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 Two Scoops: November 21, 2011 columns
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Nathan Parsons
I've got a bad case of lovin' General Hospital
For the Week of November 21, 2011
Dark and dangerous love triangles, haunting mysteries, and an uncertainty about which characters are coming and which ones are going are just some of the reasons our Two Scoops columnist is racing to get home every day.
I'm excited! Thrilled! Over-the-moon! Things are getting so interesting that I find myself tempted to put the pedal to the metal every day after picking my kids up from school, so that I can make it home in time to watch the show. Even though I DVR each episode, I still want to be seated on my comfy couch, with my low-fat frappuccino at my side, when GH starts each afternoon.


What has me so glued to the show? Many things. Let's start with a love triangle that has the potential to go dark and dangerous. One involving Elizabeth, which doesn't include Lucky or Jason! Yay!


Nothing against Jason, but he lost me when he failed to choose his son over his career as a killer, so I say, "good riddance." I'm tired of the tragic mob enforcer with a heart of gold routine. At some point, a person has to grow, or they become stale. Such is the case with Jason. Simply put, I'm sick of his shtick.


Jonathan Jackson is leaving the show, so that puts him out of the running. I have mixed feelings about his departure, because I'm a Jonathan Jackson fan, but I also loved Greg Vaughan as Lucky. It irks me that Greg was let go to pave the way for Jonathan's return, only for Jonathan to stick around for a couple of years and then leave. I do not blame Jonathan Jackson for this; I blame the powers that be. They are the ones in charge of these decisions, and keeping their stars happy.


Clearly Jonathan was not happy, so he is doing what is best for him and his family -- finding a new job. Sadly, he's doing it when the genre as a whole is in a very precarious state, so to be honest, I expect more of these types of exits. Unless, of course, someone wises up and realizes that viewers are not interested in watching shows like The Spew and The Revulsion. We want scripted programming not cheap talk shows with lame hosts!!


How long do you think it will be before we start seeing more shows like The Bachelor/Bachelorette and Dancing with the Stars in primetime? Tick-tock…it's only a matter of time before the Anne Sweeney/Brian Frons cheap-TV mentality spreads to primetime.


To be fair, though, even if Jonathan weren't leaving, I wouldn't want Lucky and Liz to go another round. These two didn't just burn their bridges, they napalmed them, so now I'm interested in seeing what develops between Matt, Liz, and the mystery man with the awesome six-pack and no shoes, who is skulking around Wyndemere, rescuing damsels from the water. So much so, that I'm ready to fling myself into the water!


This week, we saw some tantalizing clues about who is haunting Wyndemere. Well, okay, they weren't exactly clues, since they told us absolutely nothing about the identities of our guests, but we did learn that the "ghost" of Wyndermere is actually a couple, one of whom bears an uncanny resemblance to Laura, at least from the back.


Both people seem to have a penchant for running around barefoot, even though the temperatures are frigid in Port Chuck at this time of year, and the castle has been closed up for months. In other words, get some slippers, or see if Franco will part with his flip-flops now that he's returned from Hawaii. Watching bare tootsies creep across icy stone floors makes me shiver with cold, not fright.


I'm pretty sure that the woman in the castle isn't Laura. If she were, then it would be a huge shock to the viewers, and an unprecedented coup for the network. There hasn't been even a hint of a credible rumor that Genie Francis is going to make an appearance on the show, much less a cameo, so this reeks of classic red herring. Could it be Laura's other daughter? That would send poor Lulu straight out into orbit as her head exploded. Or perhaps it's Maggie, moonlighting as a ghost, when she's not creeping around the hospital in that John Wayne Gacy clown getup.


Admittedly, it's probably not Maggie. When last we saw the intrepid new doctor, Maggie was perched against a wall, right across from the nurses' station, reading that newspaper article on Lisa Niles that she had clipped earlier that day. At that exact moment, Steve was standing at the nurses' station, staring at the newspaper, which prominently featured the very same article that Maggie was eyeballing at the wall. It was all very soapish, and a bit silly, but it made me smile. The only things missing were the dramatic music and a flash of ominous lightning.


Meanwhile, Olivia was with Connie/Kate complaining that Steve and Maggie have some deep, dark secret that neither will tell her about. Um, Olivia, you, of all people, should know that some secrets are no one's business. However, I listened avidly as Olivia talked about everything under the sun, except the results of that freaking pregnancy test! It drove me nuts! I would think that would be foremost on her mind -- unless the results were negative.


Readers, I confess I'm on the fence about Maggie. Her pain-in-the-ass behavior since arriving -- not filling out the necessary paperwork to practice medicine at the hospital, arrogantly assuming that people should just let her examine patients without introducing herself or explaining that she was a doctor, and her cryptic Lisaesque conversations with Steve -- are major turnoffs. On the other hand, she's cute and spunky, and the actress seems quite competent, so I'm willing to keep an open mind for now. However, we don't need another Lisa.


Another thing that has me tuning in is the hope against hope that my precious Jake is alive somewhere. I know it's unlikely, but they've teased me with the possibility by constantly talking about Jake, and Siobhan's remark that Jake was among the "lost," rather than the wee dead folk. Could it be that lost means in a coma? I want Jake's death to be undone. There, I said it. It was wrong, and needs to be righted, desperately. Jake was a legacy character that should have been protected, not sacrificed at the altar of Luke, for a storyline that has essentially gone nowhere since the tragedy happened.


I say this because I consider Luke to be a dry-drunk. He still refuses to accept that he's an alcoholic, despite the fact that he looks at a bottle of scotch much the way a starving dog looks at a meaty bone. Plus, Luke constantly has to fight the physical urge to take a sip.


If there is any doubt that Luke is in denial about his alcoholism, it was eradicated when Luke paid Sonny a visit, and then explained that he expected Sonny to apologize for participating in the intervention. Later, Luke's little chat with his conscience, whom I found oddly more entertaining than the real Luke, further cemented it for me. Luke told his conscience that he had simply stopped drinking to satisfy the "intervention lynch mob," and that it would be hypocritical of him to admit that he was sick, because he wasn't.


I'm done with Luke, and, for that matter, his daughter too. I want to shake Lulu every time I see her pick up a drink to ease her troubles, because it reeks desperation to gain daddy's attention. Lulu witnessed her brother and father struggle with substance abuse, and she knows the history of her drunkard Granddaddy Tim, who killed Luke and Bobbie's mother during a violent rage. If she had inadvertently gotten hooked on prescribed medication, that's one thing, but I can't feel sorry for someone who puts herself into a situation like that, knowing where it will lead.


I'm tired of the Spencers right now, so I want to see Liz with someone like Matt, or the mystery man.


By the way, when did doctors start talking to grandparents, aunts, and uncles about a child's serious illness, where any passerby could overhear, but not include the child's parent in the conversation? It really bothered me that Elizabeth was left entirely out of a discussion about Aiden's diagnosis of ITP (Idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura) and the life-saving treatment that Aiden would need. Elizabeth wasn't in Tibet or on a plane, she was a few doors down from the nurses' station!


That aside, my heart breaks for Liz and Lucky. These two just can't catch a break with their kids. Jake dies, Aiden has ITP, and Cam apparently has asthma, because he needed to have his inhaler dropped off at his friend's house. I guess it is a good thing that Elizabeth is a nurse, although I'm sure Monica, who is currently taking daily doses of bitch-supplements, would disagree. I love Monica, but she has no room to talk about breaking up a marriage (Rick and Lesley Webber ring a bell, Monica?) and leaving children with others. Monica's kids, if I recall, were raised by nannies, and then sent to boarding schools. Monica was about as hands-off of a parent as you can get, without actually giving your child up for adoption. Oh wait, Monica did give up Dawn.


However, Monica has suffered unimaginable losses, so I'll cut her some slack. Liz appears to be more than capable of handling Monica anyway.


Speaking of sad things -- there's Sam, who is currently struggling with whether or not she was raped by Franco. I feel for her, but I am a bit frustrated that she never tried to get some answers about what had happened that night. I had thought that she was stronger than this, but I guess I was wrong. What if she hadn't been raped? She could have spared herself so much heartache with just a simple exam. If she were raped, then she could take steps to deal with it. Chasing down Franco to kill him won't do her any good. Sure it will satisfy her bloodlust to make the bastard pay, but his death won't provide answers, nor will it change what had happened.


At this point -- I'm leaning towards her not having been raped. Franco loves to play head games, so it's entirely possible that this is all just a great, big, elaborate mind*bleep* to manipulate Jason. Sure, Franco is capable of raping a woman, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he did it. The uncertainty makes Jason crazier than knowing ever could.


Moving on, I confess that I like Shawn…especially his refusal to grovel at Carly's feet. I'm not a Carly fan, and never have been. She's a selfish, hateful shrew who thinks like a teenager, and doesn't have a single boundary when it comes to men.


I've received some emails suggesting that the pairing of Carly and Shawn is wrong, because they are not of the same race. Pat wrote:

    "If you let Carly become involved with Sean, millions just like me will stop watching the show. I am not racist, but she would never become involved with a black man."


I don't agree with that. Carly's been married to two men of Hispanic descent, Sonny and Lorenzo, and she had a child with one of them. I also recall her flirting with Justus a time or two, so nothing in her history indicates that she has an issue with people of different ethnicity.


I judge people by their actions, not the color of their skin or their religious beliefs (unless they belong to some kooky cult that thinks that they need to commit mass suicide before the mother ship arrives), so when it comes to Carly and Shawn, my issue isn't that Shawn is African-American. For me, it's that Shawn is simply too good for Carly.


I'd prefer to see Carly be deprived, for once, of someone that she really wants, because she's long overdue for that. If they want to pair Shawn with someone, page Dr. Lee, or find out where poor Lainey has been hiding. Better yet, hook him up with Kate. She seems pretty capable of handling a man like Shawn.


Sadly though, Shawn seems to want Carly, so he's going to eventually succumb to her -- she's like Medusa with those crazy snakes on her head. Men think that they can handle Carly's kind of lunacy, but in the end, she always destroys them. Next up on the romance circuit, is Officer Padilla. I read a spoiler that Officer Padilla (who has yet to be referred to by her first name, since joining the show) will have sparks with an unexpected resident in PC. I was afraid that they were going to try to pair her with Dante, but he appears to be headed down heartbreak lane, compliments of Lulu. Frankly, I'm looking forward to seeing Dante have his heart stomped on, because the dude has gotten on my ever-lovin' last nerve.


Whatever happened to conflict of interest? Why in the world would Mac even agree to let Dante work a case that Dante's mother was a murder suspect in? And why, if Dante were such an upstanding good cop, would he ask? Then again, why is Mac questioning Robin and Patrick? As much as Ronnie gets on my nerves, primarily because he thinks everyone is guilty, especially Sonny, he's much better suited to investigate Lisa's murder with Officer Padilla than anyone else. Dante being informed of the evidence was just plain wrong.


Well, dear readers, that's it for this week. I'm curious to know what you would like to see happen, and which storyline, or storylines, interests you the most, so please feel free to click on feedback, and drop me a line.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to email me. I love hearing back from readers, so please feel free to drop me a line.

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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