Shake, Rattle, and Roll
For the Week of March 12, 2018
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Every now and again things on soaps need to be shaken up -- and General Hospital did that literally and figuratively with an earthquake. What will the aftershocks of this natural disaster be on our friends in Port Charles? It's time to dish... in Two Scoops.

Dear readers, GH has had a history of creating great disaster storylines in the past, but I confess, I never even considered an earthquake storyline. Why? Well, it's set in New York. Living in Southern California, I always think of quakes as a California thing, just as a show set in L.A. wouldn't typically have a nor'easter or a blizzard storyline.

But the powers that be at ABC love to surprise us and throw us off track, and they certainly got me. I absolutely did not see that earthquake coming. Well done. After 45 years of soap viewing, I'm not that easy to shock anymore.

When the quake first happened, I assumed it was a soapy "thin the herd" sort of move and that the quake would serve to kill off unnecessary characters. That hasn't proven true. So far, the only person who is unaccounted for is Aunt Stella. Don't hate me, but if Stella, Dr. Bensch, and Jim Harvey all perished in the quake, I would not have shed a single tear. I can think of a few more characters I'd gladly give up to get Laura back.

Several people were impacted by the quake, starting with Franco. Franco decided to run a quick errand on the way to his wedding and confronted Jim Harvey. Interesting timing, Franco. After a flash of a memory, Franco confronted Jim about what happened the night Drew took a tumble down the stairs. Readers, I absolutely do not believe Jim. I think it's possible that Franco pushed Drew down the stairs to protect him from a Beaty McBeaterton stepdad named Jim. (Or something like that.) Maybe I just want to think the best of Franco and blame all of his bad behavior on a brain tumor like Liz does.

Liz has enormous faith. Much more faith than I can ever muster up -- and I work at a church. Franco was a no-show at the wedding. He was missing long before the earthquake hit. After the quake hit, instead of going to the hospital or to check on her kids, Liz stayed in the empty church, firmly convinced that Franco would show up.

After being left at the altar, I would have said, "I knew it. He never really loved me. Dumped again!" and gone home to wallow under the covers with a book and a bottle of red. But not Liz. She trusted in Franco's love for her and waited for hours in an empty church until Franco finally managed to get freed from the cabinet he was stuck under. They raced into each other's arms for a passionate kiss.

Liz has bad luck with weddings. One of her previous weddings was the site of a GH disaster, too -- a train crash on the train that was going to be their honeymoon, as I recall. Liz, baby, stay single. The universe is trying to get your attention.

Franco still hasn't explained to Liz where he was and why he was there, and I get the distinct impression he isn't intending to tell her. But sadly for him, Daddy Scott gave Liz a clue and blurted out something about Franco's secret. Will Liz be okay with not knowing? If so, she's a better woman than I am.

Jim left Franco pinned under a filing cabinet, supposedly to go for help. But I think we all know Jim wanted him to die in there with whatever secrets are locked in his head, still buried. In spite of Jim's lack of trying, help did show up in the form of Franco's archenemy, Jason Morgan. Mike, with his shaky memory, knew that someone, somewhere was trapped and needed help, and Jason went looking to find them. When he walked in and saw Franco trapped, the look of sheer hatred on his face led me to believe no rescue was going to happen. But then, Sam showed up and convinced Jason to save Franco just to keep her from having to lie about it later. Whatever works, right?

After Franco got out, he made a beeline for the church, where he knew Liz would be waiting for him. But before Jason and Sam left the trailer, they experienced an aftershock, which ended in a daring escape, inching along the floor to get out before the trailer teetered over a hole and exploded. A literal cliffhanger!

But so what? That wasn't the good part! What happened next was the moment we have been waiting for since Steve Burton returned to General Hospital. The confession! The desperate truth of their hearts! Sam finally confessed to Jason that she still loves him and has always loved him. She didn't want to hurt her husband Drew, so she lied and kept her feelings hidden. But after nearly dying, she was unable to keep the truth pounding in her chest from bursting out of her mouth.

Of course Sam loves Jason. We all knew that. Sure, she loved Drew when she thought he was Jason, but she kept saying, "It's not the same." The heart is capable of loving more than one person, of that I am sure. But there is a difference between "the one" and anyone else on earth.

Sam tearfully admitted her love to Jason, and he stoically confessed his love to her. He said he understands she is married and that just knowing she loved him was enough. LIAR! That is not enough. It's definitely wonderful to know that someone in the universe truly loves you, but it's not the same as being by their side day and night and sharing a life.

Jason and Sam know what it's like to be together, and now that they are in the same town and have acknowledged that they are still in love, it's only a matter of time until Sam tells Drew the truth.

I feel sad for the heartbreak that's about to hit Drew. He's a great guy. But there is a glimmer of hope on the horizon; Drew has a woman who once loved him (and I suspect still does) and a newly discovered son in town, too. If Drew and Sam end things, it's just a matter of time until Kim, Oscar, and Drew will get the chance to see how they fit together as a family. And maybe he will get that flash drive of memories uploaded into his brain and remember loving Kim, too.

But at the same time, Kim and "Charlie" are pretty adorable together… but we all know Julian is supposed to be with Alexis! So many twisted hearts in Port Charles this week that have nothing to do with the earthquake.

Question…Why was there an earthquake at all? I suspect it's going to end up being fracking or whatever excavating Jim and his cronies have done on Charles Street. All these years in Port Charles without seismic activity, and suddenly, a giant quake hits. I am convinced it's a manmade disaster.

Molly and T.J. were at the epicenter of the quake on Charles Street, and Julian helped them get out alive, which prompted a grateful Alexis to track him down to thank him.

Which leads me to an observation. What in the heck is with the GH locker room? Is it just me, or does GH have the busiest hospital locker room in the history of hospitals? Julian followed Kim in while she was crying. Alexis followed Julian in and saw him having a tender moment with Kim. Liz and Franco had shower sex in the GH locker room. I sure hope someone cleaned it out since Patrick and Lisa Niles did it in that shower…

But seriously… Julian and Alexis don't even work at the hospital . I can't imagine going to a hospital and walking into the employee showers and locker room to have a conversation with my ex. I laughed through all of those scenes. I was screaming at my TV, as I am prone to do when I have to suspend my disbelief to another planet.

But I digress… Alexis thanked Julian for saving her daughter, and Molly, who loathes Julian, actually mustered up the will to thank him for saving her life.

Across town at Ava's gallery, another odd couple found themselves together in the wake of the earthquake: Carly and Nelle. I enjoyed the flashes of them working together for the sake of a baby they both love. I'm so glad that Carly referenced the time she and Alexis were trapped in the elevator together… Nelle had flashes of humanity, and I believe she loves her baby, but I also believe she is nuts.

Nelle's apartment was destroyed in the earthquake, so Monica invited her to shack up at the Q's. Readers, that is a sure sign her baby won't make it to term. I think we know that no pregnant woman can manage to birth a baby after a fall down the Quartermaine stairs. And of course she will fall.

I saw something in the previews for next week that made me think Nelle may have suffered a miscarriage. I hope I'm wrong, because that's an overused soap formula. "Girl gets pregnant, loses baby, and pretends to still be pregnant to keep the man on the hook." Zzzzzz. Can't we ever have a plot where the woman is pregnant with the baby of a man who doesn't want her, and she just goes about her life and has the baby on her own?

But wait, that's what Maxie is doing. Nathan died, and Maxie is going to her childbirth classes and having medical tests and taking care of the baby growing inside her. She's sad. She's grieving, but she's not helpless. She also has a great support in Nina, who is sticking by her side like a true sister.

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I'm sad that Nina was told once again that she couldn't get pregnant. Here's a true story…my mom had to have a partial hysterectomy when she was young, She was told she could never have kids. My mom and dad were married for eight years before she got pregnant with me. She prayed every day for God to let her have a baby. I exist. She had a baby. So, doctors aren't always right. Keep trying, Nina. And maybe pray a little.

Sadly, one of our other beloved friends in Port Charles is helpless but can't admit it. Mike doesn't want to accept that he has limitations that would make it unwise for him to live on his own. He's determined to go back to Brooklyn and try to live on his own in spite of his Alzheimer's. But right in the middle of the fight he was having with Sonny, we lost Mike again, and his brain was in another time and place. He forgot they were fighting and went upstairs for a little nap.

Here's the easiest prediction of Soapdom: Max Gail is going to win an Emmy this year. I have to admit, I had no idea he had this in him. I watched him on Barney Miller as a kid and would never have imagined he had the range and depth he has shown in this storyline. People can mock soaps if they want, but I can name multiple groundbreaking storylines over the years that other genres didn't touch. Daytime is looking at Alzheimer's under a microscope, and I'm sure if you have ever had a loved one who suffered with it, this storyline resonates with you.

Some things made me cry this week, but some made me laugh. Like Ned, who has been mayor of Port Charles for like a day and a half, threatening to call the White House after the earthquake. Really, Ned? Did you think the President (whose name I dare not speak) would answer and help Port Charles? Check with the mayor of San Juan and see how that has worked out for her.

Earlier, I made fun of the hospital locker room, but I also have to mock the PCPD. So, Curtis was under arrest for snooping around Jim Harvey's trailer and stealing his blueprints. Then, suddenly, the earthquake struck, and Jordan, the chief of police, leaves the police station to take her boyfriend to the hospital… I admire her loyalty to her man, but in a crisis, you'd like to think the chief of police was paying attention to her collapsing city.

After the quake, Ava got a cut, and blood was running down her newly fixed face, and I think if she had any permanent scarring, she'd have to pop Xanax with vodka for a month. She values her beauty above all else. She thinks that is all she has to offer the world. She feels incomplete without it. She's wrong, but her insecurity gets the best of her sometimes.

Anna and Andre were in Belgium, trying to find info on the baby Anna gave away. She was shocked to hear the news that she had a son, not a daughter, as Valentin had told her. I'll bet Valentin is going to regret lying to Anna. I'm guessing she will make a beeline to Valentin as soon as her flight lands.

We know the reason he lied is because he and Henrik are somehow in cahoots. But why? Valentin knows that Peter and Henrik are one and the same. But what is his stake in all of this? I still don't know. Is it at all possible that Valentin is the father of Henrik instead of Faison? Or maybe Robert? Anna got around. Just saying.

I hear your wheels spinning now, forming your mental arguments to email me, saying, "Hey, it couldn't be Valentin's baby because it was Anna's twin that slept with him… But was it? Let's be honest -- it doesn't ever matter what happened before on the show. As we know, any new writer who comes along and gets the itch can rewrite GH history in an instant.

All we know for sure is that Peter seemingly feels guilty for what happened to Nathan. We know he is smitten with Maxie at present. Maybe smitten is the wrong word. Infatuated? Protective? Obsessive? Feels responsible for? I'm not sure, but I'm prepared for any twists and turns that might occur, because they are inevitable.

You have to give Peter credit where credit is due. He hears everyone talking about Henrik, knows that he is Henrik, and never gives anything away. The Poker Face of the Year award should go to this guy.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Josslyn and Oscar find a more romantic kissing spot than a commercial freezer with a locking door? Will Scott blurt out any more secrets while he's incapacitated? Will anyone check to see if Charlotte is okay? Will Cameron vanish again after his brief cameo last week and not be seen again until Spencer comes home for summer break? Will the amniocentesis show signs of Huntington's disease in Maxie's baby, or just evidence that the kid will be super gorgeous like his/her parents?

Will Alexis hurry up and reunite with Julian while Molly is feeling friendly toward him? Will Franco ever go to visit his crazy mama Heather to see what she knows? Will I ever get over the delight I felt knowing Michelle Stafford read what I wrote about her and liked it? #fangirl or, better said, #fanNana! Will my husband be able to find the magic crowbar at Home Depot that can lift a giant metal door off of someone?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.

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