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 Two Scoops: May 28, 2012 columns
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Dead man walking
For the Week of May 28, 2012
Anthony Zacchara took his final breath this week, but not his final steps. His dead body disappeared, after it had been carted all over town this week. Johnny, Luke, Tracy, and possibly Heather were starring in their own version of Weekend at Bernie's, as they tried to hide the body from the cops. Two Scoops' Jennifer Biller tries to predict who will be arrested for the murder and why tortured Johnny finally snapped and murdered his grandpa.
Anthony Zacchara is a dead man. Can we have a moment of silence, please? I know. He's a villain. I shouldn't be so sad that he finally took a bullet, or three. But despite Anthony's murderous ways, he was a joy to watch.

Anthony's comedic one-liners were legendary. Bruce Weitz, you and your enormous talent will be missed. Anthony was a killer. But ironically, he usually lightened any scene he entered. And in death, Anthony is still providing plenty of chuckles.

His dead body was busy this week. Anthony appeared to be walking all over the Quartermaine estate. His body has been on the move since his grandson Johnny shot and killed him. (No, I can hardly believe it either.) Even in death, that twisted mobster Anthony can get no peace.

Taking a page out of the film Weekend at Bernie's, Johnny, then Luke and Tracy, carted Anthony around, trying to hide his body from the cops. Posing him on the Quartermaine patio in his loungewear, a sun hat, and sunglasses, with a copy of Crimson magazine was hilarious. But not as hilarious as Luke and Tracy's reaction to finding Anthony gone from the spot they had left him.

I'm guessing "wackadoodle" Heather, as Tracy affectionately calls her, is now in possession of one dead body. Good luck, Heather. By now that body has got to be getting a little ripe. Considering Anthony's body has been carted all over town this week, it's unlikely he'll be given a proper funeral, so I'd better not order those orchids just yet.

So who's going down for this murder? Johnny, who has gone completely off the rails this week, is trying to frame Tracy. My guess is that Heather also will try to frame Tracy. So, if I were Tracy, I'd be calling Maxie for some tips on how to survive prison and avoid torture by cold cream.

Johnny could also get collared for the murder. He did actually do it. Although, a good defense attorney could probably argue that years of Anthony's mental torture finally made Johnny snap. That's the only explanation I have for why Johnny is acting so malicious lately.

I am beyond disgusted with the change in Johnny's character. I get that the new writing regime perhaps wants to write mobsters as mobsters, who actually kill. If that is the case, they should have started with career-criminal Sonny. He doesn't want to leave the business and embraces his lifestyle, as opposed to tortured Johnny who never wanted to be a mobster and had other talents.

Johnny wasn't a stagnant character that needed to change. He was refreshing and always the most interesting of the mob kings because he didn't want to be in the business and worked hard to keep Michael out of it. He had a moral center. But now, suddenly, he's a killer, a blackmailer, and an organ trafficker, who slept with a mentally ill woman and caused the accidental death of a child and her father. Sigh.

What will they pin on Johnny next: The death of Lisa Niles, the lab explosion that killed Robin, Tupac's murder?

The only bright spot in this character assassination is that Brandon Barash is a delight to watch. He is shining in these scenes. When Johnny realized that a child was dead as a result of his actions, Barash broke my heart. Is it possible Johnny inherited his father's mental illness? Or did he just finally snap due to the guilt of accidentally killing a child?

I just wish it had been Connie as the shooter. It was always a stretch, considering how good of an aim she would have to be. But, since she has DID, she wouldn't have gone down for their deaths anyway.

I'm not so sure about Johnny. I hope this isn't foreshadowing for his departure. Johnny has always been one of the most interesting characters in Port Charles. It's not just Anthony I'll be grieving for this week. I'll also be mourning the loss of sweet Johnny Z, who has been replaced by true mobster Johnny Z.

As for Anthony's body, where should it pop up next: Kelly's, the hospital stairwell, Sonny's bed?


Meanwhile


Police Commissioner Mac Scorpio was fired! Truthfully, he probably should have been fired years ago, considering his job performance against all the criminals in Port Charles. But I feel for him. The poor guy can't catch a break. He lost his house, his family, and now his job.

Does this mean even less screen time for my beloved Mac? I pray not. I hope it means Mac will go in a new direction. (And no, I don't mean the Johnny Zacchara direction.) Although, Mac did have a bit of a dark side when he first came to town. Remember his past with Jerry Jacks?

Mac needs to find a new career. Perhaps he and Luke and Anna could start a P.I. business? Or he could reopen the Outback? Come on, Scoopers, let's find Mac a job. Where would you like to see him next?

I think Crimson is taking applications. Editor Kate and her first mate Maxie are both behind bars. But dead Anthony was reading the latest issue of the magazine, so it somehow made it to the stands.

I like the chemistry between Luke and Anna. I'm sad that he seems to be comforting Anna more than he ever did Lucky or Elizabeth, though. However, I do not want Luke and Anna romantically involved. She was married to his best friend! We've been down this road before with Robert/Holly/Luke. I don't want a repeat.

Speaking of repeats, anytime there are two pregnant women in town at the same time, I'm always nervous it will end up in a baby switch storyline. Please, GH, don't succumb to this plot device. We've watched this heartbreaking scenario in daytime time and time again, and frankly, I'm sick of it. Especially, considering the other pregnant woman is someone I don't know, nor care about.

Jason Morgan, you may be the worst husband ever. I've never been a big fan of Sam, but punishing her for an alleged rape is heartless. I understand Jason's fear that he may not be able to accept Franco's baby, but he should at least put on a brave face for his wife and support her. Besides, I'm pretty sure that baby is going to turn out to be Jason's, after all. He's going to feel like a real ass when it all comes out.

I did love that Jason went to the Quartermaines to fill them in on the baby. I also loved that Monica shared her history about not wanting to be around baby Jason. Score!

Todd Manning needs to take over the presses in Port Charles. What kind of paper would print such a story about a rape victim? It's cruel. Speaking of cruel, I hate prison storylines. Michael's was brutal. Maxie's is creepy. (Cold cream facial?) And why is there always a gigantic "Tiny" who likes to torture prisoners? There's always a Tiny.

It's summer, Scoopers. Where's the fun? I want some romance and light storylines this summer. This is still a soap. No one seems interested in romance lately with all the drama going on. Liz seems the most likely candidate though. There are plenty of hot men on her radar. She's comforting Patrick, comforting Jason, befriending Ewen and Matt. But all those men are going through some kind of trauma right now, so romance is probably unlikely.

How cute is little Emma Drake? She's too adorable. When she asked if Elizabeth was going to be her new mommy, it broke my heart. No wonder Patrick locked himself in his house to battle his depression. Thumbs-up to the Patrick and Epiphany scenes that finally got him living life again. I think that is the start of a beautiful friendship.

Todd Manning, you rock. It's not often one gets the best of Sonny. I love Todd and hope he stays in town. He seems a little unstable and should fit right in with the other unstable folks we already have.

Heather Webber comes to mind. The self-declared Francophile is a hoot. I'm guessing she's the one who called the newspaper with the Sam storyline, just because Sam didn't deliver that letter to Steven Lars. Heather is cruel like Anthony and just as comedic. When she taunted Sam that finger paints would make a great baby gift to "encourage its artistic abilities," I almost spit out my coffee.

Diane Miller, please come back to work. Alexis has her hands full, and Jason was just arrested for Franco's murder. I miss Diane! Welcome home new Kristina! She looks gorgeous and angry -- a lethal combination.


Best Lines of the Week


(Luke walks in and finds Tracy with Anthony's dead body.)
Luke: "Tracy, what did you do?"
Tracy: "What did I do? What did you do? I thought the plan was to put him on a slow boat to Uruguay?... So, what happened? Did pirates shoot him and return to sender?"
(Later, Anthony and Tracy argue over which one of them killed Anthony.)
Luke: "This is not my handiwork. This is amateurish. You're the one with the history of the botched murder attempts."
Tracy: (Pointing the gun at Luke) "Maybe I can get this one right."
(Later, Luke hears the cops coming toward him, Tracy, and dead Anthony again, after they moved the body a second time.)
Luke: "Uh-oh, what the hell? Did somebody install a homing device in this guy?"

(Heather Webber strolls onto the Quartermaine patio and reminds us of the beloved Alan-Monica argument.)
Tracy: "What are you doing in my house?"
Heather: "Monica's house. Alan gave it to her as a wedding present, remember?"
Tracy: "As if anyone would let me forget."

(Heather notices that Luke seems nervous, glancing toward the patio, where he carried dead Anthony's body, which appears to be passed out from drinking.)
Heather: "Is something wrong? You seem to be paying a lot of attention to that lightweight out there."
Luke: "Oh, he's not that light. (coughs) Weighted."

(Mentally unstable Heather Webber shows up at the Quartermaines' to talk about Sam's pregnancy with Franco's baby -- allegedly a Quartermaine heir.)
Monica: "Is there any way we can defuse this Franco situation?"
Luke: "With Lizzie Borden on the loose, I don't think so."


Reader Spotlight


Thank you for all your feedback. Keep it coming! Here's a sample of what has you talking:
  • I believe that Franco did not rape Sam. I think that he wants to play mind games with Jason and have him think that he did. I think Franco switched his DNA at the FBI with Jason's (DNA), and that Jason will be the true father of Sam's baby. --- Donna

  • Am I the only person solidly siding with Jason? Sure he deserves some blame. But Jason and Sam have been together like 10 years. He's always been an enforcer, and she knew him like the back of her hand before they got married. They kept saying how she's so accepting of Jason and his lifestyle. So at what point would it suddenly become OK to blatantly lie about three major things in his life (Robin's death, his brother and the baby) and confide in a cop? Just a guess, generally speaking, I don't think many mob wives have cops for BFFs. She really should have known better. --- Jenn W

  • I have enjoyed the touching scenes in which Elizabeth and Anna bond over their lost children, but find it curious that Anna has not mentioned the loss of her daughter Leora. --- Elizabeth

  • Just a quick note to answer your question about common (same) names on the same soap. I can think of one instance from Y&R, with the same name as the current GH situation, no less! John Abbott was a legacy character for many years, but the soap also had a character who was the 'resident lawyer' for most of the folks in Genoa City, named John Silva. They shared storylines with many common characters, so it could get confusing! --- Nisha

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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