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 Two Scoops: January 21, 2008 columns
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Dead rabbits
For the Week of January 21, 2008
After months of teasing us and toying with us, Robin is finally pregnant and she didn't need to find a donor or a test tube.
After months of teasing us and toying with us, Robin is finally pregnant and she didn't need to find a donor or a test tube. She got pregnant the old fashioned way in her night of comfort sex with Patrick after the Black and White Ball. Let's hope Patrick didn't use a faulty Enduro condom when he bedded beer guzzling Leyla in their most recent booty call. I'd hate to see Patrick rival Sonny's record for most kids conceived during one-night stands.

If the writers really write this story - it could be revolutionary and educational. It has the potential to break down prejudices and preconceived notions. Robin is, after all, HIV positive and many people, (me included until my friends at POZ gave me the facts) didn't know an HIV positive woman could safely carry a baby that could be HIV negative. This pregnancy of Robin's isn't just a dream come true for a woman with the loudest biological clock on record, it's a chance for Daytime TV to make a positive and powerful statement that could open minds and educate the public. I pray they take the time to do this justice.

Unfortunately, it appears they will do the old "Robin won't tell Patrick he's the Daddy" dance again. *Sigh* I realize some of the storyline issues are Writer's Strike related, and some are money issues, too. A lot right now is being driven by the bottom line. Rumor has it that the reason we have a serial killer storyline and the deaths of main players is due to budget cuts and trying to trim costs. In short, it costs more money to use characters like Monica (Leslie Charleson) and Bobbie (Jackie Zeman) whose salaries are a bit higher than Nurse No Name, since they have been on the show for 30 years and she's been around for like 3 minutes.

If they took up an offering, I would personally pitch in towards taking the high road on this storyline and doing it well. I'd rather see Patrick and Robin learning together about how to have a healthy baby instead of Robin whispering in corners so Patrick doesn't find out he's the father. Yes, Patrick has told Robin he doesn't want to be a parent, but I still think he's a responsible adult and when push comes to shove, he cares about Robin enough to at least support her through a pregnancy even if he doesn't want to participate in 3 AM feedings and diaper duty. But I think I may have to retract my wish for Monica to be involved, since she is hitting the flask these days, she may not be able to form a sentence by the time Robin's baby arrives.

Many of my readers in the medical profession sent me letters last week to answer my burning questions. And the consensus? No, an administrator would NOT come into a patient's room and kick them out for not having insurance. In fact, they told me they cannot refuse to treat someone just because they are uninsured. In reality - the "Joe straps a bomb to himself" storyline wouldn't have happened, as his wife would never have been kicked out of the hospital.

May I just ask the writers-don't we see enough real life in real life? Give us fantasy. Make up a world where we want to live and let us daydream about it. When Alan was a real person instead of a ghost, he was a hospital administrator with a heart. He vetoed Miss Sneed's policies. He demanded treatment for patients no one wanted to help, like April, the AIDS victim Ms. Sneed wanted to deny. I liked believing that in some hospital, somewhere, there was really a guy like Alan with a compassionate heart. Dr. Ford is a jerk, and I've seen Sicko, so I already know there are creepy doctors who deny treatment to genuinely sick people for financial gain. I don't need my Daytime Drama gritty and real, I want to ESCAPE gritty and real. I want a pretend Soap hospital administrator who is caring and honorable.

Of course, in Port Charles, the mobsters are shown as the honorable ones while the cops are the incompetent morons and drug using cheaters. The doctors are portrayed as either arrogant womanizers or booze swilling party girls. In the topsy turvy reality of Port Charles, you just never know.

Sonny, criminal with a heart of gold, has taken Kate/Connie on a trip down memory lane, and causing both of them to have flashbacks. When they were standing in front of the Creepy Fortune Telling Puppet, you know, the scene they lifted right out of Big, I was hoping they'd both shrink and turn into 13 year olds and start bouncing on the bed. It works in reverse when you're a grown up, right?

Sonny is about to propose, but from Kate's wistful gazes, I can't decide if she's thinking "This can never work." Or "Why doesn't he hurry up and ask me?" The road for these two will not be easy. Did anyone but me watch that cornball Beauty and The Beast show back in the 80's where the Beast looked like a hot version of the Cowardly Lion and lived underground with some weirdo named "Father"? I think Sonny and Kate have about the same dynamic - Sonny lives in a dark and dangerous world, and Kate's life has all been about Fluff and Fashion - so can their two worlds coexist? Probably not - although Sonny's attempts to fit into Kate's world have been quite comical... The whisper around town is that Sonny will take a sabbatical from the mob to try to fit into the Glamour Zone - which will most likely leave Jason holding the bag again, and unable to claim Jake.

Of course, Jake nearly died this week because his evil demon brother Cameron set the house ablaze. My favorite moment of the week comedy wise was Elizabeth standing outside the burning house pounding on the door yelling "Jake? Jake?" as if she hoped he would hop out of the crib and crawl downstairs to open the door. I was YELLING at the TV, "Break the window you moron, he's not going to answer you?" and my husband yelled in from the other room "My Grandma used to talk to her "stories" too." But I couldn't help it; I had to yell at her even though I know she is A) A fictional character, and B) Couldn't hear me.

When Liz finally got Jake out and left our little pyromaniac Cameron with NuNanny, she got to the hospital and ran in to find Freak Show Joe with his bomb strapped to his belly. And forgive me Union God's, but I have to hand it to the Scab Writers this week, they did something I have been whining about for months- they are trying to redeem Sam! Sam looked at Liz and told her to get Jake and get out. They had her actually behave like the Sam we once loved instead of the uncommonly cruel, nasty Sam of late. I was so happy. They gave her some of her soul back. But Liz, didn't listen and kept whining, seemingly oblivious to the bomb (okay, so it was fake, no one KNEW it was fake yet.) and finally got treatment for herself and the baby.

Jason looked on, but couldn't admit her wanted to follow Jake in - as the seemingly recovering Anthony Zacharra had just warned him "Any baby of yours would have a bull's-eye for a birthmark." And he took it to heart and laid low.

Lulu did her best to lay low, as she spooned her way out of a solid stone room in the rat filled monastery. (What, do Monks not sweep up their crumbs?) However, the 3 Stooges, Spinelli, Logan and Johnny led her captors right back to her in the midst of their big escape attempt.

Jerry/Mr. Craig/Moreau was busy talking to a previously unseen tattooed man who is supposedly going to end up being some doctor at GH who is also a criminal. Again with the topsy turvy logic…

Jerry's brother, temporarily UnJax, whom I believe got cast on the merit of his accent alone as nothing else about him is remotely Jax-like. But, I will say that when he and Carly had their heart to heart talk about having a baby, their scenes moved me, and he did a fine job filling in, as long as it's only temporary. I confess I have a deep affection for Ingo.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Nikolas give NoName Nurse a bloody nose when she keeps mocking him for talking to Dead Em? Will Dr. Ford have to take a Common Sense class on not antagonizing people with bombs strapped to their bellies? Will Monica call up and ask Skye for tips on how to hide her flask? Will Lulu find any more loose bayonets to push people into? Will Liz throw away all her real candles and stock on some of those Glade Flameless Candles so she can throw the rest of her 1800 matches away? Will Tracy get so lonely she gives into Coleman's sleazy come-ons? Will Ric open a Starbucks on his new piers to compete with Sonnybucks?

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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