Many of you rightly guessed that last week's puzzle was that I had peppered my column with Grammy nominated song titles. This week's title is another relevant pop culture reference; let's see if I can stump you with that one!
Wherever it came from, it's a true line. You never know what's coming for you. When Maxie put on her 70's platform shoes, she didn't know she would be tromping through snow pulling babies out of trees, or having to hoof it up 10 flights of stairs in a burning hospital.
When some idiot swallowed a handful of spheres filled with deadly bio-toxin, he probably didn't expect to crash his car and end up in surgery. Matt, Liz and Leyla (God Rest Her Soul) didn't expect to keel over during surgery. But that is what happened, and the consequences are dire.
First off, Trevor is dead. Why he suddenly went mental and geared up in a haz-mat suit to steal poison is beyond me. The writer's did their best to have Trevor explain it to us, but at the end, I still felt it made very little sense. This man who has been the secret puppet master of the Zacharra family and probably already has millions tucked away someplace needed a vial of poison to escape? Why? He hadn't committed any crime; he had nothing to do with the Equinox incident, so why was he running scared? None of that made any sense to me. It seemed like "Hey let's find a fun way to get rid of Trevor because they cut his role from the '09 budget."
There are just so many holes in this story, someone should call Tiger Woods to come and golf in it.
Second, the hospital had to be quarantined because the Feds feared the poison would escape and kill the whole town. But when the fire started, the doors flew open; people started coming in and out all willy nilly. What about the deadly toxin? Note the first responders weren't in haz-mat suits.
Also puzzling, they evacuated people to the roof, and suddenly the roof is littered with people in wheelchairs…Since there is no power and no elevator service, am I to believe that Patrick and Jason single-handedly wheeled everyone up 10 flights of stairs in 3 minutes? I didn't see a beaming device, so it had to be by the stairs.
Next in line- the FBI sends a team into a very dangerous situation where 100's of lives are at stake and they send…Winnifred as their lead agent? What is she, like 12? They didn't have anyone more seasoned to lead a deadly mission than a teenage computer geek? Damn, I should go enlist in the FBI, I could run the place if my biggest competition is a pig-tailed computer nerd. I will admit that I am warming up to Winnifred. I like her much more now than I did at first, and I think she and Spinelli are darling together. But I will stop thinking that if they eliminate the layered and wonderful friendship between Maxie and Spinelli.
Speaking of Maxie, she apparently has a new hero: Johnny. Johnny hasn't mentioned Lulu in hours now and has entered the poison drenched hospital to rescue Maxie, who of course is attempting to rescue Spinelli, who has somehow gotten himself locked in a supply room. Riddle me this. Why would a door that was unlocked from the outside, so that anyone who wanted to could wander into the room then locks from the inside? Another thing that made no sense other than "Hey, we want Spinelli to be trapped someplace. Let's have him get locked in some room."
Tracy was waiting for Luke to come rescue her and Lulu, but that never happened because Luke is blissfully unaware that they are in trouble. One of my astute readers observed that Luke and Ethan (yes, I know some of you have taken to calling him Teethan) were able to jet around town from the Haunted Star to dive bars in a blizzard with no problem. And in their travels, they never even heard about the huge crisis going on at the hospital. Of course, a bunch of drunks at a dive bar isn't really the best source for news, but after they got arrested, you would think someone at the jail might have been talking about it.
On the upside, since Luke didn't come to rescue his girls, we got some very sweet scenes from Jane Elliot and Julie Marie Berman as Lulu and her "step-monster" Tracy bonded. Those two have a lovely chemistry together. It's a rare occasion when we see the soft side of Tracy, and Lulu brings it out more than any other character on canvas. I really like the vulnerability those two characters share. (Wait, that sounded like a Paula Abdul compliment after two… "Cokes".
Maxie and Johnny took Emma to the hospital, and Johnny got them in by bragging about being a Zacharra, but later the doctor thought Maxie and Johnny were Emma's parents. So let me get this straight... If you are related to a mob boss, you don't have to fill out the standard paperwork at the hospital? No insurance cards or proof of ID needed? Wow, next time I get sick, I will have my husband say he's a Gotti. Who knew that was the ticket to universal health care? On the up side, once they finally made Robin go to the hospital, she finally bonded with her baby. About time, another week of her PPD and I would have thrown something at my TV. I have heard from many of you, including women who have suffered from PPD, and 95% of you think it's over the top. To the 5% of you who are vehemently defending Robin and think her behavior is normal - someone in your family should take your baby from you.
Another highlight for me this week the cat room filled with Sonny's exes and current wife. There was a great deal of meowing in Cat-land. I think the poison has really gotten to Kate. A few weeks back she was DONE with Sonny, and realized he was too dangerous to be involved with. But after she has been exposed to deadly poison, she is sitting in her wheelchair saying things like "I know Sonny loves me and we will be together someday." I sure hope she is wrong.
Call me crazy, I know Claudia is the bad girl here, but I find myself rooting for her. Why is that? I probably need therapy. I don't like Kate. She is smarmy and aloof and thinks she is better than everyone else. For Pete sake, she slept with Trevor to get ahead, and with married man Jax, so how can she judge other women? I wish Kate had let Trevor rescue her when she tried and she could have fallen off the roof, too.
I like Olivia and when she told Kate off, it made my day. I know Claudia did an awful thing and that she is responsible for Michael's shooting and I know it will come out someday. But I want her and Sonny to have sex and for her to get pregnant with his Magic Sperm first so he can't kill her. That is the only reason I would buy that Sonny let her live once he finds out what she has done. He could never kill the mother of one of his litter. Claudia will be flying solo soon, Bruce Weitz is leaving the show, but I don't know how. I don't know if he is going to burn up in the fire, get exposed to the poison, or if Sonny shoots him in the heart. I just know he is leaving, so with Trevor out of the way, Johnny and Claudia are the heirs apparent to the Zacharra mob throne. Since Johnny can't get a job to save his life, something tells me he might be more interested in taking over the family business now.
Newsflash - I think I like Rebecca Shaw. I am happily surprised that Rebecca is not Emily- she talks differently and has a totally different vibe. The whole 'Nikolas saved her life and then she saved his' was ridiculously corny, but at least it put the two of them in the same proximity. I predict she will get that job she applied for at the hospital. Oh wait, WHAT hospital?
What is with the pyromania craze in Port Charles? Kelly's burned down, Sonnybucks burned down, and now the hospital burns down? If they wanted to rebuild the whole set, why not just say so instead of torching the place? They have somewhat written themselves into a corner - where are the characters going to be until all these things get rebuilt? Hanging out in the Quartermaines' living room or in Jake's bar?
The GH writer's have given us some great sweeps week adventures before, but this one is a little thin. Mind you, it's got more substance that the normal mob wars day to day, but I just wish they would let Average Jane Viewer look at their scripts and ask questions like "Why would the FBI's lead agent on a disaster squad be a teenage computer geek?" I guess they just hope we won't notice. But we always do.
What will happen tomorrow? Will Sonny call Mr, Wizard and tell him that Fire cancels out Poison? Will Maxie catch the Boogie Fever climbing through toxic clouds up 10 flights of stairs in her Disco Shoes? Will Jason's shooting hand fall off since he firmly grabbed the leaky vile of bio-toxin before it rolled off a snowy roof ledge? Will I be able to love Diane and Alexis anymore than I already do? Will Matt and Nadine form a love connection in the back of the ambulance? Will Jax get to be on an episode of Everyday Heroes with its new host Not-Sam for landing a helicopter on the roof of the hospital in a blizzard?