsten tension continued into this week, at least for Farah. It all started when Farah noticed that Kirsten was a bit distracted. Farah first guessed that it was their frenemy tension, then the flu, and finally supposed that Kirsten was just unhappy with the hair and makeup selection for the day. Ohhhhh, so close! I'm sure if Farah had one more guess, she would have gone with endometriosis. Seems like the logical next step.

Anyway, Farah tracked down Kirsten's soon-to-be sister-in-law, Tiffani, to ask about Kirsten's illness. This went about as well as me asking my thighs to fit into some skinny jeans. And you know what? I'm not that mad at either of them. (For the record, I'm speaking of Tiffani and Kirsten. I am still very mad at my stupid thighs.)

Tiffani told off Farah for her incredibly insensitive timing. I love that Tiffani stood up for her friend. I'd do the same thing if I was in her shoes. Still, Farah didn't do anything bad by calling. Sure, it's sad that it takes something bad to happen to a friend for fences to be mended. But, that's pretty typical of a lot of people. I can't condemn Farah for being human. Besides, she looks great with short hair and has a hunky boyfriend. She had to display some behavior that suggested she's just a commoner like me!

Adorable Jensen stole the show with his blanket happy dance that inspired Jenna to proposition her husband for another child. I'm going to keep focusing on how cute that kid is and side step my uneasiness that she said with just a complete slight dousing of passive-aggressive sarcasm, "What's the big deal? I do the work anyway. You're at Days of Our Lives. I'm here!" I'm also not going to talk too much about her trips to the fertility clinic to get information about gender selection. Frankly, that whole topic is not near fluffy enough for my shallow column so I'm going to have to move on.

Earlier in the episode, Jenna and Galen threw an awesome barbecue where beautiful stars like Mark Hapka and Patrick Muldoon gathered to see whom among them has roped a calf or worn ladies underwear. Finally, some material I can use! We also learned that Mark did both, which should pretty much guarantee his casting on season two of Dirty Soap.

There was also this awesome exchange between Jensen Gering and JP at the Gering's BBQ:
Danny (To Jensen who is sitting in JP's arms): "Do you think John Paul would make a good dad?"
Jensen nods his head, "Yes"
JP: "Hang on, let me try something. (To Jensen) Do you think I'd make a good giraffe?"
*Jensen nods his head, "Yes"*
JP: "See?"

I am officially stealing this tactic and using it whenever possible. JP, I owe you, man!

After last week's engagement talk over pool -- a.k.a. the least believable scene ever -- I was pleased that this time the guys got down to a pastime that was much more a "guy" like, a jog in Central Park to smell horse poop, work out, and talk about their junk. I'm not even kidding.

Brandon was in New York because he got a job as a runway model. You'd think that'd be an easy job for him, right? Wrong. Brandon was self-conscious because he's a short guy. Well, model short, which is apparently anything below 6'2". He's also not sure how to walk like a moving hanger or someone who has a trademark strut. Apparently, he's also unhappy with his abs. And, boy, should he be! I'm really surprised that Nadia stays with this schmuck after the way he's let himself go.

Never fear. Brandon succeeded in his fashion show. He didn't trip. His shoelaces stayed tied. And his height was never a problem. All kidding aside, part of me thought it was nice to see that beautiful people are self-conscious. Humility will get you everywhere, Mr. Beemer.

Tell me that they edited her conversation with Brandon together so that it just appeared that Nadia blew off her boyfriend to finish lunch. That's ridiculous. I mean, it didn't even seem like she was eating anything that important, like homemade mac and cheese or cheese fries or a cheeseburger or basically anything with cheese.

Nadia's movie schedule was so demanding that Brandon declared that on their next date, he gets to keep Nadia's phone for a whole day. I'm pretty sure that not even a note from her mother will get her phone privileges back.

She was pretty much absent the entire episode except to worry about Kirsten and show off some righteous black boots. Hopefully we'll get to see more of her in upcoming episodes. From the previews for next week, it appears that we will. She runs into her ex and (I think) accuses him of taking her soul, meaning that he's some sort of Grimm's antagonist meets Sith Lord. Good stuff!

Apparently Kirsten was sick as a dog during these photo shoots. Considering how long those days must have been and how great the pictures turned out, I think she's a total pro.

The picture that they showed of Farah was certainly not of the era when she was on DAYS with Brandon. I'm probably the only dork who noticed that.

Jenna and Galen took their perfectly adorable dog, Wylie (sp?) for a hike. It was hard to tell who was more tired at the end.

Brandon's blue sneakers were very high on the awesome scale.

Soap actors don't have any idea what their call time is or what exactly they are shooting until the day before the shoot. Just think about that for a minute. Imagine if you had to wait each night for your boss to call you and tell you what time to come in the next day. I'd go nuts!

Don't worry JP, I still pay a few bills with a check.

I loved Farah's mom's southern accent! I know that Farah has to have one too. Let's get a few cocktails in her and see if it comes out!

Hey JP, Roy Halladay pitches for the Phillies. I know that because my St. Louis Cardinals beat him in the first round of the playoffs! Woot!

Until next time, soap fans, I leave you with a few parting questions. Did you wish that JP had come to Brandon's fashion show? Do you think that Kirsten and Farah could start to repair their relationship by bonding over their mutual admiration of statement necklaces? And, who is your favorite Gering: Wylie or Jensen?

I'd love to hear what you think so click here to share your answers with me!

Happy viewing,

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