Or, something like that.
Anyway, it's February, and nothing warms the cold February chill like a good friend, a warm cup of cocoa, and a week's worth of One Life to Live. Llanview, for all of its quirks and flaws, has some of the best and most well-established friendships on daytime. The love/hate fest between Viki and Dorian is legendary, to say the least. Their current feud over Clint is always great fun to watch, especially when Viki goes into Kick-Dorian's-Butt mode. She was this little ball of fire anger, sitting there in that hospital bed. Just how did she get such fast and personalized service in the ER? Her gown even closed all the way in the back! I'm jealous, but I digress . . .
I think that Clint was mighty wise to stand a few paces back 'cause if looks were daggers, Dorian would've been bobbin' round like a sprinkler right about then. Go, Viki! Me too! I'm tired of you trying to play nice and be all dignified! Show that mean ol' Dorian that you can fight dirty too! You show'er - she ain't got the monopoly on goin' from zero to b . . . witch in oh-point-two seconds! Yea! Yea!
Go Viki! It's your birthday! Beat up Dorian! And get your man back! Go Viki! Go Viki!
Ahem . . . sorry, got a little carried away there. I guess I figured if the writers can keep making Evangeline play Head Cheerleader Chick, everything else is gravy.
The Vangie and Nora friendship is always nice, but I'm really loving her friendship with Todd - loving it lots, as a matter of fact. Thing I like most about Vange and Todd is the fact that she can say stuff to him that nobody else would even think about getting away with. That's what best friends are for - to tell you stuff that you don't wanna hear, but that you'll listen to anyway without giving in to the urge to throw the messenger against the nearest wall, curb, or sidewalk. Everyone needs a friend like that, I think. Someone to keep you (me) just on this side of the sanity/insanity curve. That's what Vange does for Todd. She knows just the right thing to say, just at the right time, to pull him back down off the ceiling. Though sometimes, he does get pretty far out into orbit before she can get to him, she can reel him back in with no trouble at all. And what she gets in return is priceless: She gets Todd's loyalty. That's something that no amount of money could ever buy. Anything she needs, she's got it. Anything she wants, sure, no problem. He's like her own personal little genie, should she need a wish granted. Hell, I'll bet that if it turns out that Vange killed Spencer - And, of course, we know she didn't. Right? But if she did . . . - Todd would cover for her, be her alibi, sneak into the evidence locker and steal and bury every bit of it. Everyone needs a friend like Todd. As psychotic as he is, that friendship would be awesome! Don't ask me how I know that.
Moving along, Children, let's take a look at Dorian and Lindsay. Whodathunk that this unlikely duo would be so much fun to watch? They are Hi-lar-i-ous! Capital H Hilarious! Favorite lines this week:
Lindsay: Stop being a bitch!
Dorian: I am not being a bitch. I'm just a woman on a mission.
Hate to break it to you, Dorian, but . . . well, same thing. Oh, but it's okay! No need to panic. There is something to be said for allowing yourself to believe that you've cornered that zero-to-bitch market. I, too, own a slice of that little bizarre bazaar. It's a fun ride, ain't it?! It's always such fun to watch Dorian and Lindsay scheming together. If it's gotta be over some guy, well then, at least it won't be boring because this friendship is a meeting of two equals. Both are talented, accomplished women who vamp up nicely, I must say. I like Dorian and Lindsay because they're not afraid of their ages or their sexualities and they're not afraid to use their brains - plus plenty of guile, manipulation, and all those other womanly wiles I wanna have when I grow up - to get whatever they want, whenever they want it. Might not always work, but the effort looks fun and I've been taking plenty of notes this week. Who else but Dorian could land her rival in the hospital, with barely a sprain but enough damage to throw a wrench (or a horseshoe) into that rival's date with the current objet d'passion? It's like a meeting of two like minds whenever Lindsay and Dorian share a scene - a good old fashioned bitchfest if I've ever seen one. Big fun all the way around!
Bo and Rex have a nice, easy friendship - or, at least, a friendship in development. Sort of a work-in-progress: not-quite-there-yet but further-along-than-most in the guy/guy friendship division. I'm not really counting the Bo-and-Clint thing because they're brothers and most Buchanan siblings are friends by default. With Rex, Bo is halfway between father figure and lookout buddy. Bo would do anything for Rex, except for cover up a crime. Rex would do anything for Bo, too, but in a trying-to-please-Pops kinda way. If Bo ever gets to the place where he can actually trust Rex's judgment, I think their relationship will take a huge step forward. But of course, that trust has to go both ways - Rex knows that Bo can't coexist with secrets, so the other part of that is that Rex has to learn to trust Bo with his whole story, not just the parts he reveals after Bo's had to lock him up. Again. I'm glad that Rex isn't trying to go to cop school just to impress Bo. He might come out looking like Antonio, and believe me, one Antonio is quite enough for me. I would like to see what would happen if Rex did let Bo in on one of his wild capers. Could Bo hang, without hanging Rex? Hmmm . . . Inquiring minds would like to know.
I like Talia as Antonio's friend. I loved it when she laid out the truth for him - the fact that he got the job over a bunch of other cops who actually deserved that kind of promotion, and the fact that he keeps using the LPD as sort of a "revolving door" of employment. He gets mad, he quits, he calms down, he wants his job back. Over and over again. It's about time somebody told him the truth of how his behavior affects the other people working in the Department. I almost wish she'd've let him quit, though; his tantrums are obnoxious. I wasn't sure whether I'd like Talia. She's a new character, right? What's her purpose?, I wondered, not very silently. I guess she's going to be the Evangeline to Antonio's Todd-ishness, which may not be a bad thing. I like seeing them - T'n'A, that is - partnered up, and I do find that I'm interested in learning Talia's story. It looks like she may know the town pyromaniac. Ooh, I'm just wondering how - and how that will affect any friendship she has with Antonio. She seems to want to confide in him, and with Jess falling (very fast and very hard) for Nash, he'll need somebody to confide in, too. He's got slim pickin's from where he sits and Talia would prove to be a welcome distraction. Hope he doesn't rebound with her, though. That would suck.
Marty and John. Another CYA bond if I ever saw one. I'm liking how slowly their friendship is developing. John's gone from can't-stand-you to thanks-for-covering-my-butt with her, and maybe with John as her friend, everybody could just get off her back about wanting to get even with Todd. I don't care who says what, I don't buy Marty coming back just to get revenge on Todd. Love Todd, but I don't think he's really all that significant in her sphere-of-importance. Speaking of whom, somebody really needs to muzzle Blair for awhile. Blair seems to have forgotten that it was Todd who raped Marty, not the other way around. And I think that Dorian's right, Blair's whole problem is that Marty was right about Todd, all those years ago. What I'd love to see is John standing up for Marty, and I hope he'll get that chance sometime in the near future. I think that John and Marty click very well as friends, and him defending her would be a perfect way to showcase that. Marty doesn't deserve all the crap she's getting over her diagnosis with Spencer. As my shrink reminded me recently, there is no crystal ball; shrinks can only go on what their patients tell them. Spencer was good at playing the resident nut job. Of course, nobody knows just how good he was 'til they meet Mitch's brother, Miles. I'm already saying, "Ew" because he reminds me of one of those Kevin Spacey characters whose home planet we'll never be able to pronounce. Seriously, as cliché as it sounds, I heard the Twilight Zone theme as soon as his face flashed on the screen. He's the most dangerous kind of cuckoo: He's a cuckoo with cash, and lots of it. Won't this be a fun, fun ride?! Right.
Speaking of cuckoos with lots of cash, Natalie was almost interesting this week. I do wish she'd just take a walk, though, because John's always gonna be John. He will always put his personal vendettas and his other unmedicated mental meanderings ahead of any woman he's with. At this point, I don't even want him to have a puppy anymore. I look at my little Callie and imagine her being raised by John McBain and I just swoon with relief that whatever plane John really exists on, at least it ain't in my reality. John makes a great friend, but he's a lousy love interest. Natalie has nothing to be jealous about, of course . . .well, except that Marty's a smart, world-renowned psychotherapist while she - Nat, that is - can't even pass the forensic cop exam. But then, that's just another reason for Nat to walk. John being friends with Marty is inevitable, and Natalie will never be able to compete with that. There's nothing to compete with, really, and Nat's jealousy will never allow her to see that.
BUT, her jealousy might drive her into a perfect friendship with Vincent. I mean, I like Layla, but I'm pretty tired of her treating Vince like dirt everytime she sees him. I think Natalie would be a good ally for him, because she knows what it feels like to be the town pariah. She's a unique character, in that she is in the Buchanans, but she is not of the Buchanans. She could teach Vince a thing or two about getting along with the country club crowd, and he could give her a few pointers on getting what you want without having to beg for it. They talk very easily together, and there seems to be a decent friendship vibe between Melissa Archer and Tobias Truvillion. I like their scenes together. Sort of gives me the sense that for whatever happens, Nat and Vince would watch each other's back because they're both basically cut from the same cloth. It's a pattern called Survivor, if I'm not mistaken, with threads of Scrappy woven in for extra strength.
All in all, this was a good week for friendships, I must say. I loved Nora giving it to Evangeline straight - and I loved Bo doing the same. It's good that Vange has both of them in her corner because she's evidently forgotten what law school taught her about being intimately involved with people whose butts you might have to prosecute in the near future. Cris leaving her at the police station should've told her how far beneath her he is - even further than John was, and that's saying a lot. I also loved watching Cole and Marty, the way she interacts with him on his level without seeming as if she's talking down to him. As far as kids and parents go, Marty and Cole are about as tight as Todd and Starr. Of course, if Marty, Blair, and Todd really want to stop Cole and Starr's relationship from developing, all they have to do is be friends. I mean, who wants to date the son or daughter of their mom's best friend? Budding love affair go POOFBYEBYE!
A Look Ahead
Looks like TPTB are gearing up for some must-watch Soap TV with Tate Harmon joining the canvas! Isn't he the cutest thang to hit Llanview since poor Hugh took a flying leap into Neverneverland? His speech to the kids at LHS was pretty lame though, and I was pretty disappointed that he didn't use that taunting shout-out to Cole as more of a teaching moment. But well I guess if we have to choose cute or smart, I'll take cute everytime. (Hey, we don't have to let'em talk, do we?) Will Tate take Adriana from Rex? Man, that's a tough one. See, 'cause I like Tate. I don't wanna see his soaptime career get slurped out of him. He's a cutie, and I'd love to see him hook up with Layla because at least then, the scenes would be fun. But with Rit-Min and her never-ending stream-of-unconscious-thought, . . . eh, not so much. I'm hoping they give him a good storyline, though. Maybe if he throws Minnie off a building . . . Ok, that's mean. I'll be nice. Sort of.
I'm loving the stuff that the gurus at Soap Central's Spoilers Department are giving us on newcomers Miles and Tate and the good stuff to come surrounding little TJ, Talia, and the setting up of John McBain. The Who-Killed-Spencer saga looks fun, and I think it's so delightful that Paul Satterfield hasn't completely left the building yet. Hooray! Who knows? Maybe he has a few friends of his own "down under". I say, that could only be a good thing!
And on that note, here's to good friends, a good cup o'hotchoc, and good and sweet smellin' Soaps! Thanks for letting me psychoanalyze our favorite characters, once again.