Oh no! (Feign shock) Sonny has to give up his kids again? And Carly had sex with him right before she sprung it on him? How 2008.
The only new part of this storyline is the subtle hinting about convicts wanting to rape Michael. Ewww.
Drew Garrett, the Michael we loved and cared about, was nominated for an Emmy this week. I sincerely hope he wins it and in his speech says "Suck it, GH!" but his agent will surely advise against him burning his bridges. Seeing him sent to prison would have moved me. Chad Duell is doing great work, but he still feels like a stranger to me.
Also, since Aaron Refvem's pilot wasn't picked up, I pray they bring him back to GH and free us of NuMorgan. I could care less if he gets adopted and whether his last name is Jax or Corinthos or Jingleheimerschmidt. He means nothing to me. When NuMorgan ran across the hallway at the courthouse and socked Dante in the stomach, it was unintentionally funny. Now imagine Aaron in that scene… *Sigh.*
GH this week has been a letdown in several areas. We waited and waited for Alexis' trial on Kiefer's hit-and-run, but it happened off-camera and was over in ten minutes. How realistic is it that a woman who as far as the court was concerned ran over *two* people with her car in one year would get off with a slap on the wrist? (But thank goodness, can you really see Sam being a mom to Molly and Kristina? She'd send them to school in skinny jeans and sports bras.)
Sure, another trial is pending as the Bauers have filed a civil suit, but what do we care if Prince Nikolas has to write a big check to pay Alexis' fine? Zzzzz. I anticipate that there might be some good drama if Kristina has to testify in open court, but the storyline as a whole is anti-climactic -- there are no big consequences at stake.
I'm also not invested in the Luke/Skye storyline. I don't care about Lorenzo's fortune unless he comes home with it. Of course Tracy being kidnapped by Helena holds promise, but even so, we've seen Helena kidnap Luke's loved ones before. Maybe Helena will use her magic brain eraser to make Tracy forget Luke like she did to Lucky and Liz.
Carly's big plan to ruin Dante will bring Brooke Lynn Ashton back to town Rumor has it that Spinelli will find a photo of Dante with Brooke Lynn and will invite Brooke to town to break up Lulu and Dante. Of course, I will loathe anyone who tries to break up "Lante" -- I mean, for crying out loud, they have their own cupcake.
Lulu is somewhat to blame for Carly's ire; she does, after all. know Carly is psycho and would take her actions as betrayal. But Lulu needs to read "Boundaries" because she clearly doesn't have any. After Michael was sentenced, Lulu made the tour of town and got in everyone's face to try to keep Dante safe. All she managed to do was stir the pot. Lulus, go to work, get Kate a latte, or go get a pedicure…something. Just let everyone cool down!
Johnny and Olivia might be on the road to trouble, too -- since Sonny is furious with Carly for letting Jax adopt Morgan, he will cozy up to Olivia to try to get into Dante's good graces. Johnny won't take kindly to that. Readers, I have to tell you, the interior design in Johnny's new place looks like Liberace threw up in his living room. It's hideous. It's like when you go to Graceland and pity Elvis for dying in the 70's because for all time his living room will have that shag carpet and Tarzan Jungle motif. Let's hope Maxie stops by and offers her design services.
Everyone in town is SO wracked with guilt that Michael went to jail. At least a dozen people are blaming themselves for Michael's fate. The guilt fest has taken its toll on me. They're saying it too much to even make a decent drinking game anymore; I would be passed out by the first commercial break.
Carly was wily about it though. She told Dante she was to blame, but was only faking it to make him think he was off the hook. Laura Wright is such a gifted actress. When she got vulnerable and took blame for Dante, I fell for it, too, and even tweeted about how moved I was by her change of heart, and then -- Bazinga! She went to Jason's and laughed about what a sucker Dante was for believing her.
Sonny, our favorite dimpled narcissist, took the blame at Queen of Angels and while he and Olivia aired their dirty laundry to the rest of the parishioners, I thought. "If I was in church praying and the Godfather came in, I would leave before gunfire erupted." But the Port Charles Catholics wanted the gossip more than they wanted to stay alive.
The most moving blame-taker to me was Diane. Seeing Diane wrestle with her conscience and collapse into tears over taking piles of mob money for shoes was unexpected and brilliantly played by the stupendously gifted Carolyn Hennesey. And if you aren't on Twitter, you're missing out. She's witty off-camera, too.
In the most ludicrous scene this week, when Liz marched into Jake's to stalk Lucky and Maxie, I just wanted to pull her hair. Woman, if you were so concerned about Lucky's well-being, you wouldn't have been banging his brother! She seemed flabbergasted that Lucky was out having fun rather than waiting for her to call. She's mad he's not pining away for her. I'm glad he's not. And in spite of the damage it would do to poor Spinelli, I kind of hope Lucky does make love to Maxie again, just so I can watch Liz's head explode.
I also found it highly unbelievable that Shirley, stage 4 cancer patient, would be taking on her nurse's psychotic in-law instead of, say, resting. My mother had breast cancer and she could barely move, much less roam the halls of the hospital picking fights with crazy people.
Luke and Sonny talked things out and came to a very tentative understanding, and Sonny even apologized to Ethan, although I expected him to have trouble choking out the words "I was wrong" like Fonzie did back on Happy Days. Ethan shook Sonny's hand as though he accepted his apology, but Ethan still intends to work with Johnny Zacharra in his quest to take Sonny down.
Right now, there seems to be a pull to the dark side of the force. Claire is in cahoots with Jason. Jason has convinced her to get him a deal so he can go to prison, live in Michael's cell, and be his protector. Great plan! Nothing at ALL could go wrong there. HA! I can come up with 50 scenarios in which Jason's sacrifice will bite him in the behind. Can't you? My first guess is that Muscle Bound Guard with an axe to grind will put Jason in solitary confinement or something.
Our good boy heroes Dante and Lucky are also working the dark side and trying to dig up dirt on Judge Carroll. I think Mac Scorpio might be the only unscathed guy in town. And that's only if you pretend you don't recall all the crap he pulled in the 80's.
What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Dante ever get a damned lock on that elevator that leads directly IN to his apartment? Will Helena release Tracy from captivity because she's just so annoying? Will Helena loan me Thor for just like 90 minutes? Will Sonny tell Jax he nailed Carly again to keep him from adopting Morgan? Will anyone ever go to the Yankees game instead of just flapping their jaws about it? Will Jason get to Pentonville before the guard with "a fondness for young men" gets his filthy paws on Michael?