I started making a mental tally of this week's GH violence, but I may have lost count. Let's start at the whorehouse: Lupe's murder, Lulu seemingly about to be raped by Javier, and Dante's abduction by whorehouse goons. In Port Charles, Jax is being drugged, framed for rape, and arrested; on the docks, Spinelli, er…I mean Jackal P.I. pulled a gun on Anthony, who then wrestled Jackal P.I.'s gun away and threatened to kill Spinelli. Enter Jason, with yet another gun that he pulled on Anthony. And I suppose, for good measure, we could throw in the fact that NotMorgan and Molly have kidnapped Josslyn, albeit sans weapons. And we are still feeling the aftereffects of Brenda and Alec (who I still want to call Lucien) being the target of gunfire last week.
It makes me weary. But the good news is, as of June 26th, Garin Wolf's writing takes over, and I think he has a romantic and tender soul, so I'm extremely hopeful. If you want to know why I think that -- during the last writer's strike, Garin is the writer who gave us those great scenes of Kate and Sonny roaming around their old neighborhood in Bensonhurst, as I recall -- which shows a sensitive heart beats in his chest, and an understanding of what women find romantic.
So, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and little things are already happening that make me giddy. First, Monica has returned with a nod to the audience in the script -- when Tracy asks her, "Aren't you supposed to be at a conference?" Monica responded, "I've been to every conference" (paraphrased). This is hilarious for long-term GH viewers who know that's the reason they always use when Monica, say, misses a family funeral or a wedding. I thoroughly enjoyed the fact that Monica and Tracy had their first civil conversation since Alan died.
Tracy, in her usual bullish way, blurted out that Monice had another grandson and had to break the news to Monica that Jake had been Jason's son. Hearing Monica reminisce about how she almost picked up Jake's hat was so tender and touching. Dear Leslie Charleson -- you still got it, baby.
With Michael and Abby at ELQ, it's a perfect chance to bring the Q clan back into the mix and even interact with other characters! In fact, rumor has it that Stuart Damon, a.k.a. Alan Quartermaine, is coming to GH soon -- but don't get too excited, they aren't going to resurrect Alan from the dead, so it might only be as a dream or something, but hey, I'll take it. In other Q news, as reported here on Soap Central, Robin Christopher is headed back to Port Charles as Skye! Perhaps Garin Wolf will actually write a story for her, unlike her last return, which fizzled.
Michael made one good business call, but ELQ's version of Smithers (to Edward's Mr. Burns) swooped in to discourage Michael, only to discover Smithers is a toadie for Anthony Zacharra.
The rumor mill also suggests that Carly 2.0, Tamara Braun, is in talks to return to GH, not as Carly, but -- just like Sarah Brown did as Claudia Zacharra -- return to the canvas as an entirely new character. Before Sarah Brown came back, I thought that couldn't work, but I was wrong -- Sarah's bold portrayal of Claudia made me forget she used to be Carly, and it only entered my mind when writing articles like this, not as I was viewing. I'm sure Tamara Brain can pull it off, too -- she's a remarkable actor.
Violence aside, there was a lot right with GH this week -- for instance, the scene between Carly and Alexis. Watching two women who have years of bad blood and disrespect between them have a heart-to-heart about motherhood and choices, and seeing them engage, was so beautiful to behold.
I had high hopes that Jax would see reason and drop the case, but instead we had the horrible turn of events that Sonny would drug and frame Jax, knowing full well Brenda would find out -- I mean seriously -- Sonny isn't that stupid. If this is where Brenda turns on Sonny and rides off into the sunset with Jax, it's a poor exit for Jax.
Ronnie, who tries to bust Sonny at every turn, isn't taking Jax's claims of setup seriously, although Jax has never had a drug incident before in his life. Why wouldn't Jax just confess that he bribed Ms. Yang rather than go to prison for drug use and attempted rape? Sickening!
It's just not realistic and a lousy, lazy exit strategy for the previous White Knight, Jax. The last year or so, his character has been trashed, which is tragic because many female viewers thought of Jax as the ultimate romantic, and he drew viewers, so why would they mess with that winning formula?
Not to mention the fact that Sonny has always been ferociously against drugs and would never, never, never use drugs to frame someone. This plot twist makes me angry on so many levels.
In other news, Kristina's crush on the newly coiffed Ethan puzzles me. Whatever Alexis paid for Kristina's counseling was well worth it -- she went from having zero self-esteem and letting Kiefer beat her, to thinking she's completely irresistible to Ethan. To those of you who say that an age difference that big can't work -- you obviously didn't see the beginning of Luke and Laura -- he was older and totally inappropriate for her, too, so Ethan would be a chip off the old block if he went for it with Kristina. She did finagle money from Sonny to take Ethan up on his Vegas idea. Too bad there's no budget for a real live location shoot. Maybe Brenda could get them rooms at the Montecito.
Readers, hate me if you will, but I am So. Over. Siobhan. Please, please, please send her back to Ireland. She was a foil to Lucky and Liz and a pawn in the Balkan storyline, but now all she manages to do is annoy me every time she's on. I don't like her with Lucky anymore, or anything about her. She has no friends or ties in Port Charles, so cut the dead weight and bring back more Quartermaines or Spencers.
Speaking of Spencers, Lulu is really in over her head at the brothel. The reason Lulu feels so at home in the whorehouse is because it's the house she grew up in with different rugs, lamps, and curtains. My husband, who pretends he doesn't watch GH, tweeted that he thought Lulu went there looking for her missing Aunt Bobble. (Busted! Come out, closet GH watcher!)
Javier has Lulu in his clutches, and Dante has been overpowered by two pimp goons -- so methinks It's about time for Luke to bust in and rescue everyone. Or so I hope. I want Luke's reformation to come quickly. I also confess that I always liked the pairing of Luke and Skye, so if Luke ditches Tracy and uses Skye for rehab, you will get no complaints from this columnist.
Damian Spinelli, also known as Jackal P.I., has nearly gotten himself killed several times since emerging from his coma, because apparently Spinelli has multiple personality disorder. I think the only thing that will bring Spinelli back is… mental health therapy and a fistful of meds? Well, in real life, yes -- but in the GH stratosphere, he needs to have sex with Maxie. That should work out well, since Dr. Matt Hunter (a.k.a. Jason Cook) will be making his exit from Port Charles. He never really had a storyline of his own since he came to GH. Maybe when he leaves, they will bring back Dr. Noah Drake (a.k.a. the dreamy Rick Springfield) to make amends with Patrick.
Dr. Drake Sr. would make a way better chief of staff than Robin. Mark my words: by the end of Robin's reign as chief of staff, the entire hospital will detest her. On the up side, now that Steven Webber is free of all the duty and responsibility, he can spend more time canoodling with Olivia. Or have some fun of some sort. Then again, the last time he tried to have fun and go on the First (and last) GH Kids Ski Trip, the bus crashed, so maybe he fears fun. I hope that the magnificent Lisa Locicero gets more airtime in the future, but if that time is with Johnny Z instead of Steven, I'm totally fine with that, because I was a big Jo-Livia fan.
At an old abandoned amusement park, the New Scooby Doo gang, NotMorgan and Molly, have abducted recent kidney transplant survivor baby Josslyn in hopes of reuniting Jax and Carly. Zoinks! I think Alexis needs to send Molly to Kristina's magical counselor. Three kids related to Sonny would be a primo bargaining chip for crazy (but hilarious) Anthony Zacharra, so let's hope Carly and Jason find the kids before Anthony finds them.
What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Maxie force Sam to get married against her will in hopes of saving Jackal P.I., er, I mean Spinelli? Will Lulu find she enjoys being molested against her will by Javier and marry him like her mom did Luke? Will Michael stay at ELQ even though he hates it just to piss off Tracy? Will Brenda wear her "I want to look like a serious person" glasses when she tells Sonny off for framing Jax? Will Lucky realize that Siobhan was completely content in Ireland before he came along pretending to be a dead hit man, and doesn't really need a green card? Will Ethan stop being so adorable and sexy so Kristina (and me) can stop crushing on him? Will Ms. Yang go home and change out of her "fake rape" clothes at some point this week?