Readers, I was on vacation all last week and thought I'd be able to watch GH on the road. Wrong. I was in…wilderness. Like Yosemite National Park, for instance. It was breathtaking scenery but…I had no GPS signal, Internet, or cell phone service. I got seriously twitchy. I couldn't tweet. I couldn't e-mail. I couldn't get on Facebook. I live in Southern California and forgot that places existed on Earth where one was without a wi-fi hot spot.
I was certain that once I got to my friend's house in the San Francisco Bay area, I'd have wireless Internet. But no, she just moved into a new house and didn't have Internet connected yet. (I would have SO done that first.) By midweek, I needed a 12-step group for my withdrawal symptoms.
Every now and then when we drove into town, I got a 3G signal for my iPhone and was able to post photos to Facebook, but that was it. Thus, I didn't get to watch GH all week. I just did a five-hour marathon to write my column. So, please be patient with me if I don't hit every detail, I am rushing to try try get this in on time and just want to hit the highlights.
Michael is finally free from prison. This is a good thing because I was getting pretty weary of the prison visit scenes. One day he had four visitors, which in a real prison would never happen. Also, since I have been to a real prison visiting room, I can tell you they are not dimly lit, they are flooded with fluorescent lights and armed guards, so it always makes me chuckle when it's pitch black in the Pentonville visiting room.
I'm curious about how Michaels release and the conditions of that release will affect Carly's big revenge plan. I have a love/hate relationship with Carly. Carly is the most fiercely loyal character on GH, and for that, I love her. But like all of us, she has flaws, and she's like a bulldog with a bone when she's got a grudge. Carly holds Dante and Lulu responsible for Michael's imprisonment, and is hellbent on seeking revenge against them.
But what will become of Carly's big revenge plan now that Michael has been released into Dante's custody? If Carly and Spinelli make it look like Dante's a bad cop, does that endanger Michael's freedom? Perhaps she will have to call it off and actually be nice to Dante?
This would suit me fine, as it would give Brook Lynn the freedom to pursue the newly single Johnny Zacchara, who will be Jonesing for a woman now that Olivia dumped him because she mistakenly believes he is involved with 17-year-old Kristina.
Both Brandon Barash and Lisa Locicero did phenomenal work in that fight scene, the intensity lit up the screen and drew me into the emotion of the moment; stellar work from two great performers. Lovers' spats on soaps that are based on easily rectified misunderstandings always make me scream at my TV. "JUST TELL HER!"
I wanted Johnny to confess he was just role-playing with Kristina to get Sonny's goat, but he didn't tell her. Instead he let her believe the worst in a moment of defeatism, he decided they would break up eventually, anyway, so he'd just let her think he was banging a 17-year-old… Sigh. The saddest line regarding the end of Olivia and Johnny was the confession Johnny made to Ethan: "She has all of my heart, but I only have the piece of her heart that doesn't belong to Sonny."
Ethan tried to talk some sense into Kristina and got her to realize Sonny or Johnny night die because of the game she was playing. Maybe that will get her to call off the game, but probably not. When I was 17, if I could have done something that would make my Dad's head explode, I probably would have, too. By the way, happy Father's Day to all you dads out there. I pray you are better dads than Luke and Sonny.
Luke and Tracy were set free from Helena's dungeon, and thank God because after many episodes of the two of them bickering, I was pretty much bored out of my mind. Plus the pointless spats about the two of them not really being married, as I pointed out last week, is serious revisionist history.
Also, did Helena forget why she kidnapped Tracy in the first place? Tracy caught on to the fact that there is something fishy with the paternity of Elizabeth's baby. Tracy discovered the person who ran the paternity tests had vanished. And yet, Tracy never mentioned that to Luke. Did the writers think we forgot? Are they just going to drop that and pretend it never happened?
Nikolas was the hero who found and released Luke and Tracy, but that gesture didn't score him any points with Lucky. Readers, I very much dislike the Lucky versus Nikolas feud. I like the Shrew Elizabeth to Nikolas plot even less. This whole sordid triangle just irks me to no end. I'd be far more invested in seeing Elizabeth actually trying to make a future with Nikolas because she thought he was her baby's father, and then finding out the baby is really Lucky's right after she marries Nikolas or something like that. But watching Nikolas and Elizabeth sniping at one another is just not pleasant TV viewing.
Do you ever wonder why they brought Skye back to town when it's clear they don't really know what to do with her? We have hints that she knows about some fortune of Lorenzo's that will lead to a big adventure, but my question is when? She's been roaming around Port Charles now for several weeks with basically nothing to do.
Maya seems to be coming more into the picture, possibly as a love match for Ethan or Lucky, which would again pit brother against brother. I have to wonder if one of the GH writers had his brother steal his wife or something, so he's writing all the soap plots as a knife to twist in his brother.
Funniest line of the week to me was Alexis telling Sonny that Kristina could not possibly be seeing Johnny because she's been "watching her like a hawk, like white on rice." Um, what a stinking lie! No one ever watches Molly and Kristina; they are most always home alone and could be running a weed business out of that cabin and Alexis would never know.
Second funniest line of the week for me was Jason telling the warden that he would "guarantee his good behavior" if the warden didn't send him to solitary… Um, Jason just stabbed someone to death in the shower, why on earth would the warden take his "guarantee of good behavior"???
I'd like to go on record and say that my favorite character on GH at present is Dante. He's a decent, good guy, he's not a criminal, he's not a womanizer, he always tries to do the right thing, he's just an all-around swell guy, and I find myself truly rooting for the character in every scene. Knowing that Brook, Carly, and Spinelli are teaming up to destroy him upsets me because I'm going to hate it when he gets hurt. I wish GH would make more characters like Dante and fewer thugs.
Don't get me wrong -- I love Sonny and Jason. I really want just once to have the consequences of their actions cause them to change. I want to see those characters evolve. I want them to make a conscious choice to become better people. But they never do.
Last week, I asked if GH had gone too far showing our supposed "hero" stab someone to death on-screen. Many of you said "Yes" (I had 400 emails in my inbox, and I'm still reading through them, so sorry that I'm behind in responding). One reader named AJ wrote the following, and this mirrors a lot of comments I've received: "I live for the day when the 'mob' leaves Port Charles. I also don't see any redemption for Jason now that he stabbed someone on camera. We never used to see his "work" on screen, except for exchanging gunfire and it was not as graphic as the stabbing."
The thing is, I think it will get worse before it gets better. With Franco on his way back, there's a definite possibility of lots more violence and bloodshed. How much more are you willing to take, my dear readers? Do you have a breaking point? Is there a line GH could cross that would turn you off for good? Some of you told me they have already crossed it.
Scene I am most anticipating next week: The look on Carly's face when she finds out Michael has to live with Lulu and Dante. That's going to be explosive, to say the least. I laughed at how shocked Sonny looked to find out one of the conditions of Michael's release was to have minimal contact with him. Really, Sonny? You're startled by that? Ha!
I can't decide where the Lisa/Steven thing is going. Some rumors say it's heading towards a sexual harassment suit. Steven is her boss, and it's been rumored that at some point, she won't get her way at work and will decide to sue Steven. Patrick will have to decide to be an honorable guy and tell the truth, or lie for Lisa to get Steven out of the way. But again, that's just a rumor, so I'm unsure if it's valid.
What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will I personally launch a campaign to get wireless service in all the national parks? Will Jax's head explode when he has Carly, Skye, and Brenda all in town at the same time? Will Kristina tell Michael about her fake Johnny dating, or lie to him, too? Will Lucky take off that horrible toboggan hat and never try to do an Irish accent again? Will Carly tell Sonny that Lulu called him "emotionally needy"? Will Franco come to visit Jason in prison and bring him chips and dip? Will Brook Lynn lock herself out in a towel and seduce Michael instead of Dante?