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 Two Scoops: October 23, 2006 columns
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Jerry ver Dorn
Diary of a soap fan
For the Week of October 23, 2006
Enough of Viki the Sanctimonious and her disapproval of Clint's Dorian Thang! He's a grownup and she's quite the sexy vamp.
Monday, October 16, 2006

Dear Diary,

Today's episode was a little boring, but that's not always such a bad thing. Intense, non-stop drama needs to be balanced every once in awhile with a little bit of quiet. That gives us soap fans time to reflect, time to consider the show's overall . . .

Ok, enough of that. Also, enough of Viki the Sanctimonious and her disapproval of Clint's Dorian Thang! Hey, he's a grownup and she's quite the sexy vamp, and I frankly like watching her get David all worked up and then flip Clint over her knee and give him a good whack every now and then. Clint's little "I'm-over-you" mantra isn't convincing anyone, and while Dorian could be like Blair - with that "Please-take-me-back-Todd" routine (UGH!) - she (Dorian, that is) takes it up and notch and dismisses them both with a flick of her tail. She gives new meaning to "never let'em see you sweat." I wanna be like her when I grow up.

I loved Starr today. She was such a normal teenage girl! And that boy is such a cutie! Just for kicks, though, I think Tess would be a much better cousin for Starr to have those do-you-like-him talks. Tess has that worldly common sense that Starr really needs right now and I'd like to see Starr able to just kick back and kick-it with her cuz Tess.

Jessica, on the other hand, is so busy trying to not be Tess that she's become like this really rich Stepford wife-to-be. Any minute, I expect 'Tonio to press the button that makes her shoot money out of her . . . well, okay, her mouth. You know she's the one supporting them, right? I mean, yea, he probably pays the bills on their little loveloft there, but take a look at little BeBe Brennan's stroller. That didn't come from his little bar and his recent promotion to detective. (Which, by the way, if I lived in Llanview, I'd be really concerned about someone going from nightclub owner to police detective in oh-point-two seconds. Surely, Bo had a beat cop or a crossing guard that could've taken over; at least they'd've had more recent cop experience.)

Oh, and I really liked Viki's "awesome outfit" remark to Starr. She really needed that.

Ohhhhhh, I hope I hope I hope that Tess comes out again soon! And I really want Nash to function booze-free for a few days. This whole downward spiral thing does not bode well for a good reunion for him, Tess, and their kid. And that he owns a winery . . . poetic irony if I've ever seen it.

As usual, Claudia - or as she's more affectionately known, Claw Dia - got on my last nerve today. I'd wish Rex on her, but I like Rex too much. Besides, he's suffering enough having to listen to Adriana's attempt to become her mother's daughter. Adee just tries and tries to look so mad and sound so threatening, but really, they ought to just give her one of those cushioned bats and let her bop something 'til she gets it out of her system. Herself, hopefully.

I hated watching my girl, Vangie, letting Cris' "violent side" scare her. Yea, she should be concerned, but afraid? Sweetie, I could take Cris with my pinkie. What he's doing isn't scary; it's stupid. He did show some restraint with Nash Fish-Who-Drinks, but it would be really cool to see Vange with less this-is-really-scary and more sit-your-butt-down-and-shut-up. Just my opinion. Although if this is the catalyst for the end of Crange . . . well, it might be worth the sacrifice.

Well, Diary, it's almost midnight and work will beckon all too soon in the morning. Not to mention the dog, the cat, and the spouse. So, here's to more Starr being giggly and sweet - I loved her with Blair today, by the way - and less Jess the wedding planner. That would make a great week!

Goodnight, Diary. Sleep tight and don't let the bedbugs bite!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Dear Diary,

Well, I only caught the last fifteen minutes of yesterday's epi, but today's was really eerie. I mean, what gives? Spewster echoing my words with that "No man in his right mind . . ." comment to Nat. Eerie. Nat, in my humble opinion, got exactly what she was supposed to get, visiting Spewie in the pokie. She just reminded me of all the reasons I called her bobble-headed a coupla months ago. "You will not shake my confidence" - words that can only be shouted by someone who's . . . er . . . losing their confidence. Nat, sweetiedarlindear, what in heaven's name were you thinking? (Sorry. I kinda had a Viki moment there.) Really, though, what exactly did she hope to accomplish? Child is spinnin' on stupid and I think she needs another Roxy Slap to wake her back up again.

I loved Nora today! "Have crutch, will travel." Now, was that crutch the one she was walking with . . . or the one TPTB keep making her coma into? Well, in any case, it was great to see her back on a case, and I do dearly wish that Evangeline would've put Cris' crap on the back burner and agreed to be Nora's Number One. Or Two. Whatev. I just think it'd be cool to watch them tag-team Dr. Dread in the courtroom.

I really wanna slap David. Reallyreallyreally bad. Could he have been any more stupid in blabbing the wrongest thing ever to his big bro? "I know you're a Buchanan" . . . UGH! Although, I do have to admit that it was most fun watching Spewie call himself a "Buchanan Boy". But I digress.

Back to Davie . . .

Dude! You just gave Spencer his Plan Z! The late, great Redd Foxx would say, "You Big Dummy!" Now you get to have your identity stolen! Ok, Davie. Since your big bro's in the pokie, let me give you a bit of advice. Poker Rule Number One: Shut yer piehole! Don't say anything about any ace that you may or may not have up any sleeve, ever! You're the reason Spewie might fly instead of fry. Ever hear of the "misnomer" defense? That's the defense that a defendant can use if it's found that the State has the accused person's name wrong in the court case. (Don't ask me how I know that. You really don't wanna know.)

But the upshot is that we are (finally) on the verge of finding out the whole Truman/Buchanan/Vickers storyline. I must say that I love that TPTB waited until Phil Carey got back on the scene. I hated having to wait, but I'm glad I had to. Frankly, Bo and Clint couldn't handle Spencer if he was gift-wrapped and sitting on their doorstep with his confession attached. Have I said how glad I am that Asa's back in the saddle?

I'm glad that Asa's back in the saddle.

Okay, the next thing I'm going to say is probably the hardest thing I've ever said. But, well . . . here goes.

Imumblemumbledon'tmumblelike . . . [sigh] Okay . . . [sigh]

IwishBlairandToddwouldjustcallitquitsalready. There, I said it.

It's worse than watching her sleep with Spewie for less-than-worth-it payoff. Puh-leeeeze bring back Max!!!!! Or give her a hobby. Or just let her not give a crap about any man and move to the penthouse across the hall - at least I think it's empty - with Starr and Jack and make her own life. Kelly did it. Even Adriana is doing it. No Auntie Doe, no Todd and his always-sexy pout, no more anything from anybody. 'Til Starr's in college. At least.

Oh, Dear Lord. Somebody gave Mr. T a reality series. I think I should go to bed . . . like, now. Nighty Night, Diary.

PS Few things are better than watching a Buchanan Boy squirm over a girl. Go, Dorian!

Friday, October 20, 2006

Dear Diary,

Something interesting's happening. I'm liking that we're getting more of Spencer's villainous streak. Now that he and Blair have split, more of Paul Satterfield's range is coming out, and it's like watching Carlo Hesser's early years.

Ooh, can you imagine if Spencer was Carlo's kid, not Asa's? That would be just oh-so perfectly poetic, wouldn't it?

Anyway, back to Mr Satterfield's acting. I've been rather enjoying Spencer lately. His mind is so twisted . . . ok, as much as I hate to say it, I think it would be rather fun to watch him throw wrenches into Blair's gimme-back-Todd attempts. Speaking of Todd, by-the-by, I think that his attempts to find his kid are kinda lame. He had to know that Spencer wasn't going to give him any info, and I admit to being slightly annoyed that Blair showed up there, too. If it wasn't for her, we might've seen Todd find a way to pin Spencer to the inside of his cell, like the Trevor St John Todd would have.

Adriana-the-Psycho is kind of entertaining to watch, believe it or not. Watching her go coocoo-for-Cocoa-Puffs is kind of a natural progression for little Ritalin Minnie there. And the look of sheer shell-shock on Dorian's face when she realized who her tormentor was . . . hmm, talk about your mirror-mirror-on-the-wall moment. Gee, Dorian, where d'ya think she learned such things? From the psycho you hired to stalk her! This is what happens when you do stupid stuff like hiring psychos to stalk your kids! Watching Adriana spin out of control is probably the funniest thing I've seen all year. I mean, it's not nearly as grating as Marcie whining or Claudia . . . er, singing. (The heavens sang a hallelujah when Tonio's reference to her "set" was only a reference. Whew!) Adriana, you keep whirlin' girl! Them Dervishes ain't got nothin' on your Nirvana!

Isn't Baby Tommy just getting cuter by the day?! I like watching M&M doing the parenting thing. And although I am looking forward to Marcie becoming Mommie-of-the-Year, I can't wait 'til TPTB let Kathy Brier put more of the backbone into her voice that I enjoy in her singing. She's so confident behind a mic - watching that translate to Mommie would be a great transformation for her.

I loved watching Viki and Clint at dinner today. Their friendship really good, and it's easy to see why they are now better as friends than as spouses. Erika Slezak has a different kind of chemistry with Jerry Van Dorn than she had with Clint Ritchie, and I must say that I like the way TPTB are handling that. It was also good to see Kevin and Kelly together. Her pregnancy has been so good for them both! I still don't like Paige, but Bo's getting older and a lot less adventurous - not that he was all that adventurous to begin with, but unless Melanie's coming back anytime soon, I guess Paige is it. [sigh]

I wanna see more Lindsay! And R.J.! But mostly Lindsay! Now that it looks like Baby Tommy's gonna be Marcie and Mike's, it would be really great to watch Lindsay step in and deepen her connection with Marcie. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like we'll be seeing any more of Eve, so Tommy won't get to know his McBain Grandma very well. Despite her best efforts, Lindsay raised two pretty good kids. She'd be good with Tommy.

Speaking of best efforts, the same can be said of Roxy with Nat and Rex. I like Nat with Vincent. Gotta admit, they spark each other in ways that make him-and-Layla look like sandbox pals. They've definitely got chemistry, and I think she has way more with Vince than she did with Old Man McBain. Funny thing is, I'm not so sure McBain would work with Vange at this point, either. The longer we get into the whole almost-married-Nat thing, the more he seems past the point where I'd be able to buy Vange taking him back. And although I'm hating what the writers are doing to Evangeline's sense of self-worth and self-respect, I think I'd kick my TV in if they reduced her to taking him back just to have a man in her life. I love that she's going to take over the trial of Spencer Truman . . . er, Buchanan . . . well, whatever his last name is this week. More distance from Cris . . . YES!

I wanna see less Jess! And more Tess! But mostly, more Tess! I loved watching a little bit of Tess come out when she and Nash bantered about what she liked on her burgers. And I loved watching Tonio's obvious discomfort. Heheee. Talk about my evil giggle! Maybe it's just me, but it really does feel like Tonio's asking Nash to be in the wedding is just a rub-in-the-face, some macho neener-neeener-neener because he got Jess just like he said he would. I love watching Nash with Bree, by the way. He's at his best there. But Tonio just tries too hard. He and Claudia make a good match, although I do hate that she's falling off the wagon. Tonio was unnecessarily kinda cruel in telling her that Nash probably won't want her again. He deserves to pick up the pieces from that.

I wanna see more Hugh! I agree with Nicole L's Perfect Soap Watcher's World vision, where: Hugh was carjacked on his way back from his adopted parent's house, conked on the bonk and is wandering around in a stupor somewhere between Llanview and Atlantic City; and the carjacker is the dead body at the scene, misidentified as John McBain. In a perfect Soap Watcher's World that's how it would turn out. I can dream too!

Your dream is much better than the reality we're living with, Nicole! Thanks for sharing it!

Well, I guess that's it for this week, Diary. You're always such a good listener, way better even than when I talk to my self. I wonder what next week will bring. I wonder . . . if we'll like NuMarty. I wonder . . . who else TPTB will bring back for November sweeps. I wonder . . . how many more fingers in how many more pies Spencer can possibly have. I wonder . . . I wonder . . .

PS to all you diary-peepers: Shame on you! See you in two! LOL Peace out!
EYJ


Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.



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