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 Two Scoops: January 18, 2010 columns
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A delicate web
For the Week of January 18, 2010
People often lie to themselves. Two people become attracted to one another, engage in an affair, and convince themselves that no one will get hurt.
People often lie to themselves. Two people become attracted to one another, engage in an affair, and convince themselves that no one will get hurt. They succumb to their passion and never stop to consider the delicate web of interconnected people who would be crushed to know they were fooling around.

Elizabeth Weber is a selfish woman. She cheated on her fiancé and childhood sweetheart with her former and soon-to-be brother-in-law. Not to mention that Nikolas is also her children's uncle. Luke knew about her betrayal, so she couldn't even tell herself the lie that no one would ever find out. And now, Lucky, the man she says "saved her life," is peeking through the door while his beloved is writhing around moaning underneath his brother. She knew it was wrong, and kept doing it. She said, "I can't help myself." But she could have. She opted to continue to do something that will wreck her entire family, all for a few moments of passion and pleasure.

This affair changes everything for so many people…of course, Liz, Lucky, and Nikolas. But that act of selfish lust will also affect Lulu, Luke, Laura, Leslie, Jake, Cameron, Spencer, Gram, Jason, and all the other people who are connected to these two families. Imagine next Christmas, a family wedding, a funeral; it will be awkward forever.

I know it's sick, but I can hardly wait for Monday to come so I can watch Lucky tell Liz and Nikolas about themselves. However, rumor has it that he's not going to say a word, that instead, he's going to pretend he doesn't know. Why? Is he going to pretend he doesn't know and cling to the "ignorance is bliss" mentality, or will he plot a public humiliation à la Sonny and Claudia?

Readers, one more thing to factor in, here's some real-life scoop; Rebecca Herbst is pregnant in real life. Thus, I predict a "Who's the Daddy?" storyline to coincide with her real life baby bump.

If I am right, I pray the baby is Lucky's. He already has to play Daddy to two kids that aren't his. By rights, it's his turn. Color me a dreamer, but I want Liz and Lucky to survive this. A baby seems like a sure way for them to bridge the gap between fury and forgiveness.

I sure hope Patrick doesn't fall into the same trap with Lisa. Didn't like old Lisa, don't like new Lisa. I wish there was no such character to discuss. Ladies, tell me seriously…Have you ever "accidentally" fallen backward into some man's lap? No, me neither. Nor have I fallen off a ladder and had some hottie catch me, stumbled on a moving bus and landed in the seat next to a handsome stranger, or any other hokey scenario.

We finally got a love scene with Robin and Patrick for their anniversary, and now they want to break them up? Robin is small but wiry; in a catfight, my money would totally be on Robin. But why should she have to fight for her new one-year old marriage? I don't agree with the theory on soaps that the only interesting couple is a tormented couple.

Luke and Laura were never boring when they were happy. They were delicious to watch. The threats to Luke and Laura came from the outside, people chasing them while they acted as a team, not from the inside. Sonny and Brenda weren't boring. Mac and Felicia weren't boring. Jason and Sam aren't boring. Lulu and Dante aren't boring. You can have a couple in a happy relationship and make them watchable without breaking them up or having one of them cheat, in my humble opinion.

I say this with a heavy heart, but truthfully the most boring couple to watch right now is Maxie and Spinelli. They used to light up the screen, but the whole "You have to sleep with someone so we will be even" mantra makes me want to throw my remote at the TV. Hey, writers! Stop it already! Break them up, or move on.

In the "Stupid Choices of the Week" section, I can't decide where to start.

Hmmm. How about Jax and Carly taking Michael to a cabin that is identical to the one where he murdered his stepmother? (But it did give them a chance to use some slow-motion flashbacks! "Them special effects is FAN-tastic," as David Letterman would say.)

Or maybe it was Sonny and Michael standing outside the morgue discussing axe handles to the head in a public corridor? "Yeah, they will be able to tell she was murdered by a blow to the head, but they won't know it came from an axe handle, or who swung it." Really, Sonny?

Or maybe Dante, an undercover cop, openly talking all police-like to Chief of Police Mac, and then trying to switch into mobster lingo when another cop walks in?

Or Dante (again) talking about secret police business to Ronnie in the hospital with the door open (AGAIN!) as Sonny lurked outside?

Or Nikolas telling people he was sneaking off to Paris after he already got ratted out the first time he tried to leave? I can't believe Elizabeth begged him to stay so he could see her marry Lucky. Um, yeah, that's what he wants to do, watch you marry his competitor.

Or Elizabeth for turning Nikolas down when he offered to whisk her off to Paris to start a new life?… My Twitter followers already heard this rant, but I can't get over it. Okay readers-let's say a prince or princess with unlimited funds, whom you happen to be in the midst of a torrid affair with, walked up to you today and said, "Run off with me to Paris and start a new life!" Would you say no? I mean does she like mopping up vomit and changing bedpans so much she can't walk away from her rewarding career? I know people that are nurses. They work sometimes 16+ hours a day, it's backbreaking work, and they are grossly underappreciated. I can assure you any of them would accept Nikolas' kind offer and be packed in an hour.

Or perhaps it's the town of Port Charles as a whole?… Franco came to town, kidnapped several women, blew up some buildings, and left a trail of mayhem in his wake. He is a serial killer, and he's still on the loose. But since he has not been seen for a couple of days, everyone has gone back to their daily routines and they're wiping their brows. "Phew! I'm so glad he's gone!" Is he gone? Why are they so sure? If I were Lulu, I certainly wouldn't be working in the same office where I was kidnapped, or out on the docks taking the launch to Spoon Island unattended the day after I nearly blew up with a bomb strapped to my behind. (For the record, I liked James Franco better on 30 Rock as a Japanese pillow lover. That was hilarious.)

Or is it Jason for struggling with the big moral dilemma that "For every person I kill, Franco will kill someone"? So what, Jason? You're a hit man for a living! It seems if you were troubled by the death of innocent people, you wouldn't kill for a living!

Or is it the airport security in Port Charles when virtually anyone can walk onto the tarmac and board a private plane? How did Ethan get past airport security and onto Nikolas' private jet, anyway?

Or was it Lucky slamming Jason into a wall because he chose to save Sam instead of Lulu? Jason is like a big dog that ignores a little dog hopping around nipping at him. You know if Jason wanted to, he could totally flatten Lucky.

Or is it the people who go to eat at Mob Pasta because they sit there for hours yapping and no one ever brings them any food?

Or Kristina for continuing to date a guy who slaps her around and uses her for sex? Hey Kristina, your dad's a mob boss. Pull a Michael and send Kiefer another "message" from Max and Milo. And don't have sex with guys in their nasty cars.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will we see the one new person of color GH suddenly added at the PCPD and Epiphany talking about MLK? Will they find a decent storyline for Ethan instead of having him chat up a minor? Will Spencer be 17 the next time we see him? Will Carly and Jax redecorate Josslyn's nursery, or just keep putting her to bed in Graffiti-ville? Will Gram make an appearance to quietly remind Liz it's not appropriate to behave like a 'ho? Will Steven get an award for Hottest Big Brother Ever? Will Alfred the butler ever learn to announce a guest before just sending them upstairs?

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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