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 Two Scoops: September 9, 2013 columns
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The ghost with sunburn
For the Week of September 9, 2013
How does a ghost get a sunburn? Was Connie vacationing on Mob Boss Island after her gunshot wound? And do any other Port Charles residents have plans to join her? Pack a bag because it's time to visit this week's Two Scoops column by Tamilu.
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When Kate/Connie died, she didn't have a giant, red, peely sunburn on her shoulders, but when she came back as an apparition, her skin was so sunburned it looked like someone had taken a red Crayola crayon and colored her skin with it.


If she is merely a figment of Sonny's fantasy/breakdown, why did she have sunburn? Perhaps in his imagination, she'd been sunning by the beach at his casino in Puerto Rico after trying on the ghosts of gowns of girls who died before her…Was she in hell and Hades' fires scorched her shoulder?


I think I must be slipping as a Soap Diva because when Olivia knew where Sonny was, I couldn't even tell where that place was -- was it the remodeled Haunted Star, or Mob Pasta, or the place he and Kate used to go to in Bensonhurst, or some secret love nest I have forgotten about? I don't know. Maybe it's menopause brain, but I didn't recognize it.


And let's be honest, this was the very least interesting part of the show this week, but I came up with that good joke about a sunburnt ghost and wanted that to be the title of my column, so now that I got it out of my system, we can move on.


There is no way that weasel Brad is the father of Britt's baby. That is just another in a series of lies. Why would she lie when she already was busted? Because I think the Britch wants to keep this baby, and if she confesses that it's Dante and Lulu's baby, she will have to give it up. But I predict that Brad, who is now on the hook to father Britt's baby courtesy of bullying from the noble Prince Nikolas, will tell the truth to get out of having to be responsible.


Readers, I love Felix, and I have been rooting for him to have a relationship for months, but I really don't want it to be with Brad. I don't care if Brad has a decent side buried way down deep. I want Felix to meet someone who is kind and honorable like he is and who is worthy of him. But, since we only have two gay characters on the show, obviously they must be perfect for one another. (That was sarcasm for those who don't immediately recognize it.)


Someone else I am rooting for in the love department is Prince Nikolas, and his choices at present are Liz, who is inexplicably hung up on A.J., and Britt, who is the chronic liar and daughter of two psychopaths. Nikolas can relate to that last part, as his dad was mentally unstable, too -- but at least Laura was normal.


His princely good manners and sense of honor has him housing the Britch because a decent gentleman would never throw a pregnant woman out on the street, even if she is a conniving schemer who can't be trusted. Chalk it up to the fine acting skills of Kelly Thiebaud that after all the despicable things she has done and after we have spent months despising Britt, that I find myself feeling sad for her. The vulnerability and remorse Britt has shown for her ill-conceived plan make me sympathize instead of demonize. I've done stupid things for men in the past, so I can't judge fictional soap characters for the same bad impulses. Of course, I never got knocked up and passed the baby off as someone else's, so Britt has me beat in execution, but still, we all have done stupid things to get men to like us. I pretended to like golf and took lessons for a while for one boy in 8th grade. Thank heavens his dad got transferred and moved to Detroit or I might have had to keep golfing.


In other baby related tales -- I was so proud of Spinelli because I was just sure he was going to march in and claim his baby from Dante and Lulu, but just like Maxie, he chickened out on the truth that is so very uncomfortable to tell.


Instead, he told Maxie that they will just have to stay away from their baby and let Dante and Lulu raise it…What the heck? C'mon, Spinelli, Jason taught you better than that…oh, wait, no he didn't. He let Lucky raise Jake, too.


My prediction is still that Britt's baby is Dante and Lulu's and that once they end up with two babies, Spinelli and Maxie will feel free to claim their child. As to the aftermath -- what I can't decide is what to do about Ellie. I want Spinelli with Maxie and for them to raise their baby together, but I like Ellie and don't necessarily want to lose her, so maybe Morgan can have her after Kiki flees to Michael. No wait, Morgan isn't smart enough for Ellie…I dunno. Any suggestions welcome.


On another note, I think Dante and Lulu are being total jerks. Imagine that your very best friend has just carried a baby for you for nine months and you decide said friend can never see your baby again because she is attached to the child she carried in her womb for nine months? If it was a total stranger and a paid surrogate, I would understand that, but instead, it's a dear lifelong friend, and telling Maxie she can't see the baby is just plain mean. Offer to get her counseling. Set up a schedule. Don't just say "Thanks for the use of your womb for nine months, Sayonara."


Readers, I love Lisa LoCicero and have from the first day she started, but I have to tell you, Olivia as a character is so far gone that every time I see her, my thumb twitches over the fast-forward button, and the only weeks I watch her are the weeks I write and have to watch her in order to write a fair column. This week, between her shrieking and her visions, it was almost more than I could bear.


While I understand that Olivia would grieve the tragic loss of her cousin, I would say, having lost both of my parents now, while a grieving person will occasionally melt down into heaving sobs, it's not for five straight days. Let Olivia breathe a little. Let her tell a funny story about her and Connie as kids and share a laugh with someone. Spring Johnnie out of jail to come and comfort her. Something.


Diane is trying to keep… Franco (I typed Todd and then erased it) out of prison altogether by bringing a brain tumor in a Mason jar to court and hoping the judge is so disgusted by the sight of it that she drops the charges just so she won't have to see the icky jar again.


Carly walked to the stand, I think intending to help, but she was hesitant -- and I understand that. It seems like Franco is a changed man after the tumor was removed, but after all the creepy things he did to her, it would be hard to jump right into full trust. I just love the chemistry between them, though, so I will root for Franco to be fully recovered from serial killing and tagging.


What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Britt's baby look like weaselly Brad, or rugged Dante? Will Lulu lapse back into her Stavros-induced stupor when they take her baby away from her? Will A.J. make friends in prison? Will Helena's ghost come creeping out of the tunnels at Wyndemere to warn Britt away from Nikolas, or would she approve of the union due to her allegiance with fellow League of Doom member Faison? Will Alexis try to stumble in on Derek in his underpants again? Will Sam make out with any more doctors who are brothers of vampire serial killers, or just the one?


Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.

Tamilu

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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