No body, no die-y
For the Week of March 20, 2017
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March 13, 2017
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Duke was not reincarnated. Robin did not explode. Lulu did not get custody of Charlotte. Carly did not murder Olivia. What a thrilling ride of ups and downs in Port Charles this week! Let's talk about what DID happen in this week's Two Scoops!

Dear readers, I have been watching GH since before many of you were born. There are many soap truths I have learned over the years. For instance "never walk down the stairs at the Quartermaines' if you are pregnant." Or the very important "never have a secret conversation on the docks because the one person you don't want to know your secret will be lurking at the top of the stairs." (And to a lesser degree, "never have a secret conversation in an empty exam room at GH with the door cracked" for the same reason). But the main soap truth I want to focus on today is this one -- "if they don't find a body, you're not dead."

Julian was presumably shot and fell over the bridge. Just like Ava was after the big prison escape. Sam, who was nine months pregnant fell over the same bridge last week and didn't even break a bone or lose her baby. So, the Jeromes are a hearty clan. Julian may have crawled off into the night with a gunshot wound and broken ankle, but I bet he's out there.

In fact, I am so sure of this, I will say that if Julian is actually dead, I will give up watching GH because it would be too cruel for the writers to break up "Julexis" and torment us for so long without any reconciliation. If they actually killed off Julian without the two of them reuniting, I think I might be done with GH.

However, it's been reported that William DeVry's contract is up and that he may be leaving the show, so perhaps my soapy-senses are wrong this time, and Julian is really toast. But I refuse to believe that.

The downfall of Alexis and Julian was widely loathed across the soapiverse. The writer's kept saying, "Be patient; we have a long story to tell, and we'll fix it." As the months dragged on, we stopped believing them. But now, it appears they were telling the truth. There is more to this love story, and I, for one, deeply anticipate the reunion.

On Friday, Alexis read the letter Julian left her and is warming to the possibility that he faked trying to kill her to…save her. Of course, she opted to read this letter at a bar, something a recovering alcoholic ought not to do, but hey, it was St. Patrick's Day, and one green beer might take the edge off losing the love of her life. Olivia was less willing to trust the letter Julian sent but gave Alexis the grace to forgive Julian if she saw fit.

We still have the small matter of the safe deposit box that Julian told Alexis to open after his death. Aren't you curious to see what's inside? Maybe he recorded Olivia's voicemail messages threatening to kill Alexis. Maybe she texted him, and Julian took screen shots. Maybe he left Alexis his fortune and the keys to the mob.

Seriously, wouldn't that be the best plot ever? After dating multiple mobsters, Alexis finally just goes rogue and takes over Julian's' organization! Sign me up for that transformation storyline! If Jason can go from med student to mobster, why not Alexis?

Time will tell if I am right or wrong, but I am holding out hope that William DeVry will sign a new contract and come back to life (maybe just in time for May sweeps) and that our two lovebirds can be reunited and start their life anew. If Alexis forgives Julian, I predict that Sam, Christina, Lucas, and Molly will eventually at least be civil to him for her sake.

One part of this long, convoluted plot that I genuinely loved was the return of Tonja Walker as Olivia (St. John) Jerome. I think she's just magnificent. As a villain, she is both violent and funny. She strikes me as pure crazy, but she's not pure evil. In her warped mind, Julian deserved the revenge she enacted upon him due to his role in Duke's death, but she apologized to people in her wake and apologized to Morgan's family for unwittingly causing his death. She isn't heartless like Helena; she just wanted to hurt Julian, who hurt her, and she seems genuinely remorseful that other innocents were affected by her revenge.

I don't know how to redeem her at this point in time, because Sonny or Carly would surely kill her if she stayed in town, but I wish she could be redeemed. Maybe if they diagnose her with some disorder à la Franco's brain tumor, she could be forgiven for her sins. I don't know, but I sure wish she could stick around for a while. I have especially loved the 80s flashbacks to the old storylines. If there were an Old Soaps channel on cable, I would watch it all damned day.

I don't see forgiveness in her future anytime soon. This is unfortunate because I would really have loved more Ava and Olivia scenes. I don't think her siblings will welcome her into the family fold however.

Across town, it appears unlikely that any member of the Spencer clan will ever be civil to Valentin. Lulu and Dante suffered a crushing blow this week as the judge ordered Charlotte stay with Valentin, the parent she knows and loves, and Lulu has to do six months of supervised visitation to keep from traumatizing the child.

The lovely little girl who plays Charlotte is so precious. I want to go to court to fight for custody of her, and I hate kids. But if I liked kids, I'd want one like Charlotte. Well, Charlotte when she's with Nina and not Charlotte when she's with Lulu.

Valentin has the upper hand right now, but I predict that will all fall apart for him due to his obsession with Anna. We heard him promise Nina he would leave the past in the past, but c'mon, that's so not going to happen. He will be lurking around Anna and dropping vague hints at their past together that she won't be able to decipher. As her cancer progresses, he will be worried for her and sitting by her bedside looking at her longingly. And Nina will see this and her heart will be broken. In her rage, she will go to Laura and say, "I changed my mind. I will help you get Charlotte for Lulu."

That's my prediction. Maybe I will be wrong. I am wrong sometimes. But not often, and usually not about GH.

I must mention how wonderful it was to have Hillary B. Smith on the canvas this week and what a great addition she could be to our GH family. Imagine Alexis, Nora, and Diane trading lawyer stories. The bad part of making Alexis an alcoholic is that we won't get to enjoy those great scenes of our favorite lawyers unwinding over a bottle of red anymore.

Maybe Nora's next case can be Olivia's sanity hearing. Diane would never take the case to defend the woman who killed her star client Sonny's kid, Alexis doesn't have her license back, and Scotty hates her. I think the case for insanity could be easily made if the court finds out that Olivia believed a shirtless Griffin was her dead fake boyfriend Duke. It was delightful to see Ian Buchanan, if only in fantasy scenes.

Now Griffin is ill, he is sneezing, and Liz discovered he has a fever of 102. Did he catch a chill while being shirtless in the hospital basement in winter, or was there some remnant of a Helena/Jerry Jacks-related disease lurking in that lab, or was the patient he stayed with during the bomb carrying some sort of plague? I don't know, but I know it can't be just a common cold, or they wouldn't have made such a big deal about it. (Another soap fact!)

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Robin was also caught up in the madness of Olivia Jerome and strapped to a bomb on a GH elevator, triggered by a pressure sensor. It was so sweet that Jason jumped on and took her place, but let's face it, tiny little Robin and muscle man Jason are not the same weight. In other weight-related bomb plots I have seen on TV, the key is to replace the person with someone or something of the exact same weight. But I am willing to suspend my disbelief for such a noble gesture.

Curtis jumping on the elevator to get Jason to the roof before the bomb exploded deserves some props. The bromance of Curtis and Jason delights me. If Jordan won't hire Curtis, Sonny certainly should. Or Jason, Sam, and Curtis should resume Jackal P.I. and have Spinelli Skype in.

Carly has had a really lousy week. She found out who was responsible for killing her son, had to shoot her in the arm, learned she was capable of murder, and had to confront Nelle to try to chase her out of town.

I'm confused. Is there more to the story than we know? When Nelle produced that pile of letters from her dad to Carly, the look on Carly's face when she saw them made me think maybe we don't have all the facts yet. What do you think, dear readers? Is Carly leaving out a key piece of the story?

I think Nelle was just lied to by her dad, but it is Port Charles, and there is always a twist to every story. Another soap fact is that no matter how much two people that are related hate each other, they eventually end up with at least a civil relationship. Think Ric and Sonny or Liz and Hayden. They aren't besties, but they are civil. Carly and Nelle are not related by blood (as far as we know), but maybe they are, since Nelle was a match for Joss's kidney. Could one of Carly's relatives have been Nelle's mom? Some distant Spencer cousin? Some relative of John Durant? Who knows? I hope they aren't related, though, as then Michael and Nelle being together would just be creepy. But that's happened before on soaps. So it's not out of the question.

Readers, can we discuss "kids chanting creepy phrases in a trance-like state?" -- another great soap device. Remember when Michael Corninthos was catatonic and rocking back and forth, chanting the same phrase over and over for a month after his kidnapping as a child? Now it's Jake eerily chanting "Never forget, never tell." What is he remembering, and when will he tell? Maybe he's remembering his two unseen siblings, and Helena has them in a tower in Greece, and he's been sworn to secrecy, since Liz never notices two of her kids are missing.

Franco tried to get Jake to draw a picture from that period, and he drew a straight black line and what looked to be the door of a jail cell. That can't be good! Good thing GH fired Franco so he can do his art therapy on just one especially needy patient.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Scott force himself to sleep with Lucy to steal the incriminating pills for Ava? Will Spencer move into Wyndermere and become besties with his cousin Charlotte? Will people realize that the footbridge is no longer a place for quiet reflection and instead a place to fall off and die and stop going there? Will it strike anyone else in town strange that Morgan's grave and Georgie's grave are right next to each other, although they died a decade apart? Will anyone ever ask if Sonny actually slept with Nelle why she isn't pregnant by Sonny's wonder sperm?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.
Tamilu

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.

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