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 Two Scoops: February 17, 2014 columns
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Love, Port Charles style
For the Week of February 17, 2014
Julian opened his heart and mind, Franco saved his ladylove, Nikolas heard wedding bells, and Ava betrayed her brother for Morgan. All is fair in love and mob wars, but happily ever after is never guaranteed in Port Charles.
I was chatting with a few of my friends earlier this week about the ridiculous frigid snowy winter that we've had this year when one of them said, "Just think, if we were soap characters, we'd all be in labor now with no one to deliver the baby except the real father!" I laughed and laughed and laughed. How right she is.


Luckily, Port Chuckles hasn't been plagued by pesky record snowfall and Arctic temps like those of us from the Midwest to the east coast have been dealing with for the past few months, which is a good thing because poor Carly would have been in deep trouble, since she only had a skimpy blouse and jacket to keep her warm during her captivity sojourn.


I could have sworn that I heard a collective "Whoo-hoo" from soap fans around the world as Franco finally raced into the catacombs and put us out of our misery by rescuing Carly from uncertain death. I say uncertain because it became clear by the second week in that Heather was all talk and no stabbing, at least when it came to Carly.


Alas, the same couldn't be said for the random catacombs contractor on loan from Star Trek. He ended up on the business end of Heather's pilfered dessert knife and was promptly dragged to parts unknown. Hopefully, there was a handy-dandy spare Cassadine cryogenic deep freezer left behind in the caves that Heather threw him into. Perhaps when Robin returns from defrosting Helena, Stavros, and Jason, she can help the poor guy out.


After Anna and one-note Nathan arrested Heather, Franco and Carly were rushed to the hospital, where we learned that Carly was dehydrated and had a really bad contusion on her leg. Proof that Carly is a big baby, since she had cried out as if she had been hobbled when Franco tried to set Carly on her feet after he pulled her out of the hole she had been trapped in. Franco, on the other hand, required life-saving surgery for a gunshot to his gut compliments of his demented mother.


Not that Carly let that stand in her way. As the doctors raced Franco to the operating room shortly after they jump-started his heart with a defibrillator, Carly insisted on having a few words with Franco to let him know that she would be waiting for him when he woke up -- provided of course that he didn't die on the way to surgery from blood loss because of that pit stop to appease Carly's needs.


I had so looked forward to Michael learning that -- gasp -- he was wrong about Franco taking Carly. It's not that I don't blame Michael for hating Franco with a fiery passion of a thousands suns, it's just that I hate when someone is so incredibly wrong about something yet carries on and on the way that Michael did. *Coughs* Nathan.


I get through frustrating scenes like that because I know that at some point the character is going to have to gobble up some crow.


Therefore, I waited with bated breath as Bobbie and Carly told Michael what had really happened. To an extent, the writers delivered because Michael did look as if he had received a swift kick to the family jewels by a big ole steel toe boot when they revealed that Franco had rescued Carly, not harmed her. However, Michael quickly reverted back to belligerent form when he decided that it was still Franco's fault, since Heather had targeted Carly because of Franco.


Again, I don't begrudge Michael for hating Franco, but I want him to hate Franco for the right reasons rather than for every little thing. It makes Michael look petty and irrational, especially when I'm stuck in the position of having to agree with the succubus known as Kiki. For that, Michael is on my Bitch, please list.


The silver lining in all of this is that I'm fairly certain that Michael and Kiki's days are numbered. Okay, maybe that's more wishful thinking than an actual hunch. However, things are pretty rocky for Mikey and Kiki right now because she dared to help Franco.


Meanwhile, back at Wyndemere, Nikolas is losing his ever-lovin' mind because he has decided to propose marriage to Britt the embryonapper and enlisted Spencer to help pick out a ring.


That Spencer is certainly a chip off the old Cassadine castle block. I imagine that Helena and Stavros would be smiling with pride wherever they are if their faces weren't frozen.


The thing about soap opera children is that, like their parents, they tend to be outrageous and larger than life because they do not live normal or average lives. What's the point of having a character on the show who is stable, well-adjusted, and makes good choices? I'd be bored to tears.


Spencer is intelligent but rude and incredibly self-absorbed with a strong sense of entitlement. Yet I am amused by his interactions with Victor and Nikolas. He's just so completely spoiled and bratty yet somehow endearing in his arrogance. It's no wonder Alfred is leaving bratwurst in the silverware drawer and trying to pass cranberry sauce off as strawberry jam. No doubt, Spencer runs poor Alfred ragged.


Prince Spencer comes from a long line of cutthroat criminal masterminds who have repeatedly tried to rule the world, so I'm not the least bit surprised that he's turning out the way that he is.


I also like Emma and Cam, but only in small doses. On soaps, children should be mostly seen, not heard, because I'm watching for the adults. If I want to see kids, I'll tune in to the Disney Channel or Nickelodeon.


Did anyone else wish that they were a fly on the wall at Liz's house when Nikolas told Anna that Liz, Robin, and Britt took the kids to Liz's house? Oh, how I wanted the cameras to cut to that lovely hen party. It wouldn't surprise me if Liz gave Britt a little nudge into the snow that resulted in Britt's broken wrist. I know I would, but that's because I'm unabashedly Team Liz.


Hey, Britt, Lucky did not leave town and abandon his sons because Elizabeth slept with Nikolas. Lucky was mourning the passing of his wife, Siobhan, and Jake, the son he shared with Jason. Additionally, Nikolas bears as much blame for that affair as Liz does, so it's not all on Liz. Plus, there was a time when Lucky betrayed Liz with her sister, Sarah, so Lucky's hands are far from clean in that area.


On soaps, sleeping with your lover/spouse's sibling is par for the course.


That said, the catfight between Liz and Britt was hilarious. I don't condone violence in real life, but there's nothing like a good old-fashioned Dynasty brawl to exorcise those inner demons. Britt and Liz make great enemies, and I find them wildly entertaining as they spew venom and outrageous insults at each other. I'm delighted to have my sassy spitfire Liz back. I hated when she was relegated to the town's favorite whipping gal and subjected to almost daily verbal floggings by nearly everyone for months on end.


I'm also relieved that half the truth is out about Ben because it's time for Ben to be united with his real parents. At least this way, Ben will begin to bond with Dante and Lulu during his custodial visits with his father until the rest of Britt's lie is exposed. The laws of soaps suggests that is likely to happen right around the time that Britt strolls down the aisle to exchange vows with Nikolas.


Sadly, I think that Nikolas is still going to propose to Britt despite her partial confession that Dante is Ben's baby daddy because it's clear that Nikolas is still stuck in his one-mistake-after-another phase despite what he told Lulu on Friday. I want Ghost-Emily to talk some sense into him when Natalia Livingston drops in for a visit, but I don't hold out much hope of her succeeding because Britt is as skilled at lying as Ava is.


Liz's encounter with A.J. in the park generated several emails from readers blasting Liz for being dismissive of A.J. rather than helpful. That surprised me because I'm curious why Liz is expected to be on good terms with an ex who not only cheated on her but lied to her on several occasions and then relapsed. Liz went through hell with Lucky during his addiction, so I can't blame her for not wanting to deal with A.J., who clearly leaped off of the sobriety wagon and nosedived right into a bottle of vodka. She doesn't owe him anything, so why should she enable him through what she suspects is nothing more than drunken ramblings?


I love A.J., and I'm heartbroken that he's on a bender, so I really hope that after he recovers his memories and realizes that Ava was the shooter, he goes directly to an A.A. meeting without collecting his $200. Then it will be Sonny's turn for a great big heaping bowl of crow.


Another development that generated quite a bit of feedback was Julian's reaction to Lucas revealing that he was gay. Some went as far as to accuse Julian of being homophobic, but I have to disagree with that. A homophobe is someone who has an intense hatred or fear of homosexuals/homosexuality.


Julian was surprised and confused, but not filled with intense hatred or fear. That is why Julian was able to calmly and rationally talk to Alexis about Lucas and, more importantly, receive what she was saying to him. Homophobes are incapable of doing that. They spew venom, hatred, and ignorance without a smidgen of compassion or an attempt at understanding. They certainly don't try to find a way to have a deep and meaningful relationship with a homosexual.


Truth be told, I was happy that Julian didn't take Lucas' confession in stride and go about his merry way. Julian's reaction was realistic for someone who was raised by a man like Victor, a card-carrying member of the Good Ole Boys club. I found it far more believable for Julian to be taken aback by Lucas' confession than if Julian had reacted as if Lucas had announced that he preferred cappuccinos over lattes. Where is the story in that? It's far more interesting to see Julian grapple with this a little bit because it not only gives us insight into Julian as a person, but it shows us that he's capable of growth.


Granted, one would think that in all the years of Julian living as Derek Wells, he would have encountered a homosexual or two, but the soap world is a much smaller place than the real world. After all, there are only three gay men in Port Charles.


A few viewers were aghast at the love scene between Brad and Lucas and suggested that they could infect each other with HIV. While unprotected sex between strangers is definitely high-risk behavior and not at all advisable, I don't recall either Brad or Lucas mentioning that they hadn't used condoms. HIV is an equal opportunity virus that will attack any person from any walk of life, regardless of gender and sexual orientation.


In other Jerome news, Ava decided to throw in with Sonny so she could continue her relationship with Morgan, who has been giving that poor single brain cell of his quite the workout these days, what with all that plotting and scheming of his. Sonny made two very good points when he talked to Morgan about Ava.


First, Sonny wanted to know if Morgan could truly trust someone like Ava, who had lied to her daughter for years about Kiki's paternity, used her daughter to lure Morgan into a trap, and is now throwing her own brother to the wolves to have a relationship with her ex-son-in-law. Of course, Morgan had an answer for each of those situations, but the one recurring theme that I kept hearing from him is that Ava puts Morgan above all others, and that makes her trustworthy. However, flipping on Julian is a pretty huge red flag that suggests that Ava's loyalty is a thing of whim and convenience. Sonny sees that, but Morgan, not so much.


The other point that Sonny made was about Morgan's future with Ava once the dust settles and they begin to live their happily ever after. I'm with Sonny on this one. There is no way that Morgan and Ava have what it takes to last very long. Eventually, Ava is going to get bored with her dimwitted arm-candy, especially since Morgan has the emotional maturity of a toddler.


Ava proved to be quite the crafty little vixen this week as she spun a series of lies that would make Pinocchio proud. I was particularly impressed with her claim that she had picked up the gun that had been used to kill Connie -- with a handkerchief -- to protect A.J., but instead of using that handkerchief to wipe off his fingerprints, she tossed the gun into the bushes near the boathouse with incriminating fingerprints intact.


I give Ava credit, though. She told a pretty convincing story. However, there were some holes that A.J. might have seen if he weren't so blind drunk. Besides not wiping down the gun before tossing it into water, Ava paid A.J. a visit right after his acquittal to pretty much torment him about killing Connie, carefully exploiting his doubt and guilt, and then walking out and leaving a giant-sized tumbler of liquor sitting on the coffee table for A.J. guzzle down. Ava never failed to seize an opportunity to subject A.J. to a little mind torture about killing Connie whenever she encountered him.


Those are not the actions of a person trying to protect someone.


I'm certain that Ava pulled the trigger, not just because she burned all of the DVDs that would have incriminated her, leaving the one DVD behind that made A.J. look as guilty as sin, but also because she made certain to fan the flames of Sonny's hatred for A.J. right before she slithered out of Sonny's new office with promises to return with Julian's head on a platter.


By the way, I find it exceedingly creepy that Sonny decided to set up shop in the office where his fiancée was murdered. The creep factor rose exponentially when Sonny and Olivia decided to have a romantic Valentine's Day dinner in said office and sat at a table that overlooked the spot where Connie had bled out and taken her last breath. Talk about the heebie-jeebies.


Speaking of Connie, did anyone else notice that Connie's gravestone showed that she was born in 1972? I chuckled because Sonny and Connie are supposed to be the same age, which means that Sonny is just seven years older than the actor who plays his eldest son, Dante. Dominic Zamprogna was born in 1979.


That is why I want to be a soap character. Once they hit 25, soap characters only age one year for every seven real-life years. It's like dog years in reverse.


This week, we also learned that Silas is not a fan of pineapples on his pizza and that Sam likes very big robes.


I really enjoy Sam these days. She seems to be coming into her own and finally evolving into an independent woman, not a codependent ride-or-die chick who did some pretty horrible and despicable things when she thought that she might lose Jason. She also seems to be much more intelligent now that she has full custody of her brain.


Sam and Silas' scenes this week were really nice to watch, not just because I think that they have amazing chemistry but also because their relationship seems to be built on more than just physical attraction.


I eagerly anticipate the day that Sam and Silas put Nathan in his place because Nathan makes me gnash my teeth and want to throw something at my television. I can't stand to listen to Nathan continually proclaim that Silas is the only possible suspect in Nina's attempted murder. Nathan has an agenda, and I don't trust him. He's a horrible investigator and much too arrogant.


A few things that tickled my fancy

Nikolas takes the contractor to the secret passage that leads to the catacombs
Nikolas: "Tunnels are right through here."
Contractor: [Chuckles] "How very, uh, Scooby-Doo of you."
Britt: "Funny. I always think of Batman."


Heather decides to carry out her deadly plan to kill Carly
Carly: "No!"
Heather: "Come on! Will you please hold still? These stab wounds, they have to be made with extreme precision if it appears that an expert like Franco killed you."



Scott is shocked when he finds Luke at Miscavige in Heather's padded cell
Scott: "Spencer! What the hell is going on?"
Luke: "Look for the left-hand boy. I got to find --"
Scott: "I can't talk to you with this wig on. You look like Edgar Winter."


Scott can't resist snapping a picture of Luke wearing the blonde wig
Luke: "Oh, don't do that."
Scott: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to have something to tweet about. You don't really take good pictures, do you?"
Luke: "Oh, I've looked worse."


Alexis and Ava trade barbs
Ava: "You're here to see Julian. I thought you couldn't stand the sight of him. What happened? Did Valentine's Day rear its ugly head, and you realized you were all alone, so you're glomming on to the only man who's even remotely interested in you?"
Alexis: "You know, with people skills like yours, it's a wonder you didn't choose a career in public relations."


Folks, this is the part where I usually ask you to leave your comments below or email me with your thoughts -- which I still want to you to do -- but first I would like to take a moment to tell you about a special young man named Aaron who is bravely battling T-Cell Lymphoblastic Lymphoma. It's a type of lymphoma/leukemia and completely curable. It started with a swollen gland/lump under his chin that was initially diagnosed as mono and spread to his chest and neck.


Aaron is the teenage son of dear family friends and, except for a couple of days over Christmas, he has been in Children's Hospital since his diagnosis in November due to continual complications that at one point landed him in the ICU on a ventilator. He has a long road ahead of him, but with the support of his loving family and a wonderful community, he will beat this cancer. Because he and his family are near and dear to my heart, I want to ask those of you who have a moment and are so inclined to please help lift his spirits and show him that he has touched lives.

Take a piece of standard size paper, write TEAM TURNER on it, and then hold it up and snap a picture. Here is our very own Kathleen Gati holding her TEAM TURNER sign.




Send me the picture, and I will make sure that Team Turner gets it. That's it. Simple and easy. Now, of course, if you would like to do more, you are certainly welcome to. Here are a couple of links where you can learn more about Aaron and ways to help him:
https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/18v3/team-turner-lymphoma-fund

https://www.facebook.com/events/228971447290873/


Until next time, dear readers, take care.
Liz Masters

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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