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 Two Scoops: July 7, 2014 columns
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Baby, you're a firework
For the Week of July 7, 2014
Fireworks at the Fireworks -- Patrick tells Emma he and Mommy will divorce, Nathan and Maxie are still handcuffed together, and Britt weaseled her way into a date. Is anyone in Port Charles actually just watching the fireworks? We discuss this and much more in this week's Two Scoops.
Dear Readers, I hope you all had a happy Fourth. As for me, my husband had to work all day until 8:00 p.m. and I binge-watched Scandal on Netflix, Swiffered my hardwood floor to combat dog hair, and ate a frozen waffle -- so Party in the U.S.A! Ha.


Our friends in Port Charles tried to celebrate the holiday, with limited success. Patrick and Emma were at the fireworks, but Patrick picked that moment to let Emma know that he and Mommy were most likely going to get a divorce, Way to go, Dad -- every Fourth of July from here on out, that's what she will remember. Nick, Britt, and Spencer were at the fireworks together, due to the resurgence of the Britch and her evil scheme to schedule Elizabeth to work, thus clearing the way for Britt to be Nik's date. Her plan worked, and she got to reminisce about when she and Nikolas met one year ago. Don't hate me, but I still like them together.


Maxie and Nathan were there, too albeit handcuffed together. Sure, they were frustrated and tired, but I can think of worse fates than being chained to Detective Sexypants all day long.


Levi is hopefully spending the Fourth in jail, and if my wishes come true, he will slink back to whatever Australian rock he crawled out from under. I honestly can't remember the last time I loathed a character as much as I do Levi. As soon as he comes onto the screen, I groan audibly. He's unbelievably annoying. In addition, I hate who Maxie becomes when she is with him, too. Her IQ drops by half, and her spine turns into Jell-O. I hope his fellow inmates in sit-in jail beat him up and pull his ponytail.


I am so thrilled to have Kirsten Storms back on my screen, but I'd prefer more scenes with Nathan, Mac, or Lulu, or let Spinelli come and bring Georgie for a visit rather than one more tofu, yoga, inner peace, karma, or sit-in scene with Levi.


On the other side of town, Silas and Sam are dealing with the shocking news that Rafe was the one who ran Patrick and Sabrina off the road and killed their baby. Frankly, it's shocking for us as viewers, too. The writers took a character who was by all measures a good kid and suddenly turned him into a "coke-snorting baby-killer" to quote "Meana" (Nina).


I wasn't sure of the reason behind that until Molly hopped into the car with him, and then I said, "Aha! This is the 'teens run off together for the summer' plot being recycled." Started back in the day with Luke and Laura in Beecher's Corners and carried on throughout the years with rotating young people in trouble. If memory serves, the last incarnation of this plot was Michael and Kristina running away to Mexico for the summer.


They only got away due to the help from Meana and her shady nurse, Rosalie. I'm amazed that no one in Port Charles has any scruples, and at the first hint of a bribe, a physical therapist will fake therapy for Nina for a little bank. Just imagine if she needs a lab tech -- Brad will be right there, lining up for a payout. I'm still puzzled by Nina's motives. Does she want to destroy Silas, or is she still in love with him and want him back? The character jumps between those two stances, and I get the idea that the writers haven't fully decided yet either.


The only way that Nina's evil schemes can work is with the cooperation of others, and apparently everyone in Port Charles that she has encountered will sell their soul for a little loot. What happens when Silas wants a doctor to examine her? Will he take a bribe too? What if that doctor's student loans are already paid off? Will Nina just kill him? How closely do her morals resemble her mama Madeline and Auntie Liesl?


Over at Sonny' place, another unscrupulous woman, Ava, thought she could torture Sonny by bringing her mother, Delia Reid Ryan Ryan Coleridge Crane. (Did I leave out any husbands? It's been so long since Ryan's Hope went off the air. I can't recall anymore.) The joke is on Ava, though, because as Sonny pointed out -- he can leave the house to escape Delia, but Ava is stuck there with her. Ilene Kristen is just such a delightfully unique actor. Any character she plays is quirky and kooky and adorable, and I have to think she must possess some of those qualities in real life. Glad she is on canvas, but to what end? Can Ava be redeemed? She shot Olivia. She killed Connie. Can we as viewers get past that?


I think I can because the whole Kate/Connie thing was on my last nerve when Connie left, so I'm not complaining. Also, I will tell you that I haven't liked Olivia since the LSD incident with Heather where she started getting visions of puppies and whatnot. I used to love Johnny and Olivia, but since they broke up, I don't think they really know what to do with her character. I've never witnessed any real heat or chemistry between Olivia and Sonny, and I almost wish Brenda would come back. I know her last visit proved unfruitful and was a letdown, but I think that was a writing issue, not a chemistry issue.


Another couple that is falling flat for me is Franco and Carly. When they turned Todd into Franco so Roger Howarth could stay on canvas, I was all for it because I love him and didn't want to lose him to legal wrangling. However, when I think back on James Franco's version of Franco -- a sick, twisted, obsessed serial killer -- and then look at this new incarnation… updated Franco is weak, whiny, and petulant, which is not very appealing. Does brain tumor removal make people boring? While I am glad Franco is no longer a serial killer, I'm sad that his personality was removed, too.


Carly has always been drawn to strong powerful men -- guys like Sonny, Jax, and Alcazar -- and this current version of Franco doesn't fit the bill. It's changed Carly, too, because most of her days are spent coddling him and reassuring him, and that's equally boring. Carly is best when she has a cause and gets to fight.


I wonder how Carly will feel when she discovers that Kiki is living with Morgan in the brownstone? It's somewhat odd to be living with your ex-husband who happens to be your new boyfriend's brother, while said ex is parading around shirtless, holding a hammer, because that's just asking for trouble. I am thrilled they are brining back the brownstone, though, and if I were a writer on GH, I would have Bobbie walk in and have a montage of memories floating through her head of brownstone stories past.


While Michael is checking up on the sit-in, Tracy is back at ELQ, conspiring with Fluke via phone. Readers, I am sad to say that Fluke will be on the phone for quite awhile due to Tony Geary's recent back surgery which will keep him off-canvas for the foreseeable future. I pray he has a speedy recovery. And I'm not just saying that because I want Luke back, I swear.


It should have been a clue to Tracy when she said Luke was caught cheating on her, and Michael and Kiki looked so absolutely relieved for her that she would have said, "Hmm, if they had been making this up, why would they have looked so happy for me…?" But alas, love is blind.


Alice, a.k.a. The Dominator, overheard something and was about to tell Michael just as she collapsed. I was actually surprised that Tracy called an ambulance because I am old enough to remember Tracy not calling an ambulance or getting the pills for her father when she believed he was having a heart attack. If you are not old enough to remember that, but all means, catch up here.


In other GH News, Kimberly McCullough will be back sometime this summer, and rumor has it, it will be a short-term visit to bring "NuJason" back to town, If the rumors are true and NuJason is the charismatic Billy Miller, I am all for a visit from Robin if it's to usher Billy into Port Charles. Of course, that is unconfirmed, so I will have to wait, albeit impatiently.


What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Ned and Alexis get that old spark back over Fourth of July fireworks? Will Meana continue to angrily kick over her wheelchair and break more sentimental stuff in Silas' apartment? Will Levi get deported back to Australia now that he's a convicted criminal? Will Sam and Nina have a slapping, scratching, hair-pulling girl fight over Silas? Will Delia redecorate Greystone Manor for Sonny with her own unique sense of style? Will Josslyn win Spencer's heart away from Emma? Or, will the writers stop pretending 8-year-olds are 30?


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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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