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 Two Scoops: March 9, 2009 columns
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Let's just kiss and say goodbye…
For the Week of March 9, 2009
For a tech geek, Spinelli is an amazing kisser. Not that I have ever kissed him mind you.
For a tech geek, Spinelli is an amazing kisser. Not that I have ever kissed him mind you. First I am old enough to be his Mom and don't want to do jail time, second, I don't know him. But when he planted that "this might be my last chance to ever kiss Maximista" kiss on her, it made both Maxie and me a bit fluttery of heart. I love, love, love Bradford Anderson.

Spinelli is once again sacrificing himself for the good of others. The scenes where he was saying goodbye to people without them realizing it were incredibly soulful and moving. But then he got on the plane and found Nerdafred in the row behind him. Or shall we call her Swiss Miss? Or how about Pippy Dorkstockings? I feel like Sawyer on Lost right now, scraping for a perfect nickname.

I can only take Winnifred in small doses and if they are going to have her be on the run with Spinelli for a month, I will lose my freakin' mind.

I don't care how many angry PPD sufferers write me nasty letters; I have to say it. I am sick of Robin and the postpartum storyline. I want Jason to pull his pistol to Robin's head and say "Pick up your damned baby; NOW." Robin spent all that time begging random guys in the GH corridors for sperm, and now she won't even put new batteries in her baby monitor for fear she might actually hear her child breathe.

I loved how Robin just slapped on a lab coat and went to Mercy and announced she was coming back to work full time… If the Taco Bell burns down, do all the Taco Bell kids go over to McDonalds and put on their paper hats and just start making fries? If the Ralph's burns down, do the produce guys just head over to Albertson's and start sorting melons? Even though Mercy is taking on some of GH's staff until it reopens, Robin is supposed to be on maternity leave and no one at Mercy knows her. I think she would actually have to talk to someone before just wandering into the building in a lab coat and seeing patients. Either that, or Mac is in charge of security at Mercy and is lame at that as he is at the rest of his job.

Revelation of the week? Claudia secretly visits Michael every week. And the doctor called her Ms. Quartermaine. Is she trying to pass herself off as Emily or Monica? If it's Monica, she needs to S.O.R.A.S. (Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome for you soap newbie's…) herself. I really wanted Carly to catch her in there. Nothing would be as delightful as old Carly and new Carly in a catfight over who got to sit and talk to comatose Michael. I have heard that the test results will come back and say Michael is NOT a candidate for the new treatment, but I find that hard to believe. Time will tell.

Speaking of S.O.R.A.S.'ing characters, a casting call is out for a mouthy 16 year old girl, and rumor has it they are going to age Alexis and Sonny's daughter Kristina. Kristina is currently played by the talented and adorable Kali Rodriquez. Her best work came when Alexis was going through cancer treatments on the show- that little girl showed some very genuine emotions. And of course, if they age Kristina, that, it would support the rumors that Michael will come out of his coma as someone who is not Dylan Cash anymore. That will make me really angry. And in turn, it would also mean that Morgan would be aged, and I love that sweet little angel faced George Juarez especially in his scenes with Jax. But hey, as I said, these are merely rumors. When I get a solid lead, you'll be the first to know.

I know this is insane to wish for, but I kind of hope that Rebecca is Emily's evil twin and that real Emily isn't dead but being held by Helena someplace, maybe in the secret underground freezer with Stavros. In my fantasy world, Biker Emily is in cahoots with Helena, but their dastardly plan will all fall apart when Biker Emily really falls for Nikolas, and Real Emily escapes right before Nikolas marries Rebecca and sees Real Emily out of the corner of his eye at the back of the church all bedraggled from escaping from Helena's evil clutches. This would give Nikolas something more interesting to do than slip and slide around in some spilled Healthy Request soup. And no, I am not on crack. I just have a very vivid imagination and 30 years of soap watching under my belt.

I loved the scenes between Nikolas and Luke. Every time Luke does something to help Nikolas, it is really Luke saying "I love you" to Laura. And I don't care how much Luke says he loves Tracy, in each life there is One Great Love, and Luke's is Laura, period. How long does that French therapy take anyway? Bring Laura back from Paris for Luke, bring Robert Scorpio back to town to move in on a heartbroken Tracy, meet Ethan who I think could be the son of Robert and Holly, and intervene with Robin to make her pick up her baby. See how easily I could fix all these plots if they would just let me?

I am delighted by the Jax and Carly reunion. Good that we have one couple who loves one another and is working out their problems. I also like the friendship of Olivia and Carly who are the two women who actually seem to know Sonny and respect one another's knowledge. Carly hasn't had a girlfriend since Courtney died, so I am so happy she has a friend she can talk to again.

Sonny was too busy dismantling a bomb to worry about what Olivia and Carly had to say about him. Good thing Claudia said black when Sonny asked for her favorite color, or they would have both exploded. Jason talking Sonny through bomb dismantling while holding a gun on Anthony was high comedy. When Anthony tried to throw Jason off and keep them from dismantling the bomb, Jason punched him and knocked Anthony out cold. It was so Indiana Jones.

In the aftermath of all the life and death bonding they experienced, Claudia and Sonny made love. I would be willing to lay bets that Claudia is now pregnant. Just a hunch, but name one woman Sonny slept with who didn't get pregnant? Oh wait, maybe Reese. I don't remember, I just know the odds are good that Claudia has a Spawn of Sonny growing inside of her right now. If you think about it, it's very O.Henry.

Did anyone else love the scene where Lucky brought Jake and Cam to bring Elizabeth home from the hospital? I thought that was adorable. Those kids are precious. I hope they aren't 20 when I tune in tomorrow. Lucky and Liz pretended like their connection meant nothing, but they are lying to themselves. At least I hope so. I am pulling for them. And for Sam and Jason, too, for that matter.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Monica and Edward make Biker Emily move into Real Emily's room and wear her clothes? Will Diane ever date Max again or just stay home and watch soup commercials at home on her Tivo? Will Maxie ever notice the strange animal that has attached itself to the back of her head? Will two timing double crosser Agent Rayner be revealed as a plant from Lorenzo Alcazar to get all his competitors in jail so he can take over again? (See, I told you I could fix every plot if they would let me!) Will Kate send Johnny and Maxie to the grand reopening of The Haunted Star just in time to see Lulu macking with Ethan? Will Morgan still get to swim in the Metro Court pool alone after he magically turns 20?

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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