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 Two Scoops: September 11, 2006 columns
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Bree Williamson
Fanny talk
For the Week of September 11, 2006
It was a special treat to see Marcie and Michael this past week. They stick out in Llanview because they're not tragically ill, schemin' and cheatin', or boozin' and losin'.
Wow, what a wonderfully informative week this has been! Private prisons, interstate toll road possibilities, the Medicare Donut Hole . . . Evangeline Williamson as Talia Shire in The New Adventures of Rocky. Yes, C-Rock can be a bit bullheaded, but he's cute and he's loveable. He's like a little lion cub. But everytime I see the Evangeline character with C-Rock, I feel like screaming! It's like she always has to take two steps back just to get him to listen. And he still doesn't. He's getting to be a lot like his play-brother Tonio. And I'm really sick of him too . . . Well, that's not exactly true. I'm not sick of Cris. It's just that I really did like him better as an artist, and it would have been so cool to watch him start to hang out with Lindsay. Not in a romantic way - but then again, look at Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. It could work. (Ok, it might've induced another ick attack, but it wouldn't be much worse than what we're seeing lately of Mr. Vega the Younger.) I find that I wholeheartedly agree with Beatrice T, who writes: I love Evangeline, and used to love her FRIENDSHIP with Cristian. But this love story is a joke! And a bad joke at that, Beatrice, one that only HigleyValenti get. I've heard a lot of variations on their "relationship name": nice ones like "Crave" and naughty ones like "Cringe'. My preference? Crange. Cringe with a decidedly southern crash-your-pickup kinda sound to it because watching the two of them trying to navigate obviously uncomfortable sexperimentation is about as much fun as watching your S-10 Tahoe meet that fifty-foot-tall oak tree at about a hundred miles an hour. Over and over. And over. Again.

Fortunately, Crange isn't the only game in town.

The firing of Kevin Eleven seems to have ruffled more than just my feathers. Here's a sampling of what other OLTL fans have to say:

[With] the firing of Dan Gauthier, . . . all I can say about that is no wonder Heather Tom is leaving. I wish them both luck elsewhere. ~ Beatrice T
Riding Kevin & Kelly off into the sunset because a focus group didn't like Kevin?! Are you kidding me? Let them watch a scene of Kevin from a few years ago and I bet their opinions would be different. It's not Kevin (or Dan Gauthier, for that matter) that stinks; it's what the writers and producers are doing to this character. ~ David
The character of Kevin has been such a schmuck for so long that I doubt too many people will miss him but you're right, Dan Gauthier deserves better. ~ Nicole
Do I blame Heather Tom for leaving [OLTL]? I sure don't. She has been sorely underutilized, and it's a shame. It's a definite shame about Dan Gauthier too . . . How low do they want these ratings to go? ~ Rosanna

And my favorite:

After eleven Kevins, it doesn't take a genius to conclude that this has more to do with the profile of the character, than with the actor himself. Dan Gauthier has an incredible range of talent, much of which was never really exposed. ~ Todd

You're preachin' to the choir, Todd. Preach on!

The other Todd - our favorite dastardly dissident - needs to know that the Punishing Ms. Blair skit is past its prime. I guess maybe getting an undeserved lethal injection might tend to make one a little twisted for awhile, but Dude, she was a ho for you. And now Starr's making those eyes at you. It's time to quit and just call it pax. I'm wondering if we'll ever get to watch Todd look Blair in the eye and own up to the fact that if he'd never started lying to her in the first place, they would have never gotten to the place where she'd decide to believe everybody but him. Blair wasn't faithless by choice; it was Todd's own behavior that pushed her out into Spewsterland.

I've gotta admit that I'm kinda likin' the Claw- has-puppy-eyes-for-Tonio thing. Tessica is way too strong for him now, especially as we start to see little glimpses of Tess in Jessica's demeanor. Tess is very self-assured and there's no way that wilting-flower Jess can have all of her alter's Tesstitude and still hang on Antonio's every . . . whatever it is he's got that she thinks she wants to hold on to.

I think it was Friday when I realized that Jess has that Tess pout. You know, the one that brings Nash to his knees . . . just where we like him, thank you. Hats off to Bree Williamson for that nice subtle change in the Jess character! I wonder whether that's one of those little subtleties that will let Nash know that Tess is coming back. Like the Tess almost-wink that Jess does. Another little Nash Knee-Drop nuance that makes me think that Tess is in there, a little weaker than before because of the merger. (((((scuse me for a minute - AAAAALELUJAH!!!!))))). I think Tess is just getting a little stronger everyday. One night. Give Jessica one night with Nash, and Antonio will be bye-bye so fast that even Bree won't remember him.

I've been wondering a few what-ifs lately. But for the Tessica/Nash/Tonio slice of Llanview, just talking to my self wasn't getting me anywhere, so I decided to consult . . . (((ominous echo))) The Crystal Ball. Here's what she said:

I see Tess alive and well and I see Jess really liking what her life was like when Tess was in control. I see Jess allowing Tess equal control, on the condition that she (Jess) gets to let Antonio down easy and that she (Tess) will take some time getting to know all the parts of her self and her daughter with neither of the guys. I see Antonio moving on - and on and . . . (cue cloud music) away . . . somewhere ((echoecho)) - with Claudia.. (((aaaahhhlelujah!))) I see Tessica, Nash, and Bree riding off into the sunset - or Texas - to run the new Banner-owned paper, The Hounash Daily News. Oh, waitwaitwait . . . that's Kevin and Kelly in Hounash. Tess and Nash live happily ever after at Llanfair, once the HigVal monster erases Viki, Dorian, and Clint like it's done to Nora, Lindsay, and R.J. Sorry, it's not better news for them, I'm afraid.
Yeah, the Ball gives me cheesy re-re-recycled storylines, but hey . . . they're no worse that what we're seeing on the screen.

Pretty LoveHate Machine

I loved seeing Michael and Marcie this week. They are still very sweet together and I think that the reason I don't feel oversapped with them is because we only see them once or twice a week, at most. I think that's a very good thing, and I think that maybe - just maybe - if they cut Rex-and-Adriana-together scenes to about maybe one every ten days or so, I'd almost be happy to see what's up with them. True, Melissa Gallo looks like she's trying far too hard to come across convincingly in her intimate scenes with John-Paul Lavoisier and she sounds like Minnie on Rittie, but the lack of M&M oversap made me realize that it is the presence of oversap with . . . Rexiana? . . . that triggers my gag reflex so pointedly. But I digress . . .

Back to Marcie and Michael, who really were a special treat to see this week. They're so nice. They stick out in Llanview because they're not tragically ill, schemin' and cheatin', or boozin' and losin'. The doctor, the writer, and the little boy, Tommy. It will be quite interesting to see what Todd does if/when Tommy turns out to be Todd Jr.

I loved watching Hugh's reaction to the news that not only is he prosecuting his own father, but that his father is Dr. Spewster. This one's for you, Hugh: eeeeeeeewwwwww. ickickickick double ick eeewww. ew ew. I feel for ya, Guy.

Don't ya just wanna put your hand on his shoulder and . . . I dunno . . . tell him that it'll be okay? To which he'd let out one of those ear-splitting Todd screams that only Roger Howarth could do and tell you exactly why nothing will ever be okay again. But it will>/em> be okay . . . eventually. Then again, if the spoilers' long-lost Buchanan tip pans out, Hugh might actually be a Buchanan. And he'd what, learn to ride horses? Start wearing a ten-gallon and two-steppin' down at Rodi's? What an identity crisis that would be! Just imagining him sayin' darlin' makes me giggle incessantly.

I loved watching Spewster the jailbird, just being a jailbird. Mostly, I love watching David visit Spewster in jail. Man, I hope Tuc Watkins sticks around for a good long time. After Clint dumps Dorian, she'll be in just the right state for David to swoop in and save her from herself. She's had a rough year, what with having her frame-as-addict attempt on her daughter's boyfriend blow up and then siccing that rabid Bruto on the poor child, it's no wonder that Dorian has barely - if at all - even noticed that Kelly is holed up in some clinic out in the middle of nowhere. Speaking of Dorian . . .

I loved watching Dorian squirm before finally confessing to Adriana about the stalker. Sad thing is, Dorian has used that I-did-it-because-I-love-you routine so often that she actually believes herself while she's saying it - and if you're the least bit sentimental, you'll buy it, too. Robin Strasser is phenomenal and I just hope the HigVal monster doesn't come and eat her up too.

I hated . . .well, not much, really. Except hearing Claudia sing again. Please, Crystal Ball, be right! BE RIGHT!!!!

(((aaaah . . . that feels better . . . ))))

Well, wonderful people, that's it for this week's edition. Thanks to all who have welcomed our sweet little Callie. She enjoys curling up and catching a quick nap while Mummy watches her soaps. LOL
Hope you all have a wonderful week, and I'll see you back in a fortnight!

Cheers! EY Jackson


Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.



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