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 Two Scoops: September 7, 2009 columns
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Your kiss is on my list
For the Week of September 7, 2009
Sam and Jason have almost kissed at least twelve times this week on GH. There were so many near misses with their lips that they must be chafed by now.
Sam and Jason have almost kissed at least twelve times this week on GH. There were so many near misses with their lips that they must be chafed by now. I know the writers are attempting to build suspense for us in the big Jason/Sam reunion, but let's get real.

If I wanted to kiss a man, if I was burning with for desire for some guy, nothing could keep my mouth off of him. I wouldn't care if my freaky-deaky roommate burst in dressed as a clown, I'd still kiss him. I wouldn't care if my cell phone rang, the doorbell buzzed, the mailman stopped by with a package, or if the guy from Publisher's Clearing House showed up with a giant cardboard check, I'd ignore all that and put my lips on my man.

If I was Sam and desperately wanted to kiss Jason, I'd kiss him in the parking garage, in the elevator up to the penthouse, or in the leather jacket section of the men's wear section at Macy's. Sam! Jason! Stop caring who sees you and just KISS already. You know you want to, so just DO it. Life is too short to pass up kissing the one you love because someone might catch you in the act.

I realize that a lot of this week's scenes, such as Max and Diane's bedroom battles were just the writer's way of letting us know that Sonny and his family are at the carnival unguarded. Max and Jason are both off with hot babes (at least Max actually kissed his) and are not watching Sonny. Sam and Jason were en route to the carnival but got sidetracked by Sam's P.I. case.

Dominic is supposedly guarding Sonny's family, but we know he is actually an undercover cop. If danger comes, will Dominic/Dante actually take someone out on Sonny's behalf?

The promos keep telling us that someone is going to die, and I have a terrible feeling it's going to be a kid. But it might not be from the Carnival ruckus, it could instead be from poor old Edward Quartermaine. Do you recall the big fuss Monica was making about Edward driving while drinking? She tossed out his drink and offered to drive him in her car? As we know Edward refused, and shortly thereafter Miss Murder Britches Andrea Floyd drugged Edward's martini.

Rumor has it when Edward gets behind the wheel, he's going to hit and injure someone due to the drugs Andrea slipped him. I must add that Andrea tried and fail to poison Edward's drink almost as many times as Jason and Sam tried to kiss. But she finally succeeded and now Edward is in jeopardy. Rumor has it the person Edward hits is a kid whose name I won't reveal for those of you who hate spoilers. But if you want to know, just e-mail me and I'll tell you.

Andrea is on her way out and I am not even a little sad to see her go. When I heard Martha Byrne was coming to GH, I was hopeful because of her great work on ATWT. Sadly the writers didn't give her much to work with. She was written as a one dimensional evil woman, played the character as written, and thus, we hated Andrea just as we were supposed to hate her.

Once Andrea is busted, Alexis will be off the hook for murder and unemployed. Maybe then she will get a clue about her children and focus on motherhood. And maybe she will even realize that her daughter's "Eddie Haskell-ish" boyfriend Kiefer is a serious creep. However, she won't have an easy go of that right away, as Kristina will go missing at the carnival. We saw Kristina heading towards the Ferris Wheel with her crazy step mom Claudia.

I can't decide if Claudia intends to toss her out of the basket from the top of the wheel, or lead her off into the woods to be eaten by rabid squirrels. I only know that Claudia does not have good intentions. The sad thing is Claudia said all the right things to Sonny, and if she actually meant those things, she would be a good person worthy of love. But she doesn't mean those things and is hell bent on getting revenge on Kristina for the loss of her baby.

Readers, I have to tell you I always am impacted by these sorts of storylines because I was once a terrible car accident, I was behind the wheel and someone died. The mother of the girl who died made a beeline for me, and when I saw her coming my heart was pounding, I thought "Here it comes. She's going to kill me, I'm going to jail, and my life is over." But…she hugged me, and held me close to her and told me she didn't blame me, that it was just a sad tragic accident. That one hug changed my life, and most likely hers, too.

Claudia doesn't have it in her to offer that sort of grace to Kristina. Even though Claudia realizes that Kristina grew up in the same ugly world she did, and understands Kristina's issues, Claudia wants revenge instead of peace. She is clinging to bitterness and grief instead of freeing herself and everyone around her by forgiving Kristina. If Claudia moves forward with her revenge scheme, she will lose Sonny who is actually starting to actually care about her. I like to see my characters grow over time and I'd really like it if Claudia thinks twice and actually forgives Kristina. Of course I am not counting on that.

Of course, Claudia wouldn't have a chance to get revenge on Kristina if Sam and Jason hadn't convinced them to come back to Port Charles. Did anyone but me notice that there weren't any Mexican's in Mexico? I live in San Diego and there are more Mexicans here than there were in Cancun at the hotel where Michael and Kristina worked. Do Michael and Kristina even speak Spanish? Methinks not.

Michael is beginning to remember things from his coma, and of course instead of remembering Claudia confessing or Jerry, he's going to remember things good guy Jax said instead. Jax never can catch a break. I keep hoping for Jax to get to be happy for awhile, I want this baby to be born healthy, I want Jax's marriage to Carly to last, and yet…As soon as Michael blurts out that Jax knew about Jerry and Claudia's involvement in Michael's shooting and did nothing, Carly will hate him. And I doubt she will care that he did it with the best of motives; to protect her and their baby girl. My Dad always used to say "We judge ourselves by our intentions, but we judge others by their actions. He was right.

Another lie hanging in the air, is Dante's paternity…There is a rumor that Dominic will get hit in the blaze of gunfire by one of Anthony's goons and require surgery which will force Olivia to tell Sonny that Dante is his son. Hmm, I wonder if Sonny would give the kid blood knowing he was an undercover cop out to take him down. That might make him crack if he had to choose between his two moral codes "Always protect your kids vs. Never forgive someone who betrays you." His head might explode trying to pick a side in that inner battle.

Call me crazy, but if I were the cops, I would let Sonny slide. He doesn't run drugs, he's a family guy, he only uses violence when absolutely necessary, he gives lots of money to charity, and he has those adorable dimples. So why they sent a cop from the other side of New York to infiltrate Sonny's little ma and pa crime ring is beyond me. Personally, I'd rather see the cops catch creeps like the guy who had the girl chained up in his backyard for 18 years than a money laundering, but lovable mobster. (And yes I am firmly grounded enough in reality to know one of these is a fictional character.)

Of course, the cops in the prison don't even realize that Anthony is choreographing a ballet of gunfire at the local carnival from behind bars, so I am not so worried that they will catch Sonny. Boy, that Bruce Weitz sure is a delicious villain. Anthony Zacharra is a creep, but a fairly hilarious creep. And he rocks that orange jumpsuit.

There are many mysteries to solve in Port Charles this week, such as why someone as wily as Rebecca agreed to wear a Stepford Wife looking Emily dress for Nikolas. About the time he asked her to let her hair go back to being its natural color, I would have said "See you Prince Freak-Show." But she is giving herself penance for her sins by playing along with his creepy Emily fixation.

I love the character of Nikolas and I always have. I hope they aren't going to have him go totally mental. Then again, I would love to watch Elizabeth try to save him; Liz better practice saying "Sorry Lucky, but your brother really needs me." And one more juicy rumor; Jason is going to catch his ex-flame Liz with her tongue down Nikolas' throat.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Spinelli catch his own reflection in a passing window in clown make up and pee himself? Will Carly sneak off to the carnival to get a funnel cake and end up in the middle of a mob war zone? Will Max learn to accept the fact Diane is using him as a boy toy? Will Ghost Alan come and haunt Rebecca on Emily's behalf? Will Ethan every get a storyline where he isn't behind a bar of some sort? Will Sam ever succeed in convincing anyone that Kristina should actually be punished for her bad behavior? Will we be treated to even more ominous circus organ music over video montages?

Only tomorrow knows dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.

P.S. Two more things:

1) If you are a long time GH viewer, you may remember Tonja Walker as Olivia Jerome. There was a great radio interview with her last week you might enjoy: http://www.modavox.com/voiceamerica/vepisode.aspx?aid=40804

2) Many of you have asked me if I am on Twitter. I am. www.twitter.com/tamilu40. You can also follow soapcentral.com at www.twitter.com/soapcentral

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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