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 Two Scoops: February 18, 2008 columns
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Happiness is a warm gun???
For the Week of February 18, 2008
Another tragic school shooting this week, and another week that GH is featuring a gun as one of the stars of the show. No excuses, in my humble opinion.
Another tragic school shooting this week, and another week that GH is featuring a gun as one of the stars of the show. No excuses, in my humble opinion. I don't want to see any more 10 year olds wielding pistols on Daytime TV. Am I alone in this? Sonny gave Michael a stern lecture about guns, and Michael nodded dutifully as if he understood. But as soon as Sonny finished talking Michael went and got his gun out of the shoebox under his bed after chasing Carly out of his room where she was actually doing the household chore of folding clothes for the first time ever.

Michael and his gun loaded with one 'Barney Fife' bullet, slid off a crate he was climbing on the docks. The gun dropped carelessly to the ground and went off with a loud bang. Apparently he didn't have enough pocket change to buy a silencer. Both Carly and Kate were nearby, so it appears that he either accidentally shot his pregnant Mother, or his Daddy's childhood sweetheart. Either way, I see a butt whoopin' in his future. If he was my kid, I would have shipped him off to boarding school years ago. I can't stop wondering who actually got hit. I heard it was going to be Morgan, but unless he followed Michael to the docks, I guess that was a bum rumor. All I can say is I am happy it's President's Day and I can watch GH live on Monday. I feel that watching Soaps is a better way to honor my nation's leaders than by buying a mattress or a new car. However, I think the mattress sale ads with pictures of Lincoln and Washington are hysterical.

On a totally unrelated note, this week's title came from me watching Across the Universe yesterday on DVD. If you haven't seen it, add it to your Netflix queue. If you don't have Netflix, go stand in line at Blockbuster and rent it. It's an amazing film, and filled with Beatles songs. (Like the aforementioned title.)

Michael's sister Kristina let out an ear piercing shriek while looking out the window and seeing someone lurking in her bushes. After screaming at the top of her lungs, she's apparently taken a vow of silence. Kristina is an odd little child, every time she gets scared, she stops talking for weeks. No matter, Alexis and Diane heard someone outside, too, and Diane, clad in the flannel shirt from their Litigator of the Year adventure, accidentally cracked Mayor Floyd in the head and knocked him out. Of course, the Text Message Killer is still out there lurking around winding his best strangling cord around his hands just waiting to choke his next victim.

The only one actually looking for the killer is Spinelli, lost in the throes of his endearing private eye film noir daydreams, and his new sidekick Maxie, who is determined to clear her deceased lover's name. If I haven't said so lately, I love Spinelli. Many of you have written me with your theories about who the killer is, but it appears after Friday's episode we may all be wrong. Lulu found a box with a ski mask and gloves and other killer paraphernalia in Logan's apartment. He has a bruised side, and we know Sam kicked the TMK in the ribs. All signs point to Logan now as the Text message killer. If he is, it will disappoint me. I actually like the guy and I like the developing dynamic between Logan and his Dad, Scott Baldwin.

I can think of other 'Soap Logic' explanations why those things are in his apartment, like maybe he is secretly investigating, too, and found that ox of evidence but hasn't put all the pieces together yet, or maybe he has a ski mask because he actually went skiing, or…okay, I am reaching. It looks like Logan is the killer. All I am saying is they have tricked us before.

Hey writers! If you want me to forget that Sarah Brown is ex-Carly, then stop having Claudia re-enact scenes from Old Carly's past. When Claudia showed up at Jake's and challenged Jason to a game of pool, I thought "Are they kidding?" That was almost a word for word double of the scene old Carly had with Jason years ago which culminated with the two of them upstairs in bed. Mind you, Steve Burton and Sarah Brown have sizzling chemistry, so I won't complain if they end up together, but I'd prefer new scenes as opposed to old scenes. I know they are giving us a wink, saying "Yes, we remember their history, too" but for me, it makes it harder to accept her as a new character.

Does anyone remember back when Tony Geary played Bill Eckert instead of Luke Spencer? I spent Bill Eckert's entire run saying "Why does Luke have his hair dyed red?" and "Why did they give Luke a personality transplant?" I just wanted Luke to be Luke and not someone else. And making "Claudia" do "Carly" things will likely produce the same effect.

That having been said, I like the Claudia dynamic to the Zacharra family. I like Trevor getting a run for his money, I like poor sad Johnny having an ally in the house, I like her feisty attitude with Sonny - I think she's a great addiction to the cast and I am excited to see how it all plays out.

I would hate to be Kate right now, because while she has memories from high school to try to lure Sonny back in, Claudia has passion and intrigue and isn't a stick in the mud. If Claudia decides she wants Sonny and Kate gets in the way, it could get very ugly very fast. On the other hand, I'd love to see Claudia make a run for Ric. I saw a light in her eyes when Johnny filled his sister in on Ric's ties to Sonny.

Besides, Ric's latest fling Marianna is a backstabbing, boring weasel. Why doesn't she just tell Ric what his Dad is blackmailing her into doing? Why didn't Ric, upon seeing her LIGHTING HIS CONTRACTS ON FIRE toss her out instead of believing her lame explanation? Can't Ric, the brilliant District Attorney put two and two together? I think since Sonny gave Ric a blood transfusion he should give Sonny Alcazar's piers to even the score and make peace between them once and for all. But that will never happen of course and we will be tortured with many more ridiculous scenes of Mariana trying to steal, maim or destroy that manila folder. ZZZZZZ.

Sam is recovering nicely from the hit and run, and Nikolas and Elizabeth are tripping over each other to try to confess to someone that they may have done it. That makes me think it was actually Monica, as she gets very testy when Tracy brings up the topic. Luke is pitching a team investigation to try to get back in Tracy's good graces, but she's digging in her heels determined to stay mad at him.

Luke's had an interesting week- he went to Sonny looking for work and was turned down flat. His discouragement leads him to Jake's, presumably for a drink, but instead he had a chance encounter with Claudia Zacharra. Now that was a good scene, as Luke and Claudia had a great dynamic, and he doesn't know that she's a Zacharra yet. She was buying information, and he was selling - now that he's homeless and unemployed, he is doing whatever it takes to make a buck. He didn't give Claudia the info she wanted however, and left empty-handed.

GH came to a standstill this week when Epiphany fell to the floor with a heart attack after receiving Stan's ashes. The entire staff hovered over her, much to her dismay. She didn't take the time to grieve, and now her body is forcing her to lay still and deal with the emotional and physical impact of losing her son Stan.

With Epiphany down for the count, now No Name Nurse will have more time to stalk Nikolas and Leyla will have more time to do the mattress dance with random doctors in empty hospital rooms. Robin on the other hand is always working. On Valentine's Day, she got a brief wave of happiness as Patrick showed up unexpectedly with flowers and offered his support to her through her pregnancy. She was so touched I thought she actually might tell him that he was the father, but no - we are left with that secret still hanging in the air.

My one great hope is that Carly will find out and blab it to Patrick. It's only fair, really. Now that Carly is pregnant and she and Robin have the same doctor - there is every chance in the world that Carly will eavesdrop and hear the Big Secret.

No one in Port Charles is very good at being discreet. They are always having private conversations in public places. Right now, for instance, Elizabeth keeps calling Jason on her cell phone to make dates to meet him at the Safe House right at the Nurses' Station desk. If Amy Vining were still with us, she would definitely have heard one of those calls by now.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Coleman cut his advertising budget for 2008 since everyone in town goes to his seedy bar on the bad side of town anyway? Will Tracy's desire to stick it to Monica outweigh her anger for Luke and change her mind about investigating the hit and run? Will Spinelli pee his pants if the Bad Blonde One kisses him again? Will they try to send Michael to rehab, and will he say No, No, No? Will Patrick be suspicious that he's the father of Robin's baby when it comes out looking like Eli Love? Will anyone in the hospital actually do their job while Epiphany is down for the count and unable to bully them into working? Will Maxie ever remember she has a dog and walk it?

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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