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 Two Scoops: June 6, 2011 columns
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For the Week of June 6, 2011
Some of you follow me on Twitter, and if you do, you'll know I got a little tweet crazy this week about what I'd do if I were the new General Hospital writer.
Some of you follow me on Twitter, and if you do, you'll know I got a little tweet crazy this week about what I'd do if I were the new General Hospital writer.

Seriously, where does this poor guy start?

If I were Garin Wolf, the new head writer of General Hospital, I would:
  • Find a role for Tamara Braun -- after all, it worked for Sarah Joy Brown.
  • I'd resurrect some Quartermaines, Dallas style, and AJ, Emily, and Alan would be alive; Monica would come down the stairs; Ned would walk in the door; and the whole Q family would be back in place as if they had never been gone. I think GH viewers will allow the new writer a lot of suspended disbelief to bring back our show to its original glory.
  • I'd konk Jason in the head again and have him remember his Quartermaine past, too -- remember going to med school, miss his parents -- maybe have some old flashbacks with Alan and Monica.
  • I'd write a dark romance between the lethal lovers, Anthony Zacharra and Helena Cassadine. Sure, Anthony is a little crude for Helena's refined taste, but at her age, she can't be as choosy. If one super villain is fun, two is even better!?I'd also track down minor villain Caesar Faison because I think Robin needs a creepy little brother who was Anna and Faison's love child. With Lisa out of the picture, we need a new stalker to keep Patrick and Robin on their toes.
  • I'd hire back Aaron Refvem as Morgan, pronto.
  • I'd bring Ric Lansing back to Port Charles to check in on Molly. I always loved the dynamic between Ric and Sonny -- a love/hate kind of vibe, and since their daughters are sisters, they'd have to attempt to make peace.
  • I'd reunite Maxie and Spinelli. Sure, Matt's a nice guy, but really, he and Maxie are stiff as a couple and can't compete with the overall adorableness of "Spixie."


But right there is his problem…. A soap writer can't please all the fans all the time. There are online wars waging daily between fans that hold opposing views. There are people who want Maxie and Spinelli together bickering with Maxie/Matt fans. There is an all-out war between people who want Jason with Elizabeth and people who want Jason with Sam. Brenda and Sonny, or Brenda and Jax?

No matter what he writes, someone will be unhappy with the direction. His best hope, in my opinion, is to try to restore some of the beloved legacy characters, de-emphasize the mob a little, and hope for the best. I do wish him the best of luck, though, because I want General Hospital to succeed for another 30 years. Yes, I know, I'm a dreamer.

On my tweet-o-mania, I also tweeted Adrienne Barbeau and told her I think that Brenda owes Suzanne an apology. Suzanne kept Alec hidden all those years to protect him from Theo and his dangerous mob lifestyle. Suzanne wasn't wrong…. No sooner does Brenda get her hands on Alec than he is walking in to find corpses lying about Sonny's desk. Suzanne was right; the mob is no place for a little boy, and Brenda is internally battling with that truth.

Brenda loves Sonny wholeheartedly and waited to be with him for years, but romantic love isn't the end-all and be-all of her existence anymore. She has a child to consider, and his well-being has to come before Brenda's romance with Sonny. Brenda is learning the hard way that being a parent, if you're going to be a good parent, means becoming selfless. Every choice you make affects this little person who is wholly dependent on you. She is starting to realize that she cannot stay with Sonny and keep Alec shielded from Sonny's violent life.

Likewise, Jax, a normally reasonable guy, has become singularly focused and relentless in his aim to get sole custody of Josslyn to keep her away from Carly's mob buddies. Carly's best friend is a hit man, and she honestly doesn't see why that's a problem. And while we love Jason because he's a really sweet guy who just happens to blow people away for a living -- you can see Jax's point, right?

I don't like the way they are writing Jax -- but I hope it's leading up to a happy ending for at least one couple. The way I see it, Jax and Sonny have fought over Brenda for years. Now Brenda and Jax want the same thing -- to keep their kids away from mob violence. So the obvious conclusion here is to have Jax, Brenda, Alec, and Josslyn become a family and ride off into the sunset together. If we have to lose Ingo Rademacher and Vanessa Marcil-Giovinazzo, at least give them a happy ending.

But if they leave, I don't want Carly with Shawn. I'd rather see Carly jump back into her dysfunctional relationship with Sonny because -- healthy or not -- they always end up back together, and they might as well get to enjoy it for a season. They "accidentally" have sex all the time, so just put them together.

The Shawn situation irks me -- the fact that they have a war vet character with posttraumatic stress disorder and are mucking it up so badly makes me want to scream. Are their any military families in da house? Seriously -- I live in San Diego, which is a military town. My kids are in the Navy, I have friends and neighbors in the military, and none of them has come back from their deployments in war zones to become mobsters or having gone rogue and blown away their own units. Can't you just make the war vet a good guy? I mean, really.

One plot I like -- I love the idea of Lulu running the Haunted Star. She's right; she is too smart to fetch Kate's coffee, and the idea of Ethan and Lulu kicking it large at the Haunted Star together with Nikolas as their business partner makes me happy.

May I confess that I'm glad Luke only stayed in rehab for 15 minutes? If it were my dad, I'd want him to stay and get help. But from a TV viewer's standpoint, I saw a sober Luke Spencer before; his name was Bill Eckert, and he bored me. I want Luke to stay Luke, and a 12-step Luke is unthinkable. Of course, my own Dad was an alcoholic, stopped drinking, and became a pastor, and in real life, that's the best -- but to watch Reverend Luke on GH? Not so much. But of course, I adore Tony Geary, and I'll take Luke any way I can get him. He is quite truthfully the underlying reason I stuck with GH for decades.

I can tell it's summer, because GH is trying to draw in the teen viewers with the "Kristina wants to dress like a big girl" storyline. Lexi Ainsworth is a gem, and she makes the most out of every storyline she's given, but I have to say I am not fond of "angry, defiant Kristina" -- in fact, just in general, I hate all shrieking characters. When Carly shrieks, or Lulu, or Brenda -- or whatever woman it is the writers have screaming shrilly at the top of their lungs about anything -- I'm out.

When Johnny finds out that his nut job Dad left the dead hit woman in Sonny's office chair, will he kick Anthony and his houseplants to the curb? Of course not -- where would the fun be in that? But Johnny has always had some modicum of decency about his character, and I hope living in close proximity to Anthony doesn't change that. Johnny objecting to Anthony's tactics but not acting on them will change him fundamentally, and I'd hate to see that occur. I think what Johnny needs most is a healthy dose of Olivia giving him a good what for, but unless the new writer invests in the Johnny/Olivia pairing, that scene may never transpire.

Of course, Johnny might have an accomplice soon -- Michael wants to come to work for Johnny, and we all know that's a match made in hell. But it's Sonny's own fault. You don't raise a kid in the mob and then tell him the mob isn't a suitable business for him. Michael could go to Edward and ask to be groomed to become the next CEO of ELQ, but really, can you see Michael in a three-piece suit at a desk job? No, and neither can he -- he's been raised in a high adrenaline lifestyle, and there's no going back. Sonny and Jason should just shut up and hire him already.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Lisa find another cabin with a well to push Robin into on her escape path? Will Sam and Jason name their baby Heathcliff? Will Elizabeth let Aiden crawl out of the house into the street, or pony up for a damned baby lock? Will Carly cheat on her handsome billionaire husband with a slimy paid mercenary? Will Sonny buy a razor and shave off his Miami Vice beard? Will Luke toss back a boilermaker in an Irish Pub and unwittingly sleep with Siobhan's mom, who happens to look a lot like Skye? Will Brenda take Alec to that creepy dead body museum exhibit so he gets used to the sight of corpses? Will Alexis' head explode when Kristina tries on her first pair of Daisy Dukes?

Do you have a checklist of things you'd address if you were GH's new head writer? I would love it if you shared your ideas with me! Click here to send your thoughts via the Feedback form.

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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